So I couldn’t resist texting Aly yesterday in regards to her second to last Twitter handle just to surprise her, and she texted back saying I hate her, she gets that, she’s left me alone, please leave her alone, etc. 

So then I noticed that today it was changed again and I tweeted to her from my latest account before deactivating it. She then goes and does a public blog on Prosebox about it for me. LOL 

She’s definitely reading me, though. She’s gotta be just based on some things she said like how I said she was a closed chapter in my life. I stopped writing on my-diary, which is probably where they’re going as it’s easier to hide there. Now if they want to read me they’ll either have to show themselves or go through the hassles of disabling cookies. 

In her entry to me, she admits to being deceptive as hell to me in the end, and while a part of her will miss me, she doesn’t want our friendship back because I hurt her so badly for so long in the end, and I’m still racking my brains trying to figure that one out. I honestly don’t get what it is I said that was supposedly so mean and hurtful, but crazy is crazy. Crazy has no logic. And again, I’m not her type. 

But I do need to move on and make her the closed chapter that she is. I could never trust her again, and to continue picking on her would make me no better than her, Kim, Molly and Kathy when they’d troll each other and God knows who else. 

Later… 

Aly’s tweets are so ridiculous they’re too funny not to read. Over 22K steps? LOL, yeah, if you cheat maybe. Like by patting your cat an awful lot. 

She said she “deleted her Prosebox account to sever ties.” 

What ties? 

Every time she and Kim would create one of their many accounts there we’d block each other. So I don’t know what “ties” the delusional nutjob thought she was severing. Fine, though. She wasn’t wanted there to begin with. The hypochondriac would just bitch about all her problems. She’s everything she accuses others of being… negative and spiteful, etc. 

She tweets: I have severed all ties w/you that I can think of and want nothing to do with you. You will no longer see your name written by me. The end. 

No, but you sure make it obvious enough when you’re tweeting to/about me, don’t you? 

Then after declaring “the end,” the subhuman piece of shit tweets: Well, shoot. I should have included in that chain of tweets that I don't have a proxy, I don't visit blogger, and I prefer Fetlife to M-D. 

So which is it? The end or not? She had to have read at least some of my stuff. How else would she know about some of the things she mentioned that I did in fact write about? I supposed it’s possible someone else read it and filled her in, but we’ll see if this is “the end” or not. 

Still going back and forth in my mind as to whether or not I want to use Twitter to document the highlights vs. Word. I can always change the name/link so the trolls can’t find me. 

Or can they? The problem is that Twitter likes to recommend people we’ve been connected to in the past, and their associates, even from different accounts and email addies. Twitter obviously keeps track of individual devices and not accounts. If I signed up with a totally different device, that may stop me from being recommended to people I’d rather hide from. Eh, I know how to block people if I do decide to go back and I end up pestered by anyone. Letting others stop me from doing what I want to do is basically letting them control me, and I’m not going to give them that privilege. Right now I have no active accounts there. 

From here on out I have no desire to follow their tweets, blogs or anything else they could write whether it mentions me or not. No idea if they’re still reading me on Prosebox or Blogger, but you know what? I really don’t care, as I have nothing to hide. 

Gotta admit it was kinda funny seeing Kim run like a little scaredy-cat from Twitter when I never had any intentions of contacting her. My beef was with Aly this time, not her. But then Kim has always loved to play the victim, hasn’t she? 

Had a bit of a scare last night. The last of the laundry was finishing up in the washer as I was juicing some beet and carrot juice. As I did so, I heard this loud chirping. My first thought was that it was the juicer so I turned it off. But I continued to hear the chirping and then a semi-sexy voice talking about smoke in the hall. 

I then turned around and looked across the hall and into the laundry room to find it very smoky. I ran and got Tom up thinking something was on fire in there. Turns out something burned up in our washer which was only 6 years old, but probably defected from the get-go. Major piece of shit as far as going off balance was concerned. It was like the basket was really loose or something. The dryer is much older but works fine, so we’re only going to replace the washer now. We were going to get a new set next spring but decided on a washer now rather than using the little portable till we got a set next year. We’re going to hopefully have a $700 front-loading LG delivered from Lowe’s Tuesday afternoon after my endo appointment. 

Last night I dreamed I was sound asleep somewhere and in my subconscious, I heard the sound of a flute every now and then. Finally, I awoke to find the sound was coming from the lips of a woman who was trying to wake me up. She could make the sound of a flute playing all with just her lips. 

I got out of the twin bed or cot I was on and mumbled something about being fat as I headed for the bathroom. 

She agreed I was fat, and I said I had Hashimoto’s, pointing out that there was nothing I could do about it. 

The “bathroom” was small and square and had brown walls. Only a toilet and a tiny sink were in it. I slid my hand along the wall in search of the light switch. After I peed, I looked in the mirror at my tired-looking face and thought of how I was to meet my sister and nieces for dinner that evening. Not feeling up to applying makeup, I thought I’d settle for just lipstick instead. 

But then the room became rectangular and Nane had me face down as she was performing this strange procedure on my back. 

Then we were running along a beach or some lake. Several people were out and about and dressed kind of funny. One little black girl wore a short dress that seemed inappropriate for both the place and the weather. 

Nane and I were racing to this lodge or cottage when I realized that while the other people had diverted my attention, she’d dashed in front of me. I ran into the house or cottage or whatever it really was, up some stairs, and into a room. As soon as I flung the door open I found her lying on the floor laughing her ass off at having beat me to the room.

Felt pretty yucky till around midnight last night. Felt great today, though, but that’s the thing with peri; it’s unpredictable. I could get hit with a bout of fatigue or dizziness in an hour, a few hours, or maybe not at all today. I was just pissed that I didn’t feel all that great yesterday because I wanted to work on my story. It isn’t often anymore that I get good story ideas. 

Doing the laundry now and making out the grocery list. Since cutting calories, cholesterol, etc., doesn’t do me any good as far as my health or my weight goes, I’m just going to get what I want this week. 

Yesterday was such a shitty day for me getting the bad news from the doctor, even if it could be a lot worse, that Tom treated me to Jack-n-the-Box where I got chicken strips, fries, strawberry soda and a small chocolate cake.

Slept shittily and my day hasn’t been too great either. More proof there’s no God for if He really helped those that helped themselves, I wouldn’t have gotten the phone call I dreaded from my doctor’s office and figured I’d eventually get. The fact that the numbers still hadn’t been posted told me something was amiss, but the fact that I wasn’t called earlier in the week also told me nothing scary and dangerous was found either that needed to be addressed instantly. 

