Last night my left arm cramped up big time. I was just sitting there when all of a sudden it cramped up – I guess “cramp” is the best way to describe it – sort of in back of my upper arm. A few minutes later it stopped as suddenly as it started. Then a while later I had an on-and-off dull ache in the area of my bicep. Tom was worried I was having a heart attack, checking my pulse, and asking if my fingertips were tingly. I assured him I couldn’t get that lucky to have anything kill me now. We’re too poor. See, not only do the good die young, but the cursed die old! It sure seems that way anyway. So, as one of God’s chosen ones to have to play poor-ass bums, like it or not, I don’t think He’d want me timing out anytime soon. It really bothers me to think that God feels we’re unworthy of having even medical insurance despite how hard we’re willing to work, but sometimes you really just can’t change fate. What’s meant to be is gonna be. Oh, well. In the end, He may’ve cursed me with a lot of things that take a lot of hate on His part, but He also had to have some love in His heart too, for I have Tom and many talents and abilities that I know I shouldn’t take for granted. My singing improved tenfold after quitting smoking even though by then I’d lost the desire to make a living at it. To be able to communicate just about anything I could need to in Italian in just 6 months, even if I already knew Spanish and even if I rarely use it, is quite a blessing. It’s amazing to go from pointing at various objects and naming them in Italian, to speaking whole sentences.

However, I’m back to losing faith in the power of prayer and thinking that if it does appear to work, it’s only a coincidence. Why else can’t Tom have the job I prayed for nearly a year ago? And why else is my weight stuck where it’s at despite how “normal” Tom and WebMD say it is? Well, I say I’m not done yet and that I want to lose at least 10 more pounds. And I say Tom could definitely use a job since my sleep disorder prevents me from getting one. But that was obviously part of the plan, designed to hold us back financially.