Going to attempt to start updating what’s turned out to be a nightmare of a trip so far. Everything that could go wrong has gone wrong and then some! I, along with some other cruisers, am recovering from a nasty heat stroke.

Before leaving the hotel in Fort Lauderdale, I updated on Facebook, Twitter, and texted Aly. We’ve been Internet-cursed all the way, not that we absolutely need to get online. But the hotel’s wasn’t working and I doubt it would have been all that safe and secure if it had been. The ship’s Wi-Fi has been out as well. On top of that, we forgot to pack my laptop’s charger, couldn’t purchase one onboard, and so my battery, which is currently at 62%, probably won’t survive the rest of the trip.

So here’s the story. We hung out in our room for a few hours, then headed toward the front of the hotel to await the free shuttle that takes people to both the dock and the airport. However, there were so many damn people and the shuttles were taking forever, so we grabbed a cab. Before leaving we talked with a few really nice women and a black guy who was sailing on a much smaller ship we’d never heard of. It was called something like AIDA vita.

The women said I sounded and looked like someone they knew named Brenda, also from the northeast. Yeah, all these years later, I still sound northeastern, LOL.

There were so many damn motorcycles blasting by as well and I could tell that others found it just as annoying. I wish they’d ban the damn things nationwide, especially the thunderously loud ones.

It took us nearly a half-hour to arrive at Port Everglades. “ID’s ready,” said the (Jamaican) cabby as we approached the port, and we then showed our passports to a security guard who asked if we had any weapons. Do they really expect any potential criminals to admit it if they did? LOL

Then he goes, “Who’s the weapon here?”

I laughed and said I was. Tom was confused at first, though, as he’s not used to security guards joking. Usually, they’re all serious and businesslike.

So we get to the port and I thought that just like when we sailed the Westerdam (we saw it docked next to our ship), we would just go into a large room where people “zig-zagged” their way to where they take your picture for your ID/room card after taking your boarding pass and checking your passports and all that fun stuff. I figured at most the whole process would take about an hour.

Wrong! Very wrong.

Instead, we were caught up in a 4-hour nightmare. Not only will we NEVER cruise the highly disorganized, greedy Royal Caribbean ships again, but we’ll never cruise again period! One couple said they’d cruised 14 times and this was the first time what we went through ever happened, but I think we’ll still stick to solid ground and airplanes in the future be it Hawaii, Jamaica, Greece… wherever we go.

Because the ship holds over 4K people instead of the 1500 or so the Westerdam holds, the room where you check in simply isn’t big enough to loop lines of people to accommodate everyone. Therefore, the line extended outdoors and pretty much wrapped around the building. This macho, loud-mouthed security guard made us form loops around certain areas. This meant that a lot of us were exposed to the sun depending on where we were within the line.

We were kind of in this large alley where one of the Princess ships was docked right across from the Independence of the Seas that we’re on, and I was gazing at it, sorry we hadn’t gone with them instead like we almost did.

We also saw the Oasis, which is RC’s largest ship. Thank God we didn’t go on that! There are way too many people on this ship as it is. Just waiting for a chance to get on one of the elevators can be quite a task, and some of these people walk as slow as Californians drive.

I have seen people from every race, color and country imaginable and got to use my Spanish twice. I thought most of the people would be older, but there’s a diverse variety of ages as well as cultures… white, black, Hispanic, Asian, Muslim, etc. The couple next to us is Hungarian. It was neat to be able to hear so many different languages spoken around me, and I could understand some, of course. We all got along just fine and it’s sad that the media still exploits and portrays some people as victims when the vast majority of people have no problem with them, and they have just as much freedom and opportunity as anyone else. Maybe even more. I guess it’s just “popular.”

Back to the nightmare. I’m standing out in the sunlight and wishing to hell I hadn’t forgotten my light pink cap with the shiny sparkles. The top of my head where my hair parts, as well as my face and chest began to fry. Tom, being a head taller than me, tried to block me from the sun as he is more tolerant to it having grown up in Arizona, and was smart enough to hydrate himself with plenty of water beforehand. Had I known the damn ship’s computers and scanners were going to cause a delay, along with something pertaining to immigration, I’d have watered up, too. But there was no way to anticipate this shit.

The minutes turned into hours. My feet began to blister. People began to try to cut ahead in line. Some even began to shout and I didn’t know if they were going to start fighting or what. One of the idiot crewmembers told us 2 hours before we embarked that were finally boarding, inciting a round of cheers all for nothing.

I started feeling worse. I was hot, weak and dizzy, like I was going to pass out. I finally ran down to the bathroom, which I was afraid to do at first because I didn’t want to lose Tom in the crowd if God forbid the line actually started moving. But I eventually had no choice and I ran for it only to find that the water fountains were fucking broken. I complained to one of the security guards but they pretty much didn’t give a shit or do anything to help me.

I then ran into the bathroom, heart booming up a storm, and struggled to run water in the sink which had a motion sensor. I couldn’t get the damn thing started and it would only run for a few seconds at a time. I have come to pretty much hate anything motion-censored! I finally managed to bend over and get a few sips of water into my rapidly dehydrating body.

Then I ran back through the searing sun to find Tom, which wasn’t hard. The line hadn’t moved and so he wasn’t in one of the inner loops of people, which would have made it much harder for me to spot him as I would have had to struggle to see over people’s heads as short as I am, and then squeeze through the crowd to get to him.

I really thought that after experiencing a cold winter in NorCal I would enjoy soaking up the sun, but instead, it soaked me up. I hoped I’d be okay and that we’d board soon, but instead the line remained still and I began to pass out. Several people were kind enough to make way for me to sit down on a curbside. I was forever grateful but also feeling too shitty to care about the scene I knew I was making.

A middle-aged woman stepped forward and advised me to put my head down between my knees, saying she was trained in first aid, CPR and other things. If that didn’t help, she’d have had me lie down while she held my feet up. But it did help enough.