I had a bad feeling – and my intuition is rarely wrong – that I would be faced with a new issue now that the thyroid issue was resolved. It’s like I’ve been compensated for better finances with health issues, and I fear it’ll be one thing after another till the day I die, whenever that may be. 

Women’s intuition is pretty amazing. It also sucks that I can only be psychic these days when it’s in a bad way. Meaning, the dream I had of him getting a raise was correct. He just didn’t get as much as I dreamed he would. No win notices either, after dreaming about receiving one. 

It began when I went to bed just to wake up a few hours later with the hot flashes and racing heart from hell. Before this, I had a medication nightmare, which I haven’t had in a while. Something about Tom spilling pills that flew up into the air and landed in my mouth. I tried and tried but couldn’t spit them out. I had a bad feeling the dream was a sign that bad news was coming. 

Then the racy heart was on. Yeah, Fitbit said my heart spiked from 74 to 134. 

I got up to help cool my body down and took a lorazepam cuz I knew I’d need it to help calm me in order to fall back asleep. I even did some emotional tapping to help relax me further. 

As I was doing so, sure enough, there was a message from Dr. A’s nurse, Zaradhe Yach, to call her back. Too exhausted to deal with her at the moment, I called Tom and left him a message about it. He wasn’t able to answer at the time. 

Called the nurse when I got back up a few hours later and while my TSH score is still in the high-normal range, my LDL cholesterol was very high. They recommend a low dose of Lipitor which is supposed to be safest for those my age, but as they very well know, the trauma I went through with the levothyroxine has left me deathly terrified of medication in general. If my muscles seized up and killed me, would that really be better than a fatal heart attack or stroke? And just HOW at risk of a heart attack or stroke am I really? I wonder. The point is that after all I’ve gone through, I would question every single ache, pain and cramp I felt if I took it. If it was a case of being home-free after surviving it without problems for a week or two – maybe – but the muscle issue could occur at any time. My sister could get it right now and she’s been on statins for ages. 

You never really live in fear of what could happen until something actually does happen. Once traumatized there’s no getting back to where you were before. You can improve, but you don’t fully get back to your old self. 

She did point out that muscle issues from statins are very rare, and I appreciate that, but so is being born with one ear and having non-24-hour sleep/wake cycle. That’s why I didn’t call earlier, I told her. I slept all day. Still, I don’t think I have the guts to take the Lipitor and have those what-ifs hanging over my head. Annoying side effects are one thing. Terrifying ones you could never adapt to or survive are another. 

My TSH is 10 where they prefer 2, but 2 is like -10 for me since I’m one big hormonal mess right now and I have a rapid HR. 10 isn’t life-threatening, though, and my gland shouldn’t enlarge or anything like that. My endo said that as long as I’m not over 10, I’m safe. 

She first asked me how I was feeling and I told her that I was okay with the exception of some fatigue and dizziness, and that’s when I told her that I was more than likely suffering from perimenopause, and I mentioned the hot flashes, too. She said it would be no problem for Doc A to do blood work to determine my hormone and estrogen levels. They just didn’t want to miss anything they were unaware of that my body may be trying to fight. 

The reason she asked how I was feeling was due to an elevation in my white blood cell count. This is normal for me, though. Even in the '90s, my white blood cell count would always register as a little high. She said, “There’s a mild elevation in white cell blood count and eosinophils (one of the white blood cells that can elevate in conditions like allergies and asthma)." 

Well, I do have asthma and allergies, but they’ve been mostly under wraps since quitting smoking. I did tell her I had an asthma attack and had to use the inhaler once that was given to me in December. 

Here’s where it takes a new and somewhat scary twist. My red blood cell count is also a bit up there and I’m like, WTF? I know I shouldn’t rely too much on what I read online, but what I did research was a bit unnerving. Symptoms include fatigue, rapid HR and other things, and can be a sign of heart failure, sleep apnea and other things. 

I’m just sick of feeling shitty half the time! Even when I don’t have something terrifying, I’m tired of the hit-or-miss sleep, the hot flashes (thank God I don’t still live in Arizona), the fatigue, the racing heart. 

No matter what I do to try to help myself, nothing is ever good enough. I back off the cholesterol… my cholesterol is up. I exercise and try to watch the calories… I’m still fat. Why bother trying? 

Even right now as I write this, I feel like I’m on fire. My face feels flush as if I’d been in the sun all day, and of course my anxiety is up too, as I wonder if there could be things wrong with me more serious than I thought. I just want a break from all these fucking health issues I can never seem to escape! I totally want to throw in the towel and walk away from this shit, but if I turn away the symptoms will just tap me on the shoulder and make me turn around and face them. I can’t ignore these symptoms and I don’t want to feel this way. Yet I feel totally stuck. It’s either suffer the symptoms or suffer the side effects of the medications used to treat the symptoms. How fucked up is that? 

My blood sugar, kidney and liver function are great, though, so it isn’t all bad. Just not quite good enough.

“P-word.” Protected? Password? 

But I still don’t see how she knows my “peak” hours, as she puts it unless one or both of them is following me. If they are, they’re doing a good job of hiding and covering their tracks, but that’s what gutless cowards do. Guess what, though? I’m not going private on every site I use just to leave them in the dark as to what my schedule is. They must still care about me at least a little to be taking note of my activity. Sad, ain’t it? 

Decided that since neither the smart nut nor the dumb nut has bothered me in any way, I'm going to take someone’s advice and simply file them away in the past where they belong and move on. They're crazy, they're habitual liars, and they don't give a shit about anyone but themselves. Let ‘em have each other as they deserve. I’m too old for the drama of toxic people. Those currently in my life can stay there and that’s more than enough for me. :) Meanwhile, if you secretly harbor any hatred or animosity towards me, don’t pretend otherwise. Just have the balls to say so and get out of my life. :) No one’s gonna kill you for it. Negative honesty is always better than positive phoniness/lies. Just wanted to make that clear. :) 

Moving on. Tom’s TSH is 2. Lucky Bastard. 

My numbers aren't up yet but when I checked online I found that they canceled my appointment on the 10th with Dr. L. I called the office to make sure it was really canceled and not just a glitch in the system. Yes, it really is canceled because she’s leaving. I asked where she was going and the girl said she didn’t know and only found out this morning. My guess is she’s going down to SoCal or something like that. Hard to believe she would return to Guatemala. She was a really nice lady but I’m kind of glad because this would’ve been an unnecessary appointment at this point to have to deal with. I've been doing well so it's not critical that I reschedule with someone else. If I ever need more lorazepam I can get it from Dr. A. It just would have been nice if they had called to let me know. 

