So I read this article where a gay couple in Africa was jailed for 14 years simply for loving each other. These were adults, it was mutual, all done in the privacy of their own home, yet the act was condemned as “gross,” “immoral,” “unnatural” and “satanic.” You would think I would be seething with rage, yet oddly enough I felt rather numb as horribly unjust as it may be because I’ve simply become so used to the world’s fucked up ways. Rarely are things ever honest, fair and good. I’m so used to these sad, infuriating and unfair stories that I pretty much expect them.

Just look at Tom and I. Life has rewarded our hard work and willingness with unemployment now for over a year and a half. We tried so hard to get ahead yet we get to live like little bums for it. At least we get to do it quite fashionably thanks to all the clothes my folks sent.

I make it a point not to try to change people’s beliefs and opinions because then I’d be no better than a pushy Mormon and I don’t want to be one of the control freaks I condemn so much, but who do people think they’re kidding in saying God doesn’t give us any more than we can handle? Then how come people die of diseases, violence, accidents and other things? I’m sorry but if it kills us, then we obviously couldn’t handle it!

Each month that we’re forced to sit on our asses I find myself losing faith. I can’t even do my influencing thing. I keep entering sweeps, but I don’t win like I used to. As I’ve explained before, attitude and mood are everything when it comes to psychic influencing. Yet when you feel more and more hopeless, it’s hard to have a happy, positive attitude to turn up the wins and once again start winning thousands of dollars worth of stuff almost every month.

I try to do the things I enjoy, then it hits me that we’re on our last extension and the jobs aren’t coming back and that casts a dark cloud upon what would ordinarily be a sunny mood. Well, I will NOT let God, life, the government – whatever you want to call it – make a street bum out of me! Not now, not ever. I’m too old to handle that and personally, I don’t think I could have 20 years ago. Besides, that’s not the entire point. The point is I think I deserve better than that and so does my husband. What have we done so wrong to deserve the threat of the streets hanging over us like this? Well, I am not going to be belittled and reduced to the streets. I told Tom, if you feel you can cut it out there if worse comes to worst for us, stick around and go for it. Me, I’m outa here if that’s what it comes down to. I’m not going to fight to stay alive on the streets, then spend another 30-40 years being beat over the head with money if by some miracle I do survive.

I would prefer for my husband to get a job and for us to survive and buy a modest little house of our own in a couple of years. Once again, though, if something’s not meant to be, then no matter how hard you may work for it, it just ain’t gonna happen. I don’t want to live on the streets or in someone else’s dumpy trailer all my life and spend half the time worrying about rent and food. Call me selfish, call me spoiled, I deserve better than that and so does Tom!

I’m not so sure anymore that America is still the best country. Sure it’s better than Africa and the Middle East, but we treat foreigners better than our own people here, for God’s sake. Maybe I’ll get to be a little terrorist in Palestine in the next life so this country can lavish me with millions. People complain and complain about the twisted ways of our nation over and over again yet nothing is ever done about it. Nothing!

Tom took a picture of me outside yesterday with the long sundress on that my parents sent before it rained yet again. I don’t know why I look 150 pounds instead of the 125 pounds that I am, but oh well. Nothing I can do about it.

Tried calling the number I thought might be Laurie’s, but the number was out of service. Guess I’ll never know what became of her.

Although poorly designed, Tom managed to get the retractable clothesline hung up in the living room.

The new sound machines are great. The sound quality has really improved since I last got one of these things about a decade ago, and they’re so much lighter, too. Love the chirping birds they added to some of them.

Here’s an example of just how smart rats are. This rat likes a clean home, so after he’s done picking chicken bones clean, he likes to toss them outside his cage. To stop this I put up cardboard walls all around the base of his cage. But he outsmarted me by taking the “trash” upstairs and throwing it out from there. I doubt a dog would be clever enough to figure that one out. That’s why they’re so noisy and bark for hours at a time in places where they’re never allowed indoors; because they just don’t get that all the barking in the world isn’t going to bring them the attention they crave or get them taken inside.

I was proofreading and queuing up 4 entries per day on thoughts.com, but have decided to cut it to 2 entries a day because it’s so much work. So after June 1st, I’ll probably launch entries at 6am and 6pm PT.