Yay, I’m off the freeloaders’ clock! My life officially belongs to me for the next 71 hours.

It’s so cool how fall is like spring in Arizona, with things blooming. The little yellow flowers are out on the bushes the lizards and prairie dogs hang out by which looks nice but attracts bees.

By the time the weekend’s out, I should be done proofreading the 1995 file. About half a year away from when the freeloaders come to join us. We got freeloadered in March of ’96.

Although I’m still seeing prairie dogs, I’m seeing a lot less of them, so I guess that’s a sign for sure that they’re getting ready to hibernate. They’re not as quick to get any food I throw out.

Tom said it doesn’t matter where he starts with the fences cuz it’s the posts (which people could drive through) that’ll take most of the time to do. Once the posts are all staked down, wrapping the fence around them will go real quick.

When, though? This year? Fucking September’s stock won’t even sell. I know I’m not going to be a dollmaker, but what did I expect? To suddenly do what I want with my life? That’s okay, though. I’ll still keep collecting, and now I know of a site where I can get life likes like Bailey, Jade and Joy for half of what the stores would charge. There are only about 4 of them I really want, though. I want the Raven series, which consists of 24” baby Raven and 28” teenage Raven. I also want 15” Molly and 28” Felicity. They range in price from $68-$162.

Yesterday, as I was walking around the side of the house to spray the outsides of the doors with Raid, I noticed red wires sticking out from under where the bedroom and bathroom meet. Tom checked it out and said they appeared to be automotive wires from the lights that were on the house during transit.

I had a memory dating back to the Berkeley Drive house days. I was probably around 10 when I discovered dirty magazines under my parent’s bed. I even had the guts to ask my father about it, who in return, naturally, just told me to put them back and that was that.

I also remember the subject came up again after we moved. All I remember Dad saying was that he didn’t buy them, Jimmy gave them to him.

Whatever cranks his engine, I suppose one would say.

I’ve been having a lot of stomach problems lately. My tummy’s like a gas chamber. Nearly every single day too, primarily towards the end of my day. This is telling me that perhaps I’ve been eating too much. Therefore, I’m going to cut myself down to just lunch, dinner and nothing in between but my coffee and gum. I’m sick of being sick. I’d rather be hungry than sick. I don’t get the runs or get nauseous, fortunately, but being all bloated and gassy is no fun as it is. So, I’ll just have a microwaveable lunch cup of various kinds toward the beginning of my day. Then at the end of the day, I’ll make up some chicken wings with some potatoes and stuffing. My multivitamins will make up for my lack of fruits and vegetables.

I’m doing a psychic healing experiment on myself, hoping against all hope that it works. I’m hoping to will away my allergies. I mean the kinds of allergy attacks where I used to sneeze non-stop for hours at a time. If I can do this and not need the prescription nasal spray I’ve been taking, then I can go back to over-the-counter inhalers and not need to see doctors. I know some would tell me I was foolish for not having yearly paps and breast exams. Especially with the DES, but I’ll take my chances and trust the odds. I also think I could count on my intuition to tell me if something was wrong. If I were meant to live, say if I got cancer, I’d think that God would alert me into action in time to save me. If my time was up, though, it’d be up no matter what. I mean, if cancer didn’t kill me, then maybe a drunk driver would.

Tom’s hours are going to be more like 9 PM-5 AM and he’s going to have meetings a couple of days a month. Naturally, he won’t have to leave for them till after freeloader prime time. I’m afraid my chance to say no has forever passed me by, but it’d be reasonable enough to assume Scot will be coming by less and less. On the other hand, nothing’s reasonable with Arizona’s laws, so we’ll see.

It’s so weird when I think of Doe and Art and how they made my life miserable, then they one day turned around and gave me a life. If it weren’t for them sending me out here, not that this could make up for all the horrible things they did to me, I’d still have no life. If I were still alive, I’d bet anything I’d still be just as miserable as I was when I left. I’d be standing in the frigid cold and snow waiting for the bus and all the while I’d be thinking about how unfair it was that I had to be all alone, scraping pennies on disability, meeting one loser after another, and living in apartments. I’d hate to think of how my health would be by now, too! I highly doubt I’d still be alive. I think a fatal asthma attack would’ve killed me by now if I hadn’t committed suicide.