I was going to call my folks today at 5 PT, but then I decided it was too close to my last letter to them, so I’ll wait a week or two.

If they told Charlotte I’m working on my 5th language and expanding up my 4th, she’ll think they’re joking or I’m crazy, LOL!

I hated to bring up my problems with Tammy and her brood to them. I always thought low of those who couldn’t simply go to the source of their troubles and face them directly. I used to hate it when Andy would drag others into our disputes. But it was the only way to bring up the issue of anything they may want to leave to us, not that they have to leave us a dime, and the issue of their funerals and why I wouldn’t be present. If it weren’t for those things I’d never have burdened them with petty shit like Tammy since they have enough of their own problems. Meanwhile, I’ve made it as inconvenient as I can (until she emails me) for her and her kids to contact me. I’m sure it’s just a matter of time before the cyberbullying begins again, and it really sucks to know that there’s nothing I can do about it that I know of. You can send threatening emails every day and unless you’ve sent it to someone like the president, there’s not much protection and punishment against cyberstalking. The courts often throw out anything computer-related knowing how often computers get hijacked and how easy it is to manipulate something to look a certain way. The Megan Meier case is a great example of how easy it is to get away with harassing someone on the internet. But the more ports I close, the less I have to deal with their shit.

And all because I dumped them a decade ago and wouldn’t take them back into my life when they tried to get back in it this year! My sister should’ve thought of that before she knowingly and intentionally, as she finally admitted, sought to get me jailed for letting her ABUSIVE EX know just what I wanted to do to him at the time for supposedly abusing her and Lisa. Things are different now, though. Now they can all beat the shit out of each other. I wouldn’t care. They can even kill each other. Put up with one abusive man that you break free of, you’re a victim. Seek out one abusive man after another and stay with them for years, you’re a wimp who deserves it. Especially when you spite those who were just sticking up for you.

So much for resolving to discuss negative things like them less and positive things more!

Ok, so on with the positive now. Oops, two more negative things first! My back’s been fucked up and I’m up a few pounds. I don’t know what’s going on with my back. I still do tons of ab crunches yet I have lower back pain as well as this pain that’s sort of toward the middle.

As for the weight, I guess I’m either eating more than I realize or my body just wants to “reset” itself more or less. It’s common to gain lost weight back even if you keep dieting and exercising. It could also be muscle weight gain, but I doubt it. My legs are firmer than they’ve ever been in their lives, though! It’s even starting to affect their flexibility, so it’s still possible that the more I ride the bike, the more I gain muscle. They sure feel like they’ve been worked out, especially the quads. If my flexibility is affected anymore I may let the muscles atrophy a bit.

I want to start sculpting my arms more. My shoulders and biceps are built up nicely, but I want to work more on my triceps.

I’ve fallen into a routine on the bike. I burn the first 100 cals at once, then 4 times throughout the rest of the day I burn 25 cals, bringing the daily total to 200. It usually takes about 3 minutes to burn 25 cals.

Got a quick message from Gregg today telling me to be patient, I’ve waited 35 years, in a few weeks I should have my answers. So he’s still on the case.

There are no guarantees in life, but to be able to contact this woman, be it by phone, email or postal mail would be totally awesome. I’ve always wanted to thank her and have always been curious as to why she cared that much. What made me special to her? If I wasn’t special, then she sure did a good job of making me feel that way, and as I said before, that means a lot to a kid who went through the hell I went through. My mother may not be the worst person in the world and she may not have woken up one day and decided she was going to deliberately make her kids’ lives suck, but life with her even on her best of days was quite stressful. She was just no fun at all. Even when she wasn’t being negative and controlling, she so rarely laughed or had much of a sense of humor.

The whole thing spawned a cool story idea. Tom liked it too, and agreed it’s something that I, as a suspense writer, would come up with. I was thinking I could have a person who, like myself, is looking for someone they once knew in their past. And they too, keep an online journal. Then they finally find the person they’re looking for, who knows a lot about their life already from reading their journal. Only catch is that it’s not really who the person is supposed to be! I’ve already got a title for it, too: The Reunion. Maybe I’ll work on that along with Espressioni, which now has 25 pages.