Chatted with D on Yahoo just now. I love to throw a live chat in every so often along with all the emails we swap, but don’t like to chat very long or very often. Too much like being on the phone.

On the way back from the store yesterday right before it rained AGAIN (what does this place think it is, fucking England?) Tom and I were laughing our asses off at the thought of taking the trailer with us when and if we do buy land of our own. OMG, it was sooo funny just imagining the look on Jesse’s face to come home one day to find not only us, our car and our shed gone, but HIS trailer as well, LOL!!! Nothing would be down here except for the porch and strips of fake grass. The trailer would be perfect to hole up in till we could build or haul in a newer, bigger house. In reality, though, it’s just a funny thought since it’d cost just as much to haul it out of here than to get property with something like it already on it. We also joked about spraying something like “B’bye” in blood-red paint on the mountainside.

Anyway, I got to thinking about the possibilities that I hope really are possible someday. I was saying to Tom that it was too bad I didn’t like old dumps and also too bad that that wouldn’t get us out of house/land payments. He said it’d be pretty close to doing just that. So I mulled it over in my mind, and the last thing I want to do is spend my life in some undersized dump. Ah, but the idea of having little to no payments is sooo appealing! What peace of mind the security of that would bring! Then I could go back to only having to worry about who will help us when we get too old to take care of ourselves. But everything will have to line up just right for us in order for us to pull this off. We need to receive his pension in a lump sum and we need no one else to sabotage our credit. But somehow I can’t picture anything up there being that kind to let these things happen to us, but those two things are basically what it will hinge upon; enough money for a down payment, and keeping people from fucking up our credit. Well, he’ll be 55 in 2 years and 4 months, so we’ll find out then.

Maybe a part of me is also afraid to succeed. The more you gain, the more you have to lose.