Then someone else handed me a bottle of water as well as a banana and that helped even more. Again, I was thankful as hell. I was so damn dehydrated that when I overheated my body couldn’t even sweat to cool me down. I will never forgive Royal Bastards for this, and yes, I am going after them. I learned the hard way years ago… turn the other cheek and you’re giving people the wrong idea. In other words, you’re saying it’s okay to screw you over, intentional or not, and they most certainly will if they can.

I wasn’t the only one to suffer a heat stroke. Oh no. Far from it. Paramedics came for someone else, but they must have recovered because they didn’t take them away.

Finally, Tom decided we should get out of line and stay in the shade. Then we would jump in at the very end of the line if that time ever finally arrived. Thank God he at least stayed hydrated and with it as I never would’ve thought of this. By that time I’d “gone Dureen.” Well, heatstrokes sure do leave you confused and disoriented so now I really get why they call them heatstrokes.

Many people called and bitched to the cruise line and a couple of crewmembers finally came and passed out bottles of water to people, including some Broward County police officers that I guess must have been called to the scene. Pretty sad that it took two hours for the crew members to care enough to offer water, while it took just two seconds for someone to hand me a bottle of water AND a banana which they very well may later have come to regret giving me since it took so long. I hope not, though! Especially since the other passengers cared more than the crew.

We went around the corner of the building where several carts containing our luggage stood and saw some guy finally dragging fences to set up rows for people to stand in who were out of the sun.

After what seemed like an eternity, the seemingly endless line of people finally ended and we were FINALLY indoors! After checking in we walked up the tilted gangway and onto the ship and I thought of how hard that would be for Tammy. Not only did a part of me wish I could grab our money back in one hand and our luggage in the other and just forget it, but I remembered how she said she and Mark wanted to go on a cruise. Personally, with her health issues, I think that would be a bit much for her. Even on a smaller ship you still have a lot of walking to do.

This isn’t the end of the shit we’ve had to deal with. I’m just too out of it to write anymore right now.

Got up a little after 3am and am typing this from the hotel. Am I tired? Well, of course, even though I didn’t sleep any worse than usual. I think I am just permanently tired for life.

The “free” Wi-Fi here doesn’t work, so I’m not going to check in online anywhere. I’ll wait till we’re on the ship.

Going in order of events… we dove under Mississippi and Alabama and crossed the Gulf of Mexico and then into Florida. I wished I were telepathic so I could mentally send a message to Tammy saying, “I’m here, big sis! I’m here!”

The two things I saw most of were water and palm trees. We flew over these swampy marshes that probably housed who knows how many alligators.

Using tongs, the flight attendant gave us warm washcloths to wash up with before eating. We noticed brown spots on ours and decided we weren’t interested in “cleanliness” after all. Then the girl returns to say, “Those weren’t dirty, they just had coffee spilled on them.”

After she was out of earshot Tom and I laughed at that one. Coffee spilled all over them doesn’t make them “dirty?” It was a hilarious thing to say, not that it mattered. We weren’t these filthy creatures in need of a washcloth bath in the first place, haha. Still, Alaska Airlines was more organized than United.

We got some better snacks on this flight, though. I loved the mix of cashews and almonds, and since Tom hates nuts, I saved some for this morning. Well, I had to wait 30 minutes after taking my damn thyroid meds. The hotel’s restaurant opens in 15 minutes. Hopefully the food and coffee will help perk me up.

The best snack that we both liked was a warm chocolate chip cookie that was both crispy and soft.

From what I noticed, we got as fast as 661 MPH and as high as 38,613 feet. Upon landing, the pilot headed out over the ocean, turned around, and then landed. For a minute I was like, “Yo buddy, you just passed Florida!”

If it weren’t for seatbelts, I would be thrown right outa my seat upon landing. Fat or not, I’m still lighter and shorter than most adults.

Florida is surprisingly cool and dry at just 55°. This is not the Florida I know and remember from the 3 times I was here in the past, twice seeing my parents, once going cruising.

WTF?

I’m not moving here if it’s going to be too much like Sacramento. In that case, we may as well just shoot on over the border into the Nevada desert when he retires and save money that way since it’s cheaper there than Cali.

The area around the airport seemed rather shabby. Lots of rundown homes and businesses.

Later…

Breakfast took place in a too-loud sports bar with blasting TVs all around the room, and a waitress who spoke loudly with one of the just as loud customers. Tom got an omelet and I got eggs with a chopped steak, home fries, and buttery rye toast. I’d give it about a 7. Sorry, but Denny’s is better.

Anyway, we shuttled here to the Red Carpet Inn, even though there isn’t a stitch of carpet in the room. It’s just a ceramic tile floor. The room is kind of small, though not too small, but it kind of smells like wet towels in here. The shower isn’t the greatest because the water barely gets hot, but the bed is super comfy. Tom thought it was a bit soft, but I liked it.

After hearing a motorcycle roar out in the evening and someone’s chair scraping across the floor, I thought I wouldn’t get much sleep, but I didn’t sleep any worse than usual. We’re on the end and semis have been idling alongside one wall, though they don’t bother me

For now, we just sit and wait till we shuttle off to the dock!

I suppose I should get caught up on my dreams until then before I forget them and my notes no longer make sense to me. Last night I was talking to Andy on the phone and I was reminded of his selfishness as he never cared to ask about where I was or how I was enjoying my trip.

The dream I had before we left was the first dream I had of the black bitch in Arizona that was, well, different. Usually, any dreams involving her are negative and she’s trying to screw me all over again and I’m powerless to do a damn thing about it. Yet in the dream, I found her to be amazingly beautiful instead of the uglier than fuck piece of shit she really is. I also forgave her, unlike I ever would or could be willing to do, and she seemed to be over my supposed “victimization” of her.

We were staying in a hotel somewhere and some fellow black she knew stopped by the room at some point. Laughing, she said something funny about him to me, and I said something about going lesbian, dropping hints that I was liberal, open-minded, and perhaps interested in some fun.

They then asked if I wanted to join them for a bite to eat as I was looking for a bag of coins I had somewhere. I said I wasn’t hungry and asked where my bag of change was.

