I knew it, I just fucking knew it! I always did say that when it comes to anyone in law enforcement or the media you can’t believe a word they say, and it’s so true. It started with me wondering why it’s been 3 weeks since Mary’s been released yet hasn’t contacted me. Would she have decided, either before or after the release, that she didn’t want to bother with me on the outside? I asked myself. Anything’s possible, but it just doesn’t seem like something she would do.

So then I jumped online to see what I could find and what I did find had me bursting into tears of both anger and sadness. The fucking lying, scumbag of a judge overrode her plea agreement and she’s now on her way to prison till June of 2011! What the fuck’s the point of having a plea agreement if the judge isn’t going to stick to it? And how much more must she be punished? She’s not the one who killed her kid. Isn’t the guilt of knowing she failed to protect the kid punishment enough? Nothing’s ever going to bring her kid back, and nothing’s ever going to ease her guilt about it. She’s already been punished for life and then some. And after she gets out she’ll have two years of probation.

The shit of a judge fucked up even more by giving the Monster life instead of the death he deserves which the jury had recommended. It’s life with no parole, but it’s LIFE nonetheless.

I think I know why the fucking cock overrode the agreement, too. Well, obviously most pigs, lawyers and judges love the power and feeling of control that comes with playing with people’s heads and lives and getting them all psyched up for nothing, but I think they only “agreed” to the agreement just to get her testimony, not that she wouldn’t have testified anyway. Believe me, she was more than looking forward to being Gretchen’s voice. I also think the judge wanted to keep her locked up for as many more of her childbearing years as possible. Either way, it happens all the time. They promise you this and they promise you that. Then when they get what they want from you they turn around and stab you in the back. This is EXACTLY what I feared would happen. It wasn’t a vibe either, just plain logic and knowing how twisted the system is. They always tell you things will be “fine” or make deals they know they’re not going to keep.

Just read some more where it says the State Attorney’s Office was involved in reneging on the deal, not the judge, although one report did say it was up to the judge. But it doesn’t matter as a legal deal is a deal and it should remain as is. This is why I don’t trust or believe anything they promise about medical insurance and why I’m ready to just go and apply for Medicaid, even if it means waiting all day with a million screaming kids whose mothers don’t even try to shut them up.

2011 – damn! That’s nearly two more years. I’m just as furious as I am sad for her. She’s gotta be really hurting. If I didn’t know any better I’d tell her to file an appeal, but appeals don’t work so what’s the point? And being white and female doesn’t help either. But she’s a very strong person. I don’t think I could’ve survived all she has and come as far as she has. Even if she has to pretend God cares about her as a means of coping, she’ll make it through. If she can make it through 10 years of jail, she can do a couple in prison. Prison is much easier, though it can also be more dangerous from what I’ve heard. If someone with a life sentence with no chance of parole feels like killing someone because they have a nasty old headache that just won’t quit, what have they got to lose? Strong or not, I can just imagine how scared and devastated she must be right now, the poor thing!

Meanwhile, I emailed her shit lawyer (yeah, I wonder just how much he may’ve known beforehand, although he did seem shocked in the video clip I saw) and asked that he hang onto the things we sent and give them to her when she finally is released. And of course, who knows if they’ll even let her out in 2011? It wouldn’t surprise me if they pulled another fast one on her at that time, though more than likely that would be to extend her probation afterward, not her sentence.

If Tom and I had known what was to happen in my case 10 years ago we’d have run for damn sure, and it’s not like there weren’t red flags all over the place. There were. They called me in for a little pre-sentencing interview and some of the questions asked were: Are you going to try to fight your case? And: What is your property worth?

