Tom gave me an old blue yo-yo in which Joy’s hands are perfect. I shortened it to a height suitable for a doll her size, using rubber bands to keep it from unwinding all the way. She looks really cool with it dangling from her dipped middle finger.

Got in one of my pranksterish moods and sent journal excerpts to about 5 people trying to download MP3s from me. Just one sentence from 1996 about going to the mall and getting red lipstick and blue nail polish. A couple responded, assuming I sent it to them by mistake. This was at midnight, and I was amazed to find that one was in Australia where it was 4:30 in the afternoon, and one was in Germany where it was 9:00 in the morning.

I finally got to cross something off our list today. Tom saw a commercial for a regular sewing machine that was newer and lightweight compared to the old one we have for $15. When you order that, you get a free hand-held sewing machine that includes 100 spools of threads, plus some bobbins. With the way our shit breaks, we paid the $6 for a 3-year warranty, but passed on the $6 adapter, cuz he either has one I could use or can get one cheaper. Meanwhile, it runs on batteries, too.

So I guess I really am going to get into sewing. I’m going to get not only material that’s of my taste, but closures like Velcro, zippers, etc., plus patterns. I have a lot to learn, but it may be fun and well worth it if I ever do make dolls. Even if I don’t make dolls, and I doubt I will, though Tom still thinks so. He’s a die-hard optimist. Look who’s been right so far about the stock predictions and not having the truck by October. We may not even get the truck at all this year. Not at this rate. I didn’t have to be psychic to foresee this, though. All I had to do was keep in mind the kinds of things fate curses us with. We’re never going to be blessed financially, so to speak. We’re always going to be paycheck-to-paycheck people unless we do get rich off this place in a decade or so. And if we do, we gotta really watch our money so no one swindles us out of it.

I still have mixed emotions about Arizona. I don’t want to go back east, but I feel I’ve outgrown this state and it’s time to move on. It’ll be another 5-10 years, though, as long as no circumstances arise to cause us to leave sooner.

Still no Amelia or mail from Mary. Guess this means they either moved her or she just hasn’t been in a writing mood.

I got up just after noon today, so I don’t know if I’ll be reporting in the morning or the afternoon come Friday.

Tom was actually out for a couple of hours during prime time today and I was like, come on, come on. Show up now, Scot. Just let me say “no” even if it’s just once, but of course he wouldn’t dare. There’s no corner-cutting when it comes to these freeloaders.

Another 30 days and I’ll be bracing myself for yet another year with them very much a part of our lives. I feel like it’s never going to end, like they’re never going to go away!

All this time and no one’s given a damn. No one cared enough to help. A lot of people have told me that what I got wasn’t fair, and that’s all well and good, but these were people with no power to help me. Meanwhile, those with the power just sat back on their asses and did nothing to either reduce or wipe out my sentence entirely. Nobody said, “Guilty or not, racist or not, this isn’t right,” and intervened. Instead, their attitude’s been, who gives a damn if this nothing nobody got screwed over? It’s not our problem.

Tom said it’s mainly because of how racist the shit involved came across to anyone who might’ve had the means to help me, rather than if the sentence was just, even though it’s still not fair and is still no excuse to throw me in jail, then leave me on probation so long. In other words, because I hate certain types of people, no one cares that I got fucked over. It’s okay. I’d have to love everybody to get some help.

Damn right about that! I have a right to hate, like or love anyone I want to, and why the hell is society so damn concerned with who Jodi S likes/dislikes?

“But they are,” he told me. “They don’t like people who don’t like others.”

But that’s so fucked up! Next thing I know people who dislike the foods most people like are going to get thrown in jail! Why can’t we just be ourselves? I don’t try to make others be like me, so why can’t people just leave people the fuck alone? And who’s Tom kidding when he says people don’t like people who hate others? Everyone hates somebody for something, so what are they, hypocrites?

First it’s a control thing, then it’s a color thing. That’s what it always comes down to and people want everyone else to be just like them. A stranger in Ohio would be more concerned with my opinions and beliefs than with their own damn business. That’s the kind of society we live in. What’s going on in my life is more important than what’s going on with them. That’s why we have reporters that sit and write about people they don’t even know as if they knew them to a T and it was of dire importance to them and the rest of the world.

What a twisted world we live in! Look at Tanya Harding. She organized an actual assault yet she didn’t do any jail time. Why should she? Her victim was white, too. One can do so much to their own kind and get a slap on the wrist, but it takes so little to go down big time for someone not of your kind.

Basically, I have 3 things to worry about right now. I have to worry about dodging this class bullshit for another year. I have to worry about the black bitch or pigs pulling any more shit on me. And I have to worry about what the freeloader’s replacement will be. I mean, what will my next long-term problem be and what will it cost us? Will God bring it to the house, or will he kindly take me to it? I just hope to hell I get to stay home and that we don’t lose too much time and money over it, whoever it is, whatever it is. And I also hope to hell it doesn’t cause too much stress and arguments. There are no words to describe the hell the freeloaders have put me through. No words to describe the mental anguish and stress. They’ve come between Tom and I numerous times, causing tons of arguments and fights.

Oh, how I wish we could dump civilization altogether and live on a boat! Tom may not hate people the way I do, but he agrees with my general feelings as far as most people being controlling and incompetent.

In case the rest of the world is interested in knowing and wants to hate me all the more for hating something else, that’s instant mashed potatoes. How utterly boring! I should’ve known better than to get them. Tom will eat them, though. He’ll douse them with cheese or something.

He found an old pump he got back when he was considering making a water lamp and set it up in the aquarium to make sure it worked. So far so good. It’s bubbling away. The tentative plan is to buy an algae eater on Wednesday, then we’ll get a small group of both genders from Mary, probably over the weekend. If they live, then we may get more. They eat each other as a way of controlling their population, so that’s good. Wednesday, Tom will also pick up gravel, food, a filter, and a cover for the tank. We’ll get decorations some other time when I’ll be able to be there to pick them out.

It’s easy to tell the females apart from the males by their colors. I guess this means that, unlike some animals, they can see color. Hope they like the bright, colorful neon-colored gravel I told Tom to pick out over Mary and Dave’s dull white gravel with specs of blue!