Last night I dreamed that I was in some large apartment building and was at the apartment of a couple that was perhaps in their fifties. I had loaned the guy my bike, which was in their apartment. When I arrived at the apartment only his wife was home. She gave me a long chain supposedly to use to secure the bike. 

The husband then came in and I showed him the chain. He almost seemed annoyed by my presence. I then realized it was getting dark and he told me I better get going. I agreed. He said I could take the bike. I asked if he had my number. He mumbled something and I told him to just call me if he needed the bike again. 

I then wheeled the bike out into the hallway and hurriedly headed for the exit. Although the entryway I headed into had an exit sign above it, there didn't seem to be any way down. The stairs seemed to lead down to a huge window instead. So I backed out and began running with the bike down a curvy hallway. Then I saw light coming from a door that was opened by another exit sign and heard voices. I was relieved to finally find the exit I needed to go through to get home before dark. 

Later… 

I keep going back and forth in my mind thinking yes, Aly and Kim are following my blog, and no, they’re not following it. I don’t care if they are or not, but I’m just naturally curious is all. 

The only thing I am sure of is that Aly’s a hypocrite. She tweeted something to the effect of not fighting back and not hiding, but she did hide. Within the last few hours, she changed usernames. 

Since the bitch did report me (and she says I’m spiteful?) and I found my account locked when I went to reactivate it, I created a new one since I didn’t care to verify my phone number, which was one of the two conditions of reactivating that account. The other was to delete the tweets. I would’ve gladly deleted the tweets, but I didn’t want to provide my phone number. 

Anyway, when I created a new account, sure enough, Aly’s account and one of Kim’s were recommended to me. I wonder if Aly saw my new account before I decided to kill that one too, and that’s what prompted the name change. 

I’m just so glad to be done with her now that I see her for the piece of shit she is, and her sick associates! 

Later… 

Discovered my Hoodster dead shortly before Tom got in from work. :( He’s now resting next to Sugar and Romeo. It will be interesting to see if his absence changes Cappy’s behavior, but I don’t expect it to. 

Was curious to see if I could find Aly’s Twitter account through one of Kim’s, not that I expected to. And I didn’t. Instead, I accidentally found it by pulling up recent a tweet she made to Kim. Damn, I’m good! 

Still curious about the meaning behind some of their statements… the P-word, what I’m supposedly motivated by that’s “more pathetic than wanting attention,” etc. And just what is it Kim was curious to know if I knew about or not, and do they really know my “peak hours?” If they do, then they’re watching me.

If there were any lingering doubts or regrets about my “friendship” with Aly ending, they’re 100% gone now. Talk about exposing those true colors of hers! The ones she no doubt didn’t think I’d ever find, LOL. Yes, I'm glad I discovered what I discovered last night. It totally reinforced my gut feeling and my certainty in never wanting anything to do with her in the future. I vented to her one last time and now I’m going to vent in public one last time, then that’s it. We’re done. She’s a definite and permanent closed chapter in my life in which I’ll be happy to move on. Oh, I may mention her from time to time in the future. Just not in public. 

Part of this whole journaling thing is to document our experiences and the people we experience them with, and I promised myself I’d never hold back. I won’t share sensitive info, and I’ll respect your privacy and personal life if you’re someone I’m close to, but if you screw me over then you lose that privilege and I won’t feel I owe you the courtesy of not telling it like it is. I don’t make threats and I don’t post sensitive info and therefore I’m not doing anything wrong. Do I care if she reads this? Obviously not or else I’d make it private. I doubt, however, that she’s reading me. She read Molly before she accepted the nut back into her life, but that’s only because Crazy likes crazy, and she and Molly were/are both crazy. If I were the type to write how I fantasized about stabbing my parents in their sleep and that I hoped Aly’s cancer killed her, then I would be plenty readable. But whether or not she and her twisted cronies are reading this isn’t the issue. It’s all about me writing in my journal. Period. Onlookers are a mere byproduct of that, and I mean no offense in saying so. :) 

It started with CampNano, which I checked out to see when their next session was. Unfortunately, I forgot that they hold one in April, but will maybe catch them over the summer. When Aly dumped me she disconnected me from whatever sites we were connected on. But she forgot Nano. As I went to take the honors myself, I noticed she had a Twitter link on her profile. Needing to stay up to flip my schedule anyway, I passed the time by checking it out. Yeah, I knew her being sick of Twitter was a lie just like so many other things she's told me. I'm sure she's got tons of active Facebook profiles as well. 

Anyway, I clicked through to the Twitter account and found that it's got nearly 6,000 tweets and is almost a year old. I assumed she’s had the account all along but never told me about it. She and Kim are like that. They’ll create account after account and keep some secret from each other, mostly to two-face each other. That way they can be all sweet and kind to each other’s faces while bashing each other publically yet privately. 

As I read the tweets, I found myself both confused and insulted. One of them was directed at me, telling me “I’ve left you alone so leave me the fuck alone because I’m so done and over you.” 

WTF??? This was posted on April 2nd. Well, she dumped me on March 24th and we weren't even talking by April, so why did I need to “leave her the fuck alone?” Is she delusional or something? Also, the tweet was directed at me as if she knew I would read it. Did I ever communicate with her on this particular account in the past that she later changed the name on? I swear I’ve never seen or heard of this account before. I don't understand why she would act as if I was still in touch with her when she made it clear that she no longer wanted anything to do with me. Some people do dump others just to falsely flatter themselves with false allegations of them refusing to let go which makes them feel more wanted and cared for than they actually are, but then it hit me that Kim could’ve easily created an account in my name and harassed her from it. That is classic Kim, after all. She's even created accounts in Aly's name in the past as well as many others, but this is perfectly forgivable if you’re as crazy as Kim is. The fact that she also tweeted, “If you step away from someone and they go after you that means they care, right?” made me suspect this. 

First of all, I don’t care about her or what happens to her in life. Secondly, she didn’t “step away,” she dumped me. I’m just not sure why. I can only guess it has to do with me trying to point out Kim’s true colors to her, and how I got fed up with her clinginess and the guilt trips she’d put on me if I didn’t reply to her texts in 5 minutes. Over the years she went from ignoring me for days on end to smothering the shit out of me. 

Also, how did I “come after her?” Again, she’s either delusional or someone impersonated me because I hadn’t contacted her till last night. Fact: To assume I care is nothing more than false self-flattery. I don’t. I’m just documenting what happened like I would by saying I saw so and so walking down the street (not that I care), and then I’m moving on. If I later remember other details I’ll add them to the end of this entry rather than new ones. 

