Nane and Irene are connected again. I didn’t think that after 30 years they’d stay away from each other forever.

My craziest niece (Lisa) is now 30, and I still haven’t heard from Jan. She doesn’t appear to have been around since the 16th, but who knows for sure?

Surprisingly, Kim didn’t comment to me through Molly’s blog and because Ellington, CT didn’t show up on my tracker list, I’m thinking it was Kim’s sister that was the hit from there and not Kim. If it were Kim she’d be showing up every day. Still, if Molly knows about my LJ blog, then so does Kim. Therefore, I’m not going to update it with current stuff.

I sprung the Justin account to life on Ask, curious to see if either troll would ask anything and they didn’t. I’m surprised. I wonder if Kim’s silence there and on Molly’s blog had anything to do with me complaining to her sister. It’s amazing how one sister can be so fit and successful and married with kids while the other is a fat mental case on disability and forever hopelessly single.

I would’ve done this entry sooner, but yesterday I was too tired, then I was too busy, and then my allergies just had to go off. Why are they acting up at this time of year? I’m guessing cuz it’s been warmer? The heat of the afternoon has been messing with my sleep, but I’m always too lazy to get up and crack a window. Oh, to have a house with a normal roof instead of this tin bullshit, and to have your standard 4” walls and an AC for when I’m not up to open windows. It seems like the only times the weather doesn’t mess with my sleep here is in the dead of summer when the windows have to always be open for the swamp cooler to work, or in the dead of winter.

I hope whoever we end up next to has an AC and doesn’t leave their windows open all the time. I don’t want to have to hear their mutts from indoors when they run up to open windows to bark at people walking by or smell their cigarette smoke.

I worried that if we didn’t get out of here soon enough, another crisis would occur and we’d be the ones to have to deal with it. Well, sure enough, I noticed the water pressure was low at around 2am and had to wake Tom up nearly an hour early to check for leaks outside. I’m so sick of him having to lose sleep for someone else’s old shit! And why do things have to break at the end of my day?

But there were no visible leaks outside. So he waited and called up to Jesse at 6:00. It turns out that a flap didn’t close right in his toilet and so that’s why it started draining the tanks. Next time maybe he’ll know to check this when he goes to empty that ass or the old hotdog. This is when I resolved to get out of here ASAP. I’m sick to death of all the problems here and not sleeping well in the daytime!!! Even if the weather is perfect for sleeping, in the back of my mind I know he may come down for whatever and I’m sick of it! Sick of the well (those are always an issue), sick of him, sick of his mutts, sick of the lack of space, sick of the internet, sick of everything! I don’t care anymore where we go so long as it’s not attached to anyone. Tom’s adamant about doing it right so we don’t swap in one problem for another, but I already know and figure I won’t sleep well in a park during the daytime either. Too much traffic coming and going. Most people come and go several times a day and they have company at least a few times a week, too. Delivery trucks, service trucks, trash trucks… I already know this will be an issue. It pretty much has to be in a place that houses that many people that close. But it will be ours and it will be bigger, and I’m sure I’ll sleep just fine at night. Besides, if it got to be overkill in any way we could add special padding under the bedroom carport that acts as a shock absorber. I can play the sound machine loud enough to drown out most sounds so long as no mutts are literally right outside the window or screaming kids that visit, but the vibration of all the car door slamming could very well be an issue.

Someday. Someday I won’t walk up to the sink and wonder if there’ll be any pressure when I turn it on. Someday I won’t take showers that smell like bleach half the time. Someday we will escape this bummery and our home will match us, so to speak, in that we will have what two people who work as hard as they can and to the best of their ability, truly deserve. God can’t hold us back forever. I won’t let Him. This doesn’t mean He won’t curse our new home with problems no matter how old it is. I know He doesn’t want us having our own place again, but tough!

Later…

The realtor called about a different home in that same park, but forget it. I’m not interested. The nicer homes are going to be in the nicer parks and I doubt the nicer parks will accept us so why bother wasting our time?

Besides, we’ve still got the management company in Oregon saying we owe them a couple of hundred bucks we don’t owe them, a common scam for management companies to try to make a buck extra in the end while spiting others by fucking up their credit. We always got along with them just fine, but I know that this is something they often do to everyone. No matter how clean and in fine condition you leave a place, they always claim you owe them money.

Then we’ve got some book club trying to scam us for $300 worth of books I supposedly got a few years ago. What books??? And where are all these books I’m supposed to have gotten? Tom’s still hoping he can dispute at least the books and that because we can easily afford it, we should just go ahead and pay the management company off. No way! Although not directly, we were already forced to pay those that fucked us over down in Arizona and I’m not doing it up here. Besides, that’s how you get taken advantage of. Give the blackmailer 10 grand and they’ll be demanding 10 more. I’m not going to let scammers profit at our expense just so we can get ahead in life.

My dreams have been too vague and erratic to possibly mean anything. In one dream I’m in a nice new, modern, spacious bathroom, while in a dumpy old place in the next.

Tom said the house we wanted wasn’t nearly as nice in person. When I saw the pictures I thought, ooh, brand new sculpted carpet, but he said it was actually old and worn. Also, when he went through the This is What’s Wrong papers, he found something bad with the electrical. It was okay for lights, but bad for computers. The park and the location within the park would’ve been ideal, though. However, no one has the “ideal” place unless they’re rich, so as I’ve always figured, we’ll end up in a dump in a dumpier park, but even the “dumpy” parks are nice. And if we have to invest 10 grand or so to fix and pretty it up, so be it.

I still feel like something is totally against us and is going to do everything it can to delay us from moving. Then when we finally do get our way it’s going to “punish” us for it. I think the best thing to do is just say “fuck it” and give it up for a while. We still don’t even have the money I’m supposedly still getting from Walter, and well, I’m just sick of this. I’ve had enough talking, planning, thinking, hoping and dreaming and I need a break. Sometimes the best way to deal with a problem is just to step back, remove yourself from the situation if you can, and take some time off. Meanwhile, things could be worse. We’ve got a home, we’re not on the streets, and it would be better if I just did what I can do to make this place as comfortable as possible and have the attitude that we’re going to be here for quite some time to come.

Things are otherwise going well. I’ve lost 5 pounds on my first two weeks of Alli and I can see where this is something that wouldn’t and couldn’t just stop working like a lot of things tend to do. It’s nothing one builds immunity up to because Alli always does what it was designed to do – block the absorption of most of the fat we eat. I love how it helps curb hunger too, and I don’t have to practically starve myself all the way down to just 1000 calories a day or work out for hours every day. They say to expect to drop about a pound a week, but I’m still hoping for two a week. That way I won’t have to buy the pills as much.