I appreciate that I slept through traffic but it would be nice if the skies would stay quiet tonight. Despite being windy, though, I hear plenty of planes and helicopters. Planes at night, traffic in the daytime. Oh, and projects too, of course. Really, we can’t go a week without them. Tricia was having her AC worked on and Geri is in the process of having the white picket fence in front of her place torn down. Why I don’t know. Looked like a fine fence to me, just maybe in need of a fresh coat of paint.

I knew it was windy when I got up because the wind chimes were going crazy. I was going to check the wind speed online but we’re having a cool spell now, and between that and the wind, I don’t want to take the bike out. Hopefully, summer will be here to stay soon enough. The days are always nice but sometimes it gets chilly early in the morning. Every time I think I won’t need my slippers for a while, I have to pull them out again. Funny too, because we were in the triple digits the other day when Tom returned from work. I was also adapting to the heat quickly and easily. Still don’t think I’m as sun tolerant as I used to be but as long as I’m not in the direct sunlight for too long, especially if I’m doing anything physical, I’m fine.

Of all the research I’ve done on the raised reddish spot on my shoulder blade, it seems like it might be benign skin cancer. I’m no dermatologist but it definitely doesn’t seem like psoriasis and it definitely isn’t eczema. I’m not worried about it, though, because this kind is almost never life-threatening.

When Tom was using the step ladder to change out the bathroom light, he gouged the 3D fishpond sticker on the floor beneath it, so I pulled it up. Even after mopping that area a couple of times, it left a sticky residue on the floor. So rather than battle with that, I’m going to replace it with a larger fishpond sticker. :-)

There isn’t much more to say. Just going to do some editing while on the treadmill, hit the Bowflex, and other things.

We’re both looking forward to our upcoming vacation. I’m excited to do the home improvements we have planned and to see what my cholesterol and hormone levels are but dreading my thyroid levels, as always. Then again, my T4 should be as normal as it always is. Based on how I feel, I don’t think my TSH is going to be that high. It’s not like I’ve had to skip my meds like crazy like I did with the other brand. As I mentioned, I recently had a dream that my thyroid numbers were normal but I don’t think it could mean anything because I don’t think 75 micrograms could get me there. It could when I first went on the medication but I don’t think it could now. If it could, my anxiety would be going through the roof because it always gets bad when I go under 8.

While it’s great that Aly doesn’t have the markers for cancer, it’s sad to see her go through the dizziness, weakness, blood transfusions and iron shots she has to have. What she needs most is a stem cell transplant but her fucking insurance won’t cover it.

I’m down from 157.0 to 155.2 but my body won’t give up more than another pound or two. Like I said, it will only let so much off just like my schedule can only jump so fast. So once I get down to 153-154, it will hold its weight.

Tonight was another reminder of why it’s helpful to spy on your visitors. According to Google Analytics, someone linked to my blog from Instagram. My first thought was how the hell they managed to pull that off if I don’t have an Instagram account? But sure enough, I found that I did. Probably had to join for some contest or in hopes of finding a way to store photos there.

Slept shitty like I do most of the time I sleep during the day. I’ve been burning and itching down there more than usual, too. When I got up to deal with that and because I had to pee, I took a Zyrtec. I don’t think Tom’s strong cooking smells woke me up but just in case, I’m going to maybe tape a cotton ball to my nose since I don’t want to shove anything up it as the week before an appointment is critical. Yet Tom still needs to eat. After that, it doesn’t matter if I’m woken up by him cooking because I’m woken up enough of the time as it is be it just because, because of dreams, to pee, traffic, whatever. This is why I don’t have a full-time workout program I follow. Too tired too much of the time. I still believe I’ll adapt someday but right before an appointment isn’t the time to worry about that.

Tom decided we shouldn’t bother drywalling the hallway because of the extra work and money it would take. We’re just going to paint it white.

Forgot to mention that the fucking eye insurance people said we can’t go to the doctor until it’s been a year. So no new glasses until after October 16th because according to my journal, that’s the last time we were there. What do people do in the event of an emergency?

My cyber-friend Christine got married a few days ago.

Began the revenge story I’ve wanted to do involving the kidnapping and torture of the freeloaders for quite a while now but just couldn’t come up with the best of ideas until watching The OA gave me a brilliant idea in an abandoned mine. The “cells” in which they’re held hostage consist of a round plexiglass circle that is about 25’ in diameter which is sliced into sixes like when cutting a pie. It’s kind of like the bullet-proof material jail cells are made of.

There is a trough with natural running water that winds its way through the cells and that’s where they drink, piss and clean up. There’s also a feeder that feeds them these nutritious “pellets,” to keep them alive for as long as I want and that also allows my helpers and I not to have any direct contact with them unless we wish to.

The point of the story is to torture and terrorize those I hate the most which would be the former neighbors and the black pig and let them believe they’re going to be killed along with others who were killed when in reality I plan to turn them loose in the end so they can have to live with what I did to them just like I have to live with what they did to me. And believe me, what I do to them in the story is a whole lot worse than what they ever did to me! If I knew we were both going to die right now I swear I would email it to as many contacts as I could find! Only then could I exercise my right to free speech knowing there wouldn’t be a damn thing they could do about it.

Along with trimming the cypress trees and tweaking my bike, Tom installed the new bathroom light, and of course I helped. :-) It casts a slightly yellowish glow but it’s much easier on the eyes and I really love it. Much more stylish and modern than the other one. They still sell that exact model too, which I could have gotten for less than half of what we paid for this one. I might have gotten it if we were only going to be here another year or so but since we have many more years left, I thought I’d get something nicer.

Slept much better the last time around for 8 solid, dreamless hours. Tom said there were 3-4 loud vehicles to go by while I slept which is an encouraging sign that I really am adapting to city noise little by little. Also, drinking Sleepytime Extra before bed seems to help me sleep better and not wake up as easily.

Heard a couple of semi-loud vehicles since I’ve been up (even some of the golf carts can be a little loud) and a few car stereos, one of which was in the park. Probably a visitor.

It’s a 24-hour world these days and things definitely aren’t what they were 20-30 years ago or even since the last time we lived in the city a little over a decade ago. I even hear things at night and this is a retirement community. I hear semi-loud vehicles go through here every 1-2 hours throughout the night, including a motorcycle that is a little more than just semi-loud and sometimes visits someone for an hour or so. Why you would do this at 2 AM is beyond me but the park told me ages ago that they’re not doing anything wrong since a motorcycle is a form of transportation. You would have to be joyriding under management’s nose for them to do anything. Otherwise, everyone has a right to the transportation of their choice no matter how loud it is and no matter how late it is.

At night I also hear the vehicle that delivers the paper to those that still get it, car stereos on the freeway, and more small planes than anywhere I’ve ever lived before. If I can hear all this here then I’m guessing it’s the same almost anywhere in any city. Way back when, all I would hear at night was a passing train in the distance, but very rarely did I hear loud vehicles or even car stereos. The car stereos were bad in Oregon but they usually stopped in the evening.

