Okay, we seriously have to find another place to live. I’m a person with CRD and who’s a light sleeper. I can’t take this being woken up half the time anymore. The exhaustion is killing me. I’m losing too many days of work and exercise due to being forced to just lay around because I don’t have the energy to function. I can’t even update my journal as much these days.

Vehicles are loud and getting louder as more and more loud vehicles are produced because of people “like” that. Well, I’m tired of having their cries for attention and need for acknowledgment forced on me to the point that it’s affecting my life. This is utterly batshit fucking ridiculous that I can’t sleep because things have to be so insanely loud… motorcycles, cars, trucks… I lost NaNo due to it and sometimes I’m too tired to workout and even clean the fucking house. My sleep is cursed enough without people’s inconsideration adding to it. Like the motorcycle that woke me up just a few hours after crashing. I was too pissed to fall back asleep right away, so I got up, bitched to Tom about it who was supportive and understanding, took melatonin, and then I fell back asleep. Although it jumped my schedule ahead which will help for my birthday appointment, I’m hungover because of the melatonin to the point that I almost may as well not have gone back to sleep.

My biggest fear is that my sleep is somehow cursed no matter where we go. Can’t help but wonder if it’s a coincidence that they started letting motorcycles in here the year we happen to move in. Same goes for the rise in loud vehicles since that loud car left. Retirement communities just don’t stand for the quietness they used to stand for and be all about.

If there is a God up there that picks and chooses things for us I hate its fucking guts just for this. CRD is incredibly debilitating. It’s a sure way to have many doors in life slammed in your face before they can ever get a chance to open. So many things I could have done and been, but no, I just had to be cursed with CRD as if I’m some undeserving piece of shit. Getting to appointments is a struggle, trying to stay asleep during the daytime is a struggle, LIFE is a struggle.

I wish to hell I was like Tom who can sleep through anything. I used to be a heavy sleeper until my early 20s. I don’t know how or why I got to be the way I am, but I do know that the sound machines can only drown out so much. A good third of the vehicles today are too loud and too close to the bedroom and they just can’t mask or override the sound. As it is, I have the sound machine I’ve been using blasting and that’s still not enough. So if the sound machine that’s arriving today doesn’t cut it, we’re out of here for sure, even if we have to rent a tiny little dump. I need to get a bedroom that’s not right on the street.