A part of me misses Andy, but while he not only told me, “Don’t come crawling back” and I intend to respect his wishes, I know we’d only fight about the same old stupid shit if we were suddenly friends again. And if it wasn’t the same old stupid shit, then it would be something else. Best to just remember the good times, and yes it’s true that even 20 years from now, assuming I’m still alive, I’ll still giggle to myself when I remember certain pranks we used to pull.

Not the least bit surprisingly, he checked out my blog last night.

Today I am in much better spirits than I was yesterday, not that anything’s really changed. The only thing I did differently yesterday was that I had 3 wine coolers. I also had a GREAT chat with Nane. I am really coming to adore that woman and as I told her, I will never again laugh when I hear someone say they’ve come to love or care for someone online they’ve never met. I just love that woman. :) She started off as just a pretty face, then she ended up surprising me by becoming someone I now care about. Especially after we got over our confusion about a few things. That’s what can happen sometimes when you don’t see the person in person and one’s native language is German and not English.

Anyway, we were talking about the predicament we’re in and she told me some personal things about her in return and I found she can relate to me a lot more than I realized. Never ever give up on life, she told me. Apparently, she knows what it’s like to be poor too, but has been working her ass off now for over 30 years. So has Tom, and he’s ready, willing and able to do it again just as soon as someone will let him.

She was also dumped by a guy she was with for 16 years and even considered offing her own self when she turned 50. But then she met a guy who seems to love her very much and is very sweet.

After telling her that no one’s survival depended on mine and that Tom would get over me in time, I asked her – tell me truthfully – if I killed myself would it really matter to you?

“Yes, Jodi, it would,” she said. This was both surprising and touching. I wished to hell I could reach through the monitor and hug her at that moment. I really have to wonder just how the hell I came to care for someone on the other side of the world I never met, LOL. I know that if someone told me there would someday be a “stranger” in Germany that would come to care for me I’d have been rolling on the floor laughing my ass off. And she’s oh so gorgeous. :)

But why? Why do I care about her? I wonder. If 99% of the population told me I looked fat and ugly I’d be like, “So? Don’t look if you don’t like what you see.” But if she told me that I’d probably throw myself on the bed and cry like a baby.

And why am I jealous of “Jim?” I’d never get to have her even if I lived right under her nose, so why I feel this way is beyond me. I guess it’s only natural. I have to laugh when I think that if I were still friends with Marie, she’d now have two people to be jealous of, hahaha.

She posted some pictures from her last trip to Turkey. I’ve never seen or heard of this sport before, but she was paragliding (or was it parasailing?) off the back of a speedboat. It looked like fun. She was maybe 30’ or so above water. In another shot, she was on a camel. Love how she said, “The camel on a camel,” since she has big boobies, too. Her face didn’t look too great in the only shot that was close enough to see it in, but what a body! Her hair’s really getting long, too; almost to her waist.

I think I’m gonna grow my own hair back out. I don’t know why, but it just doesn’t look as good this time around as it did last time I cut it off. It’s so damn curly I look like a poodle, LOL. I love how easy it is to take care of and sleep with, but I guess I’d rather have something that looked better even if it was a bit of a bitch.

They fixed the sweeps form to Munich, plus I found two other trips to Germany to enter for. One has you do an essay saying why you want to go to Germany. I took a screenshot of my essay and the contest form and sent it to Nane as I thought she’d get a kick out of it. I said I wanted to hug and thank my German teacher whom I met online a year ago for helping me learn some German, LOL.

After chugging down nearly 700 calories in booze yesterday on top of all I ate, I don’t know how I managed to drop back down a pound, but I did. Maybe dropping the high-cal coffee creamer really did help, along with cutting out the pasta, breads and potatoes.