Oh, I am so sick of this barking! It’s been horrible lately. For the last few months, barking has been audible inside the house like never before. Someone nearby obviously got some new dogs. I don’t think it’s any of the immediate houses, but with no trees or buildings, they wouldn’t have to be so immediate. The house towards the front had 3 or 4 of them going off at once the other day when we were outside. Again I have to ask myself, how can the owners stand it? And why must so many dogs in this state be stored outside 24/7 as if they were old, used and discarded furniture? It’s not that dogs should never be outdoors, but dogs should be part of the family and not part of the landscape.

I woke up earlier than I thought I would yesterday, so we saw Scot around 10:00. I should be used to it by now, but I’m not. Meaning, on the way there my heart pounded with the same anxiety it always pounds with when en route to Scot. I kept trying to tell myself, don’t let this system intimidate you. They can’t hurt you anymore. You won’t let them. You know better now. Still, you just never know what may come up and who might pull what.

Court was in session so we met where the secretaries work next door and were in and out in a flash. He even surprised me by wishing us a good Christmas. I didn’t think he was the type to wish anybody a good anything.

If there’s any good news, my stomach still doesn’t flip-flop over the thought of the upcoming test. I guess I just won’t let it get to me. It’s going to be just one more time and then I’ll never have to endure that kind of humiliation ever again. I’m sure that come the 8th, though, as we’re on our way to Casa Grande, my stomach will be flip-flopping plenty. The test might not be until February or even March. Personally, I hope it is right away. I just want to get it over with and put it behind me forever, but somehow, I wouldn’t count on God to be that nice to me. Not after how much he’s already made me suffer on account of this bullshit.

One of the first things Scot asked us was if we got the truck, and I wondered if he did cuz he saw them. I could’ve sworn I saw his gold SUV go by the other day, though he usually sees people in the white one. I asked Tom if he saw him, but he said he didn’t notice. Must’ve been under one of the trucks when it went by. I didn’t ask if it was him or not, but if it was, why didn’t he stop here? I guess he just doesn’t feel it’s time yet and that he’d rather pop in on his problem clients instead for now. I still think he’ll be here soon enough, though. I just hope to hell he doesn’t go crazy with the visits like he did at the start of last year. There’s no way we can fence and lock him out before March. I’ll just ignore him this time around, though, if I have to. There’s more to my life than Scot B and his little forms.

Sure enough, the PG dolls never came. We went from having to fight like hell to get dolls from them to not being able to get them at all. I don’t know if I’m still gonna BBB them or not. It wouldn’t get us our money back, nor would it get Tasha sent to us.

As scheduled, Mei Li arrived yesterday. She came earlier too, at 3:30. It’s a good thing we weren’t out on account of the black bitch at that time like I thought we’d be cuz I thought I was going to sleep late.

She’s gorgeous. Hers and Tyler’s bodies are identical as they are from the same molds. Just the head molds are different, and I assure you, Mei Li’s face is way nicer. She has a very realistic face for a vinyl doll. The Playboy dolls are realistic from head to toe, unlike Tyler and her 3 friends who aren’t too realistic from the neck down, though they are more realistic than Barbie.

Anyway, she has long, straight black hair to the tush and came in a very nice, elegant pale pink teddy with pale pink strappy sandals. She also came with sheer stockings which looked nice, but hindered me from being able to put her in a sitting position as they were so tight, so I removed them.

Amazingly, this rat gives kisses back, too! Yes, Little Fella is my favorite of these two. He doesn’t mean to me what Little Buddy did, and perhaps no rat ever will, but he’s a cool one. I had to raise the bitch up on a stand, though, cuz she was trying to bite the poor fella’s nose off whenever he’d walk up to her cage. I hate that rat! She’s gotten to be as mean as the bear was. But that’s all the more reason Tom just has to love her. He always wants to keep the animals I can’t stand as well as the ones I like. Hopefully, she’ll surprise me like Little Ratsy did and not live long.

Anyway, Oreo’s a lot like Sneezy was, except Sneezy would never leave the cage. Little Fella’s a Houdini, minus the destructiveness, which I so do appreciate.

The subject came up earlier about stupid things people have said to me over the years. One of the old phony cronies of Nettle’s Island where my folks used to live had told me when I was 24 that I was “too pretty to be gay.”

I was like, “You mean women deserve only ugliness?”

Then there was that jailhouse therapist Kara who was all worried about having me classified as closed custody, but would it have mattered? After all, I was already being labeled a stalker.

Then that vicious butch Mary D said when we were discussing artificial insemination, “Not many men would be willing to give up their sperm to a gay woman.”

Not many men would be willing to give up their sperm to even a straight woman! I really believe most men who became fathers were tricked, in a sense. Let’s just say that if most of them could know when they were going to make a baby each time they had sex, the world’s population would be half of what it is. That’s just not a guy thing in general.

