In just two days I’ve gained 3 pounds, and of course, it could never be the other way around. I could never lose 3 pounds in two days. Because I was stuck for a couple of days and am due for my period, I’d like to think that maybe it’s water retention, but I don’t know. I don’t need much of a reason to gain weight.

I remember Mary once said in one of her letters to me how she had to work for her abs and for her overall appearance, but at least she gets results from her hard work while I work so hard for so little. I lose a few measly pounds that I have to struggle like hell to keep off, and that’s it. Meanwhile, no matter how much muscle I may build, it’s always smothered in globs of fat I know I could never lose unless I was sent to one of Hitler’s old concentration camps and starved.

I’m sending the last Estrella letter to Mary this week till she contacts me about the millionth delay.

Also, since she didn’t object, I’ll be sending questionable items to her aunt to hang onto that I don’t want to mail to jail.

Little Fella’s obsessed with me. Rats are supposed to be nocturnal, but unlike his roommate who sleeps most of the day, he’s always up wanting to come out, run around and explore, and get attention from me. He still loves to climb all over me.

A few more pictures of me were downloaded from my albums. Later on, we’ll order a mug from this site. Assuming I like it, I’ll order a few more, then get back to the dolls I want. I still may get basic Eve. The one dressed in a business outfit is similar though still different from Tyler’s. It’s a really nice doll. I pretty much only got the ones I should be getting tomorrow cuz it was the only site that had such a wonderful deal. I’m sure I’ll still like them, though. If I didn’t, I wouldn’t have gotten them. However, Business Eve and Saffron Sunset Eve will be much nicer. That’s why they cost so much more.

Anyway, I’m hoping the mug will arrive sooner than two weeks. The Little Buddy mug took that long because we ordered it right before Christmas. At least, I think that’s why it did. We’ll find out.

What is this black history month shit they’ve been advertising all month on my radio? That was supposed to be last month. It’s like every month is blackie month! Black this, black that, black everything!

Today’s the day Tom will be going on the roof to hopefully screen off the drainpipes with no problem. At least we haven’t seen any 6” spiders out here or those giant cockroaches. Tom says the cockroaches aren’t native to Arizona, so we shouldn’t see them out here. I often chide myself for being scared of something so much smaller than me, yet if a giant man came after me, I wouldn’t be scared, I’d be furious.

Tom almost got the truck running yesterday, but because of a cable he had disconnected earlier, he couldn’t get it started because he couldn’t remember which cable it was.

The CD player wasn’t broken. As it turned out, it was trying to read music burned at too high of a speed which is too fast for this 20x player. My burner/player in the office is 48x. I had been burning at 24x, but now I’ll burn at 12x like Tom used to.

Well, I saw the end last night in my sleep, so it looks like yes, everything will be ok. I dreamt of my final meeting with the cheeks. What’s scary, though, is as Teddy Bear taught me, the people you least expect to can suddenly turn on you. All he’d have to do is rip up and destroy my report sheet and claim I skipped. I doubt he’d do this, but it’s just as scary to know that sometimes people we barely know can have just as much of a hold on us as those we know really well.

I still have conflicting emotions about Teddy Bear. A part of me says, do it. Send the letter and get her fired. You’re the one that always bitches about how you can’t fight back against those who’ve fucked with you, yet here’s your chance.

However, I don’t want to get her fired which I can’t imagine being the case anyway. I just want her to know how I feel, even if it won’t change a thing.

A part of me still longs for her, as crazy as it may sound. Meaning, as much as I’ve come to dislike her for what she’s done to me and probably countless others, I’d probably be dumb enough to see her if she suddenly wanted to, though I know she never will.

I just can’t believe how wrong I was about her! I never would’ve thought in a million years I’d be just a game to her and that she’d be such a liar. She should go to bars if she wants to tell people she’ll see them that she knows she won’t. Meanwhile, if she’s got to flirt, can’t she do it without leading people on and making false promises?

There I was thinking she was the relationship type but had I met her under other circumstances and ended up getting together with her, it would’ve turned out to be nothing more than a one-night stand.

Even though it’s against my better judgment since kilns are simple with just a heating coil and since I’ve never had an oven break, I’ll get the damn kiln. One serious problem, though, and it’s gone. I’m not going against God and trying to do things he doesn’t want me to do only to end up punished for it.

Tom did the right thing by fighting to get our house payments lowered, but I still worry about what might happen to us for it. Remember, all it took was for me to look Jewish and lodge a city complaint to get thrown in jail. Along with being dumb enough to touch something a pig handed me. If prints could be moved/copied, I’d never send the Halloween letter, but I sent Tom a pretty Webshots postcard and asked him a few questions about it anyway. That way he can read it at his leisure. I asked if he thought it could get her fired and if he thought anything could happen to me for it, and if so, what. He’s even more cautious and paranoid than I am, so he may tell me something could happen.

Yeah, something could happen to me just for breathing. Nonetheless, I’ll take till Halloween to think about it and decide: do I take my chances and say what I’ve got to say? Or do I keep my mouth shut based on what-ifs?

Later…

I really hope the dolls are there by tomorrow as I just went to check to see if they’re still selling (they are) and there was a notice from the owner of that site/store saying that her mom died, so she’ll get to pending orders ASAP.

Later…

The good news is that the drainpipes are now screened off. There were 3 of them. One in the small bath and two in the big bath. Since we don’t know if anything is living in the part of the pipe between the water and the opening, we’re going to keep the drains blocked in here for about a week, giving whatever may be in there time to starve off.

The bad news is that he’s completely stumped with the truck. He knows what the problem is, but can’t find it. And something’s not trying to get in our way? Right!

At least there’s more good news. I downloaded a really cool program that lets you make your own word-find puzzles. I had something like this back in the old house and thought it’d be a really neat thing to share with Mary. I sent her a puzzle with names/words either one of us or both of us can relate to. If she likes it, I’ll send more, wherever she is.

I even printed out one for Tom with doll names, and one for his mom and Paula, too.