So the long weekend is over, but at least he only works 4 days this week and then he’s on vacation!

Dyed my hair medium brown this evening and waiting for it to cool down so I can go bike riding. Was thinking I would ride down to the lake and give the ducks the rest of the rats’ bread from last week.

Aly shared a picture of herself and even though she was all broken out from her eczema I didn’t think she looked bad at all.

Very tired now. It’s days like this when I think of going all-audio with my journal. The only problem is that audio isn’t searchable like text is unless I add tags for every subject I mention, big or small.

I slept shittily. Sometimes I woke up due to weird dreams and other times traffic. I don’t understand why I’ve become such a light sleeper if that’s even possible since I’ve been a light sleeper since 1990 when I stopped the Navane. Better yet, what’s with the bionic ears? The sound machines I’ve had in the past, like the air cleaner in Oregon and the box fan, weren’t nearly as loud as my current setup yet I wasn’t woken up nearly as much by traffic. Is that because there wasn’t as much loud traffic and I wasn’t as close to the road or is it just something about me? I even had a dream that I asked Tom these very questions. It’s probably just me. Phoenix was on a concrete foundation and I don’t remember much in the way of motorcycles but you did have delivery trucks and car stereos. Yet I slept through most of it with a box fan. I guess maybe something’s either cursing my sleep or I spent too many years in the boonies. Either way, sooner or later I’ve got to adapt cuz that’s what humans do. It’s just taking me a bit longer for some reason. Tom could sleep through daytime noise if he had to so that doesn’t mean I couldn’t learn to, too. We may be different people, but I’m just as human.

I also dreamed I was running from some guy. I ran out of what might have been a bedroom, into a hall, and then into another bedroom’s closet. Then I heard several people applauding so I knew my hiding spot was no secret.

In the last dream, Tom and I were either staying with or renting rooms in this older guy’s house. It was a large house too. Then one night we watched a documentary about him being suspected of murdering his mother. Not wanting him to think we were afraid of him and prepare to turn him in, I assured him that we knew he was innocent.

Not much else going on. I’m just very tired. I took a Zyrtec one of the times I woke up so maybe that’s part of it. Had a headache too, so I took ibuprofen. No lightheadedness these last couple of days but at the end of my day yesterday I had a little anxiety. Not the racy heart kind, the stab you in the chest kind where you feel waves of anxiety in the center of the chest. I didn’t skip my meds but I will if I have to between now and labs or anytime. I’m not going to be like a kid trying to get good grades so she can keep others off her ass.

Haven’t gone anywhere so far this weekend other than to Walgreens where I got the third Magic Velvet coloring book. First I got the butterfly theme, then the animals theme, and last night I got the ballerina theme. Did the whole thing in just a few hours. They’re fun!

Took a break from this entry for a 2-hour nap. That’s how tired I was. Loved that I only needed the air cleaner to drown out the planes, plus the fan cuz it was warm today. Wish that was all I needed in the daytime.

Finished Facebook Stalker by John Meaney, and now I’m listening to You Saw Too Much by Adam Nicholls. Both books are great, although the first one was riddled with so many typos and grammatical errors I’m surprised Amazon allowed it for publication. Then again, should anything about Amazon really surprise me all that much these days?

Decided to delete my Dreamwidth account but I still have LJ. It will take 30 days for it to be deleted. The shitty thing about those two accounts is that you have to delete entries one at a time. There’s no mass delete feature supposedly for security reasons. Maybe once this Dreamwidth account is gone I’ll delete what’s left of my LJ entries, create a new Dreamwidth account, and then cross-post stuff to have yet another backup and two more accounts with my story to live on long after I do. I still kind of like the idea of my story being out there for anyone to read for an indefinite number of years after I’m gone, even if not everyone would like it. I guess it’s just cool to think of leaving my own little digital footprint on the web. They say anything we put on it is forever anyway. It’s just a matter of who may see it.

Did both my legs thoroughly today, and while the Nair doesn’t give me the same smooth feeling I get when I shave, it’s definitely a good product now that I’m older.

Got back from a walk with Tom just in time to hear that loud car. This isn’t the first time I’d just gotten back to hear it or hadn’t left quick enough not to hear it. Again, it makes me wonder if something up there wants me to hear it. Fucking thing ended up making three trips in and out between 5:00 - 8:00.

The rainbow daisy sticker wouldn’t adhere to the bedroom wall because of the stupid sandpaper-like substance that was mixed into the paint. Looks great on the bedroom door though!

Took some adorable pictures of these little ducklings at the lake but I took them with my phone and I don’t know how to share those online. I can share with Aly on WhatsApp but that’s about it.

I absolutely LOVE the dance routine done in The AO! I totally loved the ending of the show. I was a bit confused, however, and was like, wait a minute, what just happened there? Why didn’t they show the shooter? Where did Prairie go in the end?

There seemed to be a lot of loose ends and unanswered questions as well as contradictions but that was part of what made it so unique and interesting. I’m hoping the mystifying ending was actually setting the stage for a second season. It was an awesome show so I really hope there is a second season!

I loved how the show focused on the possibility of parallel lives, something I can’t say I believe in wholeheartedly but I definitely believe is much more likely than any kind of an afterlife, reincarnation, gods, etc. Scientifically, this makes more sense and I can see where it could be possible as opposed to other more popular beliefs that I think people are taught and in some cases brainwashed into believing due more to a fierce need to believe than anything else. No one wants to accept that their loved ones could be gone forever and the way you don’t let go of them is to tell yourself they live on in some kind of afterlife. Maybe they really do too, just not quite in the way many people think, and in infinite numbers.

What makes me think multiple universes and parallel lives are possible isn’t just the science behind the theory, but my dreams as well. Many of my dreams seem to be a telltale sign given how amazingly detailed some of them can be, but again, I can’t be certain of anything. I don’t think any of us really can be.

The dance moves seemed silly at first but then I came to really like the intricate routine even if it may seem like a silly way to enter another dimension. Who knows, though? If there are parallel universes and multiple copies of ourselves in other dimensions, maybe there is something as simple as dabbing catchup on our foreheads that would allow us access to them.

I would love to visit another dimension as would Tom so long as we could both go, but then we may find ourselves entering a shitty existence compared to this one and there may be no guarantees we could get back. And how would we know anyway? If we suddenly slipped into another dimension, would we be watching our other selves from the outside in? Or would we morph into our other being and not know the difference? Let’s just say the theory is a very interesting concept that brings about many questions.

I also began the second season of 13 Reasons Why and I can’t help but be amazed at just how different things are now than they were when I tried to kill myself in my teens over 30 years ago. There are still many people who handle this sort of thing poorly and can make the person almost wish they’d succeeded, but it really does seem like we’re living in a time where everyone is responsible for our own behavior but us. No one would ever think for a fraction of a second 30 years ago to hold someone legally responsible for influencing someone’s suicide.

