Well, my crab cakes came out shitty as did my almond chia porridge. Maybe my potato hash will come out better tomorrow.

My metabolism isn’t any faster yet. I still can’t eat anything without gaining weight. But is that my age talking or my Hashimoto’s? It’s ridiculous to jump 2 pounds from a 200-calorie snack that stays with me for many hours. I’m hoping to drop a pound so I can eat one more time today without risking gaining more weight.

Earlier I got really warm and my heart spiked to 116, but I didn’t have any anxiety along with it. I think I just got overheated. It was 80 degrees where I was sitting and I had done a lot of work. I gave the kitchen a thorough cleaning. Lying down for a few minutes, dropping the temperature, and then doing my meditation helped.

I was hoping that Galileo forgot about the heart monitor, but they mentioned it. They asked me to verify my insurance and said they would order it. This is the Zio monitor, I guess. Not looking forward to wearing it, but if it will give everybody peace of mind, even though I don’t think there’s a problem, why not? My heart seems to do its weird flutter every few days or so, but according to everything I read online, they’re usually harmless. While I was exchanging messages with them, I asked for an ENT referral.

Tom had an excellent day with the horses yesterday, making $70. That’s more than triple his weekly goal. Really hope it’s not a fluke! There happened to be a lot more races than usual.

The Woman in the House Across from the Girl in the Window is such a great series. There’s only one series so far and eight episodes, but it’s damn good. I’m watching it on Netflix.

My back is still hurting big time. So glad today’s cleaning and cooking are done!

Damn, I really have to slow down the eating! I’m going to gain weight for damn sure if I don’t. That’s the thing about dead thyroids. They don’t care if you have a 100-calorie snack. To my body, it’s like you had a 500-calorie meal. It treats everything I eat, no matter how big or small, as if it was a huge meal. It takes my body forfuckingever to burn it off too. I really hope that slowly lowering my TSH continues to be a success.

Funny how the Supreme Court’s leaked abortion draft is called an “opinion.” It’s not an opinion it’s a fucking plan. A sick, twisted plan. And it’s not their final decision they say? Who do they think they’re kidding? They had a plan all along and they fully intend to carry it out. Once this is accomplished they’ll gut more rights, probably GLBTs. Then they’ll work on things that affect us. The name of the game is control. You control and you change everybody that isn’t like you.

I still don’t get why everybody is so damn surprised though. I knew this was coming for a long time and it has nothing to do with being psychic. It’s common sense. Once Coney-Barrett got in I knew women’s rights were doomed, thanks to Trump who started this country on its way to regression and oppression.

Once Roe is overturned, I don’t see it becoming the all-out crisis that people are making it out to be any more than I believe that Putin is going to nuke anyone or that he really has cancer. There are always ways to abort. But it definitely does open the door for all kinds of other shit. It’s like the whole world is going to hell from climate change to inflation to crazy laws to wars.

As an Ashkenazi, I asked Tom if he thought they would ever be crazy enough to set up a hotline to report Jews so that they could go round them up and kill them, and he said no. But would either one of us have expected other things that have happened to happen? I learned to expect the unexpected a long time ago. Sadly, injustice typically prevails and nothing will ever change. I mean if we’re still dealing with the same shit like women’s rights after all these decades, things will never get better, and if they do, it won’t last. These days it’s politically correct to deem abortion “murder” and I learned a long time ago just how obsessed people can be with political correctness. People like “norms” and to do what most people do. They believe in God because most people do. They keep up to date with the latest style of clothing because that’s what most people do. The same goes for politics.

Jess isn’t the greatest writer, and sometimes it’s hard to understand her. I guess it’s not the community that mows, but someone who has their house done too early. I remember having to deal with that shit from different individuals at the old place. I would prefer loud mowers not to drive past the bedroom window when I’m sleeping, but it’s nice having to hear it once a week or less and not every single day.

Steve is the guy who moved in across from Toni. He’s a tall, skinny, tanned guy who’s always outdoors, like the honker. Too bad the honker isn’t just past his place. They’d love each other. Anyway, he and his wife have a dog that sometimes barks but fortunately, it hasn’t been too noticeable. At least not yet. I sure hope it doesn’t become like Gerry’s dog across the street from the old place!

Tom said he was afraid to try the goat cheese I left him. He said that knowing how he usually hates everything while I usually love everything, he’s afraid to even touch it if I don’t like it.

Aly has now been dead for one year. I will never stop missing her. Never.

Just got back from a run to Walgreens. We’ve both been craving snacks.

Yesterday I was tired, so I took a nap. This time it actually refreshed me instead of making me more tired or just as tired. Had half a cup of coffee when I got up as well.

Jessie’s pissed because she too, got woken up by the mower before her 7:30 alarm. The only difference is they come at a decent time here, but not there. People have complained there that they come before 8, and the homeowners association, or whoever it is, doesn’t give a shit. I told her she and the others should remind the homeowners association who the paying customers are. This is exactly what I intend to do if there are any more complaints against us on account of the grass we spent hundreds of dollars getting. I got so mad when it hit me that hey, we’re the ones paying them yet they’re complaining? No fucking way I’m gonna stand for that! We put up with the other park parenting us and this one’s not going to do the same.

My docs and I agreed on a plan to have me step up the dose each month, assuming that all went well during the month before. I have felt great emotionally and I hope to hell it lasts! The goal is to have the 75s phased out by August. The thing is, I doubt 88s will be enough for me at this point. If that’s the case, then I guess I’ll have to slowly titrate up 100s. I really wish my thyroid would just completely die off so I could know it’s not gonna die anymore. We agreed I would wait on those supplements and they said they check in on me from time to time, which was really nice. Not even my old endo did that. Definitely happier with this kind of medical group than with the traditional way. It’s like having a team of medical doctors in my pocket.

I was hugging and kissing a cute little brown rat in my dreams when the mower woke me up. Last night I had some really weird dreams.

In the first dream, I had a really close friend that I knew in person and that was making plans to live near me. I don’t know if I knew Tom or not. Then she committed suicide and I was absolutely devastated.

Then I had a dream we were to move to Indiana of all places. The idea was to go to this really cheap place so we could save money to get what we really wanted in Florida. We arrived in October and it was already freezing.

“It’s cheaper to rent a house here than in Florida, isn’t it?” I asked Tom.

“Indeed it is,” he said.

“How long are we going to be here?” I asked him, knowing he was probably going to work for a while, and he said five or six years.

