Tom’s out working on some electronics in the shed. I really appreciate how supportive and helpful he’s been throughout all this pain I’ve been dealing with. Today’s better than two days ago but not as good as yesterday, and I honestly have to wonder if I’ll ever again experience a day in my life without pain. Tom says I will, and that our lives will still change for the better, but IDK. I’m still waiting. Sure, things could be worse. A lot worse. But enough is enough already with the same old, same old rut we’ve been stuck in for so damn long! And whenever we do get ahead we get kicked back in no time.

Anyway, the internet is another thing we’ve been struggling with. Thank God Tom set up the phone so we can get online because our connection’s getting so bad and no one wants to help us with it that I’m afraid it’s going to come down to us not being able to get online at all. Not with our computers anyway. As soon as we get the next check we’ll buy a new modem and hope that that’s all the problem is, but we’re both doubtful. We’re still pretty sure it’s their line and that this is the next step toward getting them to fix the fucking thing. As Tom said, there are so many old wires around here and this area will simply never ever have cable.

For those of you who don’t know me well yet, my husband pointed out about 5 years ago to me that he noticed that my moods seem to greatly affect the outcome of things in both good and bad ways but in a more extreme way than most people’s moods do. He believes I psychically will myself to win so much depending on my mood. Well, notice I haven’t won anything very good since getting my tooth pulled? After all, no one’s in a good mood when they’re in pain. All I got was this pass for 4 free days at an RV park in which they’d give us a 7” notebook for taking their tour, and a coupon for a frozen meal for two. The coupon would be nice if we could ever find the product, but the RV thing is useless because we don’t have an RV. The RV park, which has got to be worse than staying in hotels or apartments, is in SoCal anyway. I must’ve entered that one in hopes of whatever the grand prize was which was probably cash or something.

Without consciously doing so, I “hurt” those who piss me off and I bring good to those who treat me well. I just wish I were a better influencer and could win bigger more often.

It not only soured my mood to learn I didn’t win this house they were giving away, but something struck me as all wrong about the winner and that soured my mood even more. They just “happened” to be a young, old-fashioned married couple with a baby on the way. Doesn’t that just seem – IKD – coincidental to you? I mean why am I not surprised it wasn’t a childless couple or a single person? Really, how many married people do you know with kids these days? If you tried to think of 5 married with kids couples under age 40, I’ll bet you couldn’t do it. It’s simply not the norm anymore for married people to have kids. So while I guess anything is possible and they may be telling the truth when they say the drawing was random, it still seems a bit odd in an old-fashioned kind of way.

There’s more I could write about, but I’m not in the frame of mind to do so now. I try to remember every little thought and all that, but sometimes there’s just so much going on at the same time so little is going on.

I could say that Andy’s way excited to get the HD Flip vid cam that we mailed to him today. He said it makes him too, feel like a winner. He offered to reimburse us for the shipping costs, but we told him not to worry about it.

“That’s the first time you told me you’ve loved me this century,” he said when we were chatting on Formspring and by email. LOL, I’ve always loved him and have always seen him as a big brother. He just gets annoying at times with the way he seems to bring God into everything rolls eyes and doesn’t always take my word for things like what happened with our crazy Phoenix neighbors. I should know. I was the one that had to live with them. Anyway, he’s heading back to the beach again and says he’ll contact me in a few days. Maybe he’ll see Shelley this time, fake or not. Shelley, who Marla said that she said I requested to be friends with her on Facebook. Now why did she tell her that??? Has she something against me I don’t know about? Oh well, whatever.

Andy said he told his mom we’re friends again and she said she figured we would be sooner or later since he always mentions reading my blog, LOL.

Just when I go to sign off again yet another thing comes to mind to write about. People have asked why several of my accounts are now private. Well, no real reason other than that I guess I’m just not as open as I used to be. I don’t think some folks need to see some of the wacky shit that goes on my Formspring page, LOL. It just may be a bit much for some people, not that it’s forced on anyone to begin with.

I think I’ll finally call this an entry and go add more tags and descriptions to the Photo Bucket albums I’ve been setting up.

Later…

Well, the troll’s been nosing around on Andy’s Formspring page. I could tell this because she didn’t just make one of her many trips to my blog from Formspring but from Formspring’s “smiles.” Well, she can’t see who’s smiled at any of my answers which means she linked in from someone whose answers I’ve smiled at – Andy’s. Then again, it could’ve been from a “smile” I gave one of Alison’s answers.

The dogs have gone crazy both tonight and last night and my gums still ache, but sometimes it’s worse than others. I totally, totally regret getting this tooth pulled. Instead of helping myself I’ve gone and made things worse. I should’ve done nothing or had a root canal done. Tom disagreed at first saying that root canals are very painful. He was shocked when I told him Andy had 6 and said it was worth it.

Tom just told me it sounded like one of the dogs was hurt or trapped. LOL, I couldn’t get that lucky and if it was true I doubt it’d be the one that does most of the barking. He said he heard yipping, but I just heard typical barking when out of range of the sound machines. We do live in the forest, though, so it could’ve been coyotes. I just wish Jesse would hurry up and get his ass home!

No book sales lately. :( And still stuck with writer’s block on my current story. :(

Anyway, I played around with my photo albums which I may add to or edit later on, then laid down in bed for a few minutes to let the pain pills kick in. Laying still in the dark my mind took off on its own and this time it decided to wander back to the past. Back to Arizona. When I was going through the albums of the land, and especially of the house itself, I balled my eyes out. Yes, I still ball my eyes out even after all this time. Even though our lives were hell there and the area has become very dangerous, I cried for all our lost hopes and dreams. I thought of the things I loved about the place, the land, the climate, etc. I thought about all the goals we had and how excited we were to plant, build and decorate both indoors and outdoors a little at a time over the years to come.