I’ve always been an advocate for people being held accountable for their own actions but I do kind of have mixed feelings about this one, especially the suicide of minors. People really do influence us. Kids don’t just throw themselves out of windows and break their arms like I did because their lives are great. Many adults helped make and mold me into the suicidal teenager I once was. But that was 1983 and the only one who was blamed for it was me.

After knowing Aly for a decade, I shared my ordeal with her and she actually thanked me for sharing it with her. I was surprised in a way because it was the first time anyone actually thanked me for sharing the sad and scary experience. Usually, people don’t want to hear stuff like that. They want all fluff and sunshine and that’s another thing I sort of get. I can barely stand to check in on Facebook to pick up messages because of all the negativity there. It’s always the same old depressing shit and I can see where those that spend too much time on Facebook can end up feeling pretty miserable. Stay close to the whirlpool long enough and it’s going to suck you down in it, you know?

Last night I dreamed I was in a gay bar. Tons of people suddenly came running into the bar and I knew they were up to no good. Then I watched, horrified, as someone literally pulled someone’s head off but instead of there being all kinds of blood and gore, the person suddenly turned into a mannequin. They were just a headless one at that point.

Then it was nighttime and I was walking along a street corner somewhere that was fairly crowded. I decided the weather was nice and I would go get my bike which was somewhere nearby.

In another dream, I complimented someone’s colorful shoes and they actually gave them to me even though they were a size 7.

Later…

I haven’t decided for sure but I might give up on Bubbly for a while. Too many glitches. Too slow. Some of my posts lose the audio and there’s no play button visible on the post so I don’t know if I’m going to keep going with it.

Not much to update today other than some dreams. Even though it’s the evening I’ve chosen to work in the bedroom until Monday night because the car stereos on the freeway get to be too much in the living room. Again, a reality in most places or not, it’s pretty fucking sad. Like really fucking sad that I have to be run out of my own living room due to noise coming from hundreds of feet away.

There is nothing more selfish than those that constantly mention people they know damn well have been abusive to others. Yeah, that would be my nieces who still mention their bastard father every few days. They really are going to have a rough life if they still can’t move on at least a little, and they’re hurting themselves at the same time they’re annoying people like me and I would think Tammy as well. Bastard’s been dead nearly 2 years now, though I have a feeling Tammy isn’t nearly as bothered by the regular reminders of his sorry existence as I am.

And Sarah’s constant selfies that all look the same, argh! Is she really that desperate for compliments? For confirmation that she’s still attractive despite her weight? I know it’s their account and they can post whatever they want, but this is why I rarely follow them. Same old shit every time I check.

So the dreams. All my rats died in one of them except for Simon, but in reality, none of them show any signs of the end being near. I’m sure if they were as wonderful as Tinkerbell they would be dead by now. The question is, even though it seems I’ve been destined to get nothing but shy rats with the exception of Tinkerboy and Sugar since coming to this state, it may be hard not to get new rats between these rats and whenever we get a dog. I kind of miss baby rats. I love how soft their fur is and the way they can climb and jump so easily while they’re still young, thin and agile.

In another dream, Tom and I must have had a daughter that was one or two years old. We were bringing her to the ER. While Tom went in with her I waited by the reception area and noticed that the receptionists had cots instead of chairs so they could lay back and relax when they weren’t dealing with customers.

Then I realized I didn’t have my purse with me and began to freak out that it had been stolen even though I didn’t remember leaving it anywhere. Hoping I had just forgotten to take it with me, I did find it sitting on a chair at home later on and was so relieved.

“I would have had to get a new ID and all that had it been stolen,” I said to Tom who nodded knowingly.

Two nights ago I dreamed something about deciding when I would post something about 9-11 on my Facebook wall. I guess it was that time of year and I was deciding whether or not I wanted to share any remembrance memes about it.

Then I dreamed I was trapped in this building with no way out. It was after dark and a group of people was locking up for the night when I ran to catch up with them so I wouldn’t get locked inside. As I reached for my phone to call Tom I realized I didn’t know his number and I guess I didn’t have it on the phone either, so between that and worrying that he might not answer anyway, I woke up as I was about to panic in the dream.

The new bathroom light came today along with another one of those Magic Velvet coloring books. It’s five bucks for just 6 colorings but I love the velvet backgrounds in the way patterns are revealed as you color.

Believe it or not, we’re in for a storm. And when I say storm I don’t mean anything like what Arizona or Florida gets but just some wind and rain and cooler-than-normal temperatures. It’s definitely not a good evening to go on a bike ride mostly because of the wind and because I’m tired. Took a Zyrtec last night before bed because I was a little itchy and it may have left me with next-day drowsiness. Something’s got me tired today but I am anxiety-free which is most important. Started off a little light-headed but I’m okay now.

The Twenties really can’t go more than a couple of weeks without projects. This week it was Closet World. At least this project was on the inside of the house and not the outside, even if I still have to hear the door slamming of whatever service vehicle they use.

I was surprised when Aly’s doctor said she might actually have hyperthyroidism instead of hypothyroidism but she’ll know for sure soon. Really hope she doesn’t have to take my medication. They treat hyperthyroidism with iodine.

She mentioned using Nair instead of having to shave her legs and I decided to pick myself up some today when we went to Walmart earlier. I think it’s way better for older people as one of the benefits to aging, yes there are a few benefits, is that you have less body hair, and the hairs that you do have tend to be thinner.

I heard from Tammy today and she sounded surprisingly wonderful. I didn’t hear any congestion or wheezing in her voice. She sounded very clear and easy to understand. Just maybe she will live to the ripe old age of 80-something as long as she keeps up on her health.

She said that yes, it is possible to go deaf from fluid behind the ear from allergies and that he needs antibiotics. She also mentioned something you breathe that’s steamy and a prescription allergy pill.

Tom said that other than the stupid Flonase the urgent care doctor recommended, he doesn’t feel like he has allergies. I just wonder if he’s going to be able to get in to see anyone in the first place. He does have an appointment scheduled for August with the doctor he’s been seeing but I know he would rather not return to him. He left a message with my ENT but hasn’t heard back from her yet.

Also, he’s having trouble getting ahold of our eye doctor. I know she only has one receptionist but what is it with this fucking place? Why is it so hard to be seen here?

I’m deaf in my left ear and he’s deaf in his right ear. I would love to swap right ears until tomorrow afternoon because then I could sleep through the trash and recycle trucks coming through tomorrow. Yeah, I’m on nights now.

She said that as for my vision, it could be my devices just like in her case. I thought of that and I wouldn’t be surprised if that’s it. Those harsh LED lights definitely are good for our eyes which is exactly why I’m banning naked bulbs from this home and getting things with globes or some kind of frosted fixture.