I was totally bummed out to hear this because I knew that things usually take longer than expected and that would be about ¼ of the rest of my life. I would never in a million years move to a climate like that just to hopefully get a better place here. I would just stay in this house forever.

I hate to say it, but I see some good in Roe being overturned. Yes, it’s absolutely sick and disgusting that we’re reverting back to the dark ages and that so many people are so high on being control freaks that they feel it’s their right and their duty to make personal decisions for others. And yes, people are hypocrites in that so many women in this country get shit for getting knocked up in the first place, yet if she goes to have an abortion, she’s an automatic “murderer.”

But I do see the potential for good coming of this and that’s that it’s going to make women more independent when it comes to abortion, which would mean less shit from society in the end because unless the woman says something, no one should know she’s having the abortion in the first place. People who go for abortions at abortion clinics get hassled all the time.

People only go to get abortions because it’s convenient, and that’s just the way it’s been done for so many years that it becomes customary. But it’s totally not necessary. There are a million ways to lose a fetus. Women did so before abortion was even a thing. There are tons of different herbs, drugs, and reasons why they tell you not to do certain physical activities. Plus, there is the abortion pill. I know that’s eventually going to become illegal too, but look at pot. It was once illegal, but it didn’t stop it from going around, did it? Plus, there will still be doctors providing traditional abortions no matter what the laws say. They’re not afraid of being sued. I am surprised, however, that we haven’t heard more reports about them being busted. Perhaps they’re hard to catch because you can’t exactly go undercover to catch them. They have to know and prove you’re pregnant in the first place. You can’t just go in there and say, hey, I’m pregnant, give me an abortion and expect the doctor to do so on the spot. But the crazies of Texas are kidding themselves when they said they saved hundreds of lives. I’m sure you agree that very few women allowed themselves to be forced to carry.

As I said, hopefully this will give them an independence that can’t be fucked with so easily because I’m pretty sure they’re not going to get their rights back in our lifetime. I just don’t see it. People have gotten way too obsessed with getting it into their minds that abortion is murder as they did by insisting God sees gays as sinners, and it’s not just a Supreme Court. Oh no, it goes much further than that. The polls are showing more and more than most people in this country actually want abortion to be illegal unless it’s to save the woman’s life. As I said, it’s a politically correct trend. People get obsessed with something, they run with it, and on and on it goes for decades or more. They’ll run this right into the ground as they have racism and other topics people just can’t seem to take a break from.

When they move on to dismantling gay rights, hopefully they too will find ways around things even though that’s a lot trickier. I just dread the day the law fucks with us directly. Hopefully, it won’t be so bad and we won’t have to let it. I will always do what’s right before I consider what any law says.

Later…

As expected, the fucking mower woke me up and it is the new norm to use the louder one. That’s OK, we’ll just get use out of that Do Not Mow sign that’s sitting in the middle of the new grass, and every time they mow when I’m gonna be sleeping, we’ll put it between the two houses. When they come back next door, we’ll stop. But just like doctors accommodate my schedule, these people are going to accommodate me as well. After all, we’re the ones paying them.

I’ve gotten two downloads already of my books! If I remember correctly, though, this is only because they’re new. The longer they’ve been out there, the fewer downloads they’re going to get. At least I know they’re total strangers and no one I know that’s only buying it to show support because they know me. I still hope I don’t get any shitty reviews. Some people still get bad reviews, even if it’s from strangers.

Mia’s free apparel gift was actually nice last time around. A mint green spaghetti strap dress. I was surprised because I think that’s actually a gem item.

On the way to the rocky beach with the outrageously priced burger joint but won’t be eating there. It isn’t so much that the beach is rocky, but there’s a little gully with rocks in it that you have to cross to get to the shore. I just wish the roads didn’t sound like such a war zone!

Glad I have energy today, not just for the beach, but because I expect to be tired tomorrow if my worst suspicions are true and that the louder mower is going to be a regular thing. I should be sleeping until around lunchtime.

Last night I had three dreams of being in Italy. Yes, three. Don’t know what triggered them. Maybe because I’m reviewing Italian now.

Two of the Italy trips were with Tom. In one of them, I was at a dentist’s office waiting to see a male dentist. I was worried that the doctor would be late and we’d risk not getting to the airport in time. There was no reception desk. Just two closed doors. The receptionist would open one door from time to time and three people waited outside of it. Plus, a door leading to where the dentist was. The doctor poked his head out at one point and I quickly asked how long it would be because I didn’t want to miss our flight.

I went with my parents in one of the Italy dreams.

In another dream, there was this texting app that was just as popular as Facebook. My parents were alive and I hadn’t talked to them in a while. Then one day out of the blue, my mother texted me and I don’t know what she said, but I was actually happy to hear from her and Dad. I went to check out their profiles and follow them but kept getting other people’s profiles instead.

Learning what I have through experience and other people’s stories, as far as how the human mind works and what different behaviors typically represent, I’ve come to really see and understand, not that this realization is suddenly hitting me, that my mother never truly loved me. Just like domestic abuse is not love in any way, she couldn’t have really loved me like most parents love their kids. She said she did. She probably believed she did. She may even have had bursts of fondness at times for me. Yet in the grand scheme of things…the things she said to me, the things she did to me (I could write a huge long list)...were in no way, shape, or form what anyone would say or do to someone they truly loved. Just no fucking way. Verbal abuse, emotional abuse sprinkled with a bit of physical abuse, is not love. You don’t smack infants that don’t “shut up.” You don’t pick on, ridicule, and call your daughter names because she’s just a teeny bit heavy. You don’t give up on your daughter that you made suicidal and send her away so you can have the house to yourself and your enabling husband. You don’t let your daughter live in the slums while you live high off the hog.

Andy and I were talking about how we’ve learned more from Google than from doctors, and I was explaining how/why hormonal and chemical imbalances can really mess with your health and mind and even make you suicidal. He still doesn’t get how a guy with so much support and money like Robin Williams could kill themselves and I guess I wouldn’t either had I never suffered so intensely. At least he simply said he didn’t understand rather than calling people like Robin Williams losers and cop-outs. Everyone has a threshold, some higher than others, and can only take so much physical or emotional suffering.

A few days ago we had a thunderstorm. There was just one loud boom of thunder that probably would have woken me up had I been asleep at the time.

On the way back now, after one of the best beach days yet. Oh, to live by the beach! That’s just a dream but we had so much fun today. The water was gorgeous, it was less crowded, and you didn’t have to go through as much traffic. There were fewer planes, and the water, for some reason, was much clearer. The ocean floor is so much flatter than back up in Connecticut. I had to get quite a way out from shore just to get the water over my shoulders. That far from shore in Connecticut and we’d be way over our heads.

