I’m tired today because I didn’t sleep as well as yesterday. Snored myself awake twice, had nightmares, and kept waking up. My first thought was that I needed to call the CPAP people on Monday and get a full-face mask and make it work somehow.

But then I remembered something from yesterday. I sent Andy an audio while I was wearing the thing and commented on how loud it was, even though I didn’t mind. He told me these machines are supposed to be very quiet, so that meant I didn’t have the mask tight enough or the water container wasn’t properly inserted.

I checked to make sure the water container was pushed in all the way, and it was. It’s also filled with the distilled water the guy said to use.

I looked up the ResMed 11 model I have and it said it was one of the quietest machines out there at 27 decibels. But then when I put it on again and pulled up the decibel measuring app I have on my phone, it said it was between 65 and 70 decibels!

I had Tom wear it to see what it was like and sure enough, it was almost dead silent. He said he had no problem exhaling through his nose and that the only negative feeling was that he felt like it made him have to breathe more as if he wasn’t getting enough air, even though he was, of course.

So, thinking I might not have had it on properly, I tried again and got it placed and sealed well enough that it was quiet and I too, could finally exhale from my nose. I didn’t get that cold feeling in my nose I was getting before either, or in my throat. The only time I would hear a little gush of air was if I opened my mouth. My ears no longer popped when I swallowed. So maybe there’s hope after all for this nose mask and an eventual end to these bipolar energy levels.

It’s a good thing I wear my hair up in a bun when I sleep because there are two straps that branch off of a single strap at the sides. You place the lower strap in back of your head and the top one at the crown of the head. The bun in between helps keep them from slipping up or down.

If it does work out, supplies will be sent to me every 1, 3, and 6 months. I know the filter has to be changed once a month, but the hoses are every 6. Nose pillows will come every three months. I still have to clean the nose pillow and add water every day.

I’m now starting to think that sleep apnea is the main culprit after all. It would explain why I didn’t have heavy fatigue when my TSH was elevated in the past, and we now know my heart isn’t causing any of the fatigue.

The guy said you have to score at least a 5 to be considered having sleep apnea and I was a 5.8.

Hopefully, Julie won’t make us miss the light if we have to go back. Yeah, she pulled out in front of us as we were leaving the park and when we got to the light there were a couple of cars in front of her. They went as soon as it turned green but she was sitting playing on her phone and Tom had to honk her back to Earth. She got through the light right before it changed, but to be honest, we were early for my appointment anyway.

If only I could lose weight! I probably always had sleep apnea but it didn’t get to where it affected my sleep and energy levels until I transitioned from perimenopause to menopause and gained more weight. Very unlikely to happen, though, even though I’m keeping active and have begun really watching my portion sizes. If we can ever get my thyroid somewhat under control, I will then ask my doctors about medication. First, we have to find out if the damn gland is really atrophying or if something’s going on that’s preventing the absorption of the levothyroxine. Going to the lab on Tuesday and they are going to test my pee again, too. They said that if there’s still a problem with my WBC, they will recommend a urology-gynecologist. I didn’t know there was any such thing, but I want to wait until we change insurance plans and get something with cheaper copays.

Part of why I slept shitty was that I had a dream that Tom died, but it was after the fact. I was remembering how we were vacationing somewhere when he died, and somehow I managed to get home on my own and carry on with life. It happened in just a few seconds. He started coughing as if he was choking and then suddenly went still and silent. I ran for help and he was pronounced dead right away. I hate it when I have these kinds of dreams. Luckily, bad things don’t befall him after dreams like this as they do me.

The rat has been so cute and funny. Because she’s been dragging pieces of her bedding up to her hammock, she obviously wants to nest. So I shredded up pieces of paper that I threw in her cage and it’s been cute and funny watching her drag the strips of paper up her ramps and pull them into her hammock.

The dishwasher broke again, not surprisingly.

I’m listening to The Bad Wife by Sarah Edghill and I envy one of the characters. I just started it, but it's about a married woman who develops a crush on a doctor. I miss having crushes like that and always having someone on my mind despite being totally devoted to Tom, and how they would inspire story ideas.

One judge after another is clearing the way for Trump to be reelected. Is there no crime this misogynistic, homophobic piece of shit could commit that would get people unobsessed with him?

On the other hand, Biden’s embrace of thousands upon thousands of immigrants at the taxpayers’ expense is utterly appalling. I swear I fucking hate both Democrats and Republicans!