Fucking Andy! We agreed he wouldn’t answer questions with my name, yet he answered with “What secrets?” when Molly asked him what secrets he and I were keeping since she couldn’t question me directly. I played the dumb card cuz I don’t want to give Molly the satisfaction of knowing I know it’s her.

So screw “Justin.” I’ll just use his account as an instrument of torture. I was thinking I’d have him ask me questions about Molly and if I’ve been harassed or not, and have him be from the group home she’s in, etc.

Exchanged messages yesterday with Nane and Tammy. Nane got me laughing about all the snow she’s getting, but Tammy got me anything but laughing.

Poor Becky has to have eye surgery because she’s going to be losing an eye. That’s just horrible! Being born blind in one eye is one thing, but losing an eye after you had both for something like 25 years must be just awful.

As for Tammy, she tried to go back to work but was unable to. They bumped her Mass General appointment up a couple of weeks. God only knows what’s wrong with her. I just know she wishes she could catch a break for once and I don’t blame her.

She mailed our package yesterday which I let her know we’re looking forward to, and I suppose I shouldn’t say anything more about her or her kids. After all, it’s their own business and they can start their own blog if they want to share it with the public. But since I haven’t said anything bad about them, I guess this much is ok.

I also got a gorgeous glittery card from Mary.

For 4 days now Molly has peeked in on my blog and I have a feeling the why-am-I-so-mean-to-dogs and last night’s rude “question” about my sex life were both from her. They don’t seem Kim’s style, though in some ways they’re also a little well-written and above Molly. Could be Molly’s mother, but still, I’d be willing to bet on either Molly or her mother. Every time I think Molly’s gone for good, back she comes, and Kim seems to pester me every week or two.

Deciding I’d had enough of them and that they were just not going to go away, I created a whole new account as a young man in England. I hate being someone I’m not, but if I do this for a while, maybe – just maybe – they’ll get sick of me. I’ve led them to believe Andy and I are now keeping in touch on Formspring, and will only share the link to “Justin’s” account with about half a dozen of my closest friends.

While Andy’s dealing with his computer issues I’ll take the time to build the account a bit so it looks legit. I asked myself some anonymous questions but don’t want to use the account too much at first with Andy so it doesn’t become too obvious who Justin really is. Just the changing of background pics would be obvious enough, so I’ll eventually be sure to say I noticed that Andy changes pics regularly and maybe I should start doing that too, or something like that. Because some of my pics are kind of feminine, I guess I should be gay, hahaha.

I’ll have to remember not to mention names and topics that could give me away but in a way that Andy will understand what I’m talking about. The trolls are bound to watch him closer now, and maybe even pester him, in search of clues as to what’s going on with me. I told him to just say that we’re keeping in touch on Formspring. I was sure to mention that anonymously on his wall too, knowing they’ll see it.

I know I could’ve disallowed anonymous questions and blocked any accounts they came at me through, but that wouldn’t be much fun. I did, however, disallow them before suddenly being unable to log in. Still, if ignoring them is really going to do the trick like Andy said, well, I don’t exactly feel like I’m totally ignoring them even if I don’t answer them because they know damn well I’m seeing their so-called questions. As long as they can get to me in a convenient, non-anonymous way, they will. But I don’t want to dump such an established account either, so I’ll just abandon it for a while. The thing is that with my shit luck, even if I didn’t use it for years, they’d still check it every now and then.

Another thing that got old for me was having to ignore them. I’d prefer not to hear from them at all because I don’t like them, but I always want to answer with one of my crazy answers and it’s such a struggle to resist the temptation of wanting to really play with their minds. I know, though, that just like Andy said, this would only fuel their fire. So with Justin, I don’t have to be tempted to fuck with them, and they get to sit and stew in frustration of not having an easy connection to me. Gotta laugh when I think of them searching and searching for us on Formspring and I know they will.

Watch, Molly will disappear for another month now and not know I supposedly can’t log in. Better than her being around every day, though.

Heard from cousin Phil. He updated his past and present locations and said he doesn’t log in much and that he loves and misses me. I love and miss the hell out of him, too! So glad I finally found him after all these years. In many ways, he was like the big brother I never had.

Wish I had more to say other than that I like Rihanna’s new song You Da One, but I don’t. I got tired of missing out on music and knew there’d be fresh stuff waiting for me so I visited my stations on last.fm. Kinda pissed to see that now you can only skip 6 songs an hour, but anyway, the connection is still so slow that music still cuts in and out. I had to look up the song on YouTube and let it buffer in before I could play it straight through.

By the time Tom’s one day off comes around he’s so tired that all he wants to do is nap. So he didn’t get around to setting up the hotspot’s antennae just yet or making any calls to the travel agency. I offered to call them for him and he said he’d think about it cuz I do so much as it is. I don’t feel like I do much compared to him, LOL.

Andy’s computer caught a virus, I exchanged messages with Maliheh, and Tammy did visit my blog after all. I just didn’t know she’d come up as being in Richardson, TX, but I learned this when she opened the email I sent her. It’s an AT&T email account, so if one doesn’t set up their profile, they’ll appear to be where the company is based, just like Gmail accounts that aren’t profiled show up as being in Mountain View, CA.

What I don’t get is why she doesn’t always respond to simple little questions like if she had any idea when we can expect the packages she keeps saying she’s sending. She better not be fucking with me. It doesn’t seem like anything she’d make up. I guess that when one is always busy and sick, they just don’t have much time.

It seems like Kim has backed off for a week or two, but Molly may be the one who asked why I’m so “mean” to dogs (by wishing they’d drop dead when they bark, though it’s been quiet enough lately). She’s viewed my blog 3 days in a row now, always sure to check comments no doubt in hopes of one of them being left by Alison.

Looks like the washer’s hose was just loose. I’ll find out next time I do laundry.

Ok, now for Part 2 of the What Happened Last Year saga involving old enemies who screwed me through the law 13 years ago just to return to haunt me in a whole new way.

I will admit that I did something kind of dumb during the summer and fall of 2010, and so in some ways, it was my fault, not that I’m responsible for other people’s actions. But still, I should’ve known better. What happened may or may not have happened if I hadn’t taken advantage of one of Blogger’s features and that’s this little auto-sender thing they have where you can insert one’s email address and have the entries automatically mailed to them. Not just the link to the entries, but the entries themselves as well.