Then I was alone in the room, realized it was noon, and that it was time for me to get to a dance class I had signed up for. I stepped out of the room and into the chilly air, sorry that I was sleeveless, and began to walk alongside some black guy. In my mind, I wished I could be seen walking with him by all those I’ve ever known for some strange reason.

What else… apparently Becky is being taunted for her weight based on the posts she’s made. Let me guess… one of those bullies is none other than the lovely Bill G, right?

Greetings from United Airlines! As always, I’ll post this online when I can.

How wonderful it is to fly with a laptop to write on instead of a notebook. The only problem is that I’m not used to this keyboard so I may make several typos.

We’re about 100 miles from Albuquerque right now after flying over parts of Nevada and Arizona. All I see below me are snow-capped mountains. Things are browner down there than they were earlier in the flight and the snow is thinning out. I see more of civilization down there now that we’re past the Sierra Nevada mountain ranges.

Although the plane is said to have Wi-Fi, we didn’t feel it was worth paying for. There are supposed to be outlets for charging things, but I have a full battery. I just wish it were easier to type on this thing!

I posted to Facebook from the airport from my phone.

It was exciting in those final moments before leaving the house. We turned the water off and waited in the driveway for Super Shuttle. It was drizzling and chilly. Anyone looking out their window would’ve thought I lost my mind with the way I was happily twirling around singing part of Napoleon’s song, “They’re coming to take us away, ha ha, hee hee, ho ho.”

Saw Bob trimming our tree the day before we left, and had some nervous butterflies right before we left, but none since then. Wish it could always be that way.

We took off in the dark and had many patches of clouds to go through, causing turbulence. Takeoff was exciting as hell and I shed a few tears of anticipation in seeing Tammy in a few days.

We didn’t want to take the Caddy in case all its fancy gadgets drained the battery and caused us to need to jump it. We’d rather jump it in our driveway than at the airport.

Looks like the guy in front of me – well, in front of Tom – also has a MacBook Air. How appropriate for first-class, huh? It’s lovely being up here with all the other “rich snobs.” Tom and I joke about that. I mean it kinda makes you feel rich.

Tom was right… he hated what they served for breakfast except for a nice tasty buttery bun that was actually the best part of the meal. The oatmeal was bland as hell, but I had some fruit and a few bites of yogurt. I was served a cup of much-needed coffee after boarding but before taking off. That’s one of the perks of first class; drinks before takeoff as well as after. He had soda.

We’ll be arriving in Houston in a couple of hours. Just wish I were a little more awake. But when you’ve got PMS fatigue and you didn’t sleep without waking up a million times along the way, it’ll make you tired.

Other than Tom spilling his drink on me, I’m just kicking back and waiting till we land. Because I’m tired I’ll be sure to have a second cup of coffee on the next flight to Florida. I’m going to be exhausted by the time we arrive at our hotel. I just hope I can sleep when I need to. Rowdy kids or not, drunk adults or not, I know all too well just how much people like to slam doors and other shit.

Later…

Signing in once again from the friendly skies now on the way to Ft. Lauderdale. No offense to you Texans, but you sure do have some of the brownest, muddiest-looking bodies of water, LOL.

As we waited in Houston, Tom said he never feels like he’s in another place when he travels. Me neither. Maybe that’s because we’re such well-traveled people. Besides, you find the same things no matter where you go… hotels, stores, restaurants, hospitals, etc.

At the Houston airport, we got breakfast sandwiches, since we were both hungry. Tom said that if he didn’t get something there, then with his luck they’d really have something he hated for lunch on the plane.

I checked in on Facebook and texted Aly while on the ground, too.

The flight attendant just asked us if we wanted blankets. I passed. Funny how they offer them on this flight where it’s a little warmer. It was 43° when we left Sac Int’l. I think it was 55° in Houston.

As always, taking off and landing was fun. Very loud, but fun. Can’t believe it took them 45 minutes to board, though. That just seems silly. My ears have been popping like crazy, especially upon climbing and descending. We took off quicker this time and I watched the cars turn into little ants and then disappear altogether. This flight is 2 hours and 1 minute long. Lunch will be served soon. I’m beat and I just want to land and fall into bed! My butt is sore too. I already miss my gel cushion.

I love how this plane has a GPS thing in the back of the seat in front of me so I can watch the flight’s progress. We’re now going 560 MPH. We haven’t hit cruising altitude yet and are still at 28K feet. There’s a delay in updating its stats because it tried to tell us we took off at a speed of just 28 MPH.

We’re hitting turbulence now, but are now up over 30K feet. We’re over 600 MPH now, too. We’re skirting under the southern part of Louisiana.

Chicken and Swiss sandwiches are about to be served.

Can’t believe I read 5 books so far this year, even if I really listened to them being read to me. Reading may not resume till after the trip, though.

Tammy had surgery the other day and has another procedure done on Monday. We’ll be in Mexico that day. Hopefully, this will help finally end some of her pain issues!

As for those evil butterflies that live in my chest just above my tummy… they’ve been mild but annoying. They come and go. Stacey’s trick still helps, but I really wish they’d sign off for good.

When a friend who’s two years younger said they didn’t have it too bad and has already gone through menopause, I said to myself, it totally figures! I’m happy for her, but leave it to me to get it the worst. It’s been horrible so far and definitely the worst medical experience of my life. Plus I still do have periods. I have a bad feeling I’m going to suffer more intensely than most for many more years to come.

In less than 30 hours we’ll be gone! We’ll be heading to the Sac airport before sunup and this may very well be my final entry before we leave. I want to save my writing for the plane anyway. I won’t be able to get online, of course, but it’s going to be a very long flight and I want to have things to do like writing and reading.

Tom’s last day of work was yesterday. He upgraded me to OS X El Capitan while I slept because Safari lost its mind. Also got one of the surveillance cameras up and running that’s trained on the back door. Today will be mostly a waiting game, but tomorrow we’ll really be bustling about getting those last-minute things done… and hoping we haven’t forgotten anything.

Okay, until I return, whenever that may be!!!

