Not much going on other than what most people probably don’t want to hear because they would find it either too personal or too boring. I finally got a period after nearly 8 weeks of being late, I’m not the least bit horny right now, and I’m still losing weight. The Alli not only truly does seem to block most of the fat I eat from being absorbed, but it helps curb hunger, too. Again, I don’t know how long it will last, but I look forward to finding that out.

Just when I was thinking how peaceful it’s been around here, Jesse came out to play with his toys for a while, sawing, engine gunning, the usual… He shut up pretty fast, though, unless he’s just taking a lunch break or something.

I did have some weird dreams involving Nane, come to think of it, who I’m starting to go from wondering about to worrying about. Unless she’s hiding it all – and I don’t see why she would – there’s been no activity from her on Facebook since before Christmas, and she hasn’t picked up my messages either. If she were just busy, wouldn’t she at least check in just long enough to let people know she’s alive? I would think so, so that’s why I wonder if something’s wrong.

Anyway, in the dreams, she would alternate between spending time in the US as well as Germany. A little over a year went by that I didn’t hear from her, but when I finally did she told me she had a baby girl while in the US and was now expecting a boy (guess she was younger in the dream). Then I complained about her not stopping to see me when she’d be in the US (though I don’t know where in the US she would go).

Then there was a vague dream about me going to stay with her in Germany, and Andy owning his own restaurant and getting pissed at me for “testing” his mother for senility. I guess the way to do that was to ask if she knew her daughters’ addresses by heart or if she had to look them up, LOL. His Mom was sitting at a large table eating when I was “testing” her and Andy came up and said, “Hey. I’m sick of your shit,” and shooed me away from his mother and into the kitchen or wherever.

Tom was in one of the dreams too, showing me how to operate a partially broken and ancient TV. I said something about it being sad that at our ages we had to have a TV like that, LOL, whereas in real life we have a nice one that I won. We just don’t watch it much.

Later…

Really wanna allow for anonymous questions again on Ask, but know that would mean dealing with Kim and sometimes Molly as well. I miss the fun of it, though, minus their shit, so the question is, should I just take a chance of “accidentally” answering questions that may be from them and just ignore the obvious ones, or should I just keep the settings as they are?

Knowing just what makes this loon tick would help. I can only speculate and theorize, but without knowing for sure, I can’t say what would be best. She either knows what she’s doing and this is all one big conscious and intentional joke on her part, or she really does have MPD and isn’t always aware of her alters’ actions. The less of a sense of right from wrong and fantasy from fact she has, the more likely she will take my answering questions I don’t realize are hers as us engaging in a mutual friendship. Like that person said that asked me not to post her question, please don’t encourage her. Then again, it may’ve been Kim herself. There are a lot of “people” that I’m now suspecting may’ve really been her, like the one who questioned me relentlessly about my sleep disorder a while back, and many other things.

Upon reading the comments Molly’s gotten (before she deletes them), I see that Kim may have a friend. Unless it’s just her pretending to be that friend in her own defense, of course. The reason I wonder if this person may actually be for real is because of how well they write. Unlike Kim, they don’t come off as stupid, immature or sex-crazed in any way. Their spelling and grammar seem top-notch, and they make proper use of punctuation. This suggests a more intelligent and mature person which is why I think it may not be Kim. Kim – at least the identity I used to know as Kim – had poor writing skills. But how can an alter be any smarter than our true selves? It’s still HER. So I don’t see how one’s alter could be any smarter than they are, as funny as that may sound. They can be different personality-wise and they can be dumber, but smarter? Wouldn’t that be like an alter of mine, if I were crazy, speaking fluent Russian and my main self not remembering or being aware of it? I just don’t see how that’s possible, so Kim just may have a friend after all.

Again, is she crazy or acting? Hmm… when I think back to the prank calls Andy and I made, most of the recipients of these calls would have certainly thought we were either flat out of our minds or on drugs, while in reality, we knew damn good and well what we were doing/saying. I still think she’s crazy. Not many people could put up an act that well, that long, and that consistently. Even before she went wacko on me I noticed she had problems remembering things. I first blamed it on not paying attention due to lack of caring, but I really think she has no concept of right and wrong, doesn’t give a shit if she gets in trouble or what the hell happens to her, and probably can’t remember one day from the next very well. But she has to have some awareness to remember to peek in on me every day. She never seemed to forget my name or any of the basic details, so she’s got to be able to think, reason and rationalize at least a tiny bit.

I’d feel sorry for her if she wasn’t such a nuisance. A 300-pound crazy loser on disability who’s always lived at home and who will probably never have any type of real job or place of her own, can’t have much to look forward to in life. She’ll probably live and die a virgin, and as Aly said, I doubt she’s ever even been kissed. So what else has she got better to do than sit around and stuff herself while she pesters people?

How do people like her manage to stay out of jails and funny farms? She’s crazy enough to become threatening and get really carried away, though I’ve never known her to make any threats as of yet. Not in the I’m-going-to-kill-you sense, anyway.

I was telling Tammy that Tom’s overworked but at nearly a grand a week, he can’t complain that much, but to please tell people we’re still poor if they ask. If too many people know you have money, that’s how you get beggars on your tail. We probably will be poor again someday anyway.

I’m just sick to death of waiting for my parents’ money if there’s any to be had at all! Tammy said she’d call Walter and agreed he should’ve sent the letters he’s been saying he was going to send. Yes, he should have, but I don’t want “letters,” I just want my fucking money so I can know where we stand. As Tom said, it’s not so much that we have bad credit as we have no credit, so we’ll want to buy the place outright when it finally does come time to buy one. I still worry about the park itself, though, cuz we still have to rent the space it’s on and they could still turn us down.

Anyway, Walter’s still waiting on creditors. I guess they have a certain amount of time to make a claim against the estate, whatever that means. I’m not a lawyer so I don’t know how it all works. I guess it has to do with the debt the fucking bitch ran up before she died.

Still like that house by the cemetery but not that it’s in an expensive park. It’s a beautiful, upscale park, and yes, we can afford it. But I don’t want to just “afford” something, I want to be able to afford it and still save like crazy. But we also don’t want to settle for some cramped, scummy park either.

If I thought my ear and sleep disorder were hard to live with, my poor niece must feel the wrath of God around her big time now! How could any God be so cruel as to take the vision of a 25-year-old??? She’s prayed and prayed to no avail. Yet she’s lost a great deal in one eye and could very well end up with nothing in both eyes. Still not sure if there really is no God or if He just doesn’t care, but I can’t imagine living with no sight! They say we adapt, but still. We all have our limits as to what we can adapt to and that’s just no way to live, period. At least not for me. I’d rather be dead before I was blind or paralyzed.