Wished Tammy a happy birthday, then got on with the usual mix of work and lightheadedness. Today and yesterday haven’t been as bad as Sunday was. Just gotta accept that this may be the way I am now and adapt. Part of adapting means I just keep on chugging along and living my life. I hope the dizzies go away for good someday, but maybe they won’t. That’s why I gotta learn to function with it or else I’ll just lay around and get nothing done. I hate lying around for too long anyway. I’m too restless. I think that’s why I could never stand to sit out in the sun long enough to tan, even though all I do is burn and get sun poisoning. I like to move and to be doing things. Just sitting for hours, even with a good book, just isn’t me.

Normal BP doesn’t seem to be me anymore either. The top number was 158 yesterday. :(

Another thing I gotta get used to is this ear. I don’t know why it’s been driving me crazy more often these last few months, but even with regular oiling, it still aches half the time. Makes me wonder what the point of having doctors is if I’m still going to be in pain and be dizzy.

I’m pretty fed up with this fucking park. AGAIN they’re going to turn our water off tomorrow for up to 8 hours. As I told Tom, I can’t deal with this shit for another 8 years or so until you retire. We gotta start looking for another place. I don’t know that we can find a place much quieter, but it would be nice if we could get situated where there wasn’t so much traffic, especially that ran alongside the bedrooms.

I’ve heard the usual annoyances… a woodchipper off in the distance and landscaping. I don’t understand the constant tree-cutting that goes on here. I’ve lived in two other states that also had a generous amount of trees yet people weren’t sawing the shit out of them like crazy. I’ve heard more saws in the 9 years we’ve been in this state than in my entire life combined.

So far I’ve worked out and cleaned the master bedroom and bath. I edited my last book, but have been slacking off on my current one. Gotta get on with that soon.

Played with Burke a bit, too. Never thought he would be so much fun! He explored, took a mini nap under the footrest, and then we played before I sent him home with a treat. At that time I let him pick what he wants directly from the container that I hold out to him. So cute!

It hasn’t even been a week since I saw Stacey and I already miss her. While the mystery and the surprise may be fun, sometimes I wish I knew exactly what was on her mind. While her body language and some of the things she said certainly suggest a mutual liking, there were a couple of things that made me wonder. The way she hesitated after I said, “You don’t think so?” after she said she thought it was a shame that I thought I was fat and ugly. Did she not want to agree with me so that I wouldn’t get the wrong idea about her? Or did I just put her on the spot? That’s the one thing I wish I hadn’t said either way.

She also asked me if I would be okay with it if I didn’t get what I was looking for. Was this a test to make sure I wasn’t overly desperate? Or did she sense that I like her and know we would never really meet and therefore want to know that I wouldn’t be too upset by it?

Hey, I don’t expect to meet either way. I’m still a pessimist and I’m still going by past experience. There’s only one thing that’s ever happened with a woman that I really liked and wanted for either a friendship or something more… nothing. Why would I think that at half a century Stacey would change that?