I’m now 23% through the book Killing Me Softly by Bianca Sloane. I like it better than the last book that I finished last night.

Tom should be leaving work soon and then I guess we’ll either go out walking or bike riding for the first time in several weeks since it’s sunny and not too chilly out. It’s in the 60s. It’s supposed to be that way tomorrow too, when I see Stacey. I accidentally said I was seeing her today, but it’s actually tomorrow that we meet.

I’m so glad I haven’t had any anxiety – no racing hearts, no scary butterflies – since I saw her a couple of weeks ago, but I’m not ready to feel confident that it will never come back. All I can say is that I enjoy it immensely when I don’t have it.

Today’s Lisa’s 33rd birthday. Although there’s been no mention of it, I really hope she’s not at my sister’s place. I have no desire to deal with her after her rudeness in 2010. It wasn’t that what she did was oh so unforgivable; it was how loudly she smacked of Molly. Everything about what she did and how she went about it screamed of bipolar Molly, and I know she’s been diagnosed as bipolar in the past. I can’t deal with people like that. Melinda in jail was that way, too. Nice to you one minute, pissed off at you the next for nothing at all, and overly hyper the whole time. I can’t (and won’t) deal with that shit. Not saying she’s still that way, but I don’t want to just meet with her. I want to have a little heart-to-heart first and make it crystal clear that I won’t tolerate such rudeness and emotional drama. Instead of automatically accusing me of something she thinks she hears as Mary did, she needs to ask me first or stay out of my life.

My dreams have been so weird, vague and depressing that I haven’t shared them publicly lately. In one dream some woman was showing me a waterfall somewhere, and then her extremely white-faced daughter passed by and recognition clicked in a way that said they hadn’t seen each other in a long time but knew who they were. I could see the resemblance in the daughter’s face and knew the woman showing me the waterfall was her mother.

In another dream, I was either attacked or bullied while possibly at a pizza parlor. I don’t know who the attackers were, but they seemed young. There were a few of them, and I don’t know what they did to me. I just knew it would be pointless to report them for God had their backs all the way… just like always.