We spent most of the time in the water this time as opposed to sitting, but at one point I hurried out of the water because a crow and a couple of seagulls were on my chair and our beach bag. I didn’t want them shitting all over things and pulling things out of the bag.

I took a shower when we got back and then I made myself a tomato omelet. I definitely don’t like the goat cheese I put in it. It just tastes too weird.

We played a round of golf and I kicked his ass for a change and beat him by 4 strokes.

This week’s new recipes to try will be salmon with Brussels sprouts, eggplant fries, and almond chai porridge.

Got an assortment of decorative tape in different widths. I decorated the boring black magnetic frames with them. I never liked black for décor or appliances.

I still have back pain, but I think it might finally be getting better. My guess is I injured it reaching over the sink with my short arms to open the window.

Even though I didn’t make shit, I missed having books published, so I’m publishing some. Under a pen name, of course, and Tom is the only living soul that knows what that is.

After having 3 days of rain when it was originally said to be sunny, I still wonder if I really influenced it or not. Can I make myself influence other things too?

Just got back from the store. Still have middle back pain every day and I have no clue what’s causing it. What’s weird is that not even ibuprofen, ice, or the heating pad helped it.

The latest recipes I’ve tried were zucchini fritters and veggie soup. I wasn’t impressed with the zucchini fritters at all, but I really nailed it with the veggie soup! Just gotta use fewer diced tomatoes and more vegetable broth next time.

Pawendeep texted Tom and said that the business completely folded and she was now on unemployment. We’re not surprised. We knew they were going under. I’m actually surprised it took this long. They should move here. They could all get a house for the same price as the apartment they’re crammed into. Well, they could if they went to a park. It would just have to be an all-ages one.

So I found these thyroid support supplements on Amazon that claim they promote weight loss and have great reviews. Some people said it didn’t help them, but many did. It’s supposed to help with more than that. It’s supposed to help with all the major symptoms of being hypo. The supplements contain all-natural ingredients. People on the same medication take it. People feel that even with normal numbers, it’s not enough. Wanting to run it by Galileo before I considered it, I asked them and they said they would check into it. They also reminded me that losing weight would be hard until my TSH levels drop. This is true, and I realize there’s no point in trying to lose weight now. At least I stopped gaining and can eat what I want without gaining as long as I keep moving.

Still don’t know that I could lose weight with normal TSH levels, but I’m more and more determined to find out and settle my curiosity once and for all. I’m left to forever wonder if I would have conceived had I had a normal sex life, and I’m not going to be left to wonder about this one. The only way I’m gonna know if I’m going to be one of the lucky ones to lose weight and get my body to respond to diet and exercise with a normal TSH is to get it normal even if it takes forever to do so. I’m going to get it as low as I can stand for my fears have turned to anger. Being unique with languages is one thing, but being a freak with your normal everyday shit gets old. I did a ton of research, so it’s still unlikely that I would ever lose weight. There were numerous reports of people claiming to be on a 1200-calorie diet with normal numbers who still couldn’t lose weight. Again, the medication is a treatment and not a cure. Some lose weight, but most don’t. I trust that my body will do whatever it’s meant to do. Whatever my body feels comfortable weighing, it will. All I can do is treat it. The rest is out of my hands.

Message I sent Jess that I thought would make a good entry…I struggle with, well, just being normal. OK, so I know that being normal is overrated at times and that some people wish they weren’t oh-so normal, but sometimes being different gets old too.

I can’t take the full amount of thyroid medication my body needs and I don’t know that I ever will. I can’t treat my high cholesterol and therefore I may never reach an advanced age. I can’t sleep at night every night. I have a driving phobia I never could conquer. I have a deformed ear that looks worse than it did before they dismantled the frame and drilled the canal in 1995 to make sure I didn’t have a tumor when I complained of discomfort (turns out it was the frame and skin that couldn’t shed itself that was trapped inside).

I have a husband I love dearly and wouldn’t trade for the world but had a low appetite and could never perform normally and therefore I had a joke of a sex life back when I had an actual libido before menopause. Although it worked out for the best in the end, I couldn’t conceive when I wanted to because of the DES I was exposed to in utero (a drug mothers at risk of miscarriage were given back in the '60s). I’ve always believed that a woman should have the right to choose to have a child as well as not to.

But I was denied that and other basic human rights. At least it sure feels like that at times. I don’t know if it’s happenstance or something up there that singled me out and decided to pick on me, but it does suck at times when you’re so unique in a lot of ways. I just try to remind myself that on the flip side, most people will never have someone who loves, gets, and accepts them as they are as I do. I can learn almost any language I want. I’ve written over 50 novels even if some of them are short stories. I got to be a pretty good singer, even though I haven’t had any interest in music in centuries. I learn quickly and can teach myself almost anything. I have been said to be very intelligent in the things I remember, notice, and figure out on my own as long as I stay away from numbers, LOL.

Also, while I would have preferred a career of some kind, at least I never had to worry about evil bosses or coworkers. Nor did we have to deal with the hassles of two vehicles. Lastly, not having kids has given us the freedom to really live life and experience different things. So I’m kind of caught in a tug of war. I’m glad things worked out the way they did, but I hate not having more freedom of choice. When a person has no freedom or the ability to choose things that greatly impact them, it really sucks.

I hope you and Tom are right in that I can eventually get my numbers normal without the anxiety as long as I go slow, even though I don’t think I’ll lose weight. No amount of busyness can get a pound to budge with me LOL. It’s OK though. I know I would be healthier if I lost a little, but I spent most of my youth skinny, I had my skinny days, so I don’t mind spending the rest of it on the fat side. Most older mammals pack on weight with age anyway.

Looks like the influencer might be bringing some real rain soon enough! I swear it said no rain well into May, but once isn’t enough to prove I had anything to do with it. I’m going to try to influence it again as well as other things. IDK, maybe it is something I can practice, improve and control to a degree. If so, you bet I’m gonna work on those lotto numbers! And definitely my thyroid.