What I don’t get is the hypocrisy. Yeah, this was the insulting tweet that really got me rethinking people in general and gaining a better understanding of Andy's trust issues. The day before we left for vacation she tweeted, “If all goes well I shouldn’t hear from J for two weeks. Kind of excited about that!” 

Again… WTF? How fucking insulting! This was what she was really thinking while pretending to be my friend to my face and then getting all upset when I wouldn’t text with her all day long every single day?! How many others might be thinking the same thing that I thought genuinely cared about me? And I had specifically made a point of texting her while on vacation when on land, knowing she was struggling with depression, and assuming she cared and actually wanted to hear from me. This was when it really REALLY hit me just how UNtrue of a friend she was and that the only one that cared was me. So while she falsely accused me of “not thinking much of her,” it was really she who didn’t think much of me. That statement is now 100% correct, though. Sometimes we really do make people what we accuse/label them of being. Was she that scared of me for some reason that she couldn’t just tell me how she really felt? 

Being totally honest with myself, maybe I wasn’t 100% true either. The more she smothered me, the more I’d secretly wish she’d get a BF or something to tie up more of her time. I’d wish the same with Andy, hoping he’d trade Facebook and Ask in for a BF, but I knew both of them would be single all their lives with plenty of time on their hands. 

I can’t believe I was too blind to see Aly’s craziness. All these years and I really thought she cared and was smart enough to see Kim and Molly’s true colors. Well, she was smart enough actually. She just chose to ignore the red flags since she so obviously likes crazy people. She truly is drawn to a nut as some women are drawn to abusive men. I just didn’t get this at first and how she could continue to bother with them after voicing her suspicions in public accounts they were unaware of and actually seeing the evidence right in front of her face. No matter how in her face and obvious their phoniness and lies were, and the fact that they never gave a shit about her, it never seemed to matter. She’d just keep coming back for more. More lies, more phoniness, etc. Aly also noticed and even admitted that Kim lacked empathy. What kind of person wants a friend like that? Which, as she says, isn’t always there for her when she needs a friend. 

Speaking of that, even her own parents don’t think much of her. On her birthday she blogged and tweeted about how not one single person, including her parents, cared to remember her birthday. I wondered if she realized that was mostly her own damn fault as she threw herself her little pity party. I would have cared and I would’ve remembered her birthday had she not dumped me for being too sane, too honest, and not afraid to speak my mind where her “friends” were concerned and where her clinginess was concerned. I also realized that even if a thousand people wished her a happy birthday, she still would’ve complained. Enough is never enough for her. Even she tweeted a month or so ago that she’d given up trying to figure out what it is she wants. She’s just a very selfish, miserable, depressed, demanding person who is never going to be happy no matter who does what for her. 

Her intelligence and intuitiveness were what really fooled me, I think. I’ve never encountered a crazy person before who was delusional, paranoid, two-faced, spiteful, dishonest, negative and emotional who was also smart. She thirsts for the mental cases as if she feels that’s all she deserves, and maybe she does. She even loves to be abused sexually. 

I actually came to realize about a year ago that she wasn’t as stable as I gave her credit for; I just didn’t see the extent of it. Looking back on things now, a lot of things I found odd or confusing now make sense. 

As Tom pointed out, anyone can be crazy. He also reminded me that the things she told me weren’t true. I do believe, however, that she battled both breast cancer and now blood leukemia, and I do believe she was with the FBI. She worked Cyber Defense and then as a pervert analyst until the FBI realized how unstable she was and fired her ass. Her BF promptly dumped her and she moved in with her parents where she’s been for years. She was jobless for years too, but then started working as a nanny. She’s friendless and loveless and has nothing but emotional and health issues galore. 

She lied to me a while back and said she finally came to see Kim and Molly’s true colors and had forever cut ties with them. I was happy to hear this, not just for obvious reasons in that it was a healthy choice on Aly’s part, but because then I would be less likely to be caught up in any drama. Meanwhile, I would go days without hearing from her, led to believe she wasn’t active on Twitter, and that our only means of communication was via email. This was before we began texting. She’d always tell me she wasn’t online for days at a time and found it “less depressing” that way. Well, I don’t remember how, but I eventually stumbled upon a Twitter account of hers and there she was happily exchanging tweets with both Kim and Molly. 

Every. Single. Day. 

Although one has the right to pick and choose their own friends, I found it sad and odd that one who was supposedly as smart as she was would choose to spend more time hanging with those who were so mentally and sociably unstable as well as potentially dangerous. Remember, one’s on disability and one’s in a group home. Neither of them has ever or will ever reside alone. They’re always in someone’s custody and always will be. 

So I called her out on it and then dumped her. Soon afterward, I felt bad about it, shrugged it off and said, “Eh, to each their own,” and chose to focus on her good points if she’d let me, and she did let me back into her life. From there on out, I thought she’d be a little more honest with me and I truly did think she actually cared for me. I really did. Stupid me, though, huh? 

As time passed she became more and more demanding and moody, never satisfied with what time and attention I took the time to give her. She used to say that if you gave Molly an inch, she’d demand a mile. Well, Aly was becoming more and more a mirror image of Molly, minus the threats. She was clingy, depressed and suicidal, but little did I know just how two-faced, phony and insane she also was. But now her true colors are shining through as brilliant as the sunlight itself, and I cannot and will not ever forgive her any more than I knew I’d ever forgive Kim. I am so totally not open to any new friends either. Ever. If it weren’t for the guilt I’d feel, I’d dump my existing ones, but why punish them on account of her shit? If they dump me or give me a reason to dump them, well fine. But as long as they haven’t done anything wrong to me they can remain in my circle. My only rule is no newbies and no oldies. Aly, Andy, Nane, Maliheh and any others that are in the past are going to STAY in the past. This is why I try to be as unforgiving as possible. I forgave her just to get shit on even worse. Well, no more forgiving anyone for anything! 

Like I said, I can kind of see where Andy can be so mistrusting. I’m not as extreme as he is, though, otherwise I’d think everyone was a liar. Literally. He thinks even those he’s been closest to for years are liars, and maybe some of them are, but still, if I think someone’s lying or I’m “excited” about not hearing from someone for two weeks, then I probably won’t bother associating with them in the first place. I don’t do the toxic friend syndrome. 

