To get the bad news out of the way first… Tammy has bronchial pneumonia and I’m lightheaded again. Wonder how many months it’ll last this time since most things don’t seem to be short and sweet for me.

The annoying news… I’ve heard loud vehicles for most of the last 10 hours. I still don’t understand why there’s so much traffic in an adult community that doesn’t lead anywhere. This is a gated community with security that patrols the place, especially at night. Outsiders can’t just wander in.

The typical news… Still skiing away, but doubt I’ll lose more than a few pounds.

The frustrating news… I injured my shoulder planking, said “fuck it” to my diet, and ate like a pig tonight. It was fun. You should try it sometime. Just not the shoulder part.

The scary news… they laid off 25 people where Tom works, though not in his area. We dodged a bullet this time, but within the next two years, a layoff is extremely likely. Not just because most jobs eventually lay you off, but also because the company’s slowly going under. Not sure how they can afford to pay him so much OT as it is, though he’s not working Saturday this week. Still, I’m not buying anything I don’t absolutely need.

Poverty doesn’t scare me as much as it once did after the shit I went through with my health, and yes, I’d rather be poor than suffer, but neither of us wants to lose this place either. We don’t want to stay in this park or in this state forever, but we do want to leave it on our terms. Besides, scary or not, I still could never make it on the streets. I could downsize to a dump in a dumpier area, but I couldn’t be homeless, not that I think it’ll come to that. My dreams will warn me if trouble is near, though. At least they did last time. The economy may not be as bad as 5 years ago, and we may have the 401K, but an aging white man can’t just quickly get a job. And don’t give me that shit about “white privilege” cuz it’s bullshit.

The funny news… When I opened the cage doors, my boys came charging at me for the treats I had ready to serve. So cute!

The interesting news… Thinking of Rosemarie today. I realized that today is her birthday. Pretty sure she’s a year older than me. Yeah, it’s been a quarter-century since I saw the good-looking bitch who deserved the piece of shit she had for a boyfriend, but I never forgot her very brief time in my life. Can’t help but wonder to this day… how different might she have been if she weren’t under the influence of Rick? Either way, they’re lucky I didn’t kick the shit out of both of them the night they paid me the little “visit” they paid me. God knows I wanted to. To confront me about my attraction for Rosemarie and make the threats they made as if they’d learned I broke into their place or something like that while they were out and may do it again was absolutely ridiculous.

But hey, it was 1992 and she was from Texas. Most Texans are prejudiced and so are religious people, which she clearly stated that she was. Also, some butch scared the shit out of her that used to live next to her so that warped her opinion of gays/lesbians right there. Still, she’s the kind I’d laugh at if I knew she had to spend a little time in jail or prison… with nothing but women. Some of which would be much more forward than I ever was.

Seriously, with the rejection I got from as many women as I did, you would think I was the fattest, ugliest chick there was, and not someone deemed worthy enough to be an exotic dancer.

Last night I dreamed that I was having trouble navigating through some site due to ads popping up like crazy. Then I heard Tom shout and ran into his bedroom. He had just gotten into bed. He said he saw one of those huge roaches we’d see down in Phoenix.

I wanted to turn on the light so I could see better and spray it with bug spray if I spotted it again, but Tom was all paranoid that someone would see through the sides of the crooked blinds he had hanging in the single window across from his bed. I told him that if he were that worried about his privacy, get new blinds then.

Unable to find the roach, I left the room wondering how I would sleep knowing the thing was in the house.

Then I dreamed that he had to shower in my bathroom and I said with frustration, “There are three showers in this place, yet only one works.”

Later…

If there’s one person I’d really love to give a piece of my mind to, it’s Rosemarie. And even if I didn’t, being the naturally curious person that I am, I tried looking her up based on the very few things I remember about her. I know her first name, that she was born in Texas, that she lived in Arizona, that she might’ve worked for an attorney, and that she turned 51 today. Turns out there was a Rosemarie R born in Texas in 1964, but I otherwise can’t find shit. There’s a 52-year-old Rosemarie R living in Pennsylvania, but it’s a little hard to believe it’s her. I mean why would she end up on the East Coast? I doubt I’ll ever find her more than I’ll ever find Officer Johnson. Really need both first and last names.

I read back on some of my 1992 entries describing my encounters with her, and wow. Just wow. That was cruel the way she went from telling me they were “fascinated” by all kinds of people to telling me she was religious and didn’t want my “type” around.

Fay didn’t help any more than Rick did. She butted her fat nose in the middle of things and pitted us against each other. Or better yet, pitted Rosemarie against me. Could Fay have been as jealous and insecure as Rick was? She was fat and ugly and she knew it.

Fay did say something about running into her in the laundry room and Rosemarie said she didn’t want to hurt me but that Rick beat up some other girl and was watching her like a hawk. Yeah, but she did hurt me. And she pissed me off. I can totally see Rick being violent and possessive, though. I’d see them arguing and she even told me they were fighting. It wouldn’t surprise me if they broke up ages ago.

Hmm… another story inspired by 24-year-old memories? Maybe. Maybe we can “meet again” like Stacey from the VV and I did. ;)

For now, they stopped commenting on my “story” journal written by “Teresa.” Guess they either got bored with it or realized I was behind it.

Still feeling dizzy at times. Just gotta accept that it’s not going anywhere any more than my weight is. At least the skiing and proper eating will keep it stable. It better or else something else may be up.

Tom said he’s actually gained weight since eating right so he’s going back to some of his unhealthier foods. LOL, we both got some junk late last night on a run to Walgreens. Only difference is I do eat a lot less than him regardless of if it’s healthy or not, and I do exercise more.

He got some exercise today working outside. Until he hit his head on the maple tree, that is. Then we went down to the lake after the sun set and the temp dropped a bit. Hay muchos patos ahora.

Ran into Aly in my dreams last night. First I yelled angrily at her, then bawled my eyes out like an idiot. She wasn’t just an inch taller like in real life, though. Instead, she had half a foot on me.

I just have to keep in mind that as much as I may sometimes miss the good times, she wasn’t any truer of a friend than Nane and Andy ever were. Nane and Andy were judgmental hypocrites and Aly was a liar who never truly gave a shit about me.

Nane would bash me for bashing blacks, then she’d turn around and bash fat people. So it wasn’t ok to bash a group for their color, but it was ok to for their size? I won’t even get started on all the things I got sick of pertaining to Andy.

I just don’t get why it’s been harder to file Aly away in the past than the others. There was no physical attraction between us like there was with Nane, and we didn’t have the history Andy and I had.

Also had a dream about some kind of change taking place at Tom’s place of work in 3 weeks. They’re not due to lay any more people off till January, though. Or maybe he’ll be given a task that’ll take 3 weeks? We’ll find out sooner or later if the dream means anything, but I’m guessing it doesn’t.