Yeah, that’s the bad news. Not only did we wake up too tired to go to the beach today, but my thyroid is only down from 13.00 to 12.52. I asked myself how the hell adding one 88 could knock it down a whole point while adding three knocked it down only half a point and the only thing I can come up with that makes sense is that my thyroid really is dying off more. So fucking frustrating! I’m never gonna have normal numbers. Never. Some things really aren’t meant to be. I don’t even think I’m going to be able to get to 7-9 without anxiety that doesn’t end. As always, though, how I feel is more important than the numbers. My overall fatigue has improved and I’ve been calm since early in the month and want to keep it that way for a while if I can help it. Increasing my dose too much too fast makes me way too anxious. I still have to go up in small increments, but 12 isn’t overly high. The only thing I worry about with continuously low thyroid is developing a goiter, but I haven’t yet, so maybe I won’t in the future. I still wonder the same thing I’ve wondered for decades, and that’s why the simplest things in life are so hard to ask for. The most basic of human rights are just way out of reach for me.

I was going to wait 6 months or so before increasing my dose, but realizing that I did take four 88s last week because of the way my schedule was without getting anxious, I’m going to give it a try. Worst-case scenario, I get anxious, I can’t get rid of it, and I have to scale back to three 88s a week. So starting tomorrow, it will be four 88s and three 75s. I really appreciate Galileo for being patient and understanding. I probably need 100 to get my numbers normal, but I don’t even want to go there.

Since we’re not going to SK Beach today, we’re going to go down to that rocky beach (I don’t remember the name of it) on Monday afternoon. This way, we’re hoping the water will be warmer so we can do some swimming. This beach doesn’t get crowded in the afternoons like SK, and that way there will be less traffic to deal with as well. Shouldn’t have to stop and charge on the way down since we’ll be needing the AC with the warmer weather.

Despite the warmer weather, it’s been dry overall. Not the greatest thing for my skin, but it allows us to open windows and let fresh air in early in the morning.

Since I began logging anything funny my heart does, it fluttered today as well as four days ago. Today I was sitting up. Four days ago, I was lying on my side.

I’m increasing my time on the treadmill by 30-second intervals per day. I want to get to where I’m mixing walking and jogging for 10 minutes on that thing. Then I’ll vibe for 15 minutes and do 35 minutes of VZfit.

I managed to level out the treadmill by putting those dense foam blocks underneath the sides of it that I used for yoga.

I decided I’m not going to stop writing a few days before we think we’re going to the beach because I don’t like having to play catch up and having gaps in the days I write. I can write stories or read on the Kindle on the road and on the beach.

Although it’s not too annoying, they’ve been clearing out the retention pond behind the houses across the street. Fortunately, they didn’t bring in a woodchipper. They’re just hauling away the dead trees in a truck.

It’s the wood chipper that woke me up, by the way, when they did our place, not the saw. Tom said the saw was loud, but the wood chipper was ferocious. Yes, I definitely remember that shit being a regular thing at the old place.

The new sod is doing well. He’s watering it twice a day for an hour at a time for the first couple of weeks and then it will be 15 minutes a day. Our sprinklers have rain sensors, so if it’s raining the sprinklers won’t run.

He got some mulch to put around the tree and to run along the front of the place over to where the lanai stairs are. We may go with rubber bark in the area by the stairs and get some decorative statues. We were thinking we might plant hibiscus along the front of the lanai and there are some fairy and angel statues I’m looking into that I like. Also, some decorative downspouts.

Amazon is now delivering their stuff here instead of the regular mail and even Maurice pointed out how they’re kind of incompetent although everything is numbered here. They gave one of our packages to Toni, so he went over and got it and I messaged her and let her know that if she saw him walk up and then walk away with a package, that was why.

I’m waiting on a larger cutting board. I finally got sick of using one that’s too small. We also got the vacuum we should have gotten from the get-go. We like to have hand vacs that can go places the bot can’t go. So we got this one for $176 and it’s very powerful. In less than a year, the cheap one died.

We also have a knife sharpener on the way and a water cup so pretty that it inspired me to drop the sparkling water and just drink filtered water from the fridge. It’s one of those with a cover and a thick plastic straw. The design is pinkish-red sequins.

I wore nail stickers yesterday, but just for a day. It’s amazing how much better they adhere to healthy nails! My left hand still needs about another week of treatment and then I’ll alternate between polish and stickers. Every time I remove stickers, I’m going to be sure to swab any remaining residue on my nails with alcohol and not let it build up.

In case I didn’t already say so, the survey site turned out to be a bust. I’m not surprised. Things like that always start off promising at first. I’m just doing their daily polls and that’s it.

Now for some funny and interesting news. Well, you know, I’m naturally curious and I like to know where people are. Some of them anyway. I found that the day we moved into this house, Termite Tammy listed hers, LOL. She listed it for 90K, it was pending the next month with an offer of 70K, then the listing was removed the following month.

Was she discouraged and therefore gave up? Did health issues arise to cause her to have to put selling on hold? Or did she end up selling privately?

The mystery deepened when I got a hit on her name at an address in Connecticut, a large multifamily dwelling. My first thought was, what the hell would she be doing there? I don’t know if the listing is a mistake or if it’s old or what. As far as I know, she never lived in a multifamily house. I wonder if that’s where she is now if she did sell privately, and who the unlucky souls are in the adjoining unit.

Managed to sleep through 6 hours of landscaping! I didn’t even think they were coming today, so I slept with the nature sounds playing on volume 3 instead of 4 and didn’t bother with an earplug. I knew no garbage trucks were going through and I just didn’t expect anything loud. We thought they would be coming by tomorrow morning, but they were able to squeeze it in yesterday afternoon.

He used a gas-powered blower and weed whacker to cut down the old grass. But when they did the streets at the other place, they came closer to the bedroom than he did to this one, so I guess I’m not too surprised that I slept through it because I slept through that at the old place and I slept through them when they do the yards here. It’s just that stand-up mower I can’t sleep through. Definitely wouldn’t have gotten much sleep if we were at the old place, given the time I was crashing and it being trash day there, LOL. I’ll never miss having so much heavy traffic passing so close to the bedroom.

So the guy had his 13-year-old daughter with him and she ended up doing 90% of the work. Tom felt bad for her. When you think about it, she should be enjoying the weekend with friends or doing her own thing, not working.

Toni drove down her driveway in her motorized wheelchair which sort of reminds me of a lawnmower to fetch her mail. She told him that in the 8 years she’s been here, she’s never seen anyone use the sprinklers. Oh, there’s no doubt that the guy in here before us was a very lazy person. Either that or incapable and without anyone to help him.

He’s got to run out to Home Depot in the morning to get a few more sprinkler parts and rope with those little flags to keep them from mowing it for a few weeks. Plus flags to keep them from mowing over the sprinklers.

For $139, he ordered an extension kit from Amazon that will allow him to do the roof. He called to have someone come out and clean the roof for us, but they don’t have an opening until June. This way we can save money and do it when I’m awake, so I don’t have to worry about being woken up.

