Someone’s been visiting me on Blogger through a proxy run by ZenMate. Hmm… wonder what they want to hide and if it could be Aly. You know, the one who forgave Kim for lying to her, and forgave Molly for wishing her cancer would kill her, but not me for being totally upfront and honest? The one who divulged every secret I so stupidly entrusted her with? 

Yesterday turned out to be peaceful, much to my surprise. It goes back and forth here, so it seems. Whoever’s been working on the trellis across the street is obviously not in any hurry to do it right away. I think it’s whoever visits her in that loud white pickup that’s been doing the work and I guess they work on it when they have time. Not this weekend, I hope. 

My tooth still hurts. Really hope getting the permanent crown on next week will put an end to that. I have to chew my food on my left side for now. It sucks being in pain, but I’ve been through worse things than this. 

Despite the pain, I ate more yesterday than I normally do in a week. Literally. I was so hungry all day (but didn’t get a period yet) and I did nothing but eat and eat and eat. When I got up this morning, peed and then shuffled over to the scale, I thought to myself, this is going to be bad. Amazingly, though, I was actually down a fraction of a pound! Where did all those calories go then? I didn’t even work out, and last I knew I still had Hashimoto’s where no matter what we eat and how active we are, our bodies still can’t burn calories properly, even with medication. 

Gotta go to the lab in a few weeks. I dread it! I’m still determined to get foods low in cholesterol until then to try to lower the numbers as much as I can. 

Set up Echo Dot in the bedroom. The sound quality isn’t nearly as good as our big Echo. It sounds like it’s in a tin can. I may hook another speaker up to it. 

Fitbit is pretty smart. I didn’t realize this, but if you get up as soon as the alarm vibrates, it senses your movements and won’t go off again. If you don’t, it vibrates a second time 15 minutes later. I’ve been beating the alarm by a few minutes, but last night I woke up a few hours after crashing and had trouble falling back asleep. Therefore, I was more tired than I have been and slept until the alarm went off. Then I half-dozed until it vibed me awake a second time. That’s when I got up, popped my thyroid pill, and told Alexa to set the timer for 30 minutes. 

I miss being able to go straight for the coffee upon waking up, but I have a routine now. During those 30 minutes, I’m waiting I check into the websites I frequent, enter sweeps, and pin pics to my boards. 

I dreamed that Tom and I were riding our bikes throughout the park. I couldn’t seem to steady myself, though, or balance the bike. Tom kept telling me to go left yet I had no idea which way was left. It was a strange dream indeed being all confused and disoriented much like when I had a heatstroke. 

Later… 

I’m the curious type. Always have been, always will be. Did a little test to see if Andy or Aly might be following me by saying that Aly contacted me from a new email addy in a blog post, and answering anonymous questions I made to seem as if they came from Andy on Ask, but got no reaction. So they’re either not following me or they’re doing a great job of biting their tongues. I’d say the first one is most likely. 

And then there’s Sarah. 

I recently shared a wall post about God supposedly killing a child with cancer that only got 998 likes or something like that. The point of the post was to say that yes, like it or not and no matter what we may do to try to prevent it, cruel and unfair shit will always happen in life. I should have realized, however, that some would find it offensive. Well, it certainly wasn’t my intention to offend anyone and I deleted the post after Tammy wrote, “Not funny at all.” 

Sarah shared a wall post saying, “Some people will never fit into your life no matter how much you want them to. Accept it and move on.” 

As soon as I saw it I wondered if it was aimed at me. Had she set it to public I’d think it might be meant for someone she had a falling out with, but since it was set to friends, I wondered if it was posted with me in mind on account of my post. I should have known better since their wonderful dad has cancer, after all, even though I don’t buy for a minute that he’s dying. 

I commented with, “Not every shoe fits. Not every shirt fits. Not every glove fits.” I wanted to see if she’d “like” or comment on it and she didn’t. 

I can watch what I say from here on out, but I’ve done all I can do on my part to “fit” into her life and her sister’s, aimed at me or not. I’ve kept in touch. I’ve “liked” things of theirs. I’ve shared things of theirs. I’ve left comments on their posts. Yet after all this, I still rarely hear from them. 

I know I would definitely score more points with people if I had a bleeding heart for blacks, never said anything negative about Muslims, believed in God, and never said anything negative in my journal, like about noisy neighbors and shit like that. But I gotta be myself and I can only be so responsible for other people’s feelings. I can lower the risk of hurting people’s feelings to a degree, but I can’t prevent it completely. I’m going to be me and people are going to react however they’re going to react to that, like it or not. 

But I can check in on Facebook less often. Yeah, maybe I’ll give it a few days and just post on Prosebox for now where I’m set at MO, and let them wonder what’s up with me. Only Tammy might wonder where I am, though. The girls probably wouldn’t even notice. 

Well, I’ll be damned. I just noticed that Lisa blocked me. Oh, so she hasn’t changed, sober or not.