So as I last said pertaining to Kim and Aly, I contacted them on NaNo, though I didn’t say anything bad. I mostly wanted to surprise them. They couldn’t simply block me because they don’t have a block feature there, and I’m thankful for that because it may have helped lead to a future reconnection. Yes, the prospect is exciting, even if it probably shouldn’t be. They weren’t always kind and honest with me and I went through a lot of grief on account of them in the past.

However, so did they. I was just as guilty at times of dishonesty and trolling. I totally admit that. I said some pretty nasty things in the heat of the moment, and I can totally understand where Aly may be very hesitant to trust me to be kind in the future due to the way I was so back and forth for a while there. I went back and forth between being sad from missing her to being angry and resentful that she dumped me. During those sad moments, I would reach out to her with words of kindness. During my angry moments, I had anything but kind things to say. I was a real asshole at times, to say the least.

After contacting them on NaNo and Twitter, I first got the usual silent treatment, then I got told to go away, but then when Aly suggested we may reconnect in the future, I felt compelled to behave, so to speak. I won’t contact anyone unless I’m contacted first. And I assured her that if we reconnect I will be a lot less judgmental than I was in the past. I’m still going to be myself, though, and I’m still going to be honest if she asks for my opinion on anything. My political views aren’t always going to be what most people’s are and I still have things to do and circadian rhythm disorder and can’t always be available when someone needs to chat. The point is that I will make a point of being less critical, and as Aly once said, she has a right to pick and choose her own friends. So no matter how suspicious I may be of someone like I was with Molly, I’ll keep my opinions to myself. While I certainly wouldn’t want to see her hurt or burned in any way, I realized that if she makes a mistake with someone it’s her mistake to make.

I’m also sorry if I falsely accused anyone of trolling me that might not have. There was someone else in the picture back then that was making trouble for all three of us and they put a lot of strain on the friendship. As the person I accused pointed out, people do impersonate others at times. I realize I couldn’t see who was on the other end of the computer and that it could have been anybody. Furthermore, maybe Kim’s reaction when I confronted her wasn’t an act of guilt but actually an act of being pissed over being falsely accused. I still think she was behind at least some of it, but I’ll never know who said what for sure way back when on Ask. But you know what? These days it doesn’t matter who said what several years ago. Its ancient history, and again, I was no angel myself.

When I apologized in a tweet to Kim, she surprised me with a reply saying that maybe we could reconnect in the future as well, she misses the fun times we had, etc. I’d like that. I do miss her and her silliness. :-) We had some interesting chats and she was a great troubleshooter for me if I wanted to test anything out. I even miss the way she would overtweet like crazy, LOL.

As for Aly, I miss her intelligence, her input, and her advice. So much I’d love to ask her. I’m especially concerned for her health, but I know that while some people may appreciate one caring enough to ask about it, others may see it as meddling, and I don’t want to put anyone on the spot or make them uncomfortable.

Despite any past problems and despite the times I was angry, I never stopped caring about them. In the years we haven’t been friends I’ve wondered about their lives… what they were doing, where they were living, who was a part of their lives, how they were feeling, etc. Kim said they don’t know yet why Tracy died and that she’s living with a “new relative” who’s a control freak. I guess she’s not allowed online as much and came to realize sitting in front of a computer all the time wasn’t good for her. So she’s more active these days.

I’ve also missed keeping them up to date on my own life. I know I would have loved to share some things with them about Stacey. I remember being sad and frustrated that I couldn’t run to Aly for her opinion on the matter.

Never was there a time when we weren’t friends that I wouldn’t have gladly opened my door and given them something to eat had they shown up on my doorstep starving and homeless. I guess I’m not the unforgiving little ice princess I sometimes wish I was, haha. And yeah, it would be a lot easier and safer to be the same hermit in cyberspace that I am in person, but that would also be pretty boring, wouldn’t it? I know I swore for the longest time that I would never be friends with Kim again because like it or not, she still did harass the hell out of me. Even Aly knew that and she said so, too. That’s part of why I was so surprised she would want to continue being friends with her. Kim has lied and done things to Aly as well. Kim is not only not all there but she can be annoying at times. Like she said, though, I still miss the fun times we had. I realize they could be playing with me about reconnecting (they did that to Molly once) but whatever happens, happens.

Anyway, people can and do change over the years and they don’t all repeat their past mistakes. I think most people change and that human evolution is pretty inevitable. I did some stupid shit. I see that. I admit that. And I don’t want to do it again. The only way to know if someone is sincere is to give them a chance to show whether or not they are, but I don’t mind taking things slow. There’s no hurry. I’m not going anywhere.

We don’t have to connect on places like Facebook and stuff like that and they don’t have to give me their phone numbers for texting either. But if I’m sent a friend request on Facebook I’ll accept it, and if I’m asked for my number I’ll give it. If we stick to just Twitter, that’s fine too. I currently have two accounts there. One in which I share pictures on Prosebox, and the other I was once using to track my health which they know about. Even though it’s not in my real name, I guess I’m going to make that my regular Twitter account for now. I may later create a third account that can be for anybody and everybody. But this one I’m not going to share right now.

For about eight years, we were the Aly, Kim and Jodi trio in my mind. I thought we’d always be friends. Always. I was sad and hurt when it ended though I kept telling myself there would be other cyber friends, and there was. However, it just wasn’t the same. Aly and Kim were my first real cyber friends and I think I had a different mindset back then because social media was still relatively new. So all the “originals” like Aly, Kim, Mitch, Adonis and Christine and even Nane, will always be special in many ways. Some people really are irreplaceable and sometimes there really is nothing like the original thing. I could meet someone online right now and we could hit it off and be friends for many years and keep in touch regularly, and while that might be nice, it just wouldn’t be the same. The thing is that I really came to love Aly. Not in any kind of a romantic way, of course. Even though she wasn’t always honest with me, she was there for me when I went through a lot of shit in life. She was inspiring and encouraging and I liked how she looked up to me for advice on certain matters because I’m older, and not by just a few years.

I don’t care if they mention my name in journals or stories, but I’ll keep their names initialed in public and will use my best judgment as to what I mention. Their health and what they’re doing for work and where they’re living are certainly no one’s business unless they choose to make it their business.

Nane was in my dreams last night but I don’t remember it. Also, I was complaining to Tom that my legs looked ugly, and then a baby kangaroo hopped into our place and turned into a baby koala bear.

Funny that Kim mentioned martial arts because I swear I had a dream that she was teaching me karate. I’ve always wanted to learn that too, and I know her older sister Carol teaches it.