Today’s going a lot better than yesterday ended up going, but I know better than to jump the gun. Just because I’m enjoying being at least relatively pain-free at the moment doesn’t mean I’m going to stay that way. I know better. In an hour I may be in agony all over again.

Yesterday started off ok, but then most of the day sucked and I had a horrible night again as well, waking up in pain or due to bad dreams, as well as a mysterious bump that could’ve been anything. At first I thought Jesse had come down here to get something from his shit pile (it was 7:15) and it was his truck door that jolted me awake, but there were no tracks, nor did he come to take our trash. Good, cuz I’d have really chewed his ass out big time if it had been him. It may be his land, but any landlord should have some common courtesy and some decent respect for their tenants, know what I mean? The thought of sharing this land with him and his dogs for many more years, even if this place were a spacious palace, makes me want to scream!

Anyway, yesterday’s pain wasn’t just the gum area where the tooth was yanked, it seemed to be the entire left side of my face from my ear to my jaw to my chin. :( But I can only take so many pain pills so often due to the risk of liver damage. Had I had a gun yesterday I’d have shot myself dead on the spot as I told Christine who always makes me smile when I hear from her. She knows and understands what I go through in life and I don’t mean just the pain part, but the financial, weight and emotional part as well. At least all that KFC yesterday didn’t cause any setbacks in my weight loss (I’m 139 lbs.).

I suffered all day and then crashed around 9pm. I’ve been falling asleep earlier and sleeping longer because my sleep is constantly being split up. At midnight I woke up in pain but not enough to take anything for it. At 2:30 I woke up in agony and took a couple of pain pills. An hour later I took a Benadryl to help me fall back asleep.

Aside from the mystery bump that woke me up (maybe it was his damn dogs which would be running around loose that early since Jesse’s a morning person that’s usually up by 6:00 - 6:30), I had 3 separate dreams where I was telling people I was “afraid I might’ve lost my check.” I got the impression I was working somewhere and it was a work check. I didn’t seem to know Tom in a couple of the dreams. All of them seemed to take place in hotels or two-story houses. The one of Jesse coming down with a blower at 6am was in a two-story house. I ran downstairs to let him have it when Tom was on the phone calling someone about the dead animals placed by our door. I guess it was a couple of bearheads, LOL.

Once my mouth pain was taken care of my back became my tormenter, and I realized I had to do something about this fucking mattress real soon. By the time we save up for a new mattress, my back will kill me if I don’t take care of the problem now. We tried placing the raised airbed on top of the platform, and while it’s more comfortable (though I don’t like the built-in pillow and the way it tips easily) it was simply too high. So as soon as Tom’s own back is better we’re going to disconnect the platform from the headboard shelves and just keep the airbed on the floor. Hopefully, it won’t spring a leak before I can get a new mattress.

We reapplied the Return to Sender spell yesterday. God, do I hope it changes our luck cuz prayer and wishful thinking certainly won’t change it! I just thank God I don’t have it as bad as Alison, who got through her mastectomy surgery ok, according to her BF, but is still going to need chemo. Gosh, something up there really hates her too, only in a different way than it hates me. I wonder if she’ll ever have a better life any more than we ever will. No wonder she too, hates God. I have a feeling, though, that sooner or later, unless I kill myself I’ll eventually be bombarded with health problems.

A part of me envies her. If I could just get cancer all I’d have to do is not treat it and then let it kill me. I wouldn’t have to worry about any botched suicide attempts or living to suffer anymore.

Both yesterday and today I shut the troll out when I happened to catch her presently snooping around in my blog. She even voted on my poll and said she reads it word for word, LOL, and I know it had to be her because she was the only one on the website at the time the vote was made.

Aly said my idea to be a “horrible” friend to her might work, but probably won’t because, in the end, it may cause her to harass me even more. I agree. I think it’s best to just continue acting like I don’t know she exists unless she practically grabs me by the shoulders and gets my attention by way of direct contact.