The therapist I had years ago on account of their legal vengeance suggested I write about my feelings about what was done to me, saying it was very therapeutic. I agreed. It was very therapeutic. But why not share some of these thoughts directly with the source? I figured back then. It was legal, so why not? The worst she could do was ignore them, delete them or mark them as spam. I’d actually known about her email address for quite some time at that point. I’d found it, free of charge, on one of those people-info sites.

Around the time she and her rogue cop raked my ass over hot coals in court, she moved to a city outside of Phoenix which she also began working for. Nonetheless, I shared my thoughts, feelings and opinions and “dropped” her a copy of them. This includes the trouble she herself got into. Hey, it was a matter of public information anyway. I mentioned how she got sued by an apartment complex and then again by a daycare center, and of course I couldn’t leave out what she got away with – abuse of the welfare system, perjury in court, prank calls to my husband and I, and the times she and her cronies left sexually explicit notes in our mail slot which was a federal offense right there. Yes, it was what she did get away with that was pretty damn amazing as opposed to what she didn’t get away with.

Once, she visited my blog from work, according to my tracker, by clicking through one of the emails and into the blog itself. Blogger had shit security and a joke of a privacy policy, but TIP worked the best on that particular blog for some reason, providing me with the best info. Well, it was more detailed anyway.

I probably should’ve said this earlier, but to jump back to 2007 when I was entering sweeps regularly and living up in Oregon, I entered a sweep presented by a company with a very familiar name. And then I saw a very family face and location to go with that name. No, not her – him! As in Mr. Corrupto himself turned real estate man working for his family’s real estate business after getting booted from the piggy force. Tom didn’t think it was him at first, saying cops weren’t allowed to show their faces online like that unless it was related to a case they were working on.

But he was supposed to be an EX-cop, right? So after hitting him with an email giving him a piece of my mind – again, nothing racial or threatening – but just enough to make me feel at least a little better and like I finally got to really say something about what was done to me even though it could never be undone, I visited ratemycop.com and was both shocked and furious to find his name on the list. Nonetheless, I “rated” him, alright.

Then I later learned that just because a cop may’ve been fired doesn’t mean they still don’t keep a list of everyone that’s worked for the department or that they update it regularly. Various sources confirmed that he is almost certainly not on the force. But I knew he’d still probably learn of my feedback either way and that he wouldn’t be the least bit happy about it either.

For years I was terrified of them and the thought of what they may try to do to me for anything I’ve said to them or in my blogs, but I promised myself I would never let myself be scared silent by these losers, for that would be letting them win and take even more from me after they’d already taken enough years ago from both my husband and I – time, money, freedom and peace of mind. A part of me even hoped they would try to violate my rights, falsify evidence, withhold information from me that I had a right to know, or feed me false information so I could sue the shit out of them, not that I wanted to go through the headaches and hassles. I’d already lost enough sanity to these people both through and not through the law. But I was naïve to the law 13 years ago and they knew it. That’s part of why they took advantage of me, in the name of hate and revenge. And oh, how they hated me as opposed to Tom, who made it clear to the courts that it was he who sent the city letter and not me. But I was the hated one because I was not only the one who screamed at them to shut up from time to time when asking politely failed to work, but I was the Jewish one, too. And yes, I know they knew I was Jewish and that they disliked whites, and especially Jews. But that’s a whole ‘nother story I won’t get into now. The point was still the same; I promised myself that despite what they did to me if I had something to say I was going to say it. And I did.

If what happened to me could happen to me, it could happen to anyone. Even you. So if sharing my story, even though I’m going to initially do it with just friends, can help just one person, then that is satisfaction in itself. Reverse discrimination really does exist and so do corrupt cops who help their friends spite those that they feel have crossed them. Who wouldn’t feel “crossed” by a letter of complaint to the city, which the welfare bum claimed resulted in her eviction, even if they’d truly done wrong and deserved to be complained on? Still, this doesn’t excuse what was done to me, and again, if my story helps just one person I would be thrilled, for knowledge is everything. One need not go to law school to help protect themselves and their rights, but what we don’t know really can hurt us.

Around August 2011, my email account was hacked, supposedly by someone in Malaysia. I changed PWs, but all was supposedly fine after that. This was the email connected to Blogger. I also received pop-ups on my blog saying “suspicious activity detected” but I really didn’t think much of it at the time.

Then one day Tom was alarmed at the bandwidth usage going on and he was able to tell that someone had been on my computer doing God only knew what, for that much, we couldn’t tell. This was when he pulled me out of Windows and into Mac’s OSX which is much safer. In the year that I’ve been using OSX, I’ve encountered no hackings, viruses, Trojans or worms and have only crashed 2-3 times. I hate it and love it. It’s trickier to navigate, but as they say, once you go Mac you never go back. Its upgrades are a fraction of Window’s upgrades, and I totally believe without a doubt that Windows is a highly potentially dangerous operating system. I won’t touch it ever again as overpriced as most things Apple-related can be.

Time to cut to the chase. In October of 2011, I received an email at both the Gmail account I used to have for sweeping and one I had created for Paula to use because she couldn’t create one herself. Once I saw she wasn’t going to use it, I took it over but never used it since the addy had her name in it. Regardless, the email said the PD in the sick bitch’s city had subpoenaed Google for info. I was alarmed but not worried, for I knew I hadn’t done anything other than say things she didn’t want to hear.

The months passed and I tried not to worry about them hunting me down and shooting me or anything, even though I’ve known this was always a very real possibility. They are that full of hate and that obsessive. Trust me when I say that what they did to me took a lot of time, money, legwork and determination to the point of obsession. At the same time, it was NOTHING compared to how it affected me. A lot of people don’t realize or even give a shit about the severity in which their actions can impact others, or for how long.

The real scare came in January of 2012 when I received an email saying a case had been made against me and to please call the PD listed at my earliest convenience. I went into immediate freak-out mode. My heart started pounding, I could barely breathe, and I had the runs like crazy. In a panic I called Tom at work who calmed me down, assuring me everything would be fine.

