Or maybe not. Oh, I’ll still focus plenty on Stacey, but Aly surprised me by tweeting that if I still read her tweets, I asked her to check something out and could I please re-send it. So here’s what I posted on LiveJournal:

I deleted the original post because I thought you weren’t going to read it. I’m sorry I didn’t give you more time to check it out. No problem, though, as I rewrote it for you. :) I will delete it once you’ve read it.

Umm…. Well, ok, here goes. As you know, I’ve been hurt, angry and stunned by you cutting ties with me. I honestly can’t say why losing you has been so hard on me. We never had the physical attraction Nane and I had and we never had the history Andy and I had. Eight years is a long time, but Andy and I have known each other all our lives and we’re in our 50s. Yet it’s been much easier letting them go.

No, I didn’t like how dishonest you could sometimes be, but I enjoyed everything else… your intelligence, your intuition, your advice, your feedback, and more. I know you said we didn’t have much in common and that we often thought differently and handled things differently, and you’re right. We did. But I also think we had many things in common. Our love of writing, for example. I miss consulting with each other on story ideas and reading each other’s stuff. Our genres were a bit different, but I still enjoyed reading what you wrote and you seemed ok with my stuff, even if I couldn’t always motivate myself as much as you could. Nor was I as good as you.

We all make mistakes, Agent P, and I’m no exception. I handled our fallout poorly. I shouldn’t have harassed you or your friends over it and I give you my word right here and now that I will not only never contact your friends (unless they reach out to me for some reason), but will also respect your wishes if you choose not to reply to this and just leave it at that.

Not that I agree with how Molly used to handle things, but for the first time I could understand how telling yourself not to bother with those that didn’t want to bother with you could sometimes be easier said than done. Nonetheless, I give you my word that if you continue not to want anything to do with me, then that’s the way it will be. Unfortunately, I tend to follow my heart when maybe I should follow my head instead. Perhaps I should have dropped it when you let me go last March, but my heart was screaming, “No! Don’t go!” So yeah, I admit I did look in on your tweets every few days or so to see how you were doing. I know you’ve been run through the mill both physically and emotionally and I was concerned. I mean I’m not in touch with Andy or Nane but that doesn’t mean I wouldn’t be upset if I learned something bad happened to them.

I’m not expecting to hear from you every day like I used to, and we don’t have to connect on Facebook, blogging sites or anything like that, but I will be here as often as you’d like, if you’d like, on Twitter, email, and then there’s also Skype.

I also owe you an apology for being judgmental and critical like I could sometimes be. You were right… I realize I can get awfully opinionated at times and that it’s something I need to work on. You have every right to live your life as you see fit and with whom you see fit, and well, who the hell am I to argue with it unless I’m specifically asked for my opinion? I think, however, that people sometimes misunderstand me in that when I express an opinion it doesn’t mean I’m insisting that it’s the only correct way to be and that I expect others to follow that example, but if you can be more honest with me, I can certainly keep my mouth shut more often. :) I never meant to offend or bring anyone down. I don’t mind people that are different than me. I’ve always been into opposites actually. I like to have some common ground, of course, but I don’t care if a friend likes different music, has different political views, or hates seafood while I think it’s wonderful. Look at Tom and I… he’s the love of my life yet we don’t have much in common, haha. Sometimes it balances things out better that way, but that’s just how I am and I realize we don’t all think the same.

So… if I hear from you, great. If not, then I guess that’s just the way it was meant to be. :) Either way, I wish you the very best!

Later…

Feeling great emotionally but not so great physically at the moment. Still get intermittent lightheadedness and sometimes an upset stomach and heartburn. And oh, the fatigue! I seem to get fatigued when I get dizzy. I guess I still have enough hormones to give me some PMS symptoms, but not quite enough to start a period. I don’t know if I’m done for good or not. I just want the dizzies to go away and stay away!

My mind wants to do all kinds of things, but my body would rather lie around and not do much, and even when I’ve slept well I can still feel tired. Labs are just a couple of weeks away.

We took my BP a few times and the top number is in the 160s. That’s where Tom was before going on BP meds, but his other number was also bad. My bottom number is fine. Man, I’m sick of all these fucking health issues, though. I can’t keep taking different medications. I’m too sensitive to them and prone to side effects.

Despite not feeling the greatest and slacking off on my writing projects, we went for a bike ride when the sun was coming up and there was just enough light to see but the glare of the sunlight and heat had yet to set in. It was nice, though we’re a little out of shape for that particular exercise right now. These hills would probably kill most people here, LOL. It’s like doing cardio and strength training at once. Going down the “rollercoaster” is fun, though.

Then we changed the Cheeto whores’ cage. Wish they’d stop burying their food because then I can’t tell how much is in there.

August is turning out to be a very, very interesting month. First, I may be working things out with Aly. I then dream about a skinny woman surprising me by telling me she’s got hypothyroidism. Then Stacey tells me she has it and she’s skinny. Then I include an earthquake scene in my book. An earthquake hits NorCal, though not here. Then I throw Stacey in a story and good things happen. I then learn she isn’t exactly the fantasy/wishful thinking I thought she was.

Two people (women?) and I were chased through the woods, though I don’t know who was doing the chasing.

Then I dreamed that I watched a beach video of Aly’s and thought it looked remarkably like the beach I spent my summers at as a kid.

Then Tom was auditioning for a band with his trombone, and I was saying how cool it would’ve been had Jesse’s trailer been inside a really large room because then it would be easier to heat and cool the tin dump.

Later…

Twitter does have two-way blocking. Kim’s either reading Aly’s tweets or Aly told her about my current account. This time around it seems like she looked for my tweet in response to Aly asking me to resend the link and then blocked me. She hasn’t blocked me on all of her accounts… yet. But you know what? Fuck her. She’s one I would never be friends with again, so fine, let her play victim and block all the accounts she wants. It hasn’t cost me any account on any site yet.