Well, I’m not going to get so paranoid as to assume everyone’s a liar, but I’m not open to newbies as far as friendships go and I make no apologies for it either. I’m not ashamed to have just a few friends. I have enough self-respect to look out for myself. I know I deserve better than what Aly feels she deserves, but for her, it’s not just what she feels she deserves, but what she craves. She literally thirsts for the sickos. 

Just the fact that she’d constantly create and delete various accounts on Facebook, Twitter and email services was a red flag enough to make me wonder if she was doing something wrong. What was she running from? What was she hiding? 

Not surprisingly, she dumped the email account I’d emailed her at, and I wouldn’t be the least bit surprised if she’s changed phone numbers by now. She’s the ONLY one I know that has so many damn accounts coming and going, which is usually a sign one’s up to no good. Kim’s the same way, but I’m sure a lot of it has to do with the things they do together which are mainly impersonations, celebrity stalking/worshipping, stories and shit like that. 

Anyway, after discovering the Twitter account, I made sarcastic but honest replies to several of her tweets, laughing to myself at the thought of how she probably wasn’t expecting me to find the account, and thinking of her reaction to finding so many notifications awaiting her sorry ass. 

Oh, do let me share some, LOL. In one she said “I know J has health issues preventing her from losing weight, but I’m not her. I’m happy I can take 15K steps a day.” 

Well, so could I if I chose to or needed to, but more isn’t necessarily better. And she’s right… she’s not me. If she were she’d have the guts to be more honest and have some self-respect for herself. 

I wonder, though, if she realizes just how heavy she is or at least has been in the past. I know she’s lost weight due to the chemo and all that, but I’ve seen pics of her on Photobucket from before her double mastectomy when she was a 40C, and she looked it, too. She’s about my height and she had to have easily weighed at least 150 pounds. I just wonder if she either has a distorted perception of herself or plays down her weight. It may explain why there haven’t been any body shots of her in years that I know of. I’ve seen plenty of pics of her from her late 20s to early 30s, though, and she clearly had a weight problem at least back then. I’m sure I’m much bigger than she is right now, though. But what I was trying to tell her was that the older she gets the easier it will be to gain weight and the harder it will be to get it off and keep it off. That’s all I meant. 

I was LMAO when I got up this morning to find the reaction I expected to find… that she’d blocked me. I logged out and read her tweets just for kicks. In the midst of bickering back and forth with Kim about the same old problems she’s always had with her, but that she’s oh so addicted to, she said something to the effect of me failing if my aim was to make her cry. Actually, I had no specific aim. I was just venting for my own self-gratification. 

She also said something about me never finding her other online friends. 

I don’t care to find them. They didn’t do anything to me so I don’t care to find them, whoever they may be. 

“Was I supposed to learn something by this?” she asked. 

Naw. I’d say that if she can’t learn from the same damn mistakes she keeps making year after year then she’s pretty unteachable. Intentional ignorance? Or not as intelligent as I gave her credit for being? I guess only she knows. 

Kim’s just as fucked in the head as she is for not seeing Aly’s true colors. After all, they’ve been friends longer and had more contact with each other. I’m sure that even if someone spelled out to Kim the fact that Aly’s given me her address and told me TONS of personal shit about her and her family, she still wouldn’t believe it. She’s not the type to believe anything she doesn’t want to believe. She’s a selective believer, you could say. 

Really sorry I gave the split bitch my own address, but if it were ever abused, she knows I have hers as well. :) 

She also says she reported me. Gee, that hurts. Especially since I was about to deactivate with or without finding her account, as I just can’t get into Twitter these days, though I did try. Initially, I was going to use it for the highlights of my life, but it’s just as easy to track these things in Word. Word is safer too, in that I have more control over it. When we use other sites they can be hacked or shut down. I just didn’t want to deactivate till I knew she’d seen my tweets because I didn’t know if deactivating would delete all that or not. So report away, Drama Queen! 

Not saying I won’t reactivate in the future, but for now, I have no use for Twitter other than to maybe peek in on her (until she goes private or deactivates) just for shits and giggles at the twistedness of their “relationship.” She blasted Kim for “going on and on about me as now she guarantees she’s asking me to go after her now.” 

Wrong. I don’t care to waste time on Kim. That’s why I blocked all the accounts of hers I could find before I shut down. 

Here’s where it gets confusing. Even Aly doesn’t get it. Kim tweeted, “I'll just go to the P-word during her peak hours when she's around. She's doing this to be an attention-seeking loser.” 

What P-word? Aly’s guesses are “police” and “parent.” That’s more guesses than I have. 

And just what are my “peak” hours? Kim loves to hide so I can’t see her end of the conversation in its entirety. 

Kim also tweets, “Tweets deleted but still she bashes me no matter what. She's being an immature brat and I know what to do anyways.” 

Really? I haven’t “bashed” her (what she really means is me simply telling it like it was when she’d stalk and harass me) in quite a while. Any recent mentions of her are basically in connection to Aly. Ex: Aly’s obsessed with nutjobs like Kim, etc. 

Twice Aly’s insisted I’m driven by something “far more pathetic than just wanting attention.” 

I am? Come on, I want to hear what that is! Tell me! I’d really love to know. ROTFL, ok, call me utterly and totally childish where this is concerned, but this is getting beyond amusing and entertaining. Really this is totally fucking funny as hell. Oh, Aly, please don’t deactivate or go private this time around! Please don’t! I’d be in tears. Really want to know what’s driving me and what’s “more pathetic than a need for attention.” Let’s hear it from the Jodi expert. :) 

To Kim she tweets: “In all honesty, I don't care what she knows about at this point.” 

Kim sounds a bit paranoid, ay? 

She also tweets to Kim, “Huh? I did a couple of tweets this morning. I wouldn't say I'm giving her that much attention.” 

Uh, you gave me more than a few, I’m afraid. You just went and deleted them is all. Including the one where you insist I can’t take how happy you are without my negative, spiteful self in your life. 

Ok, that concludes the part of my life with the “happy” loser who will grow old and die alone after many years of living with Mommy and Daddy. 

Enjoy the crazies, Aly! 

Later… 

I’m kinda tired, mostly due to PMS. I haven’t even worked on my story or taken my language lesson. I guess that’s what I get for wasting time LMAO at some of society’s waste products. I can’t wait for tomorrow’s updates, LOL. 

Tom’s blood and apple juice numbers have all come back perfect… yes!!! He had his appointment today with his PCP (some Middle Eastern guy) as he does every 6 months, and all is dandy. His BP is only slightly high, and his low sleep HR isn’t dangerous in accordance with what his waking HR is. So where I’m a definite tachycardia, he’s not really a bradycardia. 