“Don’t let them win,” I told myself, taking deep breaths and willing myself to calm down. “Don’t let them control your emotions, and by God don’t walk into any kind of legal trap like you did in 2000 by answering to them in any way. You can’t stop the cops from busting in here and arresting you, but you don’t have to go to them. Don’t let them win again!”

Instead, I quietly shut down all my accounts connected to Google, one by one, and did something I rarely do. I prayed to God. I felt a bit silly about it since He let them have me once, so why would He protect me this time around?

And so I waited… and I waited… and I waited. But no one came to cart me off in cuffs and shackles back down to Arizona. No one even came to so much as talk to me.

After a few months, I stopped dead in my tracks and said, “Whoa, whoa, wait a minute here! Why am I the one running if I haven’t done anything wrong?” Nothing I did was illegal. Nothing. Tom first worried they were trying to get me for spam, if it was in fact a real cop that sent the email, but according to our research, a few dozen or so messages don’t constitute spam. They mostly go after businesses that send thousands of emails. Besides, no one does much about the thousands of fake lotto scams and other emails sent each and every day where people actually do make their attempts at illegal activity.

It was with a sickening dread that I then began to realize they may’ve altered one of the posts to make me really look bad and wondered if my computer being hacked had anything to do with it. But if it were “really bad,” wouldn’t they have come after me despite possible jurisdiction issues? I didn’t know what to think at the time, I was just glad that God had protected ME for once!

Or had He? Was there really anything to ever need to protect me from?

I studied and thought of the email messages, analyzing them like crazy.

And then I saw it.

I felt like the biggest idiot on earth! Still do for that matter. By the time I got done tackling each and every word, I came up with many things that all screamed, “BULLSHIT!”

Although the general PD info seemed correct, something anyone could look up, one of the things that made me automatically assume it was for real was that it was sent to 3 of my then-current email addresses and one I had down in Arizona. But as I would come to realize, anyone could get that information if they were willing to pay for it on some site like Intellius, and if they had been a cop at one point or another, they’d be likely to still have friends in high enough places who could dig up all kinds of goodies for them. If they really wanted to know the last time I farted, they could find out.

But that was another thing right there; it wasn’t just me the email was sent to. It was also sent to an address I didn’t recognize as well as one to Mr. Corrupto himself. There was also an address that didn’t make sense. It was like it wasn’t even a real email address. Now why would any legit cop with a real “case” email a notice about it to other people as well?

There was also the fact that it was from a “cop” with a very generic name. Too generic. Also, there are some types of business you simply don’t conduct online. If it were a real cop with a real case they could’ve gotten our phone numbers and even our physical address, even though the internet, like all the utilities here, is in Jesse’s name.

Another sign of it being a scam was that after several months passed, I failed to find any default warrant on me. As I once learned the hard way, even if they can’t actually serve you with a summons, a case can still be brought to court and processed with or without your knowledge. If you don’t show up – and you wouldn’t if you were never served and didn’t know you were supposed to appear in the first place – a bench warrant is automatically issued for your arrest for failing to appear. Yet there was absolutely nothing out there on me.

Ever since that day, I have not heard from the sick bitch or anyone connected to her, and while I’m 99% sure it wasn’t a real cop that messaged me with a “case” made against me, I treat it as if it were very real indeed and am very careful of what I say or do, always keeping up to date on blogger’s rights, etc. I’m kind of surprised they went silent on me as I expected to be harassed online had it been real (until I sued the PD for harassment), but this is just additional proof that it wasn’t real because Arizona’s not the kind of state to just let things go. I still don’t doubt that it was connected to the bitch just by the content of the email and the location given, but what was their point? Just to scare me, I guess. After all, if most people’s evil deeds were exposed in someone’s blog – deeds they’d prefer to keep hidden – those people would be bound to be pissed off.

The lesson I’ve learned from this little scare? Don’t be afraid to speak your mind, but let people come to your blog. Don’t bring it to them.

The lesson they should hope never to have to learn? I’m a lot smarter than I was in 2000. Fuck with me and I’ll sue you right out of the potty you piss in!

Later…

Heard from Maliheh just when I was beginning to think I never would. I feel bad for assuming the worst like I did.

She says she’s got 600 messages in her box and hasn’t felt like going through them, then she said she was sorry she missed my birthday and hoped I had a good day.

Then, according to TIP, she checked her mail again not long afterward presumably to see if I’d sent a reply, but I was too busy to reply till a little while ago. I teased her about needing to hire me as her secretary.

So I guess Tom’s theory was right in that she didn’t dump me but is just getting to be more and more of a recluse with age.

One of the cool things I discovered about Hotmail is that it hides my TIP code. Still, I’ll mostly use Hotmail to communicate with Andy unless there are ever additional problems with mail.com.

Molly peeked in on me again too, this time for a few minutes.

The fucking washer hose is leaking. I knew that thing was going to break any minute now. I said to myself, if we don’t get the fuck out, that washer’s gonna be a problem. The hose, however, does say to replace it every 5 years and it’s been 4 1/2. Why can’t we ever have anything that doesn’t leak?!?!?! Maybe it just needs to be tightened. I can still wash clothes, I just have to lay a towel around the washer on the floor. Fucking 20-year-olds have full-size washers and dryers while we have this tiny thing that now leaks, and we have to hang clothes from wall to wall like true bums at heart! But I know it’s going to be a very long time before we move so I just have to deal with it. At least the Jes pest’s late-night weekend outings have stopped, making it more peaceful around here at that time.

It’s continuing to be a rather warm winter. We haven’t even hit freezing yet at night.

Some of you may remember that last year I deleted the blog I had on Blogger and stopped using my other blogs for a while. During this time I mostly shared entries on Facebook. This might’ve actually been at the end of 2010. I told you it was because of security issues and this was 100% true. My Gmail account, blog included since Google powers them both, was indeed hacked. But there was more to it that I didn’t share in my blog. This was because I wanted to wait till I had more information and knew what the hell was going on, besides the fact that I was scared shitless. Fortunately, it wasn’t long before I calmed down enough to examine all the telltale signs that assured me there was a 99% chance it was just a hoax. Nonetheless, I was very shaken up and so that’s why I laid low for a while.

