Watching the southeastern states illegalize abortion one by one (or close enough to it) is truly heartbreaking. I try to be selfish enough not to care about things that don’t affect me directly, and in many cases, I am good at that, but I can’t help but feel bad for those women who have been stripped of their right to choose and forced to go along with what others want her to do. Maybe when women start dying from botched home abortions, the crazy laws will go back to doing the right thing. Sadly, though, I think it will eventually become illegal throughout the U.S. despite fewer women wanting kids, and women in general being pressured to focus mainly on careers.

Despite some things pointing away from the medication as the main cause, I’m totally back to suspecting the medication is causing most of my anxiety. I didn’t take it yesterday and I wasn’t anxious. But sure enough, I take it today and I happen to get anxious. Thinking back to the list of side effects online that I read, if I can have sensitivity to heat which is one of them, why not anxiety, which is also listed?

The only thing that doesn’t make sense is why it doesn’t make me anxious every single time I take it. I’m sure it depends on other things and that it’s more than one thing causing it, as others have told me, but if the medication isn’t the reason for most of it, could it at least be influencing other things to be the main cause?

Will definitely ask my doctor if it’s possible to still have PMS symptoms or hormonal shifts this late in the game, including anxiety. I’m not officially menopausal unless I make it to October without a bleeder.

Another thing that continues to drive me crazy is whatever is going on in my head. Pressure, dizziness, lightheadedness, etc. Sometimes I still wonder if the tube between my bad ear and throat drains properly or not. My TMJ was worse yesterday until I finally had to take Ibuprofen. I don’t know if the TMJ itself is causing these symptoms, hormones, the medication, or something else. I’m just tired of it all… Fatigue, anxiety, thoughts and fears of death, dying and helplessness. Can’t I just feel normal more days than not? Instead, I’m either anxious, tired, lightheaded or all of the above. :(

It rained quite a bit yesterday and it took me a minute to realize the sound I was hearing really was thunder and not just the typical slew of loud vehicles and planes. With most places full of traffic and plane activity, it’s gotten hard to tell the difference but it became obvious enough for a few minutes. It’s another cloudy, wet day but not as much as yesterday. Feels like we’re breaking records with the rain. With the drought we’ve had, it’s definitely a good thing. It’s supposed to be cold and wet in the winter and hot and dry in the summer here.

I decided to go FO once again and probably permanently on PB not just because I don’t want Tammy or Molly looking in on me (or Aly comparing her version to what can be seen on PB), but to cut down my socializing. I just don’t have it in me to socialize anymore than with my usual circle of friends and acquaintances.

I blocked Polly because I’m tired of her political crap. She’s a nice lady and we’re still connected on Facebook but I’m tired of reading about racism every few entries. You know it’s hard not to take it as a personal insult when people are perfectly willing to address racism against blacks but not reverse discrimination against whites. No one believes it can happen until and if you’re a victim of it and you experience it first-hand.

I’ve been vlogging on Facebook and although it says my last vlog got 5 views, not a single comment or reaction was received, so I guess that confirms just how scary I must look, LOL.

Had some weird dreams last night. In one dream there was this strange sink where I ran the water so long we literally ran out of it, but we didn’t seem to be in a rural area with a well either.

I know Paula and Nane were in my dreams but I don’t remember what they were about.

I had two dreams where Tom and I were living somewhere and he may have been retired in one of them. It seemed like several years had passed and it was late at night and he told me he was going to go to sleep. But then he got up and said, “Why am I bothering to sleep? I want to go swimming. This summer has been the absolute hottest on record.”

I happily agreed that a good swim would be nice. But I was worried as I went about pulling on my suit, asking if he thought we would “melt” or “burn” before we died due to climate change.

In another dream, we lived in a house with a totally different layout. Instead of our rooms being adjacent to one another, you had to cross part of the living room to get from one room to another. It was also late at night in this dream. I stepped out of my room and noticed a faint glow of light coming from the kitchen. Right away I knew something was wrong. I hesitated a moment while I considered going into the kitchen or calling out to Tom but something told me not to do that. So I quickly tiptoed into Tom’s room and woke him up, saying that something was wrong. The dream ended at that point so I don’t know if it was an intruder or what.