Was glad that a few people I shared the pic of my little red dot with that I have on my back don’t think it’s psoriasis. We could be wrong but I think I agree it’s probably not. Based on the images I’ve looked at, psoriasis seems to be a lot more widespread than just that one spot. As for the flat dry patches, I do live in a relatively dry climate and I am older so maybe that’s all it is. Even Tom has some dry spots. I hope it’s no big deal because the last thing I want to do is go collecting AI diseases like I once collected dolls or something.

Supposedly Alexa recorded and emailed a private conversation a woman was having with her husband to one of her email contacts. I’d love to know what they said, LOL. Why not, her contacts know.

I’m not worried about it, though. I mean I’m not stupid. I know she’s listening. All the time. But we don’t say anything scandalous enough to be worth hitting the mute button. Sure makes you wonder what people feel they have to hide, though. I also wonder if the friend received an audio recording or a printed transcript. I’m just the curious type, especially when it comes to tech stuff.

So last night I dreamed that Bob and Virginia were still our neighbors but the houses looked different and there was more space around the sides of them as Virginia got in their car and drove around to the other side of their place to check on something. Then Bob called me from an open window and asked how I liked his Halloween mask. It kind of reminded me of the hockey mask that Jason Voorhees wore, LOL.

Then I went on to tell him some story from my childhood. Something my dad may have done for some special occasion.

The question I asked Tammy required a simple yes, no or I don’t know. So did she give me an answer I didn’t get then? I know two of my voice messages won’t play on my phone but they play just fine on the laptop. That’s Facebook for you and part of why I rarely use it. No privacy, glitches galore, having to hear about people I can’t stand, having to hear about issues I’m sick of…

It turns out that all I had to do to get my large monitor working again was just reboot it. Duh. I really am stupid at times. Still, I don’t mind alternating between the living room and bedroom depending on the time of day or night. So I’m back to my old setup.

Tom tried to make us eye exam appointments today and to get someone to see him about his ear but they’re closed today. This is getting to be ridiculous. Just fucking ridiculous. Each day that goes by he’s losing his chances of getting his hearing restored. I would enjoy the peace but he really wants it back. I’d love to sue these bastards for neglect but the problem is that more often than not with his case there doesn’t seem to be a reason why. If it’s eventually determined that there was a cause and it could have been fixed, then we may have grounds to sue.

Life is so unfair at times! I have a sleep disorder that prevents me from working yet I don’t qualify for disability because I didn’t work enough years in the past and wasn’t always disabled in this way. Our government is so twisted. But of course, it works great if you’re not from here.

Although I really hope I’m wrong, I could be breaking out with psoriasis. I really hope not! I don’t need to add a fourth autoimmune disease to my list. I’ve had enough shit in life. Just battling the poison I have to take for my thyroid can be more than enough to handle at times. But I’ve got about half a dozen questionable spots on my skin and both that and the LP could get worse and eventually take over my entire body.

Speaking of my dumbass body, last night it made its biggest attempt to kick off a period in quite a while. I was getting crampy, retaining water, and worried that I might actually get one but so far the coast is clear.

Now that our house is celebrating its 35th birthday, things are getting old and needing replacements, including the master bathroom light over the sink. A new one is on the way. It’s not the prettiest design which is okay because we’re not going to be here forever but I like how there are no “naked” bulbs. I wanted something with some kind of globe that’s frosted because then it’s less harsh on my eyes, which are quickly going to hell and not in a hurry to return anytime soon. I’m getting the brushed nickel which I really like.

Also getting a large colorful rainbow daisy to put in the second bedroom which will add a splash of color to that room. You’ll be able to see it all the way down the hall.

In my own personal opinion, I see kids as freedom-sucking, smelly, noisy, messy and expensive and I don’t know why I considered one of my own for a few years way back when. This is the US where we don’t usually get pressured as much into having kids. If anything, it’s just the opposite. Despite my opinion on kids, however, they’re still human and so I kind of feel bad for the royal children always having to be in the spotlight and never being allowed to be just children. Instead of having to put on a show for the camera or their “special” and “important” guests or something like that, shouldn’t they be off playing somewhere? Just because I haven’t wanted my own doesn’t mean I like to see them abused in any way and while they may not be “abused” in the literal sense of the word, let them be kids for God’s sake! Teach them manners and respect so they don’t go running around screaming in stores and restaurants like they often do here, but let them be kids.

The boy my buddy nannies for is rather brilliant from what I hear. He’s like us in that he’s very curious by nature and always wants to know how things work and why they are the way they are. He likes to learn and understand things. So when she told him of some symptoms I experienced yesterday, the little guy decided I either had high blood pressure, malnutrition, or a lack of sleep. LOL, he might have nailed the first one.

I’m a little concerned as to why my vision has taken such a nosedive (the large monitor is just as blurry as the small one) but no, I don’t have diabetes. I’m too active. I didn’t make a career of parking my ass in front of a TV day and night like my mother, who was a diabetic. I guess the apple doesn’t always fall too close to the tree!

Speaking of my large monitor, I can’t get the damn thing to work. No matter what I do I keep getting “no signal.” So if I’m going to be blind anyway, I might as well just enjoy the convenience of working only on the laptop (although I will keep my full-size keyboard and mouse) because that way I can move around the house more easily. It would still be nice to be in the living room at night even if I hear freeway car stereos in the warmer weather. They’re part of the natural soundscape in 99% of the country anyway and I’m a little more used to that as long as it isn’t too close, too loud, or for too long. This is the first place, however, that I’ve ever lived in that had daily landscaping so it’s taking longer to adapt to the daily buzz.

Aly and I have been having fun playing with scammers. I get tons of emails from them but she doesn’t and kind of wishes she would so she could have fun playing with them as well. So I’ll use speech-to-text on the phone while running it on my laptop which isn’t nearly as accurate, send them a bunch of mumbo-jumbo, make sure the message doesn’t bounce, and then forward it to her so she can have her turn playing with them. LOL, it’s kind of like making prank phone calls all over again only it’s digital and perfectly legal.

Last night I had some dream about trying on these loafers I thought looked boring but were very comfortable and then I guess I was in labor. Some woman said something about getting me shaved and then I said something about selling or giving a Barbie doll away.

“Don’t you want to know if your Barbie doll is valuable first?” the woman asked me, but I assured her with confidence that I knew which ones were worth money and which ones weren’t.

Then Tom was telling me he could hear the phone in the neighboring house ringing from his bedroom and I said I could hear it in the last house, whatever that meant.

Lastly, I glanced out a window and saw a cat and dog engaged in a vicious fight and was surprised neither of them was hurt.

Skipping my meds today to see how I do. So far I seem to be a little less lightheaded but if any of the symptoms I’ve been having are connected to the drug, I’m going to feel residual effects for months. The fact that it’s lessened and that I don’t have any anxiety confirms my suspicion even more. I’m definitely going to give my doctor an ultimatum, either change my medication or lower my dose to 50. If she won’t do that, fuck her. At that point, I’ll decide whether or not to seek a new doctor or just give up on my health altogether for a while.