It was a tough subject for me to write about while I was busy fearing for my safety and the safety of my husband as well. Actually, it wasn’t that I couldn’t bring myself to write about it so much as I couldn’t bring myself to share it. See, it involves a black person and everyone is so quick to side with non-whites these days that I just wasn’t in the mood to deal with the doubt, the accusations, and the animosity that might’ve come with it. I can only share the facts, folks. What people choose to do with those facts is a whole ‘nother issue. So one of these days soon enough, I will share what happened and you the reader can decide what to do with that information. It’s like giving someone a shirt for Christmas. You can give them the shirt, but you can’t guarantee where that shirt will end up. I will tell you what happened. What you do with that info is out of my control, but I’m not going to worry about who may not be able to handle it for much longer.

I can’t say when I’ll be ready to share the whole story because that’s not one of those things you can exactly put a time frame on. When I get around to writing about it in a way that the public can understand (regardless of who they want to believe and side with in the end) I will do so.

I will at least give you a little prelude to the story, but in order to do so I must jump back to the mid-90s in Phoenix, Arizona. We had a small tract house in Phoenix when the city seized the house next to us. Tom and I moved in in 1993 and were married the next year. From 1996-1999, which was when we moved, we had welfare bums living next to us that drove us crazy, particularly me, because I was home more than Tom was. Loud music, wild parties, screaming kids, barking dogs, fights, drug sales, vandalism, trash… all within just a matter of feet from our place. A black woman and her child lived there for 3 years and then a Mexican family lived with us for our last 4 months there. They also had other people living there that weren’t supposed to.

My husband sent letters to the city complaining of the chaos. What we didn’t know at the time was that the black woman had a friend on the police force. He is no longer a member of the force but in the family real estate business instead, thanks to his misconduct and abuse of authority. I do not know who else this guy victimized but common sense tells me that several complaints had to finally add up to get him booted and that this type of person doesn’t usually pick on just one person. What he did to “pick” on me was add a threatening letter to some journal excerpts I shared with them through the mail as a way of giving them a piece of my mind. The excerpts may’ve been perceived as bordering on threatening, but they weren’t actually threatening by any means. As far as I knew, I was well within my legal right, but again, I had no idea about the corrupt cop friend at the time and what he had in mind for me.

It was now early 2000. We had just moved when I was rudely awakened, yanked out of my house by a fucking swat team, and dragged 45 minutes back into Phoenix to be asked questions I could’ve been asked at home. Well, they photographed and fingerprinted me as well. Then the cop thrusts a threatening letter chock full of racial slurs and asks if I knew anything about it. I didn’t. But it didn’t matter, for he got what he wanted – my prints on the damn thing.

After being told that it was “over,” I had to play court till the fall of that year. Just minutes before sentencing we were shown “evidence” we’d never seen before. The public pretender mostly flashed the evidence in my face for just seconds before yanking it away. It seemed to consist mostly of racially motivated comics that were anything but funny. It also wasn’t until sentencing day that we learned the “victim” was tight with the “cop,” mostly based on how they carried on in court and by how obvious it was that she was coaxed in her so-called statement. It wasn’t until after sentencing that I learned I had been charged and convicted of the letter, NOT the journals.

It was then that I got to really learn not only how much Arizona favors minorities, but also just how barbaric its laws and sentences can be. Guilty or not, a “crime” like this is considered a misdemeanor in most states rather than a felony as it is, after all, mere words on paper and not actions. I never once laid a finger on anyone. Why they didn’t simply not read the journals if they didn’t want to hear it and just discard them was beyond me. But again, I had yet to realize the impact of this “letter” and how that was the focal point of the “case” as opposed to the journals.

As for who really wrote the letter, I don’t know. Possibly the cop himself in order to help his little buddy build a case against me, or maybe the “victim” received it from someone else. I simply don’t know and I probably never will. The author of that letter certainly isn’t going to come forward and claim credit for it. The only other things from me were a card with little bits of confetti in it that I knew would spill all over the place when they opened it, and a bottle I tossed over the dividing block wall one night due to getting fed up with the stress and anger they caused me for raising hell for hours and hours at a time. Right or wrong, I couldn’t even hear myself think half of the time.

Both inmates and detention officers in the jail I had to spend half a year in agreed that the sentence certainly didn’t fit the crime even if I’d written the damn thing myself. After being released in May of 2001 I was supposed to remain on probation till the fall of 2003, but 6 months before that I was finally vindicated.

The courts and media were quick to label me a stalker and a racist (though I was not charged with a hate crime) and for a while, I became the latter part of that label that was affixed upon me. In reality, it never was about their race to begin with. It was about their behavior. All we wanted was to just live in peace. That’s all we wanted.

After getting my life back and out of their hands, I was able to realize there’s good and bad in all kinds. No, I may not like certain groups as a whole, but that doesn’t mean I hate every single person as an individual within that group. Not all blacks are bad just like not all whites are good. I’m smart enough to know this. But I am truly horrified by all the reverse discrimination going on these days and the favoring of certain groups. Yet people don’t want to hear it when it involves whites, gays or Jews getting shit on. I don’t understand why this is. Do they not believe that blacks aren’t the only ones who deal with discrimination? Is it just too scary for people to face and address this issue? Well, the problem isn’t going to go away on its own. Gays still can’t marry wherever they want to, and whites can’t have an all-white beauty pageant without being called racists.

I knew that those involved would be highly furious about my vindication and that was part of why we left Arizona. I felt too much like a sitting duck. If I had to live in either my native state of Massachusetts or Arizona, I’d choose Massachusetts in a heartbeat even though I would HATE the climate. Arizona’s a beautiful state, but the laws, system and so many other things are so twisted there that I know I could never so much as stand to visit the place let alone ever live there again.

So what happened last year? That will be discussed in a future entry.

Maliheh’s second to last email is appearing as not picked up. Why am I not surprised? And why do I think it never will be? I think she’s either going to ignore it or disable cookies when she goes to retrieve it.

That’s ok. Unless she was abducted by aliens and she can prove it, we’re done.

Lost 1.2 of the 3 pounds I gained for my birthday on all that Chinese food. I probably had 3000 calories that day, something I probably only do once every other year. I ate and I ate and I ate, but it was sooo good!

