Last night we ordered the mug with Joy and Bailey’s pictures on it.

I just finished up some stuff for Mary. That visualization thing. I swear she must’ve copied the whole book! I was delighted to hear there’s no library in the Florida jail, though she’ll just write more poems and stories to make up for it. She loves to write! It’s not like she has much else to do anyway, and for someone who also loves to write and spent enough time locked in a cell as well, I can understand the constant need to write anything and everything. I just hope she doesn’t pester me about looking for stuff online or in stores to copy for her.

Paula left a message saying she got an additional year of probation and has two more cases pending. I still sense jail at some point, though.

She never said anything about the CD which kind of irks me. The least she could’ve done was let me know if she got it and if she had any problems with it or not.

Yesterday I asked Tom, “Why don’t you just call up Dave, tell him we’re just not sure when we’re going to get the truck running, and ask if he’d haul in the fences while we still have the money for them?”

Then he came out and told me that now that we’ve agreed to go with barbed wire, we can haul the stuff in the car, and I was like, well then what are we waiting for? Let’s get the show on the road once and for all.

I still have mixed emotions about us sleeping together. I still have no desire to get it on with him, nor do I want to have the desire to get it on with him. I don’t want it to be like it was in the beginning with me always wanting it while he’s full of excuses – he’s tired, he’s sick, he’s sore, etc. It really sucks to want someone with a barely existent appetite, just like it sucks to have someone smothering you all the time.

As for him, he still shows zero signs of desire himself, only he’d never admit that. Instead, he’ll blame either circumstances or me, even if it’s indirectly. Sometimes circumstances, fate, and other people really do prevent us from doing things, but there’s no reason, despite how busy we can be, for us not to get together unless neither of us is interested, and it really bothers me that he won’t admit his part in the lack of interest. There’s nothing to say I’m wrong about his not being interested, and I still believe I’m right when I said he also couldn’t admit his lack of interest in a kid. Yesterday, Little Fella was hounding me for attention. I made the comment to him as he sat on my shoulder that part of why I decided I didn’t want a kid was so that I could have a life and do things, and out of the corner of my eye I could clearly see Tom turn his head away as if to say, “I do not want to hear that subject.”

If I ever feel the need to “get it on” with someone again in my life, it’ll be with a woman with no strings attached. Meaning, it may be a good thing if she herself was attached. Tom is who I love, just not who I lust.

Supposedly, the latest story with the truck title is that it got mixed up or something like that and the guy claims he’ll get it squared away with the DMV, then leave it inside the white truck once he gets it, but I know he’s just telling stories. Why can’t people just say so when they don’t want to do something?!