The crystals reflecting the sunlight streaming through the carport in the late afternoon cast what looks like a bunch of flying rainbows in the dining and living room area. It looks so cool.

I wasn’t anxious yesterday but I was lightheaded. My vision is way worse too, especially in my right eye. I’m wearing an old pair of bifocals and I find it’s a bit easier to see with those than with my progressives. I wonder what that means.

It’s weird how he and I are going blind and deaf all of a sudden only I would prefer to have his problem. I’m already mostly deaf in one ear but I’m used to it and my other ear makes up for it. He wants his hearing back but I keep telling him he’s not missing anything but annoying sounds that he says he doesn’t mind. Wish I didn’t mind hearing landscaping every single day, along with the traffic/planes, and freeway car stereos that can be heard in the front part of the house, especially on warmer nights. I’ll never understand why most people aren’t bothered by such sounds but obviously, most people don’t mind daily landscaping, power tools and other equipment running, traffic or loud music. If enough people were bothered by these things there would be stricter laws regulating them. That’s one area I would love to be “normal” in! You do adapt somewhat the more you’re exposed to something but some things are easier to get used to than others.

What’s a little worrisome about Tom’s case is that according to his research, if you don’t regain hearing within two weeks you probably never will. The way they treat it is either with steroids or a steroid injection directly into the ear. Ouch!

It’s pretty fucked up that he can’t get in soon enough to have a chance to regain his hearing. They could at least give him a hearing test to see how much he’s lost but no. It’s ridiculous the way we have to fight with doctors, their incompetent staff, and the fucking insurance companies. I thought about moving to a country that has Universal Health Care but that wouldn’t necessarily mean the doctors would be any better than they are here. Who knows? I just know that I get so frustrated at times that I really miss all those years I didn’t see doctors or need medication during the first 14 years or so of the millennium. If they keep this shit up I just might return to those days.

Even scarier was this case he read where a woman went deaf in one ear and eventually lost the other ear as well. That would be absolutely horrible if he ended up totally deaf! He doesn’t have a knack for languages like I do whether they’re spoken or signed, and getting him to learn to sign and read signs would be a real challenge. It’s even difficult for me to read some signers if they’re sloppy, and yes, just like some people write sloppy, some people don’t exactly make their ASL easy to read. It would just make life really hard for him and I know he would hate it. Sometimes I think I wouldn’t mind the peace that it would bring even if it meant never hearing music again, but I know there would be plenty of hardships along with the peace. Still, if one of us absolutely had to go deaf, I would certainly rather it not be him. Anyway, he’s going to be contacting the insurance company. He also has to take the car to be smog tested.

Having just gotten royalty payments for book sales in India, Japan and the UK, I’m now thinking that perhaps Amazon hasn’t been ripping off its authors like I thought they were. Still doesn’t explain why they couldn’t reply to my messages, but maybe the only problem was sales not showing up on my book sale reports and not that I wasn’t getting paid. Guess I’ll leave my books on their shelves and get back to work. Going to finish up a couple of stories I’m doing just for fun, including the Palma story, and then I guess I’ll get serious again. This means going through and editing old stuff as well as fine-tuning any current stuff I may decide to submit for publication.

We went to Rite Aid yesterday and I got bright mint green nail polish with a colorful confetti topcoat. Like I needed just one more bottle of nail polish, LOL.

Also got this blue and green glass dragonfly that you clip onto plant pots. It didn’t quite fit on the pot my cactus is in so I stuck it on the upper arm of the bench swing.

Lastly, we got a couple of sweet treats and I finally found a pair of those clog slippers I’ve been wanting to try in size small. They have a leopard pattern on them. They’re cheaper than the ones I was going to get on Amazon.

Took my bike out earlier and I don’t know why my heart had to be pounding its ass off after just two rounds around the circle but it was. At least it settled down fast enough and I didn’t freak out or anything like that. As I was coming around in back I spotted Mary exiting her car in her garage and said hello. She said hi and remembered meeting me last summer and the house I live in but didn’t remember my name. She said at 86 she’s entitled to have a bad memory. Then she goes, “Wait a minute. I had a birthday yesterday. I’m 87 now.”

LMAO! She cracks me up. I like her.

She complimented my bike and said that because I’m “so little” I can get youths’ bikes. Actually, I think it’s a woman’s bike. It didn’t really specify child or adult but since it has a rider height range of 4 ft 6 in - 5 ft 6 in, it could be either. My helmet is definitely a kid’s helmet. I can’t exactly fit into all grown-up things.

Anyway, Mary said she could see where it would be noisier where our house is due to all the traffic since we’re right on a busy road and all that. Yes, and I can see where her place would be quieter being in back by the cemetery. She would still hear some landscaping and definitely freeway traffic but she wouldn’t hear nearly as much traffic inside the park.

So then I rode back around the circle and there was Joe putting the mail in the mailboxes. I spotted Bob and Virginia just beyond him sitting on their patio and Virginia said something like, “Wow, you’re ablaze with color.”

Between my bike, outfit and helmet, yeah, I was a little colorful. Joe said I looked like Mrs. Pee-wee Herman, LOL. I asked if that was good or bad and he just laughed. Well, I’m definitely colorful, weird and eccentric but I wouldn’t want the real Mrs. Pee-wee sitting on me. She could probably crush me!

So my bike ride turned into a social chat but with all good people. I even exchanged hellos with Mr. Twenties when I was dumping trash on the other side of the house.

I had some interesting dreams last night. I had a second dream suggesting I’m done with periods, and then something about the black bitch in Arizona’s daughter dying.

Then I was taking a shower in this bathroom that had a radio built into its doorknob and I was trying to figure out how to work it.

Most interesting was that I had a dream that my thyroid numbers were normal. My T4 is but there’s no way my TSH is.

Signing in on what’s been a very busy weekend so far. I’m probably the only one who didn’t give a damn about the royal wedding. I just don’t care about watching people I don’t even know get married, and well, it’s just a wedding. People get married all the time. It would really be nice, however, if Meghan didn’t have kids and reminded women, particularly outside of the US, that there’s more to life than just having kids, but I’m sure she’ll be cranking them out whether she wants to or not.

As has become the norm for me, I don’t feel all that great. Very lightheaded and even had some anxiety yesterday, but today it hasn’t set in yet. Going from warm to cold and noticed my vision has gotten worse rather quickly too, especially my right eye. Acceptance will come, I’m sure, but it’s been hard. To know you’re going to feel like shit more days than not for the rest of your life is a tough pill to swallow. But I’ve accepted other things and while I may not like most of them, I’ve come to accept that they are what they are and they’re never going to change. So someday, as hard as it may be to imagine right now, I’ll accept that I’m going to be lightheaded, anxious or something almost every day. It’s now a matter of treating myself for quality of life with these issues and not for fixing the problems altogether as they’re not going away any more than my vision is going to improve or the daily landscaping and other noise is suddenly going to disappear.