A part of me thinks we should have had the tree pulled out since it’s kind of ugly looking and replaced with a palm tree, but that would have cost way more money and there are no guarantees the palm tree would have lived.

I’ve been getting these weird backaches in the middle of my back lately. If I don’t work out, my lower back gets stiff but this is my middle back that’s been giving me trouble. I don’t understand what’s causing it.

So now we only get 20 coins and 3 gems for leveling up on Replika instead of 50 coins and 5 gems. They must be getting desperate. But if they hope I’ll be willing to pay for extra stuff, they’re wrong. I’m not renewing my premium subscription in September either.

I still hear those dogs in back at times though it’s far from loud or bothersome. I opened the bathroom window for a second to hear them better because I’ve always been curious as to where they are. There are definitely two dogs although one is much easier to hear. Kind of like how Whiskey was so much easier to hear than Brandy. I’m still not sure where it’s coming from but I wonder if it’s across from the park entrance. Are the owners working throughout the night? If not, how the hell can they sleep? How can the nearest neighbors stand it?

I’m really excited about getting more into the Mediterranean diet. Decided to try a few recipes every time we do a Walmart order. I’m building up a collection and customizing what I want to customize. There are very few things I won’t eat, though, like anything spicy or citrus. Not interested in squid or octopus either.

When I ordered basil leaves, I thought I would get a few cut leaves in a container, not an actual plant! It’s so cool though. I already used one of the leaves for the chicken bruschetta I made yesterday. I won’t lose weight of course but I’m hoping it will help with my cholesterol, blood pressure, and glucose.

I also need to ramp up my workout. I haven’t been working my heart hard enough for long enough. VZfit is more of a relaxing workout. The vibration platform doesn’t really tax my heart much either. I really only need to get it pumping for about 10 minutes a day so it’s back on the treadmill or outside. I couldn’t get this fucking treadmill open (I miss my old one) so I jogged outside for a bit at midnight. Oddly enough, I felt kind of spooked. I don’t know what was so spooky about it though. This area is still populated enough that there shouldn’t be anything dangerous out there. I haven’t seen any loose dogs or anything like that. The only dangerous thing in this area might be eastern diamondbacks, but what would they be doing out in the middle of the night when it’s in the 60s? It seems so much darker and quieter than the other park, although I could hear things in the distance and I could see that a few people were still watching TV. Maybe it’s just that I’m not used to being out at night here. Nonetheless, I only ran down past about maybe 10 houses and back. The original plan was to run down the street and back, but this is good enough for starters. You know how it is after slacking off. You have to slowly build yourself back up.

In the dark, the grass reminded me of the hay we would get for the guinea pigs.

At least I learned that my looser sports bras are definitely not good for higher-impact activity. Just when I was pissed for spending $150+ on those strappy bras that are kind of snug, I now realize they would be ideal for more jarring motions.

I’m doing a little experiment and taking a break from the magnesium to see how I do. I also canceled the shrink appointment and checked the box saying that I’m feeling better. Hopefully, I didn’t jinx myself into another bad spell, but I honestly never believed she could help me anyway. Not with me being too sensitive to medication. I think the anxious spells I’ve had since being here were due to the thyroid dose increases because that’s when they occurred. But now I’m used to this dose and therefore feeling calmer. That doesn’t mean I might not still have some off days but hopefully, it won’t be anything too noticeable. I can now see how and why I went through so much hell when they initially jumped me 25 micrograms at once and when my perimenopause was at when its worst! No wonder I felt like I was going to die. If just a few micrograms can wreak so much havoc on me, then I can totally see why I suffered so much in the past.

Tonight’s recipe is going to be pork, peas, and onions, so I’m going to go work on that now. I’m going to cut the pork into little bite-sized cubes and fry it. Once it’s browned, I’m going to add the veggies along with some olive oil and beef stock. Frozen seasoned potatoes are going to be my side. I wonder if that’s considered too processed for the Mediterranean diet. Probably, so I’ll switch to fresh potatoes.

I’ve got a cute, colorful rainbow box grater coming that will be better than that thing we wasted money on where you wind a crank and shred/slice things that way. That thing was horrible! It was hard to use, and most of the food got jammed inside the tube.

As expected, I was woken up by the tree trimmer. At about 1:45 when I was woken up, I checked the cam and saw him writing something and a skinny guy in a bright neon orange shirt. Tom crashed before I got up and left a message saying it took them 15 to 20 minutes. He said it was loud, but they did a good job. I looked out the window and saw the tree. And yes, it was definitely loud.

I really hate manufactured homes! They let in so much more noise so much easier. But then I wonder if I had a different set of sounds going if it would have masked it better. Nothing can mask the stand-up mower or the storms, and those are my biggest worries right now. That’s what’s going to determine if we can stay in the state.

Despite it being in the upper 70s to low 80s, it’s been pretty dry here. I miss the rain, but that’s what keeps them from mowing every single week and I have a bad feeling that the stand-up mower, which is insanely loud, is going to be the new norm. Tom said he’s seen it before, but that it usually mows across the street while the sit-down one does this side. Well, that’s not the way it’s been the last 2-3 times.

I really, REALLY hope I’m awake for the roof cleaning because that’s not gonna take just 15 minutes. As it is, they’re gonna wake me up again tomorrow or the next day using whatever it is they’re gonna use to rake up the old grass. I came here to sleep better, remember? Not worse.

Went to Walgreens shortly after they opened at 7:00 AM yesterday. I got some candy and sangria. The sangria is just OK. It has a bit too much of a grapefruit taste to it.

My right hand is 98% cured and my left is 95%. The best way to check for any leftover discoloration is with my happy light. My toes will be a while before they see polish, but I’d say my hands are about a month away from a sticker party.

We can now customize our avatars on the golf game. So I now have purple hair with a pink cap and blue sunglasses. LOL.

I hate how Replika has made it harder to get gems. The free surprise gifts are still fun, but I don’t always like what she gets. Last time it was a pair of shoes. I like the hot pink color, but not the style. Mia is now on level 90!

I’m coming up on 1000 miles of VZfit travel in just three months.

Tom set his alarm for 6:00 AM and I now have 6.5 hours to myself. I don’t mind though, because I’ve been feeling OK. We’re going to go to Walgreens when they open at 7 for some treats. At 10:00, groceries will be delivered. Between noon and two, I may be woken up again because they’re going to come out and trim our tree, and I’m sure they’ll have to have the loudest saw on the market.

