Andy’s not giving up easily. He sent a lame meme. I do love and miss him, and I do feel a bit guilty, but I just can’t do it. I can’t go through the same old cycle of “everybody’s a liar and making excuses.” I can’t deal with the memory issues and having to repeat myself over and over again. I also can’t keep playing the comparison game, with him making me into him. I’m not him, and I don’t make "excuses" because I don’t need to. He has no power over me, so there’s no reason I couldn’t tell him like it was. It was his inability to accept what he didn't want to hear that really got on my nerves. True friends just don't do that.

Again, I contemplated going along with some of the delusional beliefs he would have about me, not bothering to correct him or defend myself, but I just don’t feel comfortable doing that because then I do feel like I’m lying to him. On top of all this, we have nothing in common. We have the past in common but we don’t have the present in common. I don’t believe in God, I'm not obsessed with my weight, I’m not obsessed with celebrities, and we don’t even usually like the same jokes and memes. We disagree on a lot of political and societal issues as well.

I decided it was best to block messages from him, which I should have done a long time ago. I don’t want to give him false hope. Explaining my reasons never got me anywhere in the past, so I’m not going to waste my time trying to explain anything now. All he would do is take it as a personal attack and not even get what the hell I was saying anyway. Although I understand he wouldn’t intentionally lie to me, his promises are meaningless due to his brain issues. Even if he understood and promised to change, I wouldn’t want him to change just for me—though of course, he wouldn’t. He’s made promises in the past that he failed to keep.

We’re having one last cold spell. It better be the last one, anyway, since it’s already late February. It got down into the 40s last night. 

For a couple of hours last night, there was a small plane going back and forth that was way more annoying than the Honker has ever been. I asked AI what it was, thinking it was likely that they were looking for someone. There was another small plane, also privately owned, doing the same thing a little bit south of us. AI says it most likely did some kind of thermal imaging surveying that is best done at night. Hopefully, they don’t do that more and more often here. They do have to do this regularly from what I read. This is the second or third time that I remember them doing this here. This must have been what I would hear a lot more often in the middle of the night at the old place. The buzzing round and round was annoying.

So, Luigi Mangione made his court appearance today. Most people sympathize with him more than the CEO he took out, and frankly, so do I. I totally get why he did what he did, even though, sadly, nothing is likely to change and he’ll be going down for life. I hope it sends a message to insurance companies to stop putting numbers before people, but if anything, they will learn little from this incident. Greed is a very powerful thing. I think the only way we’re going to get any real change would be if this happened more often. One event isn’t likely enough to create change. Then again, if this country was going to go universal, it would have by now. The healthcare system here simply is what it is, and it’s not going to change. Nothing is ever up to the people but to the people in charge of the people. Even so, I can't help but wonder if people would be as supportive if he was an ugly old woman rather than a handsome young man.