Tom’s out working on the bikes now. Whoever put my bike together overtightened the wheel bearings. Yesterday I took my new bike for its first trip down to the lake and back and it was a little tough. It’s better now, though. I’m still getting into riding shape and I still have a cruiser on the wrong terrain, and my tires lost 10 pounds of pressure. He’s going to add some stuff that will stop any potential leaks I may have in the tires and pump them back up.

We installed the new chandelier yesterday which is absolutely gorgeous. It’s just my shit luck, though, that as soon as we turn the electricity off and I have no sound machine to drown it out with, some asshole starts up with a really loud blower. Really wish this park would make a rule against weekend landscaping. It’s bad enough I have to listen to it every single day during the week. Yet I’m sure that some house will be worked on around here any minute now and the daily buzz will be on. Still can’t believe all the shit you hear around here. Today it’s music coming from the picnic at the clubhouse and we’re nowhere near the clubhouse. But it’s okay because I can’t hear it inside the house with the fan on.

Amazingly, no one did any projects last week. The Twenties had their SUV pulled around in front of their place and I first thought, oh no, what kind of company or service vehicle is coming over for me to have to deal with now? It turned out to be a Salvation Army truck. I guess they were donating something. Other than some annoying banging, they weren’t there long.

Tom also put the new door-closer on the back screen door. I love how you tap a button to hold it open and then you just push the door a few inches wider and it automatically closes. And it’s where I can reach it too!

He sprayed the kitchen faucet with Lime Away because it was hard to swivel from side to side.

We finished arranging offices for the most part as well. I’m now in the bedroom full-time. I think it’s pretty fucking sad that I have to do this in a retirement community of all places. This is how I lived in Phoenix, deciding my setup based on the quietest spots in the house. Just when I think I’m done with something forever, I find I’m really not. If I’m still having to do this shit this late in life, then it’s obvious I always will. I accept it even though I don’t like it. Maybe someday I’ll be able to accept that I’m going to suffer from some shitty feeling more days than not for the rest of my life. Yesterday I was light-headed and I felt a little anxious as well, as I said. I cut my waiting time to 20 minutes today but I’m sure that at some point today the anxiety will set in.

So, while it’s a bit cramped, it’s at least functional as far as my office goes. I don’t care as much about appearance in this place because we’re not going to be here forever. I don’t think it looks too bad, though. The monitor sits atop the desk I used in the trailer and I’ve got his new little desk on wheels in front of it for my laptop and full-size keyboard. He’s using another little table for now and will order another desk like this since I pretty much stole it from him, LOL. Behind me, on the beanbag, sits the doll.

I was surprised to see Ray out walking his dog yesterday and there’s no sale pending or sold sign by his house either. Then what was the moving truck I saw there last week? Maybe it was for the house further down that’s for sale.

Last week I talked to Marie and she even left a couple of voice messages. She is much easier to understand than Aly. She talks clearly and articulates better whereas Aly tends to mumble. She claims she’s done with relationships and needs to just get on with her life and stop farting around since she’s 52 and all that. She says she’s still smoking but claims she’s gotten a great job delivering pets around the country, has her own apartment, and is supposedly off the booze and psych drugs.

People don’t usually change this late in life, so I have my doubts. Some people just can’t move on. Wouldn’t be surprised if my niece were still doing the I-miss-my-dead-daddy memes every few days when they’re 52. Some people get stuck in a rut and they just can’t move on. Marie is one of them. I don’t know what happened to her as a child, but it’s obviously been affecting her as if it just happened yesterday. She just doesn’t get that while we may never forget, we really do have to move on someday otherwise will never truly live. I never forgot the freeloaders and would torture them in a heartbeat if I could get away with it. It’s been hard to move on, but if I didn’t, that’d be letting them win.

I didn’t hear from Aly the day before yesterday and my first thought was that she was in the hospital or her dog died since she believes that a neighbor fed him a poisonous herb that was anti-Pitbull. Turns out her father was in the hospital instead. I guess he’s got heart issues and something wrong with his kidneys.

I can’t remember much of my dreams these last two nights. Something about following someone down a dark street on a bike. I was riding one of the person’s bikes but it was so old and crappy I could barely pedal it. So I stopped and walked it back to the house which seemed to be a large two-story house on a street where the houses were closely set together. I looked across the street and saw a couple of dogs grazing a yard and for a brief instant, I worried they may attack me. Then it went pitch black and I couldn’t see a thing.

Then Tom and I were watching this guy in some movie that I was supposedly dating, LOL. I said to Tom, imagine Tammy’s reaction when I tell her I’m seeing this guy?

He nodded knowingly.

Then I dreamed of running into some woman I’d recently met who was in a small eatery off of a grocery store. I addressed her by the wrong name and then she corrected me by saying her name was something like Fioria. I explained that my memory wasn’t what it used to be. She had a little girl with her.

Then I went back to the grocery store which I’d momentarily left because it had gone pitch dark in there. Now that it was light, however, I began my shopping.

Should’ve figured that how great I felt yesterday was the exception and not the norm seeing that I’m a little lightheaded today. At least I’m not anxious. But yeah, yesterday I was totally “normal” and totally felt like my old self. No lightheadedness, no anxiety, no nothing but a whole lot of noise. Traffic and landscaping nonstop. I don’t care if “that’s just life” or if “that’s just the world we live in.” Sometimes I just don’t want to hear it, okay?

Still worried the bastard with the loud car is preparing to move back in because they seem to be getting “testy,” especially if they moved because of complaints. I remember how it was after a while would pass after complaining about the freeloaders. Rather than going back to their old shit right away, they would slowly test the waters to see how much they might be able to get away with the next time around as if hoping people would “forget” or simply not notice them or care and bother to report them. It just seems like it’s human nature or something. But now that they’re visiting twice a day, they might as well just move back in.

I think it’s pretty sad that there’s a shooting practically every day in our nation’s schools. What is this world coming to?

And as for the guy that went on the rant about people not speaking English in the US… I’m not so much opposed to Spanish being spoken as I am to Spanish speakers not learning English. It’s great to be multilingual. It opens up a lot of opportunities when you go to other countries, online, etc. It’s good brain exercise too, which studies have proven helps guard against dementia later on in life. BUT… If you’re going to move to another country, it’s okay to speak your native language with other native speakers but it’s not okay not to learn the country’s main language. If I can learn other languages so can you! I can read, write and speak three other languages and I can read a few more. You mean to tell me you can’t learn just one language? Just one?

What’s funny was one of the comments on a comment Tammy made in support of this lawyer who was going on the rant. Did most people support the foreigners? Well, of course. But it was funny how Tammy said that if you don’t like speaking English here, get back on your boats and get the hell out, and someone replied with, “You don’t need a boat to go to Mexico.”