Two days to go till take-off! Weeeeee!

So I got an email confirming that yes, I won not just 1, but all 5 Springfield dolls, Maria, Olivia, Madison, Abby & Emma. Although not very realistic looking, they’re cute 18” dolls, and it’s funny cuz I almost bought one of these.

The set includes a blue-eyed blond, a green-eyed redhead, a brown-eyed brunette, a black doll and a Hispanic doll. Where the hell I’m going to put them is beyond me at the moment, despite having a decent-sized house, LOL. As it is I already have an Asian doll of the same size, a blue-eyed redhead, and a green-eyed blond, only they’re made by different companies.

It’s a nice reminder, since returning to sweeping, that even though things have changed since 2005, people can and do still win these things.

A headline caught my attention yesterday about Thai airlines accepting tickets for dolls believed to be possessed by children’s spirits, and how snacks and stuff like that are bought for them, and I was not only LMAO at how silly this seems (to each their own, though), but I swear one of the dolls pictured is my Workout Chic doll by Adora. Mine just has short hair and a different outfit. She is a semi-expensive doll that is very lifelike and realistic at 22”.

Next time I shower I will remove my Fitbit till after vacation since I’m not going to be here to accumulate and log my weekly step goal anyway.

That’s it for now. Damn, I wish we could just pack up the rest of our stuff and go! NOW!

Later…

The other night I got to thinking about her. The piece of shit down in Arizona that ruined my life for years. And that of my husband.

For the longest time, I was afraid to even look in on her, not that I could stand to very often. The plan was to give it X amount of years and then have my final say about the email from the bogus cop. But then when I looked her up on Facebook I was surprised to find she’s not around anymore. I’m pretty sure I blocked her and left it that way. There’s always a chance that I unblocked her and forgot about it and then she turned around and blocked me, but I’m pretty sure I’ve had her blocked for the last 5 years.

As I said, I was afraid to even think of Googling her, but the day the law tries to screw me for looking up a person’s name is the day I really will be a seriously rich lady.

I also didn’t think she would block me because that’s not what vindictive people like her do. She would want me to contact her so she can hope to screw me again.

I did find an account of hers on Google+. To help her “case” from 2011 since the pigs supposedly subpoenaed my account info there? Either way, I can’t swear that it’s her because it was a shitty picture. This is the first picture I’ve seen of her without glasses if it was her, and she’s just as ugly as I remember her to be. She also looked drunk as hell.

If I was going to contact her I would want to do it in a way where I could get some kind of verification that she received the message and I don’t see how I could at this time. Not only that, but I realize she’s no longer worth getting the last word. This doesn’t mean I could ever forgive her or the others involved in screwing me, and this doesn’t mean I wouldn’t beat the shit out of her if she suddenly appeared at my door telling me to shut up as she did once upon a time. I’m just saying she isn’t worth the message, especially one she would never get anyway. Nothing anyone could say to her would get her to see herself for the true piece of shit she is, and it shouldn’t be my problem or my responsibility to hopelessly try to drive it through her sick head.

If just the thought of running into my big sis’s arms tears me up, I can just imagine how emotional I’ll be when I actually get to do so in 9 days! jumps for joy Just 3 days till we trade Cali for the Caribbean, woohoo!

Surprised the excitement hasn’t been messing with my sleep, but it might the night before. It’ll be worth it, though. I’m flipping my schedule, which means right now I’m on half nights, half days.

Can’t wait to pack the rest of our stuff and go! Tom may add one more bag of clothes. Oh yeah, I forgot that we’re going to do laundry the night before, as we’ll want to take some things that are currently in the hamper. I’ll run the dishes then too, and just wash the few we may use by hand at the very last minute. We’ll be served breakfast on the plane, but I expect to be up hours before departure. Just the thought of going to the airport excites me. skips happily I love flying, and when you were 99% sure you were going to die of a heart attack 1.5 years ago, it makes it all the more special. I survived! And I will continue to do so no matter how much shit random fate (or an evil God) may toss my way. I just fling it right back. :)

The results of my cortisol lab tests came in and I was normal on two tests and on the low end of normal on the other two, which is good but at least does indicate something’s up hormone-wise. As in the perimenopause I wish my original team of doctors had been smart enough to recognize. As Tom said, I think that having been diagnosed with Hashimoto’s, distracted them from focusing on that, thinking that my symptoms were all related to that. But my second Endo was smart enough to recognize that not everything is caused by the thyroid.

Going on levothyroxine definitely accelerated the peri, though, which to date remains my worst physical/emotional life experience. LOL, I never thought it’d be so intense. Just like I once thought thyroids were only responsible for weight, I thought menopause was just about hot flashes where you were dripping with sweat. I don’t usually drip sweat unless I am very active in a humid place. I had no idea, though, that there is actually a huge array of peri symptoms.

Sometimes it takes a second set of doctors and therapists to find real answers and relief for our symptoms. Not that my first PCP and therapist were “bad.” They just weren’t as knowledgeable and as helpful as my current ones. The only shitty doc was my first Endo.

The evil “butterflies” are minimal tonight, but I did have some last night. Last night wasn’t quite as bad as the night before, though. I’m still doing the emotional tapping exercises religiously, and have found that yogurt is as calming as tryptophan-rich foods.

Started the book Tweedledee and Tweedledum by Willow Rose. I like most of her books.

No more guilt. No more slacking off. I did a half-hour on the treadmill and then another half on the Bowflex. I had been a little lazy the last couple of days.

We tested the surveillance cameras. Their motion sensor so it’s not like they’re going to be filming all the time. One will be aimed at the front, the other aimed at the back, and one will look at the interior. You can watch almost the entire house from where we’re going to put it. I still think everything will be fine, but if the place does get hit, at least we have insurance. Meanwhile, our most valuable/important possessions will be with us… Our top devices, the wedding rings on our fingers, and our medications.

The only dreams I remember are just quick little flashes, as usual, of strange and senseless things. My butt was parked on a toilet I realized was the standard 14” in one, and then in another, I watched running water from some kind of flood (rainstorms?) sweep underneath a manufactured house with no skirting.