Got a voice message from Tammy and just as I started to get annoyed with my phone fanatic of a dear sister telling me to call to verify our address for packages she’s sending, she said I could leave the info on FB if I wanted to. I definitely prefer that to phones. It’s not only easier, but why use minutes on the cell and risk the call being dropped on the other phone when it’s sooo much easier to do it on FB, and at no additional cost? Besides, we always end up chatting for like forever, and next thing I know I’ve neglected whatever I had planned to do. I’ll call her in 6 months to a year, LOL. With the convenience of online communications that’s all I really need phone-wise these days anyway.

I’m looking forward to whatever it is she’s sending and am sure I’ll love it all! So will Tom.

Later…

Well, well, I was wrong. Maliheh picked up my shame-on-you-for-forgetting-my-birthday message 2 hours ago. But of course I haven’t gotten any reply. Went and changed her pro pic and cover pic on FB, too. Oh, but she doesn’t use FB, right? Seems she once told me she only uses it to see who’s died. She must expect an awful lot of people to be dying then.

Molly’s back. She viewed my blog, but no time registered on my tracker and I don’t think she asked any of the questions I was asked anonymously on Ask. She’s still at Marbridge, though.

Been getting hit with spam like crazy. I still can’t figure out where it’s coming from or who’s doing it. Hopefully, they’ll realize soon enough that they aren’t going to get anything from me and will back off.

Tom ordered the Waterpik which should be a much easier solution to flossing.

Life is going tremendously well for us, but since it’s in my nature to be a complainer no matter what’s going on, let me say that it really annoys me when people say something like, “Your life is going well. Thank God, huh?”

Ok, so I know that “thank God” is a commonly used figure of speech. I use it too, at times. But some people seem to take that quite literally, and while this doesn’t offend me, it does annoy me. They’re thanking the wrong person if that’s what they think. Let’s give credit where it’s due, folks. God’s not the one who gets up at 4am to slave his ass off for 10 hours each day. My husband is. God may’ve influenced the job his way and the good pay and benefits and all that since it’s only reasonable to assume that if He can curse us, He can bless us, and vice versa, but it’s my husband who actually does the work, folks.

Also, my online jobs are done by me. Not God. God doesn’t throw me on my treadmill and scissor my little legs back and forth for a half-hour at a time. I do. He doesn’t clean our kitchen or wash our laundry either. Get what I’m saying, folks? It took a long time to get to where we are today, but it’s us who worked hard to achieve the goals we have already achieved and will continue to achieve.

I’m really worried about Alison. First it was her cancer and now it’s depression and money issues. That girl just can’t seem to get a break in life. Now she might be breaking up with Dustin. It’s sad that she blames herself for everything. Dustin and others can’t be perfect, can they? And can she really be all that bad? I don’t think so. It’s just sad to see such a nice, smart person be so miserable. This is the type of misery crazy assholes like Kim deserve. Who knows, maybe she is miserable deep down. Isn’t that why she wants to be anybody but herself?

I’m so fucking pissed right now, so you might not want to read this if you can’t handle foul moods very well. It’s like something up there is determined to punish me for having such a good day yesterday.

I was hoping I could go one week – just one lousy week – pain-free. But now my ear is acting up again. It’s like God decided years ago I must, must, MUST live most of my life in pain. Why can’t I just be as crazy as Kim and have MPD instead? Crazy doesn’t hurt. Then I could have fun being all these different people and do it without the pain.

First it’s my ear acting up again, then it’s Kim, then email issues. Tom suspects Hotmail may’ve blocked mail.com on account of spam. This wouldn’t surprise me since they do get kind of spammy. Believe me, it’s frustrating being spammed by your own email provider! So I created a Hotmail account, which I’ll use to send stuff to Andy. I couldn’t even send one from mail.com to my new Hotmail account.

So I still have to deal with my ear, get new glasses, and I feel like we’re NEVER going to get out of here. If I have to keep going to all these doctors it could really eat up our savings. Most things are covered by our insurance, but still, things add up. We’ve already had to get a lot of shit we needed, and then there were the dental expenses. This was enough of a setback as it is. I’m back to thinking our best bet is to just settle for an old expando which will give us 200-300 more square feet and an extra half-bath, rather than wait till we can get a newer doublewide. Again, life isn’t about getting what you want. It’s about making the best of what you can get. I just don’t want to be here another year or two and I know the bastard above is going to see to it that I don’t get shit from my parents!

The new antennae will be here soon so we can use the hotspot when they disconnect us at night and early in the morning like they won’t stop doing.

Then I check in on Ask and get: You recently added me on Facebook, can I ask your advice on something?

Even though the “question” reeked of Kim I thought I’d go and check my friend list just in case it wasn’t to see who I recently added. Sure enough, the skitzo is on my friend list!!! I quickly went from annoyed to seriously creeped out. I did NOT add her. Then I became angry to think that she had full-fledged access to my profile for God knows how long, including my friends. I tried to remember the last time I viewed my friend list. It wasn’t too long ago, but not too recent either. That was when I realized that she probably reactivated an old account she had deactivated to keep an eye on me. This is someone who’s created dozens of accounts both in her name and in the names of the celebrities she impersonates. Thank you, Alter So and So, for being dumb enough to tip me off like that! It was probably an alter that also tried to tell me about a week ago that she created an account to spy on me and how Kim is such a bad person and all that. So the nutjob has this alter that tries to protect me from her real self, and well, it’s crazy. Just crazy. I looked up her name and deleted any suspicious accounts I found, including one that was created 19 hours ago.

I also found other friends I’d long since deleted. Some of them anyway, and I wonder if a Facebook glitch could be involved as well. I’m so sick of issues with Facebook that if it weren’t for Nane I’d shut down in a heartbeat. In fact, I’m thinking of shutting it down, then recreating a new account that can’t be looked up. Then I could just re-add my top friends. I try to keep my friend count down there so that’d be easy enough to do if the account was ever hacked, and it also makes sharing posts easier. It’s easier to sort through a list of 50 friends as opposed to 150 friends if I post something I don’t want to share with everybody. She’s still on a mutual friend’s list, though, from what I know. So if I re-friend that friend from a new account, the troll will see me on her friend list. I’d have to create one with a bogus name and I hate the idea of that. I really don’t want to be anyone other than who I am.

