Felt a little better both physically and emotionally after crying and showering. My head (ear?) seemed to drain like crazy at that point. I’m still sick of dealing with this shit so much of the time. So I feel a little better right now. How long’s it gonna last? My head still feels “compressed,” but overall I’m a little better. I dusted the bedroom and after I ramble a bit in private I’ll tackle the bathroom before I feel like shit again.

Even though I’m sure she’ll tell me it’s just anxiety, I sent this to Doc A:

While anything is better than the hardcore anxiety I had earlier in the year, I have continued to have intermittent lightheadedness and fatigue that is not normal for me, and while I suspect it is perimenopause, it has been very hard and even depressing for me. My bad ear has been achy more often too, and I see my ENT in Oct. For me, these are my biggest concerns right now because while I do not feel that cholesterol floating around in me, I sure feel the lightheadedness and fatigue and wanted to know if you have any natural remedies you might be able to recommend till I see you. Any particular foods? This is extremely frustrating for me, especially thinking I know the cause given my age and symptoms but not knowing for sure. I miss my energy! Not the anxiety, but just not feeling so blah so often. Putting together a list of things to discuss with you, and my erratic period dates and will try not to make you late for your other patients like last time. Any advice for now?

J

What’s gone on with me over the last two years has made me see that some of my old problems that seemed like such a crisis at the time really weren’t that bad after all. I miss the days when my worst problems were wanting what I couldn’t have and being forced to listen to my neighbors. My worst problems just two years ago were mostly earaches, toothaches and occasional allergies and asthma. Now I’ve also got anxiety, depression, sleep issues that have worsened, fatigue, dizziness, heartburn, and God knows what else is waiting for me right around the corner. I still fear I’m going to have one thing after another until I’m eventually given more than I can handle.