Dreams about a lack of jobs and money woes, waking up in pain, wanting to die, a mystery animal(s) making the fiercest ruckus I’ve ever heard on the porch at 3am…oh, what a wonderful life I have.

There was some good in it when I got up to find I’d lost two pounds since I started running and dieting last Saturday and then had KFC later on.

But let’s back up to last night. I crashed at 9:30 and awoke in pain at 2:30. Fed up with always being in some kind of pain or another, and fed up with circumstances beyond our control always holding us back in life, I thought about sneaking out to the shed for the bag of charcoal, then lighting a skillet full of it while in the car with the windows closed. I thought about how there was just as much – even more – to die for than to live for. I told myself that if I died I’d no longer have to worry about pain, money, controlling my weight, vision troubles, growing old – nothing. But then being the chicken shit that I am, I chickened out and took a Benadryl an hour and a half later to help me get back to sleep. Tom later told me the car wouldn’t be very smart anyway since it’s got too much ventilation.

Before it had a chance to knock me out I heard a fierce pounding on the porch that startled the shit out of me. It was only for two seconds but very loud. I bolted out of bed sure that Tom had gotten up and fallen or that someone had kicked their way in here. But Tom was sound asleep. I was amazed he could sleep through such loud banging that seemed too loud for a catfight or for skunks or raccoons. It’s possible it was a catfight and they banged against something, but the few objects that are on the porch are too heavy for cats to move, and the plastic chairs are strapped to the railing. It seemed like something hard – like the hooves of a deer – slammed onto the wooden planks. Maybe a deer wandered onto the porch and got its antlers caught in the clothesline we have strung across it and panicked, though it seems odd that a deer would be out in the middle of the night or attempting to walk across the porch unless it was small. There were a few bears sighted not far from here, but it was in a more remote area where bears are more likely. I would think bears would be too big to be on the porch unless they were cubs, and they too, are usually day animals. That leaves coyotes as a possibility. When we checked in the morning, nothing appeared damaged in any way so who knows if we’ll ever know what it was? I just know it wasn’t Jesse’s dogs. They’re always tied up at night.

Despite having the dream of winning big, all that was in the mail when Tom checked today was a couple of small wins. A coupon for a frozen Stouffer’s meal for two and 4 days and 3 nights free at an RV park (just what we need). I guess then you take a tour and they give you a 7” notebook.

I had another two-story dream where I was in a dumpy two-story house. Why do I keep dreaming of dumpy two-story houses???

All this pain and poverty are getting to simply be too much that I wonder if it’s time to reapply the Return to Sender spell. I guess it couldn’t hurt. My whole left side is aching now from my ear to my teeth – ugh. Thanks, God. You’re a real sweetheart.

Eileen asked if I wouldn’t mind helping her hairdresser’s sister to get her own book published on Kindle. I said sure, although there’s not much I can really do other than furnish her with the link to their step-by-step instructions, and tell her not to expect many sales to start with.

LOL, you know you’ve made it as an author when people start asking for your help, even if you’ve still only made 6 lousy sales.

Irene cracked me up the other day “liking” several comments and postcards I left on Nane’s wall.

I was friended on Facebook by another VH girl, but she left right before I hit the scene. I could tell this much just by her never hearing about a girl jumping windows. Sadly, I became a bit of a legend, as I told her, until Renee R took my place by burning the place down a few years later.

The troll’s back to snooping into my blog, as expected. Some entries she only views for a few seconds, making me think she’s just looking for her name or for Alison’s or Kim’s. Other entries she views for longer and I can’t say that she’s reading them or just idling on that page. I inserted a poll asking Do you…

1. Read my journal word for word?
2. Skim through it to get the general idea of what I’m saying?
3. Simply scan it to see if I’ve mentioned your name?

Even the troll can vote, so we’ll see if I get any votes for name searches.

I will admit to having fun with her when I saw she was at my blog at the moment I checked my stats by running and setting it to blog authors only to temporarily shut her out, thus frustrating the hell out of her, LOL. After a while, I set it back to being open to anybody.

Sometimes I wonder if I could actually drive her crazy enough to get sick of me and not want a damn thing to do with me if I actually let her friend me, then made a HUGE pest of myself by sending her tons of messages and then getting on her ass about it whenever she didn’t respond to me right away. Really, what if I became a friend but proved to be such an awful friend? Just the worst friend possible, totally bugging the hell outa her with all kinds of messages, demands and requests. Would she still follow me from site to site like she has since June of last year?