I was remembering back on how a friend and I would get so annoyed when Kim would ask us the same damn questions on Ask that we knew had already been asked and answered. Back then I took it for her not caring enough to pay attention. Now I wonder if it were in fact her alters that would ask the questions, and then she, the real Kim, would fail to remember it.

“But how could you be all these different people and not remember them?” I had asked Tom. “It isn’t an act or them just pretending?”

“No, it’s a mental disease,” Tom told me, and when I think about it – really think about it – no actress is that good. Especially one who seems as dumb as Kim.

Kim’s behavior highly suggests she has MPD, but I’m no expert and I never met the nut in person. I have no idea what her childhood was even like, though I’ve read that MPD is often the result of childhood sexual abuse. This doesn’t excuse her behavior, though. She needs serious help. But what’s scary is that I don’t think there’s anyone to take charge and put a stop to her behavior like there was in Molly’s case. Yes, Molly’s parents were enablers for a while, but they also have custody of her even though she’s an adult, and finally realized she needed more than just a few days in the funny farm. But who’s got custody of Kim? No one, I don’t think. Therefore, there’s no one to control her actions as far as I know. Kim and her many alters are free to harass anyone they want, whenever they want… until her “innocent” questions become actual threats.

I’ll be waiting when they do, Kim, Janet, Millie, or whoever the hell you are right now when you read this.

I slept forever. Something like 13 hours, though I woke up several times along the way, once to go pee. I needed it, though. I was pretty exhausted. Then I get up to find yesterday’s Chinese feast put me up not 1, not 2, but 3 pounds! It’s scary to think I could gain 20 pounds a week if I ate like that every day of my life, but I will lose it over the week. I’ve decided that losing a lot of weight isn’t worth giving up my Sunday pig-out sprees, so like Tom said, I was never that big anyway. I’ll stay where I am. Then if I find those sports bras I love so much at Target, I won’t have to turn around and get a smaller size 6 months to a year later. So I shall eat on weekends, run it off during the week, and back and forth.

Nane apologized and left a nice photo on my wall wishing me a nice day. I told her I forgave her cuz I knew she was busy cleaning up the soup I spilled, hahahaha.

It’s been a fun birthday. A little strange knowing that my parents aren’t going to call, assholes or not, but I had a fun day and got lots of nice birthday wishes on my Facebook wall. I’m a little surprised Nane forgot, but she did leave a message saying she was sorry about Julien. He was the only rat she ever liked cuz she thought he was so cute, LOL. Nothing from Maliheh so far today either. Gee, what a surprise, huh? It pretty much tells me who my real friends are.

Back when we used to chat regularly she said she hated people bugging her if they hadn’t heard from her in months. I remember wondering at the time if she knew she planned on doing just that and taking off for months at a time. Just a feeling I had. Yet she would always insist that just because I didn’t hear from her for a while didn’t mean she wasn’t still my friend. Despite what she’d say, I’d always feel like the quiet spells were deliberate. Like she was teasing me by having me wait on her and hoping I’d be wondering if she’d dumped me or something. Then she would email me and promise not to stay away so long the next time even though she sometimes would. Well, I’m sorry but while her words said one thing her actions said otherwise, and actions speak louder than words, don’t they? If my gut is telling me she’s either playing games or her heart simply isn’t in our “friendship,” can I really be that off? She may not be a social butterfly anymore than I am or into chatting for hours every single day and all that, but I just don’t feel like she’s much of a friend anymore. I just thought that if she didn’t want to be friends anymore, she’d at least have the decency to say why.

What I’m not sure about is how much of it was just an act on her part. I would think that at least a little part of her started off being somewhat into the friendship, but I still think she befriended me under false pretenses, for the most part, to keep her name out of my book.

She’d have some excuse or reason why I didn’t hear from her for so long that seemed believable, then she’d make me feel special when we talked and like she was really into our friendship, promising to write more often and all that, but then we’d go right back to the long stretches of silence.

Game’s over, hun. I’m not 25 anymore. That means I have more self-respect and less tolerance. I’m not interested in anyone who isn’t interested in me. I don’t have any hard feelings, though, and I’m glad for the time we had, but I’m not about to try to make someone be my friend who obviously doesn’t want my friendship. It’s a matter of respecting myself. If I’m not good enough for you, you’re not good enough for me. There are too many other people out there who actually want to keep in touch with me more than just a few times a year. I just can’t get into the idea of caring about those that don’t care about me. She never even gave a shit when my mother died, and I know she opened my emails.

Got up nearly two hours before I originally planned, so I wasn’t tired or anything. Cementing in the new bridge took no time at all and I’m already used to it. It almost felt kind of full in that area, but after an hour or so it was like I had my old tooth back again! It looks exactly like a real tooth! She said it will last 15-20 years or longer and I can eat anything as usual. There was no 24-hour waiting period or anything.

From what Tom read, we were wrong in how they’re made. We thought she was drilling little holes in the sides of the surrounding teeth to hook the bridge too, but she was actually grinding the teeth down like they do with actresses who get their teeth capped. No wonder the drilling took so damn long the last time and I was like, come on, lady! How long can it take to drill a couple of tiny holes? No wonder she never mentioned doing something about the little black dot of decay on the side of one tooth. She knew she was going to grind it away. Anyway, the bridge is “capped” over the teeth at the sides. I was amazed that it only took seconds to cement it in and then to cure it. I never knew they could just put a fake tooth in place of one that was lost!

As promised, I gave her a printed copy of my win list and she was pretty wowed by it.

I don’t have to start the last of the work (cleaning and a few fillings) till next year. We had to pay $500 of the $2100 the bridge cost because we maxed out the benefits for the year. So far I’ve had about 4K in much-needed and much overdue dental work, but we’ve paid less than a grand so far in total. It is SO nice to be able to eat and drink without pain. No more hot and cold foods/drinks stinging like hell! The relief and gratitude I feel toward ending 8 years of dental misery are beyond belief! Once they’re cleaned and whitened, I’ll take pics. I’m just so, so grateful to Tom and his great benefits and to the wonderful lady who ended my pain. That in itself is a WONDERFUL birthday present. I can eat crunchy foods now too, with no pain! Oh, I’m practically in tears of joy! Life is so good and I’m so happy. For the longest time after a workout, I’d want an ice-cold drink, but would have to drink room-temperature beverages because it simply hurt too much. But old habits take time to die. It’s going to take some getting used to the idea of being able to eat on the right side again. Yes, yes, it really is safe to do that now! It won’t hurt. Even rice was a no-no for a while because the pieces would get lodged within the cavities. Just so, so grateful that the potentially dangerous – even fatal – busted up ugly, greenish-black stub of a tooth is gone forever!

