Something hit me about Maliheh’s not accepting or rejecting my friend request. Maybe that is her way of moving on and being “friends;” by at least not rejecting it. I guess time will tell.

Molly only hit my blog – yeah, only - 37 times yesterday, and today she’s hit me 21 times so far.

I heard hammering from up at the summit, and I said to myself, oh no, not again! Please don’t tell me you’re going to do this every day until next summer just like last year!

I dreamt I got an email alert saying I had a message on Facebook from Maliheh, but when I went to log in, my inbox was empty.

Then I dreamt I got a phone call where she says, “Hello, troublemaker,” and I replied with, “Hello, boss,” but then the line went dead.

In other words, I can dream, but I can’t have (a message or call from her).

Before I get into the other dream I had of her, in real life I got a voice message from Marie. Argh! Yeah, I knew she’d try again. I’m surprised she hasn’t hit me by email or been on my blog, though I know other Facebookers from New York, not just her. Got a few direct hits or bookmarks, 3 Formspringers, and 2 twits. All in a New York minute.

All she said was to please text her or call her or something because she’s got to talk to me. Oh, come on, Marie! You don’t need to talk to me. There is nothing important you can tell me that I absolutely need to know. I didn’t lose a purse which you have found, you don’t know any of my friends who for some reason can only get a hold of me through you… so what can you possibly need to tell me that you haven’t already told me before? That you love me? That you know you have a problem but can’t always help it when your paranoid side comes out? That you promise not to be so damn persistent?

I went through enough cycles of her obsessive pushiness to know that it would only be a matter of time before the emails were coming in like crazy and she would accuse me of plotting against her when I didn’t respond right away because she either went off her meds or was PMSing.

Why is it that when it comes to women all I can get are the crazies while the so-called “normal” ones want nothing to do with me?!?! I hate to sound mean since a part of me will always love Marie and want the best for her. I know it’s not her fault she was abused, but many of us have been abused, such as myself, yet we learn to deal with it. I’ve been physically, emotionally and verbally abused, I’ve been starved, I’ve been lied to by those I was supposed to be able to trust most of all, and I’ve tried to take my own life. Then when I got older I started lashing out at society in general in the form of pranks, and God only knows how many people I may’ve assaulted that burned me in any way had I not been so scrawny. I was off to a slow start in learning to deal with my anger and all that, and sure it’s a bummer that Maliheh won’t talk to me, but I don’t go around accusing her of it being because she’s plotting to burn my place down or anything like that. Some people just don’t want to talk to us. Period.

People weren’t meant to be free of mistakes. It’s when we make the same damn mistakes over and over again that we’ve got a problem. I went through the same shit with Marie half a dozen times or more in just a few months. That tells me something about her right there. Again, I hate to sound non-accepting, unforgiving and insensitive and like I’m better than others. That’s not the case. I just accept the fact that some people aren’t going to change and I have just as much right as anyone else does to step away from those I feel are a negative influence of any kind on me. It isn’t that I haven’t forgiven Marie. There’s nothing really to forgive. I just don’t think we should bother with each other is all. There are only a few people I would never ever forgive even with a million apologies and a million dollars. In fact, I would applaud anyone who harmed them and even kiss the ground they walked on, too. Those who know me or who have read my bio know who they are.

When I think of every Brenda that wasn’t good enough for me and every Kacey that I wasn’t good enough for, I still have to wonder why. Why is it I can get stable guys like Tom despite how few men are stable compared to women, but the only kind of woman I could ever possibly have as a potential side dish to the main course must be crazy! She just has to be. But if she’s with it, she’s a no-no, even if she’s a bitch. How insulting, huh? Then again, I am allowed to have sane ones for friends, both in cyberspace and not, so I guess it isn’t hopeless after all when it comes to a certain someone, LOL. Well, she may not be “crazy enough” for me to say so, but your Caligirl who can never be your Caligirl since she could never “qualify” sends a warm dose of affection your way regardless of her under-qualifications. :)

I compared our 10-day forecast to Maliheh’s. I’m so jealous, LOL. Keep it up and I just may put her state on our list of possibilities for when it’s time to “go home” if she wants an underqualified part-time, non-live-in girlfriend, and I hate to say it but at her age, you just can’t afford to be so picky. It sucks and it’s not fair, but that’s just life. So I hope for her sake she is happily settled down with Miss Right-n-Qualified even if I’d feel a tinge of jealousy if I knew she was. She better be good to her too, if she exists! But it still snows there and I’m still no doubt too nutty, too short and too feminine for the likes of Miss “Haddad” with all my womanly peeks, curves and valleys.

I made some minor changes to my last chapter, then decided I just didn’t like that Big Mac, LOL. Joni jokes about how getting married shouldn’t take much longer than it takes to eat a Big Mac, and actually, it takes a bit of time to eat one of those things. So I made it a slice of pizza instead.

This rat is so much fun even if he gets to be a pest at times demanding so much attention and always wanting to be let out. He bolts out of his cage like a racehorse as soon as I open his door. He is a definite keeper and much like Tinkerbell. The only difference is that he’s not quite as smart as she was, but female rats are usually smarter anyway.

Tinkerboy is definitely the most playful. It’s so cute how he tugs playfully on my clothes, chases me, and loves it when I chase him back. As soon as I got up he was all over me, giving me kisses and just totally glad to see me, LOL. He’s been wound up ever since I got up at 9:30 yet rats are typically nocturnal.

He’s very gentle when he plays. He’s put his whole mouth on my fingers where I can feel his teeth, but he never bites.

I can see him from where I am in the bedroom (my computer is in the corner of the bedroom). He’s lying down now, but I know that if I just stood up from this chair, he’d be climbing the walls of his cage anxious for me to come and play with him, LOL. He literally tried to climb the wall yesterday. It was so funny! He jumped up as if he could grab hold of it and climb it. It was funny hearing him hit the wall with the little splat and then slide down it. He sure jumps high, too.

He stole a sip of my coffee earlier, LOL. Not sure if he likes it very much, but he loves popcorn.

I was singing earlier and he cracked me up. I sometimes talk to him from where I sit at my desk and he responds to my voice by excitedly hopping around and climbing the wall closest to me. I threw on headphones and started singing and he was so sure I was talking to him, LOL. He calmed down during a musical break in the song and curled up inside his burrow. But then as soon as I started singing again, out he flew. It took two songs for him to realize I wasn’t talking to him after all.

LM has even worse tech issues than Formspring, believe it or not, and so I’m going to see about finishing up with the Esperanto elsewhere cuz I’m really sick of it.

When I got up this morning I couldn’t walk at first. The muscles in my right leg are badly pulled. For someone who’s in shape and used to running, I couldn’t figure out why, but then I remembered I almost spilled on the gravel up the top of the hill on my way down so that’s why. So no running for me today until it heals.

I don’t know why, but my blog is getting an incredible amount of traffic lately. People are getting pushed off the list (I can only see 30 at a time) faster than I can see them.

Later…

Now that’s interesting. Look at the last paragraph in my last entry (about traffic pushing people off the list faster than I can see them, though, that’s not quite true). Well, interestingly enough, Maliheh came in at around 4:25, then again at 4:49, as if she might want a better chance of appearing on the list to let me know she dropped by. That’s a nice thought, but who can know for sure?