My numbers aren’t up yet. At least I know nothing scary came back in my blood tests or else they’d have called. 

I still get a little bummed out at times that no matter what I do and no matter what I eat, my weight simply won’t budge. The few pounds I keep gaining and losing every month isn’t really weight, but water. That tells me that my weight is literally locked in. Literally locked into place for life unless I either stopped working out and started stuffing myself to drive my weight up, or started starving to drop it, neither of which is going to happen. 

For me, it’s not about being skinny but about not having control over my own damn body, and that gets to me at times. But hey, I have a disease that’s not my fault and that’s not going away either. Doc Hottie did warn me that levothyroxine would not cause weight loss. But it did stop me from gaining so it’s not a total loss, and I know that spending too much time dwelling on the things I can’t change isn’t very productive. 

My hunger levels are going up due to the PMS, another thing I can’t change. Carbs definitely help get rid of hunger, though, better than protein, even though protein’s probably healthier. 

I eat healthy overall and I keep active, though I’m always going to be 20-30 pounds overweight, and right now I feel like I have a whole swimming pool’s worth of water on me. I’m way bloated! 

When we were out walking the other day, we noticed that the house next to the one the annoying contractor lives in has been taken off the market. The one that used to have a dog outdoors overnight and that probably still has little kids living there. Again, I don’t know how they can pull that off for as long as they have and get away with it, but it doesn’t affect me directly so I don’t complain. The trailer’s been coming and going more often, too. 

Even though I slept late, today was annoying as hell. Landscaping galore… motorcycles and other loud traffic roaring through… 

I not only received and enjoy my new facial cleanser/massager, but we also like the ultrasonic cleaner he picked out, too. We put our wedding rings in it and they’re noticeably shinier. We also cleaned our glasses.

As expected, I gained back 1.5 of the 4 pounds I lost. I’m sure they’ll all be back right before my next period. That’s just how my cycle works. I ate more yesterday to help myself feel better. So far today I haven’t had any dizziness, though it’s rather random and unpredictable. 

The results of our labs aren’t posted online yet, though they left Tom a message to call them. We’re not worried about it because they did that before and everything was fine. I don’t understand why they don’t just post the damn results online. That’s what the site is for. 

Last night I dreamed I was talking to my old celebrity pics of Linda, Kate and Gloria. Alexa was blasting music and I had to shout at her several times so I could comment on the house I was living in having something like 6 or 7 toilets, though only 2 or 3 were in use. 

Then I dreamed of playing with two brown rats as I was making the bed. They were chasing the moving ends of the sheets like playful kittens as I made up the bed. We had fun. 

Hoodie isn’t having fun, though. Yeah, the poor Hoodster’s days are definitely numbered. 

Later… 

Tom’s numbers have all come back great! So glad he’s in such good health! Mine aren’t up yet. But what the hell is it with me and fatigue and dizziness? No real dizziness today, but how can I go from bursting with energy to needing a 2-hour nap? He got home early today as they announced no overtime for the day, and after he relaxed for a few hours, we went out walking. 

He crashed at around 8pm. A half-hour later, I went down for a nap. I’m still tired. I’d love to get back into bed, but I must stay up till at least 5. If I fell back asleep now I’d be up around the time I was supposed to be at my appointment on the 3rd and unable to choke my schedule back until then.

Dizzy, dizzy, dizzy and more dizziness! I’ve been experiencing this nearly every single day now, and I have fatigue more often too, where I’m normally plentiful on energy. We’re still guessing it’s connected to the perimenopause as opposed to my thyroid taking more of a hit. I wasn’t even this dizzy or fatigued before raised to my current dose. I might see if I can get to see Dr. A sooner. I have almost every peri symptom there is, but at the same time I still have a fear of taking anything, so I don’t know that I’d want hormonal replacement therapy of any kind. Still, it couldn’t hurt to have my hormone levels tested. It isn’t a terrifying feeling like when I had killer anxiety on the higher thyroid doses, but it’s highly annoying. 

I asked Tammy her opinion. I told her she better get better herself as who else would I have to play the picture game with? LOL, yeah, I change blog backgrounds on Blogger every time I post, and I add graphics that’ll show on Facebook and Google+. I delete them from the actual posts after they’re published so the blog won’t appear too cluttered with various graphics. 

I’ve lost 4 pounds since getting my juicer. If I lose 4 more I’ll either wonder if I’ve got some whole new disease I don’t yet know about, or if juicing really is the miracle some people claim it is. More than likely the weight will reset itself on its own. I can see where juicing would make us healthier, but I don’t see the logic in the weight loss part since it’s still the same stuff whether it’s in a juiced or solid state. 

Yesterday I juiced my two remaining tomatoes. It was better than store-bought tomato juice, but still not anything I want to juice in the future. At least not by itself. 

Today I made a Sweet Potato Pie. This uses a sweet potato, 2 apples, and 6 carrots. It’s pretty good. 

Got the display case and now 2 wolves and 7 dogs live in it. It looks great. The only thing I might change is I’d prefer a white base to a black base because then the animals would stand out better. Definitely going to get more of these at some point. 

Later… 

Hoodie’s looking terrible these days, but at over 2 years of age, that’s old for a rat. He’s less active, withering away, losing fur, and not breathing well. I hope the poor guy isn’t suffering. He’s still eating, though, so that’s good. It’s typical of an old rat as sad as it is. 

Since getting hooked on rats in 1998, I see a definite pattern with all the rats I’ve had over the years. This may sound “racist,” but solid-colored rats seem to have friendlier personalities than those with markings. The only outstanding marked rats we’ve had were Ratsy and Little Buddy. We only had 3 solid light ones in which Blondie and Sugar (a Himalayan) were fantastic rats. We’ve had 4 Berkshires (dark brown with white feet) and Tinkerboy and Scuttles were great. Lastly, 2 out of the 3 traditional brown rats we had were also awesome… Tinkerbell, Little Fella, and one that died shortly after we got her. 

I can’t believe how much better my hair has looked and felt since getting a trim and the Paul Mitchell serum. 

Tom’s got over $150 worth of gift cards from work to play with… Chili’s, an Amex card, and something else. The problem is the guy has so little free time for fun things. 

Last night I dreamed of some guy who seemed to be upset that I hadn’t visited his blog. I don’t know where we were, but he and some girl were chatting nearby. I walked up to them and knew they were upset that I hadn’t been to the blog. I had a few long index cards in my hand and offered a blank one to the girl who accepted it without saying anything. 