We forgot to ask if I could use a Waterpik instead of having to floss. Tom read they have some for those with bridges. He’s going to call and ask tomorrow and give them the new cell number.

It’s my birthday yet here I am going on and on about my teeth, LOL. Well, not even God is going to stop me from keeping up on them and taking care of them regularly from now on. He’ll have to go find a new whipping boy cuz even my ear has been better. :)

Kim is one crazy, brazen fuck that simply does NOT get it. She’s asking both Andy and I “questions” and I can’t believe she hasn’t read the message I left on MD saying: This is your final warning from me, Jodi S, demanding that you leave me alone. I don’t want to hear from you on any site in any manner or for any reason. Not as Kim, not as “Janet,” not as “Millie,” not as “Cady,” not as anyone. Neither do my friends.

If you continue to contact me online, I will ignore you but the police won’t. They will be monitoring and documenting any and all contact I may receive from you. If you do not stop with the unwanted contact, you WILL eventually be charged and prosecuted. Ask yourself this, Kim - is that what you want?

Nothing’s going to scare this sick bitch off. Nothing. I’m sick of her trying to insert herself into mine and Andy’s lives. Next thing you know she’ll be contacting me on other sites and coming at me from bogus accounts. Or will she? So far she seems to only do things in anonymity. But I know the birthday wishes and questions about if I ever feel worthless or give good advice came from her. She asked Andy the advice question too, along with one about his imaginary tour.

After the dentist, Tom took me to a Chinese restaurant here in Auburn we’d never been to before. I opted for takeout so I could feast off my goodies for the rest of the day and night and so I got shrimp fried rice, cheese-filled crab puffs, and barbecued spareribs. Tom’s not big on Chinese, but he did enjoy some ribs. I was never into chow mein or eggrolls, but I love almost anything else that isn’t spicy. The food was excellent. There were HUGE pieces of shrimp in the rice, which I’m glad to say doesn’t include many carrots, and the rib meat was so tender, too. The rats love nibbling on the bones and munching on fortune cookies. They even enclosed a teabag. It was well worth the $20 or so it all cost.

Even the propane turned out to be a good deal today because it’s pretty cheap for this time of year. About $200 for 100 gallons instead of close to $300. This is due to it being warmer and gas being cheaper. You know you’re in a warmer climate when you see little flies and gnats in December! We left the money order under the tank’s cap and they refilled us while we were out. We could tell they were here when we pulled back in cuz of the tire tracks left in the mud. So that’s one less thing I have to worry about disturbing my sleep (it’s going to be so nice not having to struggle to get to sleep or get up at a set time for a while). I said to Tom, “You know propane is cheaper cuz we’re doing well. If we were broke it’d be freezing out and cost us much more.” Life does seem to work that way. You get breaks when you least need them, though we still appreciate them anyway.

Tom got another $50 Target GC and insists on spoiling me with the now $100 worth of Target cards he got for bonuses at work. We decided to bump the shopping spree up to real early this weekend when the stores will be less crowded.

Also, I’m not going to keep sharing blog entries on FB cuz it’s such a pain. I was quite touched by the feedback someone left saying my writing was very “mature” and “interesting” and that I should publish it in the form of a book as well as a journal, LOL. They also asked for ways to get their writing like mine. Again, this is very flattering, but I have had NO formal training whatsoever. There are tips and pointers available online, but I’ve never taken any writing classes. Not yet anyway. I learned most of what I know through the examples set by other authors. Still wish I could improve, though.

Still can’t get an email through to Andy. It appears his email provider has blocked mine. I could get one through from MO, but I really don’t like their email setup, so we’re going to stick to FB. If that gets to be a pain he’ll just have to go to my blog.

Gotta get to the mail place soon to pick up our mail. Not much else going on other than moving the rats to one of the bigger cages. They love the extra space!

I have been asked to share copies of my blog posts on FB, so I’ll share some of them.

I still can’t decide if I want to continue updating my MD blog and disallow anonymous questions on Ask or not. I don’t want to give my crazy, stalking troll any more avenues in which to contact me than she already has, but I also don’t want to feel like she’s controlling me either. The only thing I will do for sure that I have no doubts about whatsoever is keep my friend list hidden and my posts for friends only. Her picking on me is one thing, but reaching out to my friends and harassing me through harassing them is another. So I will definitely do all I can to protect them! Fortunately, it doesn’t bother Andy that she’s latched onto him on Ask, but it bothers me. It’s just one more way for her to try to force her existence upon me and rub her presence in my face, and I don’t like it one bit. But no matter what I say, nothing seems to get rid of her. She’ll disappear for a week or two and then it’s right back to the usual shit. I’ve tried everything I can think of. Asking her nicely to please leave me alone, bashing her, scaring her, laughing at her, ridiculing her…but she just won’t go away. She’s so crazy that there’s just no reasoning with her, and I don’t know how much awareness of right from wrong the nut even has. She must have at least some sense and not be totally stupid because she avoids my blogs that are tracked.

The only thing that’s changed is that instead of asking mean, rude questions on Ask, now it’s simple things like, “How are you?” and “Sorry your rat died” and “I’ll miss your my-diary updates” and “I’m sorry for everything” and stuff like that as if we were old buddies and all was just peachy. If it weren’t for Aly I’d never know that “Janet” was her asking how I was and all that. I guess Janet and Millie are the nut’s top two alters.

I am thinking of sharing copies once again on LJ. I thought it was a glitch on their part and that that was why some of the graphics disappeared there. Then it hit me that I had hot-linked them in from MO, then deleted them on MO. So of course they’d disappear!

Been getting scattered views from Freehold, NJ. Isn’t that where Polly is?