It’s gonna cost $140 to have the tree trimmed and $600 to have sod laid down in front. The guy said he’d fix the sprinklers for free and that it would be an easy fix. Not excited to spend so much money, but fortunately we have a big line of credit. If worse ever came to worse and we couldn’t pay off our debt, it’d ruin our credit score to stop making payments, but they can’t garnish wages when you’re retired.

Right now I’m doing a ride in Oahu and I might have to stay out of Hawaii because it just makes me sad that we can never live there. Out of curiosity, he looked on Zillow at some apartments, condos, and houses there. There are some houses that believe it or not, we could actually afford if things had been different. If I could have kept a schedule and I could have worked and we got a regular house in California despite the horrendous barking and God knows what else, we could have sold the house for half a mil and used the money to buy this cute little quarter-mil house we saw in Hawaii. But the reality is that unless the horses won us a ton of money so we were set for life since horse betting is illegal in Hawaii, it really is a dream that can never come true. I don’t even think they’re going to generate the $1500 a month he thinks they can generate the more he hones his skills. $100 to $300 is more like it.

Ugh, though! So many opportunities were cut off to me because I had to be cursed with sleep issues. Just so many. It makes my eyes sting with tears. Literally. God has taken so, so much from me (if one exists). Just so damn much. Starting with the basic human right to a decent childhood and on up from there with so many things.

Living here for the rest of our lives would be far from the worst thing but I still don’t want to spend the rest of my life in a flight path if I can help it. I still believe there are some places left that don’t have planes every few minutes. Andy doesn’t have dozens a day. Kim doesn’t. Jessie doesn’t. We didn’t have the ever-present planes on the beach in Maui as we do on Sand Key. They are definitely more noticeable when it’s windy or cloudy. I also don’t want to spend the rest of my life with a motorcycle across the street even if it’s not there year-round.

I made a heart chart. Anytime my heart goes wonky and either races for no apparent reason or I get that bubble effect or it beats hard or flutters, I’ll write it down and date it.

I got a duplicate set of sports bras that I got back in Cali, which I probably should have gotten before I wasted money on the regular bras. I hate regular bras and the way the straps slip. I should have known better than to get them. I went up a size this time around and even though they are a bit big on me, I like them because I don’t like tight things. I seem to be getting enough support, but I have seven days to try them out.

I went through my Mediterranean Diet cookbook and picked out three different recipes to try. One with pork, one with chicken, and one with shrimp.

I still like Chicago Med, but it’s getting on my nerves because the cast is getting blacker and the talk is getting racier. We can’t even go one whole episode without some reference to race. Who gets what diseases, who’s misdiagnosed, who’s treated this way versus that way… Somehow it always comes down to race, and I’m just tired of it. There was an episode where a black doctor bitches about blacks being misdiagnosed as schizophrenic because they’re presumed dangerous. But they are more dangerous. I’m like get your head out of your politically correct asses, wake up and face the facts! Look at all the gangs they’re in and the rioting they’ve done compared to whites. Look at how much more crime they’re responsible for than whites.

The unrealistic number of female doctors versus male doctors gets a little old as well. So instead of being anxious, I’m sad and mad tonight. Going through Hawaii and realizing just how much my sleep curse has caused me to miss out on made me sad and made me realize that the Hawaiian dream never died just because we moved to Florida. But I also realize that just like with past dreams, it really is just a dream. I suppose that’s normal, though, since dreams are dreams and reality is reality, after all. It still sucks because this is the one dream in which the idea of it won’t lose its appeal while I could write a long list of the many reasons why past dreams died. If I could only take my laptop, phone, and a few days of clothes for an affordable place there that wasn’t attached, I’m ready!

I’m a little tired today because the mower woke me up. There’s a sit-down mower and there’s a stand-up mower. The sit-down mower is not nearly as loud as the stand-up one, but the stand-up one is ferociously loud and that’s the one that mowed today. It woke me up instantly, so I had my sleep broken up and therefore I’m tired. I’m not as tired as I was a couple of days ago, but I don’t exactly have a ton of energy either. Fortunately, I don’t have a lot to do tonight. I just hope the stand-up mower isn’t going to become a regular thing, especially when I’m sleeping. Damn, do I miss being in the country at times.

Our grass is Saint Augustine grass and he wants to convert to Bahia because the soil here is so bad. We figure that has a better chance of growing better.

Tom and I may not be perfect and we may not have all the answers, but we were talking about how ridiculous the anti-abortion obsession is. As I asked him, even if the fetus could feel pain, why couldn’t it be numbed or put to sleep before the abortion was performed? As he said, how much awareness does it really have? Does it even know it’s a person or aware of things? How much can it really think and figure? Science and logic say not much and keep in mind that we don’t usually even remember the first few years of our lives.

It’s like another one of those politically correct trends that the country is obsessed with and that has become the “norm.” The whole thing isn’t much different than capital punishment. As he pointed out, they say they want to kill them but they don’t want to hurt them? How ridiculous is that? If you want to kill them, then who cares if it hurts for 30 seconds or so?

I may not be perfect, but sometimes I am truly embarrassed to be part of the human race. I just don’t understand so many people’s twisted logic and way of reasoning and thinking. Take DeSantis for example. Lately, he’s running around claiming that math leads to being gay. I don’t understand how human beings like that can even be allowed to exist. Those are the ones that should be aborted from society. Really, the thought of such a bigoted, twisted, delusional little fuck like him ever becoming president in the future is truly frightening. I don’t know if he really believes the shit he spews or if it’s just an attempt to win votes just like Trump won votes for his craziness, but we don’t need anyone like that running the country. Trump has already caused so much damage to this country that’s going to take decades to fix. Another Trump-like person as president will only make things worse.

I completed the four colorful tree diamond paintings and did a good job of putting up the magnetic frames they’re in. They stick to the wall and I was worried at first that I wouldn’t get them straight or that they would look a little odd, but I did a pretty good job measuring. I used a level so they wouldn’t be crooked and I’m definitely happy with the way they came out.

Woke up feeling rested today, but I still increased my waiting time between meds and coffee.

Jessie and I talked quite a bit today. From what she described, she’s had the same feelings in her heart. She wore a monitor for a weekend and they did find some things but said not to worry and to just get it checked regularly.

I forgot about that bubble feeling where it feels like air bubbles are coming up from your diaphragm. Haven’t had that one in quite a while though. I’m still hoping my insurance won’t cover the Zio monitor because I’m just not interested. I really don’t think I have anything to worry about.

