God’s little bum and favorite whipping boy – or lady, in my case – signing in in a foul mood. Yeah, just when we think we may have it made He deals us yet another humiliating blow and allows yet another hurdle to be cast in front of us. No, we’re not looking at being homeless, in which we agreed to kill ourselves before we allowed this ultimate degradation in our lives, but we may not eat much or even have enough gas for the damn truck until Friday when he gets paid, thanks to the Unemployment people and thanks to God, who no doubt had a helping hand in making sure they fucked with us. I still think God will have them pay up so we can’t get the big bucks in the end, but we need the money now. Instead, I’m sure it will come Friday, along with his paycheck, the $100 that was locked on our card, and who knows what else? We know damn well that it’s when we have money that we get it, not when we need it most.

Because our wonderful God cares about us so much and looks out for us, Tom won’t be able to work Saturday because he’ll be too busy having to cash checks and either pay for us to stay here another week, or find another motel like this elsewhere that may be even further from his job, and we’re already too far away as it is.

Thanks, God, we really need this shit in our lives and at our ages. Thanks for allowing us to be broke for the millionth time at our ages and with how hard we work. Meanwhile, what’s my mother worth these days? One million? Two million? More? How much more fucking money are you showering upon her as I write this?

I appreciate His not throwing us on the streets and forcing me to kill myself to get out of it, though He probably didn’t want to drive me to suicide just so he could curse me with shit like this even more, not that we need it either! We don’t need it, we don’t deserve it, and I’m sick of the never-ending cycle of poverty, noise and other bullshit! Damn Him for allowing it to happen over and over again! What comes next? The inevitable rocking apartment? Why not? We’re not allowed to live where we want to anyway.

We’re never going to be allowed to settle down anywhere in peace without one problem after another. The only reason we had an easier life in the Oregon house was that the house and climate sucked. We can never have our cake and eat it too.