Just when I was dumb enough to think we might be okay after all, we get our Unemployment claim denied. Thanks, God. We really need this shit at our age. Meanwhile, I’m sure Dureen O will be worth another quarter million as I write this. They said it was because he never asked for a leave of absence. Now, why the hell would he do that when he knew he was moving to another state?! Now we gotta begin the long drawn-out process of appealing just to no doubt lose. I can’t believe God would have us denied if he knew there were big bucks for us in the end. We know that money’s rightfully ours and that we have an airtight case, but God will make sure that we still lose in spite of it all, won’t you, you fucking bastard! Someone like Mary might say I should just be glad God made sure Tom didn’t get the job any later than he did, but that’d be like telling a rape victim to just be glad she only got raped once and not twice. Isn’t once bad enough? Although it’s true that we’d be dead if he’d been a week later in getting the job since we agreed we wouldn’t let God toss us to the streets, I suppose I shouldn’t be surprised. That’s cuz the bastard knows that if he drove us to kill ourselves, He wouldn’t be able to curse us anymore in this life!

My first thought was, fine, we’ll go to an apartment and just get it over with and deal with the shit there since that’s our only choice now. I’m not allowed to live where I want to anyway. But then I put my foot down and said, no fucking way! Enough is enough with living where I don’t want to! It’s either my way or no way. I’m sick of God or others dictating where I live, what I do, where I go, etc. It’s either a house or death. And Tom agrees with me that we’re not going to an apartment. He’s going with me either way, and the only two possible places are a house or death. He’s sick of settling too, and the unfairness God allows us to have to deal with. We may now have enough to survive on, but still, here we are working just as hard as anyone else, and we’re living like bums in a motel while my rat’s tumor continues to grow to nearly half her size! This is a quieter motel than most, but it’s a motel nonetheless. On top of that, I still don’t have the benefits that are rightfully mine, and he doesn’t have the money he’s entitled to either. I’m sick of seeing people get rich for doing nothing more than just breathing while we struggle for the basics we should have anyway. I’ve settled enough! Funny farms, jails, projects, rocking apartment complexes, rocking houses, no more! So we agreed to do whatever it takes to get a house, and if God still wants us to live so He can have people shit on us, then He better not stand in our way! I’m sure He’ll make sure it’s a noisy house, but if that’s the best we can do, fine. At least it’ll be a house and while it may include barking, screaming, door slamming and car stereos, the TVs, house stereos, footsteps, cabinets and house doors will at least be eliminated. The question still remains as to just how much work that’ll take and how long.

After we lose the appeal and God gets another laugh at our expense, the whole state of Oregon can go to hell! Really, I hope all those mountains erupt and toss all those Unemployment jerks right into the Pacific, limb by broken limb! They’re gonna be under the influence for a while…of me!

Speaking of influencing, I’m trying hard not to be emotional as hard as it can be under the circumstances, cuz I know that this is when the influencing can turn on me and make things worse for us. This is how God takes advantage of me, and I know I’m really vulnerable right now. Tom sees it as a psychic ability, but I see it more as a curse cuz I haven’t won a million bucks yet. Not even 20 grand.

It hasn’t rained since we’ve been here, which will be one month as of tomorrow.

The only slight ray of hope, which is probably just a tease from above, is that the boss lady asked Tom for his resume. If he gets hired on, there’s the potential, or so there at least appears to be, for big bucks, if not close to it. But all these opportunities don’t exactly do us any good if they’re not going to come through for us when we really need them the most. Hopefully, we’ll know more soon after the boss goes over his resume. Then Tom can do the math this weekend and get an estimate as to how long it’d take to get into a house. There are some things worth settling for in life and some that aren’t, and so unless you dig noise and are a heavy sleeper, western apartments are nothing to settle for! I’d rather stay here longer to get what we want than to quickly jump into an apartment as much as we miss our stuff.

If I weren’t so fat I’d never be able to sleep on these sucky mattresses. They’re hard as hell.

I forgot to mention getting a letter from Mary with funny Barbie pictures. There was transgender Barbie, exotic dancer Barbie and gangsta bitch Barbie.

We got a kick out of how she said, “I agree with Tom about your influencing ability. It’s cool of Tom to understand you as he does. I envy your relationship. Too bad he’s not a woman who preferably looks like Kate Jackson.”

We were cracking up over that last line!