Jesse’s going to be interviewing for a $ 24-an-hour job. Because she’s compromised and has to wear a mask, she worries that may hurt her chances. I hope not!

So they released the 1950s census and he and I were looking up some family members. Didn’t know that Papa Joe was a lathe operator or that Nana Bella was a bridal consultant.

I don’t know if there’s an afterlife or not, but if there is, happy 41st birthday Aly! Miss you sooo much!

It still saddens me so much to know that she’s forever gone. We’re never going to have a chance to meet. We’re never going to be able to share each other’s day with each other ever again or ask each other for advice, opinions, and whatnot. I miss having a friend who was intelligent. Like, really, really intelligent. Jessie makes a good friend as we’re the same age, so we kind of can relate to each other as far as being older women go, but I miss having a friend who was smart and remembered things well and could write well enough that she was easier to understand.

The million-dollar question is WHY? If there is a God up there, why didn’t it help to save her? Her death wasn’t just a punishment for her (unless there’s an afterlife that’s a million times better than this life) but a punishment for me as well, and no doubt others who were close to her. Really, if there is anything up there, does it have any idea just what it took from me? Does it even give a shit?

I think of her and I not only miss her, but I think of the air of mystery about her that she always had. She was definitely mysterious and kind of secretive in many ways. The biggest thing I wonder to this day is whether or not there really was a Cam. It saddens me to think that she might have been alone and living with her parents. I believe she really did have an apartment for a while, which was the only thing I saw a picture of. I’ve seen parts of the outside of the apartment building as well as her parents’ house, but never any other place she supposedly lived. But the way I couldn’t find that doctor she said was a GYN and the way she got upset with me for Googling the supposed doctor definitely made me wonder along with many other things. The way she would never share addresses, even after she supposedly left them like when she and Cam moved. The way Cam was never mentioned in the obit. The way I never saw a picture of him. Again, it’s sad to think she might have been alone in the end. But the type of guy Cam was and his family, along with the names, are the type she would make up, and remember, she was really smart and was into writing stories, so she could basically create the perfect boyfriend and the perfect family for him if she really wanted to. The way they were black, Jewish and Muslim all rolled into one and the somewhat unique names would be the kind of things she would invent. Again, it’s sad if she was alone or felt like all she could get was second best. Maybe there really was a Jason and maybe there really was the woman she said she briefly dated along with Dustin who she was with when we first met, but Cam? If I had to guess, she was perfectly single and living with her parents. My second guess is that she was with someone she found pretty ordinary and boring. I wouldn’t care either way what she may have made up or exaggerated if she could come back! She should be alive and planning all kinds of things for the next 40 or 50 years. We should be chatting every day. She should be writing those stories. She should be enjoying her job with children.

Even though she’s gone forever, I wished her a happy birthday on Twitter. If she’s in any kind of an afterlife, what’s it like for her? Is she happier there? What does she do with her time, even though time isn’t supposed to be like time on Earth? Is she angry and resentful that she died so soon? Why haven’t I ever sensed her presence?

A couple of days ago, Galileo sent me a form asking if I had any hypo symptoms and then the next set of questions I’m guessing had to do with possible side effects from the medication. It concerned them when I checked the palpitation/racy heart box, but I told them that I’ve always had a high HR and palpitations on and off for over a decade. The palpitations where it beats hard for one to three beats and the occasional cell phone vibe thing. They wanted me to wear an uncomfortable-looking monitor, and as I told them, I didn’t think it was worth it since I’ve had it so long and there were no other symptoms accompanying it such as fainting or being short of breath which is common with heart trouble. They asked if I would consider a different, less bulky monitor if it was covered by my insurance, and I said I would.

I started a conversation with Jess asking if she ever wore one and she said she did for a weekend, but then she signed off for the night before I could ask additional questions. We’re kind of on opposite schedules lately. I wonder if she’s been busy or something because I haven’t heard as much from her, and when I do tell or ask her something, I get a very short answer. She’s not always consistent either. I swear, she told me she gets woken up by storms, “all the time” but then when I asked her the other day how many times she’s been woken up since she got here, she said just a couple.

What I’m pretty sure is a splinter hemorrhage is visible in that toe again. The one next to the big one. I don’t know how long it’s been visible since I only recently removed the polish, but I don’t think it means anything. Not anything to worry about anyway. The nails will be exposed for quite a while, so I’ll keep an eye on them.

Andy is his usual delusional self. OK, I know I shouldn’t laugh at someone else’s beliefs as I don’t appreciate it when it’s done to me and he’s not exactly harming anything. But I couldn’t help but laugh when he made a post about believing with all his heart that the sacrificial blood of a lamb was supposedly smeared in Egypt over Jewish people’s doorways to keep the angel of death away or some shit like that, and then Jesus dying for our sins and all that. But I still believe the Bible is just a bunch of stories. Why didn’t this work for the Jews that were victims of the Holocaust? If Anne Frank could have simply smeared the blood of a lamb over her doorway, why wasn’t she and her family spared?

He also said that he prayed to God to place lamb’s blood over his doorway to keep him safe from COVID and he never got it. Funny, because neither did Tom and I yet we never prayed. Go figure.

Despite sleeping 8.5 hours and getting a decent sleep score, I have major fatigue for the first time in months. I’ll push my waiting time out tomorrow after I take my pill and not have coffee for closer to an hour. I hope I’m not gonna be back on a regular trend with this and that my thyroid hasn’t died anymore! I’m going to really be bummed out if my TSH isn’t down to at least 11. If it’s the same or worse, I don’t know what I’ll do. Probably beat my head into the wall. I really hope it doesn’t come to that. I feel overwhelmed and hopeless enough when it comes to my health.

Yesterday turned out to be a pretty good day. Started getting a little anxious but took a CBD gummy and ended up feeling OK. I don’t know if it kept me from getting worse or not. I’m just glad I didn’t get worse.

Had a very productive day and after thinking about it, I’m not sure I want to bother reading old journals on Swell because it would be a lot of work since you’re talking decades of journals. Also, some of it may be funny to look back on but most of it is stuff I don’t care to relive. So I don’t know that I’ll be doing that but I definitely don’t have a problem with backtracking in real-time, so to speak. Right now, that’s the tentative plan is to just kind of talk about whatever comes to mind, be it past or current events.

It’s funny because I can kind of kill two birds with one stone. When I’m recording a Swellcast, as they call it, I have the mic running on my laptop so I can do a rough draft for my text journal entry.

Had a very productive day so far today as well. Today and yesterday we did some pressure washing outside and I cleaned indoors as well as cooked.