Now what in the world does my property value have to do with the issue at hand? I thought at the time. It was like they were trying to get a sense of what they could take me for and how easily they could do it. But like a fool, I believed my lawyer when he said everything would be ok and that it was just “routine,” especially since I knew that of all the times I’d done something wrong, this wasn’t one of them. We weren’t shown any of the falsified evidence until just minutes before sentencing and we didn’t yet know that the pig on the case was friends with the people trying to screw me. It’s one scary, twisted world we live in, huh? And if what happened to me could happen to me, it could happen to anybody! So no matter what they try to threaten or bluff you with, never talk to a pig that may drag you in for interrogation. Never! If they threaten to lock you up if you insist on a lawyer being present – let them!

Still nothing from Gregg. I hope he doesn’t blow me off, but I think in the end he’ll either acknowledge that he couldn’t find out anything or will be able to provide me with a name. I think getting a name should be the easy part if they keep records. It’s making contact that may be hard.

Later…

Tom and I were discussing Mary’s case. He agrees that while she got screwed over – no doubt about that – some good could come of this. The prison may be able to line up a job for her afterward that she couldn’t normally just go out and get wherever. It may also help make the transition back into the real world easier.

He’s got a point, but it still sucks to see the courts, who are supposed to uphold laws, agreements, deals, etc., make and break the rules at will. The courts could tell me that I must either testify or go to prison for life and I STILL wouldn’t buy it! If I testified it would be because I wanted to and that’s what I alone chose to do. And no, the truth will not always set you free. You shouldn’t lie in court, but you shouldn’t admit to anything either. She gave them 10 years of her life, she gave them the testimony needed to put the Monster away that killed her baby, and she was a model inmate. And this is how the fucking judge pays her back? Way to go, Judge! May you one day soon enough be on your way to fuck up someone else’s life and drop dead of a heart attack before you get the chance to do it!

Really, how do these people play God with so many people’s lives and not be at least somewhat fearful of retaliation from either the people they’re playing with or their families? I’d never have the guts to be a judge. And have to watch my back everywhere I went? No thanks! I would think that sooner or later, whether the person deserved what I gave them or not, someone just may decide to play God with my own life in return.

I swear that poor girl is way more cursed than I’ve ever been and I’m 12 years older. I can totally relate to the frustration, depression and anguish she’s got to be feeling right now. Her trust in the system is no doubt shot to hell. I gave the state of Arizona everything. Everything. And that includes taking it upon myself to seek a therapist before I was even sentenced, even if it was mostly to deal with the stress they themselves were putting on me. But enough was never enough for that state and nothing was ever good enough for the vindictive control freaks that we’re supposed to be able to trust to do the right thing. I was white. The “opponent” was black. And I was in a city growing so fast that getting as many people as possible in jail or on probation was a major profit for it. So it wasn’t just about power and control. It was a money and race issue as well.

Tom says this is a common thing going on lately in Florida and that a lot of people are getting screwed there. This is part of why the population is dropping there for the first time ever. People GO to Florida, they don’t LEAVE it. But this is exactly what’s been happening lately. The birthrate and immigration rates are dropping, too – yay! I hope it doesn’t pick up along with the economy, but the dropping birthrate (with the exception of 2007) has more to do with the Women & Work movement than anything else. Women are getting more and more pressured to skip kids and work hard, and a lot more of them want to do so anyway, regardless of what may be hip and trendy at the time. That’s ok, though, with all the damn people in this country, there’ll still be too many people!

Some people have wondered why I’m so angry so much of the time. Well, this is just one of many reasons, and no, I don’t feel bad or wrong about my feelings/emotions. I’d have to wonder about myself if I DIDN’T feel some anger at times.

In better news, after switching to the alcohol-based mouthwash, gargling in saltwater and returning to yogurts, my mouth is much better. Yay, I can move on to a new problem now! Hey, variety is the spice of life, right? rolls eyes

Damn this entry’s long! What else? Nothing. I’d rather have nothing going on than bad things going on, but I still wish the economy and whatever’s up there would kindly let us move on and quit holding us back as it has for nearly a year now. sighs Most people would love to get paid to sit on their asses, but still, it’s time to move on!