The daytime continues to be as it usually is… noisy. There’s always something going on around here. Always. Those workers in the white trucks are still doing God knows what at Jackie’s place. 

Tom said they even had a live band playing here again after I’d gone into the bedroom the other day, but they only played two songs. I still would’ve been pissed. I did NOT come here to listen to other people’s music. That’s supposed to be a mainstream thing, not an adult community thing. 

But even in the middle of the night you can hear/see things when we go out on our late-night walks. Sometimes we like to go in the dead of night when it’s more peaceful and there’s less activity. It depends on both the weather and our schedules. 

Both tonight and last night we saw a red vehicle we assumed was either the paper delivery guy or the security guard. The guard doesn’t drive a marked car like he used to. 

There was that weird incident at midnight the night before last, and today a car was parked at the top of the “rollercoaster” which is the highest and darkest location in this posh, gated community. I was jogging toward it when Tom quickly steered me away to the other side of the street. 

Upon passing the car, both doors appeared to be open and I could make out a guy talking to someone in the passenger seat. No dead body with blood all over the place. I asked Tom what he was so worried about and he said that whenever something seems out of place, the smart thing is to avoid it. Yeah, but why would anyone come in here with ill intentions in the middle of the night, even if they had the code to the gate? Wouldn’t it be easier to commit crimes somewhere outside of the park? 

I told him I thought it was more than likely family visiting a sick or dying relative. Tom said it could also be someone with Alzheimer’s who had a psychotic break and may want to kill us simply because they’re convinced we’re monsters. 

Well, we’ll see if the car is still up there when he goes to work. 

Later… 

I’ve been asked if “body parts matter” being bisexual and all that. Nope. I’m pretty much what you’d describe as gender indiscriminate. I know everyone’s different, but for me, personality and overall attraction are what matters. I don’t judge appearance based on any one particular body part but as a whole. If I like you as a person and find you attractive on an overall basis, then your body parts don’t matter. You’re still what I consider attractive, regardless of gender and even race, color and nationality. I may not like certain groups as a whole, but can like certain individuals of those groups if they haven’t personally done anything wrong to me. 

I find our mailman attractive just because he’s a nice guy and is handsome as well. Not because he’s a guy. I found my first PCP attractive too, not because she was a woman but because of her general appearance and personality. She was smart, confident, friendly, open-minded and gorgeous. 

Having fun learning and experimenting with my new juicer, though I’m still kinda sorry I got the thing. Yesterday’s concoction consisted of 1 medium tomato, 1 celery stalk, 1 carrot, a clump of shredded lettuce, and a couple of handfuls of sugar snap peas. The predominant taste was celery, so perhaps more carrots and peas should be added next time. Not the tastiest drink I ever had, but at least it was drinkable, quite unlike the first green drink I made. Maybe that’s because this wasn’t exactly green. More like brown with a hint of green. 

My next drink was just strawberries. I added a packet of fake sugar afterward to sweeten it up a bit. 

My last drink was just sugar snap peas. Not that great. 

Forget trying to juice avocados or kiwis. They just won’t work. When it was done there was nothing in either hopper. It all ended up mashed against the top cover. 

Random thoughts pinged around in my mind as I lay there resting after my workout. They settled on the fact that Tom will be 60 years old in a little over a year from now. That means he more than likely will have 20-25 years left to live. Remember when it was 40 or more? I asked myself. Indeed I do, and a pang of sadness stabbed at my heart when I thought of when he turned 35 shortly after we met and the end was still much further than it was closer. 

But he’s still in his 50s, I try to remind myself. Not his 60s. Not his 70s. Not his 80s. We could both die in our 50s tomorrow by getting struck by a meteorite for all we know. 

Ugh, death and dying. Wish it wasn’t on my mind so much. Along with what shit may go wrong. Those worries used to be about money and things breaking. Present-day worries, however, tend to be about what could go wrong with our health. How things really do change as we age! We have a different perspective on life. We worry more about the future instead of living in the moment because the future isn’t exactly as futuristic anymore. At least not in the way it was 20 years ago. 

It’s still better to try to live in the moment. Therefore, I am thinking about what I may try next with the juicer. Carrot juice? OJ? 

We ordered the 3-D tiles for the second bathroom yesterday morning, but since they’re coming from China it could take 2 to 6 weeks to arrive. You would think it would be faster in modern times, but nope. 

Later… 

I love it when the “dream people” give me various story ideas. Thank you, “Shane.” The dream I had was long and detailed but if I base a story on it, I will obviously add more to it. 

Last night I dreamed I was in a large room with a desk in the middle of it. It had a few computers set up on it. The computers looked almost old-fashioned. Either that or they may have had large-screen monitors making them seem bulky. I was fixing myself some coffee, which was set up on a long table against the wall behind the desk chairs and could hear a guy working out in a smaller room, which was off of that room. I knew the guy was partaking in some type of experiment and would be in there for most of the day. 

Eventually, I sat between him and some other guy at the computers. I turned to the right and studied the guy who had been working out and noted what great shape he appeared to be in. He was young, perhaps in his late 20s. He had straight sandy brown hair and hazel eyes that were intense in a way I found both creepy and attractive. The guy was quiet. Not shy, just quiet. 

Smiling, I sort of hugged him and said, “As fit as you are, anyone who messed with me while you were around would be in big trouble, wouldn’t they?” 

He smiled slightly and softly said, “Mmm-hmm,” while still gazing at the monitor before us. 

Then the guy to my left who was also in his late 20s said, “Shane here didn’t realize how old you were. He’s shocked. We both are. Thought you were in your 30s or something.” 

“Nope,” I said laughing. “Definitely left that age bracket a long time ago.” 

Then the dream seemed to accelerate and jump into the future at regular intervals. I became aware of the fact that “Shane” liked me. I was flattered, but worried. He knew I was married and seemed to respect that, but I wondered just how far he might go if he caught me alone someplace. 

Then I was hugging him and telling him to keep in touch online. 

Then I was turning the corner in some building when I heard his buddy telling him, “She’s older, wiser, mature and probably more experienced than you in a lot of ways, buddy, though I’ve also heard her described as energetic, playful and young at heart. This can fool people into thinking she’s less intelligent than she actually is, so beware of that.” 

As soon as the guy went on to talk about “young” things and bright colors, I knew he had to be talking about me. 

In another scene, I wanted to settle my curiosity in a way that didn’t come off as nosy and asked the guy about Shane, who I assumed was a lab technician for some reason. So I questioned his friend who frowned with confusion and said, “SSA (inaudible) doesn’t work for no lab.” 

I knew what SSA stood for from watching Criminal Minds, and said how shocked I was that he was with the FBI. The guy then said, “Why? You’re the one he’s investigating.” 

My jaw dropped and I stood there all the more confused and shocked. I was both intrigued and creeped out. I wanted to learn more about SSA Shane Whatever, but I never wanted to see him again either. Especially alone.