Then I woke up at 3:30 and was pissed to be up that early since I had an upcoming appointment. My bedroom looked different, though. Where the window by the closet was there was a door instead. My first thought was that it was the crack of dawn, but when I opened the door I could see that the faint sliver of “light” was actually from the full moon shining above. It was windy too, and I could see clouds sailing across the moon at a rather rapid pace. I thought it looked really cool despite my somber mood. 

Donna A was in another dream, though her last name was Blakely. I walked up to a long table where several pieces of mail sat. Donna was on the other side of the table sorting through it. I saw a small package that was addressed to me. I happily said, “Ooh, a package for me?” 

Then she handed me an article she’d written. Although the article made absolutely no sense to me I noted and commented on how superbly written it was.

Where the night before last I was hot flashing my ass off, last night I was freezing. It was chilly and rainy yesterday so the temp dropped lower last night. I guess I should sleep with the temp set at 68° instead of 67° whenever possible. When I got up to pee at 3:30 I had to turn the fan off. 

Loved how quiet the rain kept things yesterday, though sure enough, late in the afternoon I could hear something loud and steady running somewhere for an hour or two. It might have been just outside the park. A carpet cleaning truck maybe? 

Got up at 7:30 and Tom, who had been up for about an hour, took his shower after I took my pill. He then showered and we took our empty bellies to the lab. Not surprisingly, we had to wait a while. Of course there was a screaming brat whose mother rudely blasted a cartoon on her tablet for it. Brat screamed like a hyena once she was called in. I felt a little bad for her then. 

We were both taken to a room in back by a kind and competent girl I’m pretty sure I’ve seen before. She had no problem with a butterfly needle and didn’t tie the tourniquet too tight. Sometimes the tourniquet can be worse than the needle or any bruising that may occur. Yet she quickly got 3 vials without leaving me bruised. 

She had to pull 4 vials from Tom and he even had to pee in a cup. While she was tending to us she was telling us this horrible but not at all surprising story about a 5-year-old boy who slapped and swore at his mother as she was trying to draw his blood. Meanwhile, the mother was singing the alphabet to him. Then the little bastard pulled the needle out of his arm and hit her in the face all the while Daddy just stood by wordlessly. I’d be doing a long prison sentence right about now for knocking the animal unconscious! 

Kids of today are absolutely horrible. Just total animalistic, selfish, rude brats with seemingly no concern for anyone but themselves, and the parents that help create them are even scarier. What will the world be like 20-30 years from now when these things are running so much of it? 

So we each used the bathroom afterward and when Tom came out I looked at his hand and said, “You were supposed to leave the apple juice in the bathroom, hun.” But I guess they had a place down the hall to deposit the pissers. 

She said the blood would be leaving the lab at 1pm, but I doubt I’ll be able to see the results online till around Wednesday. 

Later… 

Waited until the daily landscaping racket, which unfortunately extends into the late afternoons at this time of year, died down enough so I could concentrate on a second entry. 

Began reading An Act of Deceit. It’s another Jennifer Jennings mystery. Probably won’t work on my own book till after the weekend. 

After we left the lab this morning we stopped at Sam’s and got a few things. One of those things was a pack of 8 knives for cutting fruits, veggies and breads. What's cool about the knives is that they have pictures of what they’re for on the blades, and each one has a different color handle and matching case you slide it in to protect it. I’m surprised the set was just $20. 

Don’t know that I’ll be cutting as many fruits and veggies now that we have the juicer, but they’ll still come in handy. The two large knives we had were old and dull. 

Another gadget I’d love to try is an air fryer. I didn’t even know any such thing existed till I came across a sweep for one. 

Gonna grab a facial brush next time we do an Amazon order, which will probably be this weekend since the rats need bedding. It’s a small soft rotating brush, and I like how it removes dry, flaky skin. It does a better job than a washcloth, bath puff or even bath gloves. They even make pink ones now. My MIL gave me a white one in Maricopa and I miss having one. 

What I REALLY can’t wait for is our 3D floor! 

We went on a bike ride when we got home, then he took down the shower doors in the second bath so I could clean them easier, and sprayed the patio and outer windows for bugs.

Last night I slept horribly. It’s like I was on fire and I kept waking up constantly as I had the hot flashes from hell. My heart pounded and I had to take a lorazepam to relax myself back to sleep. How many more years is this shit going to go on? 

Hate being cold (when I’m awake) but I love how today’s rain is keeping things quiet. This should be it as far as rain goes until the fall. 

I heard what I thought was that mysterious early-morning hammering again yesterday, and now I’m thinking that it might be that woodpecker Tom heard and not Bob or someone near him. I heard it at 7:15 yesterday morning and I looked out front to find that next door’s garage door was shut. I can’t believe he would be in there doing his projects that early despite how early he gets up, and I couldn’t see any light coming from the garage window. Makes me wonder how many peckers I might have mistaken for pests. 

Yesterday afternoon I saw a couple of cop cars drive around the circle. They seemed to be there for eight minutes although I have no idea what house they went to or why. 

This morning I juiced half a bag of green seedless grapes with two medium-sized tomatoes and it came out great. Very refreshing. 

Other than that, I’m having a relaxing day. Besides my online work I’m doing laundry and I just finished making out the grocery list. 

Gotta remember not to eat or drink anything other than water when I get up tomorrow because we're both going to the labs. Trying not to worry about thyroid and cholesterol numbers, and god forbid anything new wrong with me they might discover, though I don’t see why they would. 

I had a dream last night that I was in some Austrian jail, only everybody knew English and they all sounded American, LOL.

Tom got a 65¢ raise. A bit insulting, but an extra $100 a month, which is better than nothing. So now he makes a little over $17 an hour. 

Made homemade OJ today and it’s pretty good. Later I’ll try juicing some green grapes and see how that comes out. 

Because I felt lightheaded and just plain yucky for about 4 hours yesterday, I’m going to work out at home rather than outdoors today. 

It’s going to be warm and partly cloudy today, and cool and rainy tomorrow. 

In last night’s dreams, I was talking to a couple of guys. One might’ve been older and a doctor. The younger one told me I’d live another 30 years. 

Then I was in a room I had been sharing with Tammy (a hotel?). I realized I had to start packing. Tears stung my eyes for some reason, though I’m not sure if I was happy or sad. I started packing a vase in a large square box when I realized it would really be smart of me if I wrapped the breakables in newspaper or something. 

Then I went to pee, realizing that there’d no longer be any free toilet paper and that she could walk in on me while I was peeing since I’d left the door open. But decided the odds were in my favor, and they were. 