People are already starting to wish me a happy birthday which is nice. Now let’s see if Maliheh and Nane remember.

Getting backed up in my writing so I guess I better catch up!

Got a new white rat with very faint markings today, and the pet store was kind enough to give Sugar to us free of charge. We gave them Julien’s receipt and papers and explained what happened. They only had two rats left and I wanted one with contrasting colors to King Romeo’s dark shiny fur. The vanilla and chocolate duo complement each other nicely, and of course Romeo was thrilled to have a new roommate. Already he was beginning to get depressed being by himself.

Sugar is absolutely amazing and I mean amazing! Very calm and friendly. We already got some good shots of him. Most rats are nervous on their first day in a new home and don’t want to eat or drink much, much less socialize and explore. But he never runs from us and has been all over the cage, eating, drinking and playing with his older buddy. You would think he’s been here for weeks, LOL.

Tom also got bonus cash at work so that’s what he used to get the new electronics. The tablet, iPod, cell and hotspot. The net is tremendously faster with the hotspot. I could watch a YouTube video in one tab while playing another music video in another. I couldn’t even get just one to stream without it having to stop and buffer every other second. But due to how expensive it is we can’t use it as a replacement. We could afford it just fine, but it would slow down our savings. It will be mostly as a backup for when our regular connection cuts out or we want to do something that requires speed. sighs Really wish we were out of here already and back on cable.

So why are there so many immature people these days? Really, I’m almost embarrassed for some of these 60-year-olds I see responding to people’s posts online! Young at heart is one thing, being immature and childish is another.

3 of 4 messages I sent to Andy bounced, but his email account doesn’t seem to have been compromised like I feared it might’ve been, so I don’t know what’s going on.

Decided to be a little more private for now. I let my Facebook friends know that if for some reason they are absolutely 100% adamantly against going to MyOpera, tell me so on Facebook and I will personally message them copies of my journal entries there if they’d like.

I’m also doing it to piss Kim off. She’ll have her “sources” go to my other blog or have to remember to disable cookies, but I’m sure she won’t appreciate the inconvenience. Someone asked how Nane was doing yesterday on Ask and I wonder if it was her. Who else would ask that?

Later…

Beat the alarm by 10 minutes yesterday, but today I not only didn’t beat it but was tired as well. That’s because I lost an hour of sleep along the way. One of the side effects of melatonin is that it can cause you to wake up often, sometimes for more than just a few minutes. And I’m pretty sure it is melatonin that’s in this Neuro Sleep drink. I only had a third of the bottle, too. Had to get up and pee and then take a few more swallows to eventually get back to sleep. Tonight, if I don’t fall asleep at a reasonable hour, since I’ll probably perk up around 6pm, I’ll go with Benadryl instead. Fortunately, I only have a few more days of this.

I thought I’d be too tired to work out, but I managed after I compromised with myself and cut the strength training out and just stuck to the cardio. I was a little hungry today too, due to losing more weight, so I had to have my main meal earlier than usual.

Nothing really exciting as far as dreams go. Just that I was living alone down in L.A. which was weird.

Lotta folks got a kick out of the dream I recently had of me visiting Nane and screwing up everything when she took me to assist her at work. LOL, it was funny. My dream self was horrified with embarrassment at how badly I kept fucking things up. Andy said I should throw it in a story. It would make for a funny scene. Maybe I should’ve thrown it in A Rainbow in Munich. Then Rainbow could’ve really rung Nadja through the wringer.

Andy really threw me for a loop with his reaction to my telling him Tom lost 50 pounds. He was all shocked and saying how skinny he was and all that and I’m thinking to myself, 238 isn’t that skinny, and that’s when I realized my typos, hahaha.

I’m too tired to write anymore right now. I’d like to at least go lie down for a while. Maybe I’ll do another post later.

Got an “I’m sorry for everything” that no doubt came from Kim. Again, it’s like she’s trying to impersonate Molly, who seems to have dropped off the face of the earth. If this were really Molly, Aly and I would see/hear from her on other sites as well. It’s just Kim and her bullshit games. She’s NOT sorry for shit. She’ll be back to pestering me soon enough. Just like Molly would when she would apologize.

Later…

Poor Julien. He died earlier tonight. He had trouble breathing in the pet store but we thought that once we got him home he’d be ok. He seemed to start getting better, though he wasn’t growing or eating much. We began to wonder if maybe he was taken from his mother too soon and his lungs hadn’t had a chance to fully develop.

Yesterday we both handled him and he seemed like a changed rat all of a sudden cuz as soon as I put him back in his house, he wanted to come back out. Romeo, of course, being the jealous, mischievous little fella that he is, would nudge my hand away and nip at me playfully, trying to steal the attention. Cute albeit annoying at times.

Tonight he started acting weird as hell. Most rats won’t simply sit and cuddle with you. They’re just too animated and high-strung. They like to explore, play and be active. But Julien kept biting the bars of the cage like he was desperate to try to chew his way out. He even tried to squeeze through the feed hole. So I kept taking him out and he would sit calmly in my arms, and then resume his desperate attempts to escape when I’d place him back in his cage. I’d offer him food, but he wouldn’t take it.

Then he started convulsing right in front of us and was dead in just seconds. It was the weirdest thing. Tom looked online and found that what likely happened was that he had a bacterial infection of some kind in his lungs and it caused a blood clot to the brain or heart. Once that happens to an animal or a person, it’s over in minutes, if even that.

It was so sad, cuz even though we’d only had him for just a week, Romeo loved having a roommate after living alone for 3 weeks, and he was turning out to be such a sweetie. Where Romeo is rambunctious, Julien was mellow.

It was sweet of Mary to grieve the little furball with me and for her wall posts. She’s a very compassionate soul. I heard from Andy and Sharyn, too. Meanwhile, baby Julien will be buried in the morning next to Tinkerboy before I get up at 10am. I suggested Tom not put him in anything like with Tinkerboy so he “goes away” faster, making it less likely that the fucking mutts will dig him up. He’ll put some large rocks on the grave, too.

In the afternoon we’ll look for a new roommate for Romeo so he doesn’t get depressed.

I have other things to write about, but I’m pretty beat so I’m going to call it a night.