The dogs are fucking with the pipes again. There was a big black dog and a big brown one. I’ve seen them before. They ran off when I went out, then I brought the pipe back that they had dragged a good 50 or so feet from the wash.

Like he usually does when it comes to me feeling pressured to keep animals I don’t want, Tom convinced me to let us keep Little Ratsy. He said the decision was mine and that he wasn’t making me do anything either way, which is true, but it’s hard to say no to a loved one. I’ve got her equally nutty sister in with her in the tank. If it weren’t for us bombing periodically, I could keep them in the big cage and never have to move them. I don’t need to move them in order to clean the cage or replace tubes. But they do have to be moved and tanked when we bomb. We can’t fit the big cage in the car, but if we could just get that damn truck before we bomb again, then I could throw them all together in the big cage and never have to touch them. Little Ratsy simply cannot be handled. I know she’d bite me if I tried to pick her up. The other one would’ve bitten me when I moved her by her tail if she weren’t so fat and heavy, but it’d be no problem for Little Ratsy, if I got her by the tail, to spring up and get me.

Maybe we can keep them outside in the shade. Tom and I will have to explore our various options. I just dread the idea of him trying to move them when changing the tank. We’ll never get her back again if Little Ratsy escapes. Maybe we should get an animal trap anyway.

I asked Tom how people could use racial slurs in some of the online jokes if it were so illegal, and he explained to me that it’s a certain combination of words that are censored, rather than one word. If you use racial slurs with the word ‘law’, he told me, it may trigger a flag, cuz usually it’s criminals who are concerned with laws, and something like that attached to the word law could catch attention.

If that’s the case and that’s what happened, then that’s pretty stereotypical if you ask me. Perhaps some people just like to know what the laws are. I know I wish I knew the laws a lot sooner than I did! Had I known blacks were held in such high regard in the eyes of the law and that Jews were damned, I’d have handled things a lot differently. I think Tom knew they were hard on Jews, but not that blacks were looked upon as such sacred beings.

I totally believe it when Scot said the bitch would only pitch a fit if I got an early release. I wish I could pitch a fit and get my way. If only it were that simple for me. Instead, everything’s what she wants and to hell with me. She knows it, too. She knows that all she has to do is take a shit fit and the courts will kiss her black ass and give her what she wants.

There were 4 pictures downloaded from my albums last week. Two rats, one wildlife and one of our land.

The renters have what appears to be some sort of sign out front. I can’t say for sure that that’s what it is, but we’ll definitely have to drive by there sometime. It’s been a while. How I hope they stay put! It’s always the quiet neighbors that up and move, though the new people in Dan’s place certainly are quieter. They blast their music just like Dan did, but not quite as loud, and they certainly don’t sit and gun engines for hours at a time, so in that case, things worked out for the better.

Now for some weird shit that’s been going on around here. Late in the night a couple of nights ago, like around 2 AM, I heard a quick pop. It wasn’t loud, but it wasn’t soft either. I was in the kitchen when I heard it. I thought it sounded like something hit a window, but more so, I thought something in his office fell. I went in to see if something fell against the window, but didn’t see anything. Then this morning Tom told me he discovered that the window was cracked from one side to the other! It was just the inner pane, though, which rules out something hitting it from outside.

“And God said ‘damn this house and the people in it,’” I said.

“Huh?” Tom asked me.

“You figure it out. Look at all the shit this house and us have gone through since we’ve been here. Do I have to remind you how I told you all along we’d be punished for leaving the city? God had us right where he wanted us and we moved. We’re seen as rebellious in his eyes, and now this is just one more thing we have to spend time and money fixing.”

Tom thought of a few possibilities as to what could’ve broken the window. He said there could’ve been a flaw in it which weakened it, then broke on account of a sonic boom.

“No,” I told him. “It would’ve cracked as soon as the boom erupted. There wouldn’t be a delay. Besides, it was the middle of the night.”

This is when he told me that not too long ago in the middle of the night, he heard a very loud, distinct boom that shook the whole house.

“But why didn’t it wake me up and why would they be flying at that hour?”

He said he didn’t know; perhaps it was an emergency of some kind, but I just think it odd that it didn’t wake me as I’m the lightest sleeper in the world. I have been hearing weird sounds around here lately, though I can’t say what they are. Sometimes I think they’re car doors, other times distant stereos, or some kind of machinery/large vehicles. There is something that’s at least somewhat evil here on this land. The question is how much of it is connected to our moving punishment, and how much is something else? Something we don’t even know about. Like a poltergeist. This is classic paranormal activity, I told Tom, who offered yet two more theories.

“Perhaps it was either temperature changes or my not latching the window properly which could’ve put pressure on it.”

