My baby’s gone now. It sucks that we couldn’t bury her anywhere, but we’re glad she got to be a Calirat if only for a while. I’ve been balling my eyes out in spurts. I feel so guilty for “letting go,” yet I know I didn’t because I couldn’t. I miss her terribly yet am glad she has moved on because her life was over before it was over. She was almost totally immobile. She couldn’t do anything other than eat, drink and sleep which is no life for a rat, who very much like a cat or dog, loves to roam around loose. I’m just glad she didn’t suffer in the end like Blondie did with the lung problems he had before he died.

Tom, who’s sad too, believes her spirit will one day find its way in to live through any future rats we have which probably won’t be while we’re still in motels like Blondie found his way to live through Tinkerbell. It sure seemed that way anyway. Rats have their own individual personalities like people, but Tink was so much like him!

I’m trying not to think too much about her because I just cry my eyes out whenever I do. The sadness comes and goes. I’ll be doing something for a while, then she’ll pop into my mind and down comes the tears again. I’m trying not to cry right now and make a scene for the maintenance guy who will be here any minute to fix the clogged shower drain. I figured that just because we’re not the ones who have to put the time and money into fixing it, it doesn’t mean we still can’t get it fixed. I just wish he would hurry up too, so I can work out, though I suppose I could work out anytime.

Working out is having a surprisingly nice effect on my appearance as well as how I feel. Judging by how my clothes fit, I feel like I’m back in the 120s again. At the risk of sounding conceited, I really do have an ok body for my age, even if I could still afford to lose a million more pounds and inches.

You can really see the muscle best in my shoulders, abs and calves, which are ripped again from jogging. I’ve been working out an average of 20 minutes a day, which is all you really need to maintain things. I start with my strength training exercises, then jog the remaining time off for a cardiovascular workout. If I had the tea and the discipline to cut my calories some more, I’d be thin in no time. Exercising may not make you lose weight, but it sure helps and it sure helps keep off whatever you do lose. It just sucks that I’m forever stuck with craters since that’s more of an age thing than a weight thing, contrary to many people’s beliefs. It’s connected to the skin’s thinning with age. I started getting them at 26, and I was pretty skinny then. I want to ripple my abs some more, but at least my chest is high and my “crunch line” is back. That’s that little trench that runs from just under the center of the breastbone to the belly button. I could feel the difference when I got up. I slept in my undies and when I got up, I started the coffee brewing and sat down at the computer. That’s when I noticed that my lower gut didn’t spill out onto my thighs. It just barely brushed it, and I could pull it off completely by sucking it in.

Yesterday was Arizona-hot at 106º and today will only be a few degrees cooler. I guess if there’s any good to this motel life it’s not having electric bills to pay! The summers here will be more expensive than the winters.

The housekeeper’s next door now. I hope that means that whoever was in there last night, even though they were quiet, has checked out. They were 22 minutes late if they did, and I think they did since the housekeepers only do people’s rooms about once a week here.

I want my Tinkerbell back! The one who got into my plants and made a mess flinging dirt everywhere. The thought of knowing she’ll never chase and tackle her mommy again makes me so sad.

Later…

Yup, they definitely checked out next door. I could hear the housekeeper going through the drawers, something you shouldn’t be doing if the people haven’t checked out.

After 5 hours of waiting, I called down to make sure they hadn’t forgotten our clogged shower. Sure enough, the maintenance guy was sent to room 308 and not 338. So, what took 5 hours of waiting ended up taking just 2 minutes to fix. I was surprised. The guy never used any chemicals or anything, just a couple of giant wrench-like tools. Then I could finally listen to music, light my incense in this non-smoking room, and cry if I needed to upon remembering the little angel I miss so much. I want her back!

Someone just checked in with a bang next door. They sure do come in with a bang and out with a bang, too! I’m glad I wasn’t asleep when the housekeeper was over there. It sounded like the wrestling match from hell!