I’m just now starting to feel better but only a tiny bit. I’m still weak and tired and pretty out of it. But I’m just enough better to tell that I’m better if that makes any sense.

Because I was sick I didn’t work my core much so I started getting lower backaches. That’s something I can do almost every day, even on days I don’t feel that good. It’s doing cardio regularly that I don’t always have the energy for. So as soon as I’m better I’ll do my one cardio workout for the week and maybe a second one a day or two later and leave it at that rather than keep trying to do what my body can no longer do, as I said before.

I’ve been on this trend of sleeping shitty as hell. I went to insert the earbud in my good ear and it hurt like I had an earache all of a sudden. A sharp cramp that’s probably connected to my cold. So I took those out and put the headband with the speakers in it but it was pretty worthless. Unless I’m laying directly on my good ear, they don’t do me any good. I heard every fucking loud vehicle that passed by. Oh, how I miss the days when I didn’t notice traffic! We’ve got the technology yet we keep making our vehicles louder and louder. And it’s all for show. Just desperate people who have to get the attention of everyone and anyone they can no matter who it affects. On top of that, it’s barely after 6 a.m. and it’s already a bad plane morning. The planes weren’t as bad yesterday morning as I thought they would be, though.

Unable to sleep with the headband, I took the speaker that sits on the floor and put it between the two pillows which are basically by my head. I hated to sleep to such loud white noise hissing in my ear but it was either that or keep being woken by loud vehicles. It’s really sad that this is what the world’s come to and I gotta fight for the right to sleep. It’s bad enough that I wake up just because or pee as often as I do. I didn’t realize the Amberen had been helping that much with my sleep but just as soon as the anxiety comes back, and I know it will, I’ll go back on that. I also woke up cold a few times as well as warm. There’s always something. Always. I swear something up there doesn’t want me sleeping well. At least not for long.

We’re going to be getting up to 60° today. It’s going to be a very noisy day too, because on top of the regular landscaping and traffic, the bulk pickup trash collectors are coming. We’ve got a small old silver metal cage that we got up in Oregon and that has calcium buildup on it as well as rust out by the road to be picked up as well as the red bike he also got while we were up there. The one he took to work at MCX rather than re-registering the truck in such a tiny town.

Damn, I miss some aspects of our lives up there! I hated the climate and the lack of stores and a few other things but there were a lot of fun moments up there as well. I know I’ve said that these last few years my life has been the best it’s been but technically it hasn’t. Financially it’s been the best but that’s about it. I’m only 53 and already I wonder why they call the Golden Years the Golden Years. What could possibly be “golden” about them other than that you don’t have to work?

I really do miss some aspects of my old life and the old me. Hell, I miss staring at pictures. The kind with attractive ladies so hot I could stare for hours conjuring up all kinds of scenarios both intimate and not in my mind. But those days are long gone.

I’m not sure what to do about Tammy and the girls. I never heard from Etta but I don’t know if that’s because she hasn’t checked her messages, hasn’t used her account or is simply ignoring me. She may be suspicious and paranoid and think I have some hidden motive and that I’m actually against her. But should I block Tammy and the girls and make it harder for them to contact me in the future should they ever decide to do so? I’m just not sure what to do. I thought of sharing those journals with them but something tells me that’s not a wise idea at this time. They love to call the pigs every time they get pissed at someone, so since they know where I live, it may be best to wait. When we move and my sister is still very much alive, then maybe.

Saw a video of Molly. OMG, if I thought she stalked me for so long, poor Roman! This is a guy I guess she once dated. Well, he blocked her Twitter account so she created another one to continue stalking him from and created a video begging to be friendly again and her usual shit. I don’t see why Aly thinks she’s changed for the better. The only thing better is that she hasn’t stalked me but she knows that I won’t put up with it like I was dumb enough to in the past. Or she’ll at least find that out real fast if she ever does fixate on me again.

She’s pretty ugly and those cat eye frames that she wears are all wrong for her eyes which slant in the opposite direction. She doesn’t sound like I expected her to sound, though. There’s no southern drawl and her voice itself doesn’t sound as expected. I don’t know what I did expect but it wasn’t what I heard.

We’ve got groceries being delivered today and the vent dog should arrive as well but not before I crash.

It’s so weird looking at the rats’ cage and no one’s there. Just a giant, empty, lonely cage. But I still hesitate to get new rats for a few reasons. We’ve had horrible rat luck in this state with only a couple of exceptions. I don’t know why it is but we just keep getting timid ones that aren’t nearly as friendly as they could be. Rats also need time and attention and I don’t know that I have the energy anymore to devote myself to them. If they’re on the shy side then it doesn’t take much energy because they’re not going to want to play with you. But they’re still going to want to spend time outside of the cage and while they don’t have to be watched every single second, I still have to focus on them somewhat. They’re not like hamsters and gerbils but more like cats and dogs. So they don’t like to be ignored.