“No, there are places with more extreme temperature changes than this yet the windows don’t break. Especially just one of them. I don’t think latching windows in certain ways could do it either. That’s a strong metal casing that thing’s in. It’s made to withstand a lot more pressure than any latch could put on it. I don’t have the answer for sure, but I think it was either a curse or a ghost. It’s high time you called Palm Harbor, too. We’ve let too many of their fuck-ups slide. I’m sick of picking up where they left off and having to do their work for them. The house is warranted for 5 years. Let them pay for the damn window and at least tell them about the shower too, along with other problems we’ve had.”

We should be receiving the pension money at the end of the month and hopefully getting a truck right around then too, but it’ll probably be more like early December. Tom’s now actively looking at ads. He got a couple of potential candidates off the bulletin board at the PO.

If all goes well, I’m going to be getting a slew of dolls with this and my holiday money. There are 2 ballerinas and 3 Indian dolls I want, plus the ornaments. I’m tempted to cancel out any Playboy or fashion dolls, cuz I don’t want to be ordering from people I don’t know. I know Ashton’s reliable, but I don’t know about other places. I wanted to get the third Playboy doll in the series, Mei Li (that oriental doll), and then black Adele to replace Tasha, but I don’t know. Tom suggested getting them from places that use UPS if possible, but that wouldn’t necessarily guarantee that they won’t rip us off. PG ripped us off and so did the sewing people. We got the big sewing machine, but not the little hand-held one.

Got a couple of letters from Mary. She had me cracking up when I read about the typo I made in her affirmations. Otherwise, I was glad to hear I did a good job with them. I wasn’t sure. I’m not used to typing up things like this. It was different than the usual drafts. Anyway, I was supposed to type, “You can’t depend on the ‘therapist’ to make you happy, but instead I wrote, “You can’t depend on the ‘rapist’ to make you happy. Then she made a little write-o I got a kick out of. She said she’d be clearer when writing ‘comas’ and periods, rather than ‘commas’.

She said she might’ve killed herself if it weren’t for me, but as I told her, she’s much stronger than that. Still, it’s quite touching to know I’ve had that much of a positive impact on her.

Todd, the pond scum, didn’t even know his little whore that just moved in with him wrote to Mary. He wanted to keep it a secret, the little shit! How low of him and his slut! It must make Mary as mad as it does sad.

Anyway, I was glad to hear she won’t be standing trial for Gretchen as far as she knows. She shouldn’t, or else the wrong person would be on trial. I just hope they don’t pull any nasty surprises on her in either case. The merciless system’s so full of them!

I emailed my entire joke file to Michelle as she asked me to, as well as another letter.

Lastly, I stressed to her just what she means to me. It’s so cool, for example, to be able to share things like my doll collecting and have her be all into it with me by commenting on their pictures, etc. I’ve had pen pals in the past who never mentioned the things I’d mention as if they just didn’t care. She may never like dolls like I do, but still, she at least gives me her feedback and accepts me as I am. She never bitches at me for being repetitious, even if I sometimes am!

Oh, how I wish this state would let me get on with my life and off probation! Again I wonder if perhaps I should let myself off.

Have I prayed to God for the courts to do right by letting me go? Of course not. I try not to do things just to waste my time. I wonder, though, does he have my new problem picked out yet? Does he know yet what my next long-term problem’s gonna be? I would think he does. Especially if it’s true that he’s got our entire lives mapped out from day one. Since I don’t have what it takes to pray to God, perhaps Mary can pray that he takes my health. If he absolutely must do something, I’ll sacrifice my health at this point. No more being victimized by others where he knows I can’t fight back or do a damn thing about it. At least there’ll be no one else to blame if I were to have health problems. As long as it’s nothing too serious or too painful, I’ll take it over neighbors picking on me. If he does sic new neighbors on me, though, they won’t be picking on me from just a few feet! However, once they take it to the courts, it won’t matter.

It won’t happen, though. I won’t let it. I’ll either sit back and take their shit or we’ll move. I am not going to jail again for trying to take a stand for myself, trying to get others to back off, leave me alone and do the right thing. It’s like, they fuck me over, I fight back, and I’m the one to go down for it. Well, fuck that shit! It’ll never happen again. They can use me, they can abuse me, but they’re not going to have their way with me through the law. I’m not going back to jail to play musical cellies, half of them being rude, the other half insane. I’m not going to take cold showers, eat hotdogs, put up with noise beyond belief, get just a few hours of sleep a day, then possibly be led on again, however unintentionally it may be, by someone I may have a crush on. At least Palma was honest and came out and said “no” when I asked if we could get together.