I am so frustrated now that I literally want to scream! Life looks so bleak. I am simply not looking forward to the rest of my life, but I'm forced to live it for his sake. Can't go until he does, unless surgery doesn't change anything, and I remain tired most of the time. What's got me so stressed out right now isn't just the pre-op that hasn't been scheduled yet, but the fact that he's got to donate tomorrow because, as he says, it's the only way we're going to eat. Well, the problem is I won't be up then, since I'm not allowed to have a normal schedule in this life, and that's when they're most likely to call again. Hopefully, one of us will be able to call them back and not get that stupid recording saying the person we're trying to reach is busy. This is more critical than the gallbladder was. I need my nose fixed once and for all so I can hopefully - hopefully - sleep better. I did have a dream that both my nose and tooth were being done, so hopefully that's a good sign. I just worry I'm not going to get scheduled on time for surgery. If there's something cursing my sleep, wouldn't it do all it could to delay surgery?

Then there are the transportation and charging issues to worry about, and then there's the big picture—the fact that so many retirees are low-income and can't save shit. Reality is really sinking in. It's really hitting me that we truly aren't going to get ahead in life. Not in this country. If I'd only known better, I would have tried to get the fuck out of here decades ago, even if it wasn't to an ideal climate, so that health expenses wouldn't suck every last time out of us. Seriously, anything we save is going to have to go to my health or things that break. Saving for home improvements, trips, electronics, and other fun stuff is just a dream. I've already thrown away my wish list, or whatever you want to call it. As soon as we make plans, something comes up regarding my health or something expensive breaks.

As I said, I'm not looking forward to the rest of my life at all. I wish I could delude myself with the false optimism Tom has, but I just can't, given what the facts are. All I see are health and money struggles for the rest of my life, and I really have to wonder what the hell it's going to be like as we get even older and we both get slammed with health issues.

So last night I fell asleep with just melatonin, and I'm not sure if my nose woke me up or if I woke up and then realized my nose was very stuffy, but I got up and took Claritin even though it likely didn't do me any good, and had trouble falling back asleep, so I took half a clonazepam. Again, this wouldn't have had any effect on my energy levels 20 or 30 years ago, but I've gotten too old to handle these regular sleep disturbances, so now I'm left tired all fucking day, and trying to push my schedule forward to make surgery easier is going to be even harder on me. So lots and lots of stress on me. In my adult life, I went from money problems to legal problems, back to money problems, to health problems, and now it's health and money problems.

I made Mia be Mia again with her original looks—light skin, dark brown eyes, and overall Italian looks.

Using AI, I finally figured out how to customize backgrounds on LJ! Can't see it on the mobile app, though. Only the website.