I understand that some people would consider me to be selfish, but I am so glad we never did have that kid I once wanted so badly. If there’s one thing I do not need right now it’s the burden and expense of another mouth to feed, another being to care for. Caring for myself, my husband, and my animals is way more than enough. On days when I’m exhausted or upset, the last thing I’d need would be a fussy baby screaming at me with poopy diapers that stink so bad they nearly make me puke. I have nothing against kids. Kids are wonderful. But kids are not for me. There would be so little opportunity to do things. You know what they say – have kids, have no life. I couldn’t make dolls for damn sure. What would we do? Hire a nanny with money we wouldn’t have to keep them out of my hair while I worked? Right!

Anyway, I guess it’s all a matter of one’s preference as well as priorities. Homemaking and hobbies are my passions, along with my husband and pets.

The thought of some of the dolls I want to make being made a year from now and the freeloaders not owning me is beyond too good to be true! Way beyond it.

I was rather overwhelmed with all the mail I got from Mary two days ago! Such mixed emotions too, between feeling sad for her, mad at Todd and Virginia, and frustrated over organizing those damn drafts I had sent her to organize! I told her I did my best, but this is it! No more organization for me. It drives me crazy. Again I suggested she just write the story while she’s locked up, trying her best to keep it in order till she’s free and able to go over it with an editor and or publisher. My job is simply to type up what she sends me. I don’t want to go through this again cuz it’s a real bitch.

She says she’s going to Florida soon and I told her that once there, I’d send her all her story drafts as well as her affirmations and poems, and to please hang onto that copy so I don’t have to print too many. She had asked me to scan/print some astrology stuff, but then I asked her if she really thought that was a wise idea if she thinks she’s just going to be moved soon. I’m also slowing down my mail to her so I don’t get too much returned if I go sending stuff during the move.

I don’t know what will exactly be happening in Florida, though I asked her. Is she to be standing trial? Being a witness? Both?

She also said she thinks Michelle’s gone and ditched her and I think she might be right, though as I also told her, it could be a good thing. Meaning, sometimes it’s best to break all connections to the ones that hurt us like I had to cut off my sister and niece who were too closely connected with my folks and brother.

Anyway, the reason I think she’s right is cuz of something Tom told me that I was unaware of. I checked a box asking for receipts on all retrieved emails that I send, which Tom informed me was optional on the receiver’s part. So just cuz I don’t get a receipt for something I send, doesn’t mean it wasn’t read. The person I send it to receives a pop-up box asking them if they want to send me the receipt and they can say no. So, along with the astrology stuff, she might want to put a hold on any more letters to Michelle.

Meanwhile, she sent me yet another person’s letter to type. Some guy named José who was recently jailed in Florida. For what, I don’t know, but I guess the two were friends. At the same time I don’t like doing too many things for people I don’t know, it does keep me busy and I know she’d do anything she could for me.

Virginia sounds like she’s turned into a real bitch and I wonder if she’s worse than Hope. I don’t know if she’s a beggar or if she gets her own commissary, but she’s said some hurtful things to Mary, like how Todd’s happy and getting on with his life, as well as other things pertaining to Mary’s loved ones. This is the girl Mary had described as easy-going. A lot of people seem to start off cool till you get closer to them. Then when you have to live with them 23/7 in a closet, that only makes it worse.

She’s in for murder, but Mary didn’t elaborate on it. I assume she killed either her boyfriend, husband or kid. That’s how it usually works; people kill those closest to them. I asked her about it anyway.

I was stunned when I read they let the whole pod out for 6 hours! Wow, the DO that did that must’ve gotten chewed out big time by the sergeant!

I was a little worried when she asked what my New Year’s resolution was. Doesn’t she know? I’ve mentioned it before, so I hope to hell she’s getting all my mail. Nonetheless, I told her I plan to lose 20-30 pounds.

Another thing that made me wonder about mail getting to her was her asking how old Little Buddy was when he died. But I said so in my excerpts.

I was surprised to hear her New Year’s res is to be more positive. But she is positive. Maybe too positive! I don’t think I could ever have the faith she does.

She says some power-hungry DO did a search at 2:30 in the morning. The poor girl! And it took 20 minutes to do it, too. Damn! I don’t remember ever getting tossed at that hour. Then Virginia had to go and say a rather asinine thing – that Mary’s sensitive and I was like, well, who wouldn’t be over such an ordeal?!

I’m not sure if her praying for me is such a good idea. Perhaps it can’t hurt, but what if it can? If my theories about God are right, then it might just piss him off all the more at the mere mention of my name! Either way, I know she means well and I love her for it. I told her that speaking from personal experience, I don’t believe in prayer and don’t think it’ll help her or change things in her case, but if she does – go for it. I also told her that with or without God she’ll survive because she’s a very strong person.

I also reminded her that she’s not burdening me with her hardships and to never think she is. Look at all the bitching I do in my journals! Also, I know what she means about feeling protective of loved ones, even if they can take care of themselves.

I wonder if Mary’s going to type as she writes. Meaning, she has improved her punctuation somewhat which has helped me tremendously, but questions need question marks, and if she wants to try making it as a writer, this will be important. If I had to give her my feedback, I’d say her punctuation needs the most work, her spelling and grammar are mediocre, and her vocabulary and writing style’s excellent. She really is a very talented writer. She has mega potential there. No doubt about it.

With me, my writing style needs work, my grammar and vocabulary are fair, and my punctuation and spelling are excellent.