I stumbled upon an ad for PetSmart last night. We usually go to Petco. In fact, I don't think we've ever been to a PetSmart since we've lived here. Anyway, I was checking out the variety of animals they have to sell. I didn't know they had pet scorpions. This wouldn't scare me, but I wouldn't want one for a pet either. 

I was surprised to find that female Dumbo rats live 3-5 years instead of the usual 2 years Fancy rats live. I don't like the way they look compared to regular rats. I just don't think they’re as cute with their ears set lower on their heads, but they still may be worth checking out. 

What got me a little more excited was that they make diapers for dogs, so my research shows. I don't know why I didn't think to look up doggie diapers before, but maybe this way we could have a hypoallergenic dog like a poodle. There are a few small dog breeds that are allergy-friendly. I would prefer a toy poodle as opposed to a miniature. I'll run it by Tom and see what he thinks. If we wait until he retires before we get a dog, if we ever did get one, we could be dead before the end of the dog’s life, especially if he works until he's 70. 

I didn't read the article, but saw a headline about a protest over an officer shooting an armed black person. So now the blacks want to be able to get away with wielding guns at cops? It's like the fuckers expect to be above the law or something! I'm so sick of their shit. I don't understand how Norma can be so sympathetic towards them, but it seems that most people have a bleeding heart where they're concerned whether I get it or not. 

I still love Norma and I normally admire someone as open-minded as she is. But that open-mindedness seems to be extending to a lot of the wrong types of people. Blacks. Muslims. Just when will your average person treat child molesters with the same respect? It shocks me to say so, but I see a lot of my mother shining through Norma. Not the cruelty, of course, but she seems to be very opinionated and headstrong in ways my mother was and the more you disagree with her, the less fond of you she becomes. She wanted to engage in an argument over blacks with me, but I refused to get into it with her. Obviously, she has never been victimized by blacks or seen firsthand the trouble they can cause. 

I think it's safe to say that I was right in suspecting that the post Sarah shared about some people not fitting into your life no matter how much you want them to was in fact aimed at me. Also, she’s been ignoring my comments. Why doesn’t she just come out and tell me if she has a problem with me, or just delete me? 

Either way, I suspect she’s decided she doesn’t like me very much because of my poor taste in jokes about cancer. Either that or my post about not forgiving those who have blocked or dumped me. She’s got to know Lisa blocked me. Or maybe the crack about selfies (she posts quite a few of them). 

I notice things, but I don’t worry about them much these days. Meaning that I don’t do the family drama thing anymore and I’m not going to insist she associate with me if she doesn’t want to. The door to my life is always open to walk out of if that’s what someone wants. I’m not going to question her about it either. I’m just going to act like I don’t notice her silence. 

*sighs* A part of me hates to say it but I almost wish they’d all give me a reason to break ties with them. It’d be easier that way, but I still don’t know if that’s what I want or if it would be very smart. Tammy probably couldn’t afford to help us as much as we’d need if he were laid off and we lost the place, but I’d like to know we had someone in our life in whom there was a chance to be helped as much as possible before we decided if we should end it all or not. 

Trauma. How it changes you. How it both helps and hurts various aspects of your life. After going through what I went through with the levothyroxine, I’ve found that the thought of homelessness isn’t nearly as scary as it once was, but I also find that some things are now scarier. I was always apprehensive about taking new medications, but now I’m REALLY apprehensive. 

I'm disappointed that I haven't gotten any win notices since having the dream about winning unless you want to call a discount a win. I'm really surprised. I always win something after I have these kinds of dreams. I'm still hopeful that I will get a notification soon enough, but if I don't I may once again take a break from sweeping. It's only worth the work if you're actually winning. 

I did seem to come into a lot of money somehow in one of my dreams last night, though I don't know if I actually won it or not. It seems I was discussing money with some woman and where to live. I said something about not being impressed with the Midwest due to the climate there. We might have been talking about selling stuff too, in preparation to move. I also rescued a starving dog, but I’m not sure if I did it with this same woman or with Tom. 

In another dream, I was trying to convince Tom to make a clock invention. I said, “They have clocks that chirp and chime at the hour. Well, how about one that announces how many steps you've taken in the last hour?” 

And then I was signing to someone in the last dream, only one of my signs was incorrect.