Next thing I know I’m in a slow-moving car, needing to get my bike and panties that were about a block away. 

Later… 

So Cali’s gonna start giving free medical to illegal children. Fucking figures. We won’t do shit for our own, but hey, anything for a foreigner, right? Now we’re going to get swarmed big time with illegals! How can these stupid shits not see this? Just how fucking stupid can these people be that sign these things into law??? 

I don’t think illegals even deserve the benefit of emergency treatment. Then again, it’s not so much that they don’t deserve it as it is not right. Just like the police can run a person’s name to check for warrants, hospital personnel should be able to run people’s names and turn down those who are illegal, dying or not. Maybe that would teach these fuckers a lesson about coming and rudely and selfishly taking for free, whether the law says they can or not, what so many natives have to pay for that they can’t afford to pay for. 

*sighs with confusion and frustration* I’ll never get people. They say life isn’t fair, but do we have to go out of our way to MAKE it unfair? Really let’s just open our borders and say, “Come on over and take what you want. It’s all on us.” 

So now parents can bring their little illegals by the dozens. You know, the ones they never should’ve had in the first place if they knew they couldn’t afford to take care of them? Seriously, when can it be the other way around? When can I go to Mexico and get free dental care? When will someone else pay MY medical expenses? So far it’s all been just me paying for what’s not covered. That hardly seems fair, does it? I oughta make some other country I don’t belong in pay for my shit for once. 

I saw a documentary on this poor girl in India who was raped and killed by a couple of guys. When they interviewed one of the wives, the wife said, “A husband’s job is to protect his wife. Who will protect me now?” Then she turned to her little boy and said she’d have no choice but to strangle him, and she no longer wanted to live either. 

She should’ve said that here. Here she would have been arrested for threatening her son’s life, and then she would have been told to get a job and protect her own damn ass once she was released. Seriously you’re a real wimp if you need a man to protect you. India’s women are so damn lazy, though it’s the men that force them to be that way. They can’t even drive in India and most Middle Eastern countries. Funny too, cuz no one would ever have given me shit for my driving phobia and lack of an outside job if I lived there, would they? 

Man, I gotta stop reading the news! Damn Facebook for shoving it in our faces like they do. Some poor teenage girl was killed by several students over a boy of all things in a Delaware high school bathroom. 

Kids of today make me sick! Then again, the parents who set the wonderful examples they set for them and that allow them to be the way they are makes me a little bit sicker. 

Wonder if these little murderers will feel any guilt ten, twenty years from now. Or will they just look back, shrug it off, and say they were just young, naïve, stupid, and didn’t mean anything by it? My guess is the latter.

22 Dutch lessons to go! 

I would have done my entry sooner. It's just that I felt pretty shitty there for a while. I don't know what happened. I still don't feel all that great. It started with me getting very lightheaded and then I felt very weak and cold. Lightheadedness has been happening more often to me, and while I assume it's connected to the peri-menopause or my ear, I should probably ask Dr. A about it when I see her in June. Usually, it's just annoying, but this time around it started to get a little scary. Maybe because I’m alone right now. I go from hot to cold and it’s like something’s sapped the energy right out of me. Frustrating too, because while I don’t want to lie around and dwell on it, I don’t have much energy to divert my mind either. I’m working on it, though. 

Life isn't all bad. I got a great start on my story yesterday with over 2,500 words. This is the idea I got from a dream. I was thinking of having something along the lines of a woman who is comfortable but bored with her lazy, overly predictable husband. She then meets a younger guy who is intriguing and interesting in many ways that she finds new and exciting. What she doesn't know is that he's an FBI agent investigating her, and when her husband is killed and she is harmed and ends up in the hospital, that's when he tells her what's going on and takes her to his place to keep her safe. Where most stories have a happy ending, I was thinking I might have a sad or scary ending to this one just to be less predictable. I don't have the entire plot mapped out yet. All I can say is that it will be my first book with all straight characters and all fictitious characters. Normally I base one or two characters on someone I know or have at least seen somewhere. If I could ever feel better enough to muster up more energy I will work on it throughout most of the day since I don't have much else to do at the moment other than worry about labs and doctor’s appointments. We're both going to the lab this Saturday actually. Please God, if you exist, please don’t give me new health issues simply because nothing else is going on with me right now (not poor, not being legally screwed, etc.). 

Yesterday I saw a guy putting the white shutters back up across the street on the gray house, only he put just the outside shutters on the two windows and not the inside shutters, so I don't know what's going on over there. 

The white trucks that work on Jackie's place weren't around, but I'm sure there will be something going on today somewhere. There always is. 

My latest juicing experiment has been making carrot juice and it's surprisingly good. I don't get myself at times. I can't stand carrots yet I like carrot juice. Same goes for oranges. Yet it's the other way around with tomatoes. I'll eat tomatoes but I won't touch tomato juice. 

Last night I dreamed that my friend Kim lived here and was pregnant. She was telling me she was leaving the state and I was disappointed but happy for her. In real life, I have oftentimes wished we could have spent a little more time in each other's lives. But since we met in 1991, we've spent most of the time living three thousand miles apart, and when I lived just next door to her she was a very busy person. She was never one to just sit around. 

In another dream, Tom read the start of my current book and really liked it. 

Then I had a couple of strange dreams, one in which I had this blood machine at home. It was supposed to draw a certain amount of blood for some reason. I wanted to hurry up and turn it off for fear of it losing its mind and sucking all the blood out of me, but I didn't want to turn it off too soon either and have to start all over again. 

Then in another dream, I opened the front door at the crack of dawn. There was just enough light to see that next door hadn't yet opened their garage door. I went outside and sort of stumbled down this slope and onto their driveway as I was heading for the street. I hoped no one had seen me because they would probably wonder why I was in their driveway all of a sudden. 

I then walked up to a U-Haul-type truck that was parked in the middle of where the street forms a T and opened the back of it to pull out a key. I don't know what the key was for but it seemed to be important to me for some reason. 

In the last dream, I had just finished being examined by one of my doctors. I stepped out of the exam room and suddenly realized I was still in my bra and panties and hadn’t gotten dressed yet. I had a T-shirt dress draped over my arm. I quickly fumbled with it trying to get it open so I could slip into it. The instant I managed to slip it over my head and feel the hem fall to my knees, a line of kids that were around 6 years of age walked by me in a single file. 

And then I remembered that all-important key. I started to hurry out and accidentally bumped into one of the kids. I said, “Excuse me, sweetie,” and hurried off to make sure the key was outside the building somewhere where I had left it, and it was.