Now my house vibes are totally weirding out on me. First I was sure we’d be going, then I was sure we’d be staying, and now I don’t know what I sense. Logically speaking, unless someone gives Tom a job that pays $30 an hour in 5 minutes, we gotta be going for sure. I just wish I knew where to! That stuck-in-bad-places obsession God’s got for me has me worried, and the more I try to get away from people, the more he sics them on me, so I’m afraid he’s going to stick us on a tiny shit lot with lots and lots of rowdy people, and of course, in Arizona, there’s the never-ending slew of dogs outside barking 24/7.

It appears my vibes are going to be right about Marge not sending me a birthday card or money, and I fear she’ll stiff us out of our Christmas money, too. Tom assures me it has nothing to do with me and that they’re just selfish in general. This is so true, too. I don’t know what’ll be colder of them in the end; them not giving us birthday/holiday money, or them not even caring enough to take the time to call or email to see how we are, especially when they know we’ve been having a rough time.

I’ll mail their Christmas card that I got from the HS, then I’m so done with them mail-wise. I have really come to have absolutely no respect or admiration of any kind for these people, and I don’t give a damn anymore what they may be sending Doe and Art. These are all people who can’t use anything they may tell each other against me and that I’ll never see again or be forced to deal with anyway so they can exchange all the gossip and pictures they want. I mean, what can they do to me with it? They’re nothing more than just a very bad memory for me.

In much better news, I finally got a letter from Mary today, the day I was to call Carolyn to find out if she knew anything if I didn’t get anything today. It turns out that her cousin died of a seizure. I take it she was young too, but either way, Mary says she’s been in a lot of anguish.

She liked my last book and said it was scary. My current story is unlike anything I’ve ever written so far. It’s a medical romance, and to tell you the truth, I have no idea where it’s going. I mean, I can’t really think of any exciting and adventurous twists and turns to throw in so I may end it where it’s at some time soon. We’ll see. So far, Tom’s favorite is Sacrifices and I think I’d have to agree. He just started Nocturnal Obsession.

She asked about Little Buddy’s picture, and like I told her, I won’t know anything till the end of the year. There’s no way it could win the annual $10,000 prize because pictures of kids always win those. The $1,000 prize is by category. I don’t expect to win that because we never get money when we need it, but maybe I’ll get a medal. After all, what could I do with a medal? All it does is tell me how cute the picture is, but I already know this.

She said she decided against writing Paula as you can’t help those who don’t want to be helped. As I told her, she is so, so right about that! At 36 years of age, I’d say Paula’s definitely beyond help. I think that those who don’t want to help themselves are either too wimpy to do so, too blind to see they’ve got a problem in the first place, or they’re okay with the problem for some bizarre reason. I think Paula, as loyal as she’s been, qualifies for all of the above!

Anyway, it’s the first letter from her in quite a while where she didn’t ask for anything.

Got a Bob letter, too. He was in the hospital I guess for his heart.

Lastly, I got a lipstick sample in the mail which was too dark for a whitey like me. I sent it to Paula along with a letter. With her coloring, it should look nice.

I lost another pound and so now I’m 128. That’s 4 pounds in 2 days! Haven’t done that in ages. As soon as I get stuck again, though, for a day or two, I’ll be back around 130. I still seriously doubt I can get to 125, much less below. Still, I’ll continue sticking to the 4 essential elements – limited cals, exercise, fiber, suppressants when needed.