Tomorrow’s the big day for Tom! It’s just hard to get all that excited when you know it’s not going to last long. I just hope it will lead to other jobs even if they too, are only for a week or two. He thinks it will. Hope he’s right because my track record for having bad vibes/dreams come true is too accurate for comfort. In my dreams, I didn’t see him getting anything permanent till September, but “permanent” for him has become a few months.

I was right when I said the last cooler pump was no good. I’m right when I say it won’t stop overflowing. And sadly, I was right when I said our shithead providers would fuck with the lines again even though they acknowledged the problem was on their end and it seemed to be completely fixed when they were out here. I just didn’t think they’d go back to playing games with us this fast. I was totally dismayed when it cut out on me late last night. I really thought they’d give us more than just a couple of days before they messed with us again. But each time does seem to get shorter. I guess they think it’s really fucking funny. Tom says they’re just incompetent, but I know it’s not just that. I really believe someone’s playing games and I doubt it’s just us they’re fucking with. Until competition comes to the area, some people just get off on pranks like that. I should know. I was once a prankster myself. Unfortunately, though, what they’re doing is perfectly legal.

Tom said it cut out on him like 30 times today while I slept and he called and let them have it. Ever since then, they’ve left us alone, though our speed is slower. The harassment usually stops for a few hours to a few days after we call them, so I guess we’re going to have to make a career out of calling them every day in order to get the regular service that we pay for since I can’t think of any lawsuits that can be filed against them to force them to do their job. Like I said, the only thing that will do that is competition. Right now they know that the people in this area either have to deal with their shit or move. And moving certainly isn’t as easy as changing providers. I worry about the day we can’t get online at all and we can’t afford to move. So much of our life revolves around the internet these days and there’s only so much we can do on the cell. We haven’t been able to move since we’ve been here so why would we be able to anytime soon? And where would we go but back to the city which I would totally hate? I haven’t had any vibes of us having no service at all, but I sure do have a lot of dreams that seem to take place in apartments. Having to live in one again would be quite a nightmare for someone that’s not only a light sleeper but that is easily distracted and hates to listen to other people’s noise. Here we just hear Jesse’s dogs and sometimes his vehicles. In an apartment, the list of sound sources is endless. I really hope God could never hate us enough to make our only choice in life to be a wall away from others with the way people are so wild and inconsiderate and getting worse and worse each year. I can’t even stand to eat in a restaurant anymore. Even expensive places like Red Lobster is a circus with the way people take screaming kids along that they won’t even try to teach any manners or discipline to. You can’t enjoy yourself and eat in peace. Not even libraries are quiet anymore.

Anyway, the number of grim predictions doesn’t exactly put me in a great frame of mind. I would normally be so thrilled to be so “gifted” and would be amazed that I could do such a thing, but not in these circumstances. If I’ve been right about so many things, I asked Tom, then why would I be wrong about us always struggling, especially when we’re old? He said we’ll probably be better off when he retires than we are now since he’s worked so much in his life.

He has made great money before so maybe, just maybe, he’ll one day get to do it again and for more than just a few weeks or months. Unless I win super big. My chances of that will be better over the next couple of days. Since the last and first day of the month is when most sweeps expire, your chances of winning go up. I know they snagged my name even though I haven’t had any win dreams. The influencer has made sure of that! But did she win something good? Guess we’ll find out soon enough!

Andy said his guardian angel who works for God (not sure I trust anything working for God) said that I would have a horrible 4-week cold from mid-January to mid-February of next year. One so bad that would fuck with my asthma and make me want to kill myself. But do NOT commit suicide because I will be blessed with something good in April of 2012. He just doesn’t know what it is. I just have to live to receive it.

LOL, I’m about 99% immune to colds thanks to the spells I’ve done. I’ve only had 3-4 minor colds since 1997 when I quit smoking. This doesn’t mean something else bad won’t happen, though. We’ll just have to see.

Now I’m up to 5 sample book downloads but still no buys. I’m almost tempted to just pull my books off of both Kindle and Smashwords. sighs Not meant to be this, not meant to be that – what am I meant to be??? A professional failure?

I think taking a day off to eat anything I wanted was a mistake. It set me back almost a pound, and as slow as I am at losing weight, that set me back about a week. So now I have to spend the next week undoing what I did in a day. Also, 30 minutes on the treadmill seems to be a bit much for me for some reason, and I can’t keep running at 4 or more MPH for more than a few minutes at a time. What is wrong with me and why am I having PMS symptoms so early in my cycle??? My period isn’t due till the 11th. I shouldn’t be starting to get sore backs, fatigue, water retention, and blah moods till around the 6th, right?

Got an email from Alison, and this goes to show how naïve and not-so-bright Kim is. Well, Aly confessed to her that her work sometimes has her having to deal with the FBI. She said Kim was surprised but I wasn’t the least bit surprised. She works for the military after all. She also said there are ways of looking at things that have been deleted like the blogs Molly deleted where she wrote all kinds of nasty shit about us. I knew this, too.

Anyway, I guess Alison is looking into what can be done about Molly. Her mother’s been harassing her on Facebook too, trying to get her to “work things out” and insisting that her darling daughter is doing nothing wrong. But since then Aly’s changed accounts and Molly’s dumped her WP blog for a blog on Tumblr which doesn’t mention any of us. She said she’d like to think she’s finally been scared into backing off since Alison’s threatened legal action even though she really couldn’t afford it nor is she healthy enough to deal with it so she said, but we also know that moments of peace from the fucking troll are few and far between.

I asked her if in her opinion she thought I could get in trouble for sending my blog entries to my ex-perp down in Arizona via auto-send. I don’t think I could since it’s a service Blogger offers that allows entries to be sent to up to 10 email addresses, and it’s not like I’m trying to sell anything. Furthermore, she could just mark it as spam if she weren’t interested, though I know she’s read the few I sent a while back. If she picked up the cards I sent, why not read this too? Plus, she came to my blog through one of the emailed entries on the 21st. I know she’s not just curious or interested in me or my life and that she’s just hoping for something she can get me with, but I just want to be sure I’m not doing anything wrong. After all, I never would have thought one could get in trouble for a letter, whether they wrote it or not, and even though the mail is a service offered by the post office. I’m not even mentioning her first name, let alone last name, or saying anything threatening, but I will admit it does amuse me to know she reads these things and spends so much time combing for “evidence” and itching to utilize that hateful, vengeful side of her.

It’s not that I fear being thrown in jail again or anything like that. I would never let her or anyone else legally screw me like that again. I would also never answer any court calls and instead, I would treat the courts and pigs like I would treat any old civilian. If I wouldn’t listen to Joe Shmoe down the street or Jane Doe in the next town telling me I need to report to court or to any other place, why should I give the courts any more respect than I would give them? So unless the pigs literally kicked their way in here and dragged me to jail (and believe me when I say I would NOT go out as peacefully as I did in Arizona), then it’s not courts or jails I’m worried about. I just don’t want to have Tom stressed out by any subpoenas or for us to know I have a failure-to-appear warrant out for my arrest. I know most people would say that the simplest, safest solution would be to never contact her again by any means or send her anything directly or not, but you know what I’d say to that? Become a victim yourself and see if it’s that easy!

Later…

Another day of being tired. sighs But this time it’s due to not sleeping well and not just PMS. I don’t sleep well when Tom’s not here because I’m stressing that Jesse may come down. Tom said there were no tracks when he got home but still, I’m stressing when he is bugging me and when he’s not I’m stressing that he’s going to. One of the biggest things I miss about owning is not having to deal with pesky landlords or having to share the property. But we’ll never own again so I just gotta live with it.

When Tom called to let Jesse know the rent was split like it usually is when he’s out of work, he said he sounded bummed at first but then was encouraged when he told him about the job even though it’s almost certainly going to be for just a week since that’s when the guy’s due back from the hospital that he’s filling in for. Either way, I have zero sympathy for Jesse T. First of all, it’s not our fault we have to split the rent. He also has a big beautiful house, many vehicles, and so much more than we’ll ever have. I’ll be quick to remind him of that and the racket he leaves us with on weekends if he gets to complaining and losing that I-understand and times-are-tough attitude. And if he really wants to piss me off I’ll be happy to beat his ass (no, his having 1 foot and 100 pounds on me will not stop me), and then I’ll shove one of his dogs down his throat and the other up his ass!

Anyway, Tom’s job was measuring electronic parts. He said the people were nice, but only suspects he’s got like a 1 in 100 chance of being hired on since they seem to have a set amount of regular workers.

Tom checked the log when he got home and found our connection cut out 42 times before I got up at 2 pm! 42 fucking times!

“Now do you believe this is deliberate?” I asked him.

“No, I think that every time they come out and work on someone else’s line around here they screw ours up.”

That may be so, but I still think it’s deliberate with the way it happens all the time. It’s been too many months to keep track of that we’ve had reliable service and I’m really starting to think we’re going to be forced to move into some dump that makes the noisiest times here seem like it’s quite comatose just so we can have a reliable connection.

I’d really like to know who the hell compromised one of my email addresses yet again on the 12th of last month. When I went to a PW check site, it told me how many times it was compromised and when the last time was, but not at which site. There was suspicious activity on one of my email sites so I changed the PW to a unique one. I make sure to change the ones involving money or anything important regularly enough, so I’m not too worried about it as far as them taking over accounts that aren’t important to me. Especially since I know that as soon as the site crew catches on they’ll put a stop to it. Still, I’m curious as to who the little fuck is, where they’re compromising me, and for what reason.

I’m starting to wonder if I’m going to be able to lose much more weight no matter what I do, but that’s ok. I don’t mind staying fat so long as I keep in shape, so I’m not going to stop dieting and exercising. I just don’t get why I spend half the month watered down when I should only be watery about a week before periods.

I haven’t had any palpitations in quite a while. What does this mean? That I’ve quit menopausing?

Nane poked me earlier and is already gearing up for her next run to Turkey. “Noch 47 Tage!” she said on her wall, LOL.

Irene messaged me saying she was busy at work.

Jesus, this is getting bad! Now our provider won’t even talk to us! They left poor Tom on hold forever and he’s trying to find a way to contact them online but can’t find anything.

Who the hell’s gonna give us another place to live while we’re on Unemployment even if it’s the cheapest, oldest dive in the slums???