LOL, True. And of course there were plenty of others who got on her, calling her old, jealous that she couldn’t speak another language herself, etc. I think she eventually deleted her comments.

Sometimes I think she’s way more of a hater than I’ve become. I wonder just how “accepting” of my sexuality she really is.

The bean bag came yesterday and OMG is it huge! And it’s not literally “beans” but shredded foam. When they said 5 feet, they meant 5 feet, but the color doesn’t look like it did online. This looks like the color of grapes. Online it looked more like a royal purple. With or without the doll, I’m glad I got it. It’s very comfy and will be easy to take with us when we move. There’s a zipper going around it so I guess I can unzip it, reach in and break up some of the foam to even it out. I’m not going to be sitting on it, though, the doll is. I doubt she’ll mind any clumps under her ass. :-)

Started watching The OA on Netflix and after that, I’ll watch the second season of 13 Reasons Why.

Later…

The more I get to know certain people, the more I see just how hateful and immature they can be. I thought I was bad at times. I can totally see hating or at least having some resentment and reservations when it comes to certain things and groups that have been a proven threat to society. We all have our pet peeves. It’s just that it’s not “politically correct” to say so. But in my opinion, when you automatically hate certain types of people who have never done a damn thing to you and haven’t shown themselves to be detrimental to society in any way, that’s just plain fear. That’s just downright fear, insecurity, and self-hatred.

It makes me wonder just how many people I may have overestimated as far as their acceptance of me goes and the fact that I’m bisexual, for ex. Like Tammy. How many people, including her, may I have had in my life that weren’t nearly as accepting of GLBT folks as I gave them credit for?

I can see where sometimes being around certain types of people can make us uncomfortable because we’re not used to them, we don’t understand them, or we’re just not interested and therefore we can’t really relate. But how many of these people that seem to be okay with those who are harmless albeit different than them in some ways, really accept GLBTs? If you’re not okay with someone being in the military or adopting children simply because of how they are, maybe you’re not as accepting as you think. Again, to have ill feelings towards those who have committed major atrocities around the world is one thing, but I would be genuinely worried for myself and wonder what the hell was wrong with me if I felt that way towards someone due to their sexuality that never touched an underage person or made anyone do anything that they didn’t want to do. To hate someone for the savage acts they’ve committed is one thing, but if you’re going to hate gays, is that much different than hating someone because they may have red hair? Maybe some people should take a good long look at themselves in the mirror and ask themselves just how “okay” they are with “those people” because I’m one of those people, and you’re welcome to exit my life if you have a problem with “those people.” No one is obligated to stay in my life but my husband. Just saying. And don’t give me that, “I don’t have a problem with them as long as they don’t hold hands around me” crap. But it’s okay for straights to hold hands around you? Sorry, but if it’s only okay for some people to do the same things that are okay for others to do, then you’ve got a problem and therefore I have a problem with you.

Pretty sad that it’s May 17th and I have to turn the heat on to take the chill out. The house got down to 67°! And there I was thinking summer was finally here. The afternoons are nice, though.

For some reason, maybe because I slept so long the night before, I was up 19 hours and I barely slept for 6 so I’m a little tired today. At least I’m not anxious and am less lightheaded today than I was yesterday. I was super lightheaded at the beginning of my day yesterday.

Tom made it to Urgent Care yesterday and didn’t have to wait as long as we thought he would have to wait. He filled out the paperwork that he got online which probably saved time right there. It also didn’t cost anything as it’s considered a regular doctor’s appointment, so that’s good too. The doctor he saw thinks it’s allergies. We’re both a little surprised. Never heard of allergies making you deaf. She said she normally would recommend Sudafed but you’re not supposed to take that with blood pressure medicine, so she recommended Flonase instead. That’s similar to the Nasacort that I snort up on once or twice a week to keep the wild sneezing fits at bay.

He said maybe he’ll see my ENT if he isn’t better by then because he would really like his hearing back. “No, you wouldn’t,” I told him. “The world is too noisy. Why would you want to hear landscaping, traffic, planes and all the other shit you hear around here?”

He said he almost overslept because he was lying on his good ear when Alexa said it was time to get up.

Now THAT bitch has bionic ears. I just said her name into the speech-to-text as softly as I could and she still heard me. LOL

I’m just grateful that he doesn’t have anything serious. Hopefully, this doctor knew what she was doing because as I’ve learned, doctors are only human and they do make mistakes. Sometimes they can be just as bad as cops and lawyers. The difference is that they’re allowed to get away with it.

Or maybe not. Aly called for her lab results and they said they didn’t have anything on file and that her doctor was fired. So I guess all three of us are soon to be on the hunt for new PCPs.

As I was telling her yesterday, I’m really grateful for her friendship because I feel that I can tell her anything and she’s very open-minded and understanding. She can relate to a lot of things that I’ve shared with her and we have so much in common. While I generally don’t mind diversity as long as nothing is forced on me, I can’t deny that it’s nice to have a friend like me who is kind of between agnostic and atheist. There’s nothing more annoying than having to hear God this and God that in nearly every single conversation I may have with someone. It’s just that many believers tend to act like you totally agree with them and you have to stop and remind them that you only nodded or said “yeah” not because you agree but because you’re acknowledging that you heard what they said.

Another thing I like is that she always asks how I’m doing and doesn’t just contact me to tell me about herself.

I know nothing is guaranteed in life. Friendships come and go and while I hope we will always be friends from here on out, I know I can’t count on anything and therefore I just enjoy what I can.

I now have a lovely pink basket on my bike with a beautiful tie-dye helmet sitting in it. Not sure I’ll go out riding today because I’m tired. I think I’ll mostly make it a writing day. Poor Tom, though, LOL. He got an extra-large helmet yet his head is too big for it. Meanwhile, I got a kitty helmet and mine fits me perfectly!

You know what? I’m really getting sick of this anti-American bullshit going on. Suddenly, we Americans are all fucked in the head because we’ve got a fucked up president, but you know what else? I didn’t vote for Trump. In fact, I didn’t vote at all. As a bisexual female who is an atheist, why would I vote for a guy who, closeted gay or not, only seems to have a heart for straight, white male Christians? Well, I wouldn’t if voting was my thing. I personally have never cared to vote. Politics just isn’t my cup of tea.

Back to the anti-American shit. As for the drama going on with the Jews and Palestinians, I do agree that regardless of what side you’re on, countries should keep more to themselves and mind their own business and quit trying to fight the battles of others. It’s on them and it’s their problem. However, I have nothing to do with it simply because I’m American. I didn’t make the Palestinians provoke the Jews into retaliating.

