They say better late than never, and this is true. However, if this urologist is correct and all I needed to stop the burning sensations I've had for years was estrogen cream, then I'm gonna be pretty pissed that I wasn't told this a long time ago. Why didn't the GYN I saw in California tell me I had lichen planus when I had atrophy? Why did the two different GYNs I saw in this state tell me that OTC remedies might not be enough for atrophy? If my problem all along has been needing estrogen cream, then it's pretty fucked up that in all these years, three different female GYNs failed to tell me that while a male urologist got it right. Just like with the anxiety and other issues, I suffered needlessly for years. I get that doctors aren't magic and that nobody's perfect at what they do, but come on! There's no excuse for this if it really is just a case of me needing estrogen and nothing else going on.

I'd like to think that my current health issues will be resolved, but even when and if they are, I know they'll only be replaced with new problems. The question is how long it will take for them to be properly diagnosed and dealt with.

I'm starting to really suspect that we’re never going to get ahead financially. Although it was unlikely most of the time, there were always chances in the past because his income wasn't fixed or guaranteed in any way. But now it is. Too many things keep coming up to eat our extra money. We can't move if we can't save. Not only couldn't we move, but we couldn't do much of anything else either.

I had tons of dreams last night, but the only one I remember is a horrible nightmare about Tinkerbella. In most dreams, she ends up missing, but this was worse in some ways. In the dream, for some bizarre reason, we decided to surrender her during the final months of her life. The following morning, I woke up and stepped out of the bedroom to find that Tom had already gotten rid of her cage. I began bawling my eyes out and said, "It's like she's dead already! And it's worse because we don't know where she is right now or how she's being treated."