Deactivated Ask and turned my other blogs private/friends. Kim made up my mind for me when she asked me if I liked an actor I’ve known her to be obsessed with. She asked Andy a couple of questions too, and while they may’ve been harmless, that’s not the point. It wasn’t what she asked, it’s that she asked in the first place when she KNOWS I don’t want her contacting me OR my friends. Sometimes people just won’t let go of us and we’re the ones that have to do the letting go. Shutting down and going incognito was the only way I could think of to throw both Kim and Molly off my tail, though Molly hasn’t bothered me much lately. Kim’s the much bigger problem these days. Damn, I still can’t believe it! I’d never have guessed she’d do this to me. If only I’d known!

Andy may be disappointed that I left Ask, but I did it his way for a while and now it’s time to do it my way. It doesn’t have to be for forever. But if he’s right about them going away for good after a year of no contact, then I need to finally give them that year, and remaining public isn’t the way to do that. As I told Andy, I won’t be able to ask him questions there cuz they’ll know it’s me and will use him as a portal to keep the communication going. There are email, Formspring and other places we can keep in touch and share graphics and all that fun stuff.

I created a ‘smart list’ for select FB friends and that’s where I’ll share some entries from now on. Adonis and Andy aren’t on the FB note list cuz Adonis is on MO and Andy likes his emailed. I’m still going to carry on with my blogs as usual, too. They just won’t be public.

If I had to guess I don’t think even 5 years of silence will get these nuts out of my life forever. I think they’ll continue to look for me on and off all their lives. These are crazy people with no life and nothing better to do and no hope of ever having anything to divert their attention from those they stalk. They’re not just people being mean but that still have a life and can eventually have things to move on to.

I did it for other reasons as well and not just to escape them asking questions as if we were old buddies and shit like that. I did it cuz I’m sick of the glitches on Ask and to piss the trolls off. It’s going to really frustrate the hell out of them if they can’t see what I’m up too, LOL, though I believe they read my blogs for different reasons. In Kim’s mind, it was probably because she believes we’re damn good friends. In Molly’s mind, it’s to see if I’ve mentioned a friend of mine who used to be her friend as well.

Also, while I’m always careful what I put in public, these trolls don’t need to know what I am willing to write about online, even if it’s something as trivial as the soda I’m drinking.

I’m going to want to share pics of our new home eventually, and even if they don’t know the address, do I really want to let these trolls see inside our home? That’d almost be like opening the door to them in person and saying, “Come on in.” Only difference would’ve been that online they’d actually get out alive.;)

Later…

I’m totally dismayed but not surprised by Tom’s good and bad news after seeing the house today. For years I suspected that something up there has wanted us to live in tiny old dumps as if that was all we deserved. Well, when he described the house as being not perfect but totally ideal for us, it convinced me that nothing’s changed with this twisted “rule” because the park only accepts people with super good credit. It’s not just the house itself that’s ideal, but the park and the home’s location within the park as well.

Tom thinks we only have a 20% chance of getting them to give us a break and consider the fact that it’s been empty a year now and that if the owner gets tired of making the monthly payments, they’re the ones that are going to have the expense of having to repossess the house and fix any repairs that are needed, however minor they may be (flashing around skylights, chips in bricks, cracks in plaster, chips in an edge of the kitchen’s porcelain sink). Yet I know that people are greedy, stupid and stubborn. They won’t care that they could actually lose money that way. They won’t care that the monthly ownership expenses there are comparable to what we’ve been paying here for nearly half a decade. People’s rules and expectations are what they are and they don’t usually want to be flexible about them in any way.

It isn’t just the park’s standards and people’s stubbornness that makes me believe we’ll never get this house but the bastard above and His obsession with us living in little old dumps. It’s wrong, it’s unfair, and I don’t know why this is our “fate,” but there’s not much we can do about it other than accept what we can’t have and just continue settling. Whatever we do finally get will be too small, too old and too dumpy, but there’s got to be some park that will give us something better than this place that belongs to someone else, even if it’s not “ideal” or what we really want. But it will be ours.

Tom described it as being the Beverly Hills of parks, it’s that nice-looking and looks like you’re driving through a regular neighborhood due to how the houses are all at ground level. There was an empty spot next to it from what we saw on the satellite and we figured that since most satellite pics are old, by now a house had been brought into that spot. But nope. That’s a drainage ditch and will always be empty.

There’s more I could say about what Tom saw and discussed with the realtor, but why bother? It’s not in our “cards.” But it sure is in our cards to live cramped into shitboxes as if we were lazy little bums. Tom wants me to go see it this weekend, but I don’t see the point. He did tell the realtor we have no credit, but even she thought we should still go for it anyway. I guess Tom would rather go as far as we can with trying to get it and until and if they actually turn us down, but I say why fight for what’s not meant to be? I told him I’d think about it, though.

Later…

Andy agrees it’s ridiculous how the owners have different standards than the park’s. People want to sell their homes and are willing to work with those who at least don’t have bad credit and can afford the place, yet the parks want you to be perfect. If we did have great credit, what would they demand of us then? That we are able to stand on our heads for an hour? That we are able to run through fire, breathe underwater, and jump 20 feet off the ground? Makes me wonder if any park anywhere will take us unless it’s an all-out dump for all ages. Well, I’m sorry I didn’t have children to abuse to make me as “deserving” in God’s eyes as my fucked up mother was, but we will not live like bums forever! Fine, give us a dump with adequate space if that’s supposedly all we deserve and we’ll fix it up and make it what we want. It takes years to establish a score of 720 and I won’t do it. I refuse. I refuse to stay here and rent this dump from this pesky landlord for more years, even if he and his mutts have been quieter lately. God may feel otherwise, but my husband and I know we deserve better than this, especially after so damn long.

Speaking of that pesky landlord who’s been quieter, I figured the rising temps would bring him out and about more and they are. He was buzzing around on the ATV when I got up, and I know it’s just a matter of time before the motorcycle starts up again and he finds some reason to come down here cuz it’s been a while. Unfortunately, I don’t see any chance of getting out of here before the roofing excursion, and that’s going to be maddening if I’m on nights at the time. Then I gotta worry about the place falling apart on us while we’re still here. We have leaks everywhere in here! It wouldn’t surprise me in the least if the roof started leaking, too.

Gonna start taking melatonin again to try to hold my schedule on days as long as I can each time I’m on it. Right now I gotta hold it to make the waste-of-time appointment to see the house this Saturday at 4pm. I find the Neuro Sleep drink easier than the melatonin pills cuz one of the side effects of melatonin is that you wake up too soon. Well, just a few swallows puts me back out.

Tom said he’s going to see if the park will accept a deposit but I doubt they’ll budge. They’ll say something like, “Well, if we do that for you, we have to do it for everyone.”

Not if we all keep our mouths shut and don’t tell anyone you did it for us, duh!