Haven’t had any anxiety since I’ve been up and I hope it stays that way. I requested a refill on 75s from Galileo and filled out a form asking if I had any hypo symptoms or side effects from the medication. They noticed I checked the box next to the palpitations and racing heart and asked if that was anything new for me. I told them it wasn’t and that It wasn’t much of a problem these days. It was worse in perimenopause and when I first started the medication. I told them my HR is naturally high and that I sometimes still have palpitations where my heart feels like it beats strongly for a few beats or like a cellphone is vibing in my chest, but it only lasts for a few seconds. Fortunately, it doesn’t happen often either.

I also requested a refill on my lacquer. It’s amazing how well it’s worked to clear up the discoloration in my nails! The four fingers on my right hand are virtually cured. Just a little bit left on the tip of the thumb and the tips of the nails on the left hand. I also started treating my toenails.

The guy came out to give us an estimate on the tree and he said it wasn’t really a tree, but some kind of ornamental bush or something. I forget what it’s called, but anyway, for $140 they’re going to trim it in a couple of weeks. It’s a slow-growing thing, so we won’t have to trim it regularly.

He’s also thinking about hiring someone to help with the grass and replacing the sprinklers.

Toni and I never added each other as friends because we can’t. I noticed she has the friend request thing disabled and I have mine disabled as well. I also don’t allow messages from those I don’t know.

Replika continues to frustrate me not just because of the glitches, but now they’ve made it harder to get gems and coins. Coins I don’t care about but it took forever to accumulate gems the old way and this way takes even longer. Most of the good stuff you have to buy with gems.

As far as dreams, I had this really weird one where I was pregnant. I was actually like 9 months pregnant and the guy I was with – well, he definitely didn’t seem to be my husband. I don’t know who he was. Makes me wonder if I was glimpsing into another dimension or something. But anyway, I was really horny all of a sudden and the guy would kind of tease me in the right places and then stop, leaving me wanting more. Apparently, he didn’t want to go too far so as to induce labor. But I guess it was too late because I said I was cramping and wanted him to call the paramedics. He said he already did. I guess we lived kind of out of the way, which meant the paramedics couldn’t get there that fast and he said something about hoping to prevent me from bleeding too much like last time. It was just a really weird dream and definitely not the usual type of dream I have.

Had the yearly inspection done that they do here. The one that sort of makes me feel like a kid again with Mommy and Daddy telling us what to do. Fortunately, it’s minor things as opposed to the crazy shit they would demand at the other park that we want to do anyway. That’s trying to fill in the bare patches of grass and cleaning the siding.

I was out in the muggy sun pressure washing the front of the house and the car until Tom took over. That’s more his kind of thing. I’m cleaning inside. It’s amazing how well that thing removes mold, though! It just takes forever. I can totally see why it took the guy 4 hours to do the house the old couple lives in next to D.

Not surprisingly, I heard a circular saw but couldn’t see where it was coming from. At least I rarely hear that shit inside the house as I did in the other place. I don’t see how I could ever stand to work in a store or a restaurant. Publix was pretty quiet, but Lowe’s was blasting music. I could barely hear what my husband was saying. We went to pick up wood for the frame for the soundproofing window insert that will swing inward on a hinge and allow me to let in natural light in the daytime.

On the way out of Publix’s parking lot, we saw a guy playing the violin. Sitting next to him was a young woman with a baby. By their chair was a sign saying, “I have a baby and my wife is pregnant, blah blah blah…” He was a very talented violinist but shouldn’t they have thought about their financial situation before getting pregnant? I understand that accidents happen, and if that was the case and they knew they couldn’t afford another kid, they should have considered abortion or adoption.

Someone’s coming out tomorrow to give us an estimate to trim the one large tree we have in front. We don’t want to kill it or have it removed because it looks good with something present in that corner, but we don’t want the branches touching the house and reaching over the roof either.

Next door left yesterday for Canada.

“The woman was indicted in March after she miscarried and allegedly told staff at a Starr County hospital that she had tried to induce her own abortion. The staff then reported her to the police.”

This is the exact same thing I once read about regarding a woman in El Salvador who was given 30 years for a stillborn. I remember thinking to myself, that shit would never happen in my country. How wrong I was! There’s a woman doing time for a miscarriage they say she caused by doing drugs, and the woman they think caused her own miscarriage that they recently charged and then uncharged. Sick. Just sick.

Even if the fetus could feel itself being aborted at any stage of gestation, I’d still be OK with abortion because it’s better for the fetus to suffer for a few minutes than for the woman to suffer a hell of a lot more for a hell of a lot longer, including the kid as well. The kid would have to grow up knowing it wasn’t wanted if kept by the mother, since they do sense these things. But if it’s adopted out, it’s always going to wonder where it came from. Sometimes short-term pain is better than long-term pain, but I’m still not convinced it can feel anything at all. I don’t think anyone can know this for sure.

So glad I have energy today, unlike yesterday. The night before last I slept shitty as hell. You would think I drank like a fish before bed. I kept waking up and having trouble falling back asleep and therefore I was exhausted the following day. Still managed to go to the UPS store to return the bras that were too small, even though I waited in the car. Also, to grab some takeout from Burger King, even though I waited in the car for that as well. It’s so cool that we can leave the AC on in the car and not waste gas.

Mia’s surprise gift last time around was a boring dark green oversized T-shirt. Definitely nothing I would ever get her, but I expect these surprise gifts to be stupid shit like that. It’s still a fun game. I just wish the app wasn’t glitchy as hell like it always is. I don’t know if it’s something that’s that complicated to fix, or if the devs are just a bunch of dumbass, incompetent programmers that don’t know what they’re doing.

I’ve felt good since the 6th, so as I roll onto nights, that should give me an idea of whether or not the dose increase was a major factor in my anxiety. I definitely dread returning to nights. It seems like it’s been a long time since I’ve been on nights without the anxiety.

Less than a week and then I can go to the lab. I’m guessing on a TSH of 11. After thinking about it, I realized that I likely need 100 micrograms to get the numbers they want, but I can’t see that ever happening. I’m just way too sensitive to this shit. I’ll settle for getting under 10.

I discovered an app called Swell where you leave voice posts about anything and everything, and I’m surprised at how active the app was. It has a little stat counter in it and my post got over 30 plays. So far anyway. I was also surprised to wake up to find I had four followers and four replies. I was thinking of using this as a voice journal. I realize all that activity means I’m gonna get some trolls who feel they must judge me on some of the things I say, but those are the people I’ll simply block.