Molly updated her blog about how tired she is, but no one left any comments. I noticed that Jackie S is following Aly on FB. Wonder if she knows this and how she feels about it.

I feel both sad and glad for my buddy vacationing in Phoenix, Arizona. I guess it’s okay to mention this, but he can always tell me if he wants anything edited out. I think it’ll be okay, though, cuz I’m not mentioning anything personal. Just that while he’s enjoying the weather there, he’s been bored and saddened by the lack of Latinos in light of the new laws there, and how so many businesses, homes and apartments are empty. Also, there are still beggars and cops everywhere. Ugh, I remember that! Downtown Sacramento has its share of beggars as does any major city, but I remember the pigs being everywhere I would look when I’d be out and about and how it was anything but a fun reminder for one who’d been run through the wringer by a bunch of white/Jew-hating corruptos. It was about a 20-minute drive to pick up our mail at the PO and we’d be lucky if we didn’t pass half a dozen cruisers on the way to and from the place, and this was out in the middle of nowhere! In the city, you couldn’t go a block without spotting the corrupt little turdballs.

Someone once said I’d love them if I had to call on them for an emergency. Oh really? I’m not so sure about that cuz wouldn’t I automatically be disbelieved if a black person went to attack me that cried racism and said I attacked them when it was really just me defending myself? Wouldn’t I somehow be blamed if I were raped and told that if I’d just worn my dress a little longer or not been at a particular place it wouldn’t have happened? So no, I doubt I’d have much love for any cop, most of which are high on abuse and power and not the “serve and protect” idea. Hey, none of them are going to enter the academy and say, “I’m really here to act macho and act out my aggression and to speed even when I’m not chasing anyone” and shit like that.

Anyway, the emptiness there is mostly the economy. As for the Latinos, I don’t have much sympathy there cuz many were/are illegals that drain our resources. Especially from those that truly need help. The drug cartel was killing off both civilians and cops like they were merely stepping on bugs, and in general, they just weren’t any real asset to the area. People don’t want to hear this, though, no matter how much the statistics are right there in their faces. Say bad things about whites, Jews and gays, however, and they’re all ears. There are still a lot of hard-working Latinos out there and it’s sad to see the lazy ones who resort to crime and welfare make them look bad.

So, while losing our home there ended up being a good thing due to the dangers from the cartel and old enemies, the taking of our home is one thing I’ll never forgive God for. That and the legal abuse were basically the final straw where God was concerned.

I have a friend that’s trying to conceive right now. She and her husband are so sweet and would be excellent parents. But they are a prime example of God’s cruelty and life’s injustices and unfairness with all the trouble they’ve been having. Meanwhile, I still see mean, crazy druggies having no problem at all. She wonders if God has some other plan for her. Well, she can tell herself this if it makes her feel better, but it’s her life, so shouldn’t she be the one to plan it? And what if it’s not for some “better” plan but actually a punishment? God truly seems to punish good and reward evil. Makes me wonder if I’d have spent half a decade cramped in someone’s trashy old trailer if I’d had kids I’d abused, beat the shit out of people, robbed people, and done all kinds of horrible things I know I could never do.

Later…

Something bit me a couple of days ago and it itches like hell. Can’t figure out what it is. No bite has ever annoyed me this long and my anti-itch cream has been worthless.

I’m more worried about Tammy. The autoimmune deficiency disease she has causes her to have trouble breathing and she blacked out the other night for the first time, scaring both Mark and herself and was at the hospital undergoing testing. I guess some oxygen company is to be delivering oxygen to her. Nothing I’ve read says what she’s got is deadly, but if she dies I’m going to really start fearing for my life after losing my parents and brother in the same year! What a frustrating way to live, as she said. I remember back when I smoked and had to be rushed to the ER with all those asthma attacks just how terrifying it could be. A couple of times I wondered if I was going to make it, but I never blacked out. At least I don’t think I did.

I feel bad for Andy too, cuz he’s having trouble breathing as well in Arizona with all the pollution down there. I remember that all too well, as I told him. I stopped wheezing after quitting smoking but always had a tightness that remained until we left the damn state altogether.

It put a smile on my face to think of Tom and I enjoying the new house and the rats running around playing in it. They love running up and down the space between the slider and vertical blinds, so if we have such a thing in the new place, the neighbors are really going to be in for quite a surprising sight, LOL. I just hope it doesn’t take much longer and that it really does work out and we’re as happy as we think we’ll be there. I don’t expect any place to be perfect, but I hope it isn’t bustling with too much activity in the daytime. We’ll finally be in a place where we’ll be able to stream movies and so many other things we couldn’t do for so long and I’ll want to do it without the annoying background distractions. My biggest concern is being able to sleep.

Yesterday I was feeling kind of down and out just thinking of life’s injustices and unfairness. While my parents once thought of ways to spend money that could’ve helped me, I had to spend a half-hour trying to figure out how to make room for a fan. Just one lousy fucking fan. Yeah, we ordered another stand fan for the bedroom. Besides, we’ll only need them when we move cuz if any of the rooms there have a ceiling fan it will probably only be the living room.

Still, some people have beautiful homes yet will complain if one single carpet fiber is out of place while my husband works his ass off all day just to come home to this dump. He may not be the complainer I tend to be, but it still saddens and angers me nonetheless. Life is so backward so much of the time – people struggle to conceive while others run for abortions. People fight to live while others throw their lives away. People who would love to work but can’t while others laze around on welfare that are capable of working.

We really ended up with a great pair of rats. They may not care much for Tom, especially Romeo, but they’re fun, playful, friendly and smart. They were off to a dumb start, but they’ve learned their names and other things as well, a reminder that rats really are teachable and can figure things out on their own as well. Sugar’s getting to be a bit of a mama’s boy when they’re out, LOL, nestling up with me and climbing all over me. He loves to explore and playfully bounces around the place, then he runs up to me for attention and burrows in the folds of my robe. They’re going to miss this thing in the summer! They’re copying my schedule a bit more these days too, staying up later in the mornings as I roll onto days. They didn’t crash till after 8am today. They’re naturally nocturnal, though, so I can’t expect them to stay up all day.