The point is that not every American agrees with Trump and wants to stick their nose in other countries’ business. So what are we going to do then? Hate every German because of Hitler? Hate every Muslim because some of them think that those who aren’t a carbon copy of themselves should be eradicated? Hate every black because some of them love to play the race card and go gang-banging? Hate every Hispanic because some of them like to sit on their asses and collect welfare at the taxpayers’ expense? Go ahead then, hate me because I’m an American in a country with a shitty president. Your opinion is as worthless to me as the grain of dirt on the ground I just walked on. :-)

What is it with me sleeping ten hours lately, waking up exhausted, then ending my day a bit early and in exhaustion as well? Could it be all the extra exercise that my body isn’t yet used to? Well, I’m taking the day off. Twice this is happened, although I suppose it isn’t hurting anything. My schedule is still progressing as it usually does.

And where the hell must so many planes have to fly to at 1:40 in the morning like they were?

Got to enjoy a really cool thunderstorm with heavy rain which is a rarity here, especially at this time of year. Of course some landscaping noise had to ruin it. It didn’t last long but the thunder definitely got loud enough to have woken me up had I been asleep. So I’m glad I’m up. I just wish I didn’t feel so damn lightheaded and could stop going from hot to cold and that my HR didn’t jump into the triple digits. I don’t know, maybe I am still in perimenopause. I just wish I knew how much of this could be connected to the meds. Damn, though! Just fucking damn! I am SO sick of not feeling well most days. I’m beyond sick of it! Since going to the doctor for the first time in over a decade I’ve felt worse, not better.

Tom should be making his way to Urgent Care soon now that we finally know where to go. I called Mercy yesterday and the bitch gave me the wrong location even though I told her what our insurance was and that we had a PPO. Tom went to our insurance company’s website and found a place that accepts our insurance. It’s still going to cost enough to make me think that maybe we should retire in a country that has universal healthcare because it’s just not going to happen in this country in our lifetime if it ever does. I don’t want to have to spend half our retirement on Healthcare.

Tom will need to get a new PCP. He’s certainly not going to go back to Dr. F since he wouldn’t even make time for him like any decent doctor should in a case like this. So he has to decide if he wants to stick with Mercy or go with Sutter. I thought we had to stick with one or the other but I guess not. It all depends on who takes our insurance and not the Medical Group itself.

Last night I had a strange dream that Kim was either sick or had some kind of procedure done and was recovering in some house or hotel I was staying in. Someone said I could stay with her if I wanted to but I guess I didn’t want to.

Then I had a long dream about Aly that wasn’t very good at all. First, Tom was on his way to bed, telling me he was worried he wouldn’t get enough sleep. I texted Aly then to tell her a female friend, who seemed to be a lot younger than me, named Lori, was picking me up to take us out to eat. I enjoyed her company at the restaurant and felt at the time that we would always be friends.

“Hey, when I want to hang out with a friend at 11 at night, what else am I supposed to do?” I said, glad to know she was available at that time.

Then Lori was driving me home and I reached into the back seat of her car where she had a huge pile of incense. I said I would just grab whatever I could reach first and she said “Patchouli.”

Patchouli was exactly what I grabbed, too.

Then she said, “Make sure you rub it all over your tits and have (some male name that wasn’t Tom’s?) lick it off.”

I laughed as if that was hilarious as hell.

Once back home, I found that Aly had ghosted me without any explanation at all. She disappeared from Twitter, disappeared from Prosebox, and her number was no longer any good. She had either blocked me or changed numbers.

If this became a reality it wouldn’t be the most shocking thing to ever happen to me since I’ve been dumped before, both with and without explanations, but I hope it doesn’t happen. Sure is hard to believe it would happen anytime soon if it ever did.

Good God. It’s raining, thundering, and 53°. So a motorcycle tearing through here was the last thing I would’ve expected today.

Today I’m kind of pissed off at Tom’s doctor and I’m glad I didn’t see him. Actually, I’m not kind of pissed, I am pissed. The fucking cock won’t see him for two weeks and was advised by his staff to go to urgent care and wouldn’t even tell him where it was. I just called our medical group, told them where we live, and she said to go to San Juan’s MD Stat in Citrus Heights. But when I looked it up it said it’s in Fair Oaks. Either way, I Skyped the info to Tom.

He feels pretty sure his ear is infected and while we would like for him to go to urgent care, he doesn’t exactly have time to wait for 12 hours to be told to follow up with a doctor that doesn’t have any regular appointments until August. Any decent doctor should be able to get you in within a week. All of mine have except for the first endo I had that told me to come in that day or she couldn’t see me for 5 months, which was bullshit.

If anything happens to Tom along the way, that’s his doctor’s ass. Maybe he can switch to my doctor who is good with everything but those affected in the wrong way by thyroid medication. She’s further away, though.

Tammy’s back home recovering. I thought she was released days ago. She had a huge infection of her own. Of course she didn’t ask about us. Even though I’m sure she’s reading my journal, it still would be nice. She did say she loved the picture I colored for her.

I’m still lightheaded on and off but today I feel better emotionally than I did yesterday. I decided not to skip my meds today but to cut the waiting time out. I realize that if these are indeed side effects from the meds, cutting the time may absorb its beneficial effects, but not the side effects. Like I said, I’ve been beating my head in the wall trying to figure out the same shit for years now. Like most things, I can narrow it down to a handful of culprits, but can never isolate them for sure or know exactly what to do about them. Having Sleepytime Detox tea and using Gold Bond powder seems to help with my anxiety and rash the most, so maybe I need to use them more regularly.

I submitted a short dialogue to Duolingo Stories but may not know for a few weeks if it’s going to be chosen. Thinking it may help my chances, I republished my books on Amazon even though I’m going to continue to get ripped off. It’s sad that my publishers no longer care about their authors. I’ll pull them off their shelves again soon.

The days are nice, but the nights have been chilly. We went walking for 10 minutes and Tom was almost sorry he packed away his jacket. When we got back, since it was early enough for the streets to be dead but dark enough that I could see headlights approaching, I made 4 rounds around the circle on my new bike. It’s so much fun! I’ve been adding a round every day and I’m already getting back into biking shape. I can feel it in my legs.

I’m more determined to mix it up… walking, running, strength training, stretching, biking, and in another month or so, swimming. You really do work different muscles doing different types of exercise and it’s good for those days that you want to do strenuous or time-consuming tasks.

Last night I had a rather hilarious dream. Maliheh married my first childhood friend Jenny, the one who dumped me in my early twenties for having “too many” problems, but I guess the marriage didn’t last long. Oh, LOL, it wouldn’t, as straight as Jenny was. They’re both bossy little control freaks. It was still kind of funny for a dream.

I know I had some other dream about Maliheh that was bad but I can’t remember it. I just hope the one about me spotting was just a dream! It was a good-sized spot, too. :-(

In another dream, I was walking down a residential street. I glanced down a side street to see my cousin Norma who waved to me and told me I looked great. Then, strangely enough, when I was coming back up the street I was in an office chair that seemed to automatically wheel itself.