Really, REALLY getting sick of Aly’s constant demands and expectations. The way she (although not intentionally) makes me feel guilty is rather insulting. She’s gonna lose me or make me wish she’d just dump me if she can’t remember that I can’t be everywhere at once. It isn’t that I don’t care. It isn’t that I’ve forgotten she’s in a shitty way. But I can’t be available 24fucking7! A little less selfishness and a little more consideration would be appreciated. :)

We all have tough times and it’s only natural to reach out to those we care about. But we still have to keep in mind that people need to live their own lives, too. Sometimes they need to sleep. Sometimes they need to do things, and well, I’m really getting sick and tired of having to remind her of this and if they don’t want to lose me, they should back off a bit and cut me some slack. It doesn’t have to be all or nothing either.

If I could make copies of myself, I would do so in a heartbeat! That way everyone I care about could have me around whenever they wanted/needed me. But I’m not a machine and I feel insulted when she makes it like I haven’t been there for her when I have. Every. Single. Day. It may not be in text form as she prefers but in some form or another.

As I told her, if I’m asleep or out running errands when you’re feeling down and out, please don’t assume it’s cuz I don’t give a shit, okay? :) That’s all I’m asking. Eventually, I’m going to get sick of feeling like I have to explain myself and I’m going to get sick of having to remind people that I can’t spend every waking moment socializing.

God, how’s she going to survive my vacation?!

Getting so excited as it gets down to just 4 days to go! I can already hear the plane’s engines revving and roaring in my head! Can’t wait!

Tom picked up some space bags that are really awesome and we might not need that third suitcase after all. Love how you don’t need a vacuum for them. You just stuff the clothes in, push the air out, and that’s it. They look like giant Ziploc bags and have 1-way valves. Great way to keep clean clothes separate from dirty ones, and to keep clean ones organized. I’ve got dresses in one bag, tops in another, and shorts and swimsuits in another. Socks, bras and undies can go in a side pocket. Tom’s clothes only required 1 bag instead of 3. LOL, typical male, huh?

Decided not to take the 3 pants/shirt sets I was going to take. The trip is 10 days and I have 15 days’ worth of clothes without them.

Woke up to a message from Tammy asking me to call her. She wanted to verify if we made hotel reservations and said that since we had to go by her place on the way there anyway, she wanted us to stop by because it would kill her to know we were so close yet hadn’t seen each other yet, LOL. I assured her we would stop by. We’re both super excited!

Won’t be meeting Mark until Sunday, however, because every year he meets his brother at a men’s retreat and this was planned long before we knew we were coming. So we’ll visit the 4th – 7th. On the 8th, I’ll be dragging my then no doubt exhausted ass out of bed right before check-out to jump on the plane home.

Again, I’m going to try to document at least quick little highlights of the journey as it unfolds, but may not get a chance to provide details. Then again, I may not get online at all. No guarantees.

Anxiety was a little more noticeable than it has been a while last night, but nothing catastrophic. It’s stable so far today. No doubt it’s tied into menopause. No doubt at all. Just wish I’d caught on sooner and that the Sutter “experts” had, too. Meanwhile, I’ve got my coping tools if it does pick up. Part of the trip excitement is probably fueling it, if not knowing I’ll be alone in the morning.

LMAO at the snow dumped all over New England. Not the accidents and the power outages, of course, but everything else. Poor little Andy.

Had a dream that a serial killer was on the loose and I threatened to find them and kick the crap out of them, eyeing what was first a young, tall slender black woman. Then there was a group of guys that I guess were suspects, and I thought of a quick test that would exclude or convict the killer. Not sure what that was, though.

Forgot to mention yesterday that I won a cute 18” vinyl doll. If you Google Springfield Dolls, you’ll see them. I’m just not sure if I’m getting a set or only one doll. The picture showed 4 dolls, but it said there were to be 5 winners, and listed 5 doll names. I’m guessing, since the prize has an ARV of $22, that it’s just one doll.

Looks like we’re going to have to grab another suitcase before we go. If it were a 5-day trip instead of a 10-day trip, these two would be fine. It was fine for the week we spent in Maui two years ago, but when two people need to pack twice as many clothes and leave room for the stuff they buy along the way, additional space is needed.

Friday morning can’t come fast enough! This next week is going to go by sooo slowly. On the bright side, I’m eating anything I want for the next 15 days, but will still keep in shape for the trip. I’ll do a mix of the Bowflex and treadmill tonight. When I come back I’ll still be too old and too thyroid-cursed to lose weight, but I’ll definitely have no problem staying the same weight with sensible eating and working out.

Had a dream I killed some woman in her house. As I was leaving it, hoping to escape unseen, some woman pulled up in her car, got out, and asked, “Is she home?”

I shook my head and ran into the house across the street.

Fitbit logged Tom’s tree trimming as a sport, haha. He got 10K steps for the first time today. Sometimes I do, sometimes I don’t. When you work at home you don’t always quite make it, even if you treadmill. Other than bustling about the house in preparation for the trip and doing laundry, I may skip exercising today. 5-6 days a week is enough.

Thanks for all the nice trip comments on my last entry. :) I will definitely not only write all about it but will create photo albums on Facebook and maybe even Photobucket in which I will provide links rather than embed each and every pic in my entries.

So far I have packed way more than I should need:

• 4 sleeveless tops
• 4 short sleeve tops
• 3 shirt/pant sets (all are long pants, but summery, with short sleeves)
• 6 dresses
• 3 pairs of shorts
• 1 cover-up for the pool
• 2 swimsuits
• 1 slip
• 1 light jacket (it gets nippy on the ship balcony at night)
• 2 pairs of flip-flops, 1 pair of wedge sandals with heels, purple glitter flats, aquatic shoes, and the sneakers I’ll be flying to and from airports in.

We’ll layover in Houston. Imagine if Molly knew just how close I’ll be. LMAO!

I basically have an unlimited supply of panties but only 8 bras. If we don’t do laundry on the ship, we’ll do it at Tammy’s, who we will be seeing on the 4th or 5th. Still not sure exactly which day, but I can’t wait!

Not taking any sleepwear since I prefer to sleep in just boy shorts. I can always jump up and throw a robe on (which will be provided for us) if someone comes to the door. Or better yet, just put the “do not disturb” sign out.

It’s a good thing I woke up early because the Fitbit alarm I set never went off today. It did yesterday, though. Also, I couldn’t sync my phone to their website and had to reboot my phone. So with one successful alarm and one failure, I can’t say if it’s going to be reliable or not. I hope so because it’s really cool to be able to set alarms online and have it “vibe” me awake.

Yesterday Tom trimmed the bushes with large pruning sheers that almost look like giant metal cutters, and Bob came out to say hello. After a few minutes, he left saying, “Sometimes I’m just looking for things to do.”

LOL, yeah, I know. I hear it enough of the time. He’s Jesse minus the mutts and motorcycle. What the guy needs is a computer. :) Nonetheless, Tom told him he’s welcome to trim anything he wants, anytime. It shouldn’t wake me up when I’m sleeping even though these particular bushes are outside the bedroom window.

Got a bunch of stuff we ordered for the trip and wow! These new Nikon cameras are WAY better than my pink slower, ancient camera with fewer dots that we got in something like 2007. It was a nice camera while it lasted, but it’s nice to have better ones, and it’s great that we each got one (not the same exact kind) for if we’re off on our own somewhere and want to take pics. Mine will load pics to my computer wirelessly. :)

Eventually, I’ll strap one to my chest or something and film the house, me riding my bike around the park, and maybe even using the Bowflex.

Saw Stacey, and because I’m doing so much better she asked if I’d prefer to see her on an as-needed basis, or if I’d feel more comfortable knowing I had an appointment down the road. I chose to just call if I need her.

She was amazed at how much better I’m doing and said she’d let me know if she ever needed a testimonial, LOL. She’s a sweet lady, but I hope to never see her again in my life. Sadly, though, I can’t believe the anxiety is gone forever. Like I said before, perimenopause takes years. The question is if I’m now tough enough to cope on my own with the skills she taught me.

She’s a little older than me and said she doesn’t have as much anxiety as she used to. Just an occasional hot flash. If I never again go through anxiety half as bad that’ll be major progress! Every so often I feel like I’m creeping toward the edge so I grab a few bites of chicken and do the tricks she taught me.

I asked her if she ever checked out my blog and she said, “No, sorry.” I think what she really means is, “No, I’m not interested and never will be.” I just told her she wasn’t missing much.

After a half-hour with Stacey, we stopped at the Carl’s Jr. by our place and waited too long for my soggy, slippery, messy beer-battered cod burger, which I’ll never get again. There was way too much tartar sauce and lettuce with it. I’ll stick to burgers and fries, though we rarely do fast food anyway but maybe just once a month or so.

I’m now 23% through the book Killing Me Softly by Bianca Sloane. I like it better than the last book that I finished last night.

Tom should be leaving work soon and then I guess we’ll either go out walking or bike riding for the first time in several weeks since it’s sunny and not too chilly out. It’s in the 60s. It’s supposed to be that way tomorrow too, when I see Stacey. I accidentally said I was seeing her today, but it’s actually tomorrow that we meet.

I’m so glad I haven’t had any anxiety – no racing hearts, no scary butterflies – since I saw her a couple of weeks ago, but I’m not ready to feel confident that it will never come back. All I can say is that I enjoy it immensely when I don’t have it.

Today’s Lisa’s 33rd birthday. Although there’s been no mention of it, I really hope she’s not at my sister’s place. I have no desire to deal with her after her rudeness in 2010. It wasn’t that what she did was oh so unforgivable; it was how loudly she smacked of Molly. Everything about what she did and how she went about it screamed of bipolar Molly, and I know she’s been diagnosed as bipolar in the past. I can’t deal with people like that. Melinda in jail was that way, too. Nice to you one minute, pissed off at you the next for nothing at all, and overly hyper the whole time. I can’t (and won’t) deal with that shit. Not saying she’s still that way, but I don’t want to just meet with her. I want to have a little heart-to-heart first and make it crystal clear that I won’t tolerate such rudeness and emotional drama. Instead of automatically accusing me of something she thinks she hears as Mary did, she needs to ask me first or stay out of my life.

My dreams have been so weird, vague and depressing that I haven’t shared them publicly lately. In one dream some woman was showing me a waterfall somewhere, and then her extremely white-faced daughter passed by and recognition clicked in a way that said they hadn’t seen each other in a long time but knew who they were. I could see the resemblance in the daughter’s face and knew the woman showing me the waterfall was her mother.

In another dream, I was either attacked or bullied while possibly at a pizza parlor. I don’t know who the attackers were, but they seemed young. There were a few of them, and I don’t know what they did to me. I just knew it would be pointless to report them for God had their backs all the way… just like always.

Wrote down the dates that we’ll be gone on a Post-it for next door and walked it over. Both of them were home. Bob said it’d be no problem yanking in the trash bin for us since we’ll be leaving right after we put it out.

We’ll be testing the surveillance cameras this weekend, as they know, and assured me they’d call 911 if they saw anything suspicious. Again, we’re not expecting any trouble. People have come and gone on vacation in this park for decades without incident, even the houses at the park’s edges, particularly the ones that back up against wooded areas. Well, we’re not on the edge, and we’re in a high-traffic area with busy roads and houses all around us.

At one point I made the comment about wishing I’d caught whoever took my bike (I still think it was a worker or a visitor) and Virginia was all surprised like she was learning about it for the first time. At first I thought to myself, “Oops!”

So I told them where we were going when she asked, and then when Bob followed me outside I said, “I’m sorry I didn’t keep my big mouth shut if you didn’t want her to know about the bike,” and he assured me he did tell her and that it was just in one ear and out the other. Then when I thought about the last few times I talked to Virginia, it all made sense. She’s going Dureen. Poor Bob. Bob is very sharp-minded despite being 86 and a few years older than his wife, so it must be hard for him to deal with. Poor Virginia too, though she’s probably not aware that she’s losing it. It makes sense, though. One time she didn’t seem to recognize me right away, and well, everything is a little too funny.

“The lady on this side of us is cruising now, haha, and I didn’t know your bike was stolen. One should be able to just leave things right smack out front of their place if they want to, haha.”

So Bob led me in back and my first thought was that he was going to show me a section where the retaining wall busted with all the rain, but instead he showed me how a couple of our bushes, one being a camellia, was dangling over the wall and dropping blossoms and twigs onto his trash and recycle bins, and asked if he could trim them back.

I felt so bad as I had no idea it had sprung over the wall so quickly, but he understands how busy we are. I offered to pay him, but he said he didn’t mind trimming them at all and has his bins right there anyway. Unless Tom beats him to it tomorrow after work since it’ll be clearer then. Since he won’t be working as much OT, he expects to have more time to keep up on the landscaping.

There are WAY too many trees and plants for this lot! I’m guessing the lot size is something like 70’ long by 40’ wide yet we have a HUGE variety of shit on it. I guess the previous owners had nothing better to do but keep planting and planting away till they ran out of space. We’ve got an organ pipe cactus, aloe vera, Yuccas, that grassy-looking thing that’s sort of roundish, rosebushes, Cypress trees, a birch tree, African daisies, camellias, azaleas, and tons of other shit I can’t even name. I’m surprised there are no palms. If it were up to me, though, we’d just have a couple of palms and nothing but nice bright white gravel.

Will definitely get them a little something on our travels as a way of thanking them. I almost feel bad about being so annoyed by his saws and hammers, LOL. Going to take the addresses of some folks too, in case I send postcards, but the problem isn’t finding postcards so much as it is finding stamps. I wish they’d make more pre-stamped postcards, but just in case, I will be armed with addresses. :)

Outside he said, “You lost a lot of weight.”

Wow, really? The scale only says I’ve lost a few pounds, but I guess I definitely do “look” like I have as the bodybuilding re-sculpts my body that still has a long way to go yet probably will never get there. Yeah, Fitbit is already losing its excitement for me. Sort of, anyway. I realize I’m just as hungry increasing my workouts as I am decreasing my calories. Working out an hour or more a day makes me hungry as hell, but I like how I can eat all I want and get away with it.

Had a strange dream where Norma and Sharyn were showing me something they found that my mother had created when I was around 10 years old. It appeared to be a piece of celery in a wooden box with a glass cover. Inside of it, just above the celery, she’d written: Jodi’s kitchen diet.

I suddenly took off crying, feeling insulted by it, knowing it was a “creative” and “artistic” taunt about the extra weight I’d sometimes carry as a child. A part of me hoped one of them would come after me to comfort me, but they never did.

Didn’t like the book Windwood Farm, so I’m now reading The Broken Saint by Mike Markel and it’s okay. It’s a murder mystery. I’m at 48%.

Today’s nice and sunny for a change and we even made it into the 60s. Still too chilly for me, but you would think spring has sprung just by the bugs that are already starting to show up. It’s supposed to rain again tomorrow, but fortunately, it’ll be nice Thursday when I see Stacey. Just a little cloudy.

I have to cut my workouts down to about 20-30 minutes a day because any more than that is making me too hungry and causing me to sleep too long. It’s not like the extra activity makes me lose weight anyway. All it does this allow me to eat more and get away with it. This is why I probably won’t gain any weight on vacation.

Tomorrow night I will dye my hair and shave my legs. Wednesday I will request a lorazepam refill from Dr. A, and give our vacation dates to next door.

It’s been a very busy, but fun and active day. Can’t believe I got 1.5 hours of exercise, but I did. A half-hour on the Bowflex, a half-hour on the treadmill while I watched my show, then over 20 minutes breaking in my new sneakers. This doesn’t count walking through parking lots and stores either.

We only went to one store, actually. Just Payless. I got a pair of black women’s shoes in 5.5 that can be worn with both casual and dressy clothing. I like how the strap crosses the top of the foot at an angle. I swear Dr. A had an identical pair on the first time I saw her.

I also got a pair of girls’ sneakers in bright neon yellow with hot pink laces and accents. Now I have a little variety for running shoes as I still love my black ones with Velcro ties and hot pink soles.

The main reason we went there was to see if they had water shoes. We were going to go to a sporting store afterward but decided to order some from Amazon instead. We had to get a lot of stuff for the trip anyway. He got a couple of polo shirts and cargo shorts. Got a couple of cameras, too. One’s faster and has more pixels than the one we’ve been using for several years now, and the other is a cheap camera you can wear around your neck to film what you’re doing.

We got a case for the camera, a box of batteries, and protectors for both the laptop and Paperwhite. Got a memory card and a pouch to keep our phones and other devices safe and dry, a purple sleep mask with earplugs, and a goat. No, not a real goat, of course, but another figurine for my collection.

We want to wait till next week to tell next door we’re leaving, thus giving them less time to possibly mention that this house will be empty to the wrong person(s), however innocently it may be. We’re going to use our old phones to watch the front and back of the place. I’m still 99% sure the house will be fine, but after having my bike stolen, I’m reminded that anything’s possible.

We registered for the cruise online so we don’t have to spend as much time checking in right before we get on the ship. We had to provide passport info, and then we looked at packages, services and excursions.

Really wanted to rent a 2-seat speedboat for the day and go snorkeling and hanging on the beach, but he’s over the weight limit for the boat. We’re still not sure what we’re going to do for excursions and didn’t want to book them this far in advance. They sure do have a lot of dolphin swims down there. A dolphin swim would be okay, but we’re still more interested in snorkeling and maybe even scuba diving. In some cases, you have to be certified, but in others, they guide you through it.

Don’t know how well it will work or how often we’ll have a chance to use it, but for just over $100, we will have Internet access. As Tom said, it’ll be worth it just to load our pics to the cloud. I will try to keep my journal as up-to-date as possible, but there may be delays in posting entries. We’ll just have to wait and see. I might not check into social sites at all, though I think I can manage a few check-ins here and there. I just don’t want to do what we can do right here at home in our everyday lives unless it’s late at night and I can’t sleep or something.

I know I’ll want a manicure and a pedicure, but some of their massages sound a little disturbing, maybe even brutal, LOL. A deep tissue massage? And bamboo sticks and hot stones? Well, words may never hurt me, but aren’t sticks and stones supposed to still break our bones?

We’re also getting a soda package for $9 a day, but I passed on coffee and tea for a ridiculous $30 a day. I’m not big on tea, and I only have 1 cup of coffee a day.

We printed our luggage tags and prepared my spit to be sent to Oregon, LOL. That’s for the adrenaline test. They should get it on Wednesday.

As much as I know we need it, I’m getting sick of all this rain! I can just imagine all the mold growing in the walls of Jesse’s trailer by now, haha. I can’t wait to escape this cold, wet, dismal place!

Again my dreams were too vague to really make sense of. Something about me observing someone inquiring about a death certificate on me, and then me being in an elevator. I guess we were moving or something. Then Tom killed a big spider for me in an old creepy-looking place with dark walls.

Just took a walk around the park with Tom. We took over 5K steps in 43 minutes. Only he burned 450 calories and I burned 240. No fair! That’s 10 per minute for him and only 6 for me. His maximum HR reached 115 and mine was 136, but only for a second. It mostly peaked at 125.

I love how I can set the phone on the treadmill and watch it count my steps as I run.

On the way back we passed Evie who was in her driveway and I introduced her to Tom. So that’s who lives in the long house on the corner of Astronaut and Tandy, huh? Bob and Virginia were heading up Oak Lakes too, and we waved to each other.

I’m doing that adrenaline test today and OMG, it’s not easy to spit half these tubes full! Thank God only half a tube is needed. It takes time to do. It took me 10 minutes to spit half of the large tube full. The other 3 are smaller. I feel like it’ll be $140 wasted, but at least that will be one more thing I can rule out if it comes back negative. We’ll mail it off tomorrow or Monday.

I hate not being able to wear lip balm/gloss. My lips are so damn dry. Can’t eat a couple of hours before each spitfest either. I did the 8am and noon tests, so at 4pm and 8pm, I’ll do the last two.

Finished listening to Eleven, Twelve… Dig and Delve by Willow Rose and now I’m reading/listening to Windwood Farm by Rebecca Patrick-Howard.

Later…

Aly continues to drive me crazy with her constant clinginess and cries for texting matches. I don’t know why tweets and emails aren’t just as good, but either way, I can’t be there any more than I already am. I can’t spend every waking moment texting with her unless she’s busy, sick or asleep, and I can’t make her problems go away, though I’m glad she’s giving Lexapro a try for her depression. That depression, so I’ve learned, could very well be one of the many symptoms she’s experiencing due to the blood cancer she’s got.

My heart totally breaks for her and I can understand how terrified, depressed and hopeless she must feel right now. She’s on the verge of the final stage of Chronic Myeloid Leukemia, which is rare. She may be allergic to the chemo pill she’s taking and may need a stem cell replacement, which isn’t covered by her insurance and is very expensive. She believes her odds aren’t good. But is that her emotions making her feel that way? Or are the odds truly against her? It’s hard to believe she could be dying, but people do still die of leukemia despite the advances in medicine.

Crazy Kim popped into mind as I was thinking how I might deactivate my Twitter account and create a new one if God forbid she did die as it would be sad not to use that account to check in with each other. I wondered if Kim was still obsessed with me, even though she’s been too afraid to contact me (maybe partly because her sister babysits her online activity?). Then I got curious enough to check her accounts from Tom’s accounts, realizing that’s how I would know for sure if she was following my activity since she’d block the account if she was. Sure enough, when I checked two of her many accounts, I found she had indeed blocked it.

I asked Aly if she mentioned me creating an account in his name to sweep from (which I deactivated, realizing I can just use my own), and told her that if she casually said something like, “Jodi’s going to Mexico,” that’s fine. But I don’t want any online activity or personal info given out. She swears she hasn’t said anything and this I do believe. So it proves that 6 years after dumping the loon she’s still acting like the victim she never was, and still assuming I care enough to read her tweets or contact her. I can’t stress it enough when I say I still want absolutely nothing to do with her and never will. She’s just too crazy, and I thought Andy was repetitive! She could have a million accounts easily accessible and I would never follow them or contact her. Yet she falsely flatters herself with her paranoid delusions and assumes that’s exactly what I’m going to do, thus risking my accounts. I would think that after so many blocks it could jeopardize one’s account.

She’s still paying attention to Aly’s followers and who she follows, no doubt, and is probably reading their tweets to each other as well. Aly doubts she reads my journal because she doesn’t read her stuff.

But she’s not obsessed with Aly either. Because they’re friends, of course she wouldn’t be interested. She’d only be interested in someone who’s dumped her and that she’s stalked and that she thinks may mention her. This will be kept private, of course. I’m not going to give the bitch the negative attention she craves. Again, I don’t fight with, spite or try to change and reason with people I dislike or don’t get along with. I simply avoid them.

Some people really never do change, though. She still has the wrong idea about me and obviously takes note of way more than I would’ve thought after all these years. To still be playing vicky vic after this long and paying attention to things that don’t concern her and that she shouldn’t be interested in is a bit disturbing. But in the end, it’s her problem and not mine.

I also thought of Molly. Molly, who wished Aly death when she was in her worst of stalking us both and Aly was dealing with breast cancer. Really hope the sick bitch doesn’t get her wish in the end, but between modern medicine and a lack of negative dreams pertaining to her (although I did have a dream she died a few years ago), I don’t think she will.

Decided to send Maliheh a message for 2016 and this is the first time I didn’t see her show up on my tracker afterward. I played the usual game of that she contacted me on Facebook and I couldn’t reply cuz the account disappeared, etc.