Got up, checked my mail, answered Formspring and MyOpera questions, and now I can’t get back into MyOpera due to heavy traffic. I’m writing this in Word, as I usually do, and will copy it over as soon as it will let me.

LM is the absolute worst site when it comes to glitches, though MyOpera glitches are getting more frequent. With other sites that are glitchy, they at least manage to fix the problem in a day or two, but not LM. For a week now I haven’t been able to do the writing and speaking parts of my Esperanto lessons. Therefore it won’t tally up my final scores. I’ve learned enough of the language by now to be able to say that it’s an easy enough language, and so I would probably pass all 4 courses in the upper 90s. When you already know Spanish, Portuguese and especially Italian, since Esperanto is more closely related to Italian, there really isn’t much to it. German is still proving tougher than I thought it would be, but it’s progressing.

I canceled my MySpace account today (though it will take 48 hours to take effect) because I simply have no use for it. In the last 6 months alone I haven’t done much more than send Maliheh those two nasty messages I’ll forever feel just horrible about when I thought she was harassing me (damn Andy’s timing even though he had no way of knowing!) and accepted friend invites from strangers. All my friends there were strangers, none of whom I friended except for Gloria Estefan. I never even bothered sending Maliheh a friend invite there.

Next goes Facebook – maybe. Still not sure on that one because I not only have real friends and family there (Jessie was a childhood friend), but good cyber pals as well. And of course there’s Maliheh, LOL, who may or may not be able to see my friend invite, and who may or may not ever accept it if she can. I still hope she’ll one day accept it if she can see it, even though I don’t ever expect her to feel as I do. But we all gotta do what we gotta do, and maybe her not rejecting it is her way of accepting it. Like she’s kind of meeting me halfway or something. Guess I’ll never know. I know it’s pointless to keep beating myself up for the mistakes I’ve made where she’s concerned and that there’s only so many times I can apologize for my mistakes and let her know I hope we can move on and that I’ll be here for her if she ever wants to talk. I am naturally curious about her. Of course a “silent” friendship is ok too, LOL, if she ever wants to accept the invite, but still not communicate with me.

I’ve had crushes on many other women before, most of which wore off in a few months or less, whether anything happened between us or not. Yet here I am nearly 20 years later still crushing on Maliheh. Can anyone tell me why that is? LOL

Alison suggested Maliheh may contact me after the story’s finished. Hmm…I wondered this, too; if perhaps she’s just waiting until then. Time will tell!