I have been going through hell and feeling so cursed from above, whether or not there is actually anything up there. Why does something not want me to sleep?? Why is it so important that I be exhausted so much of the time?? What did I do to deserve this?? How will I ever get through this?? Will it ever end?? Will it be replaced with new problems if it does?? These are the questions running through my mind. I wish I had Tom’s confidence in my allergies/valves/sleep issues being resolved!

Anyway, I slept worse last time around than before and before was bad enough. First, my sleep was fragmented, even though I avoided foods, drinks, and medications that are said to cause fragmented sleep. The first time I got up, I took half of a clonazepam. A few hours later, when breathing issues woke me up, I took melatonin and had a strange vivid dream I don’t remember, along with a nightmare. In the nightmare, we had a utility room in the house, and we had a shopping cart that we kept in it, of all things. I knew Tom was out that day, so when I woke up to find someone had placed the shopping cart at the foot of the bed—something Tom wouldn’t do—I knew someone had gotten into the house.

In RL, I was scrambling in my mind as to what I should do. I tried sleeping elevated, but unless I have no choice, it's just really uncomfortable on my back. I didn’t want to ditch the CPAP for now and go back to snorting and feeling like I ran a marathon in my sleep every time I got up. Yet the oral mask was a bust, and I certainly couldn’t stick with the nasal mask if I couldn’t breathe through my nose. Luckily, I saved the hybrid. I’m going to have to use that even though the harness isn’t as comfortable, and sleeping on my stomach is going to be a little tricky with it. I managed to nap with it for an hour or so. It would be great if I could manage to adapt to this, because that would eliminate mouth farts, chipmunks, and the need for elevation, not that that's helping anyway. Could still go hissing like a mad cat or whistling like a tea kettle, though. Damn, do I hope I can get my nose fixed and into a mouth guard instead, but I don't dare get my hopes up. I've always been a pessimist and I don't see that changing.

Because I’ve been sleeping in spurts, I have been utterly batshit exhausted and brain-dead. I can’t think straight, and I feel like shit. It practically sucks the life right out of me just to do this journal entry. I really, really don’t know how much more of this I can take!

Remembering back three or four years ago to the last ENT that would actually see me in that shitty group I first went to, when I told the doctor my nose had been stuffy lately, I thought he had said something about a collapsed septum. Yet, knowing what I know now and the fact that septums don’t collapse, I’m pretty sure he said I had collapsed valves.

Later...

I’ve been so brain-dead that I commented on one of Todd's posts from the wrong X account. The one I would have preferred to keep to myself. It’s hard to keep accounts straight there, as opposed to if you have multiple accounts on Facebook or whatever. I think I’m just going to stick with my main account there for Spaces. I won’t do written posts there. I’ll save those for Bluesky.

To my surprise, Eileen noticed I unfollowed her and requested to re-add me. I unfollowed her because I thought her account might be hacked, or she’d just gotten sick of me. I don’t know. It looked like her account had been taken over by AI or something.

Although she’s still here and Tom saw her earlier, I’m not hearing from Toni, but oh well. I know she has a lot going on.