A couple of days ago, I felt so bad that if I’d had a gun, I’d have gone out back and blown my brains out. I felt so incredibly fatigued and lethargic. I exchanged messages with Jessie, and she said she struggles with her autoimmune diseases, but I don’t think she has chronic fatigue or truly understands what I go through. She also said she’s grateful for every day she’s alive, claiming that as long as she’s alive, things can get better. I wish I felt that way! Instead, I’m wishing I’d get something that would kill me because I don’t want to hurt Tom by ending my life. Plus, the method I would use could be dangerous to him.

I still feel like I’m alive but not really living, like my best years are over. Never again will we move, travel, or do many of the things we used to do. Hell, I can’t even take regular walks, and I may have to give up story writing because, just like with exercise, I don’t have the energy to be consistent.

We suspect that I too, may have gotten sick, just in a different way from him. He got very dehydrated, and his digestive system was all messed up. For me, it’s just fatigue—although his started with fatigue.

My maintenance dental cleaning is done! I gotta go back in January for another cleaning and X-rays. I played with my new phone in the waiting room. 

Azelastine and Nasalcrom seem to help my nose. I alternate between the two since using Nasalcrom every day gives me post-nasal drip. Sometimes when lying down, I can still get clogged up.

I installed the clock face on my Fitbit that tracks my oxygen throughout the night so I can see how low it dips. My AHI score was way out of control for a while there, hitting up to nearly 15. It’s back down under 5, and hopefully it will stay there. I still want the nose surgery, though.

I also downloaded an app called Too Good To Go that gives you food that’s about to expire for half off or less. The cool thing is that it’s a surprise, and you never know what you’re getting until you get it. Looking forward to getting a goodie bag from a Circle K a mile away, if they still have it! It's supposed to be $12 of food for $4. That's supposed to contain a variety of things.

Hurricane Ismelda is headed east out to sea, so Jessie and the Carolinas should be safe since Humberto is sucking her into him, as kinky as that may sound, lol. Maybe we won’t get caned this year after all, although we still have another month or two to go.