Someone in Malaysia has been visiting my blog every day. Wonder if there’s a connection between them and whoever hacked my Gmail account.

Two years ago when I met Paul online we ended up in a discussion about how people tend to perceive us. I told him that people either hate me or they love me, but rarely ever just like me, and it’s true. They either run freaked out by my unique and wacky ways and the fact that I’m so outspoken and brutally blunt, or as one person said, I have a way of creeping under their skin and into their hearts. He told me he just liked me when we first met. He was very sure of it, too. But recently he told me he loved me. I told him “I told you so.” LOL Besides, he’d already confessed in a dream I had, so between that and our online interactions, I wasn’t that surprised. Yeah, people sometimes tell me things in my dreams that they either don’t want to or simply haven’t gotten around to telling me in person. But I don’t jump the gun and assume that every single thing someone “tells” me in my dreams is for real. I just assume there’s a chance it is. I love him too, in my own way and would probably meet him if I was single and he wasn’t so far away. I may’ve only been attracted to something like 5 or 6 guys in my life as opposed to zillions of women, but sometimes we meet people so damn cool that we just don’t care what they are.

Speaking of love, well, I was thinking about all the premonitions I’ve had and I hate to say it but my accuracy rate sometimes scares the shit out of even me. Many people say they find the idea of premonitions really cool if not a bit creepy, but with a track record like mine, it really takes the fun out of it at times. Love was the only biggie I have ever been wrong about so far. I really believed I was going to be forever loveless. Every ounce of my gut told me so. But when it comes to the bad things that’s the only thing I’ve been wrong about so far. For some reason 2007 was the year I just knew for sure that we were going to be poor most of our lives. Funny how 4 years later we’re sitting in a dumpy old trailer on Unemployment. If I could have picked one thing to be wrong about, though, love would have been it. I am a loner but I also love to be loved like any other human being on this earth, and I like to share love as well. But why is it that only the bad things are what I can predict? shrugs I guess there’s a reason people like me are sometimes referred to as doom psychics.

The fucking Palestinians are picking on Israel again. And I don’t care who I piss off by saying that it really pisses me off. But as someone else said, the Pals are like little children who hit their larger playmates and then scream “foul” when retaliated against. Really, why would anyone be so damn idiotic as to pick on a country that has the capability of nuking their asses good??? Do they want to die? Really, do they actually have some kind of death wish? They had to know they’d be getting a taste of their own medicine and then some dished right back when they provoked them for no reason at all other than just that they’re a bunch of sickos. sighs Well, the only way to kill the terrorists who love to toss bombs around is to drop the bomb on the terrorists! Kinda like killing the queen ant versus just the drones. :)

Time for my wet cardboard. That’s how Tom describes the texture of oatmeal, LOL.

Later…

Will I always have feelings for those who don’t have feelings for me, one being in another country, one being in my own? Will I always wish for change that never comes? Really, nothing ever seems to change lately! Everything’s the same. My weight, the job market, our entire lives. :( If it weren’t for Tom, my friends and my hobbies I’d crack up for sure.

I’m naturally artistic and I always have been and always will be regardless of what’s going on in my life. My life could suddenly be a bowl of cherries and I’d still have a creative side like I do; a little in the arts and music area and more so in the writing area. But I think that having a dull if not shitty life so much of the time makes story-writing all the more fun and even therapeutic in a sense for in stories I can go places I’ll never go, I can do things I’ll never do, and I can be with people I’ll never be with. As a suspense writer, I can say that at the same time, I wouldn’t want to experience everything I write about, and I wouldn’t want to associate with some of my more evil characters.

I’m starting to wonder if it’s going to take something risky and radical on our part if we’re ever going to bring about any real change to our lives. It’s just that being risky and radical can sometimes bring about unwanted change as well. sighs It’s tough at times. I don’t want to take chances but I also don’t want to stay stuck like this for another few years and then maybe another.

That human side of me that longs to be human remains forever cursed and so I will always lust for those I can’t have while I remain in a lustless marriage despite the abundance of love within it.

I asked Irene if she was my blog visitor but she said it’s not her. Hmm… my blog link is visible to outsiders so it could be anyone. I know they’re coming from Facebook, but I’d guess it’s still not Nane. I just can’t believe she’d find my life that interesting or be that curious to see what I may say about her. Why would she show up on TIP only once if it was her? I think it’s her brothers, SIL, or maybe even that rude Dieter. How I wish I could hack into Nane’s messages just to see what she may be saying to whom about me! I’m just so curious.

Anyway, I’m still not sure Irene likes me. Maybe if we were neighbors or we didn’t have a mutual friend I would know it if she did like me. Maybe the distance and Nane are keeping her at bay. LOL, she was quick to ask if I noticed Nane changed her single status to in a relationship. I guess it’s official now. But did she tell me in hopes of getting me to pay more attention to her? Or did she tell me thinking she might be helping Nane out by telling me so it might drive me away from her? Either